Friend or Foe
by Anzel Wolveine
Summary: He knows so much about pain, it's frightening. I can't help but wonder why, but I'm afraid to ask, and he knows it. Oh, he -definitely- knows it. ((Rev!KevEdd, cover art by Asphyxion, for this story -only-))
1. With Wolf-Like Eyes

_"Throughout our lives, everything we do or don't do is influenced by pain, or a lack there-of."_

* * *

It was English class. Okay. So what if he was staring at me with those wolf-like eyes of his? I could take it. It's not like he ever did anything, and he'd never do something in front of a _teacher_ , for God's sake, but those damn eyes. They were predatory, and the way they stayed on me, I knew exactly what was on his mind. I admit, I was a little afraid, but so what? He was something to be scared of.

Still, when Mrs. Rhodes said we were going to proofread each other's paper, I was definitely shocked when Eddward looked at _me_ , of all people. But then, normally Marie was in class. Come to think of it, they were always the ones proofreading each other's papers. So I guess he had to choose someone, and with my luck, it had to be me.

I didn't immediately approach him. Sure, I could see him staring at me out of the corner of my eye, but I wasn't about to approach a _predator_ like him. I knew the rules. He acted, everyone else reacted. I just pretended to temporarily reread my own paper, whilst I studied him.

It's odd to think someone like him could be intimidating. He was a good half a foot taller than me, but his pale complexion, and that gap-toothed smile, most people would think he was just some nobody. But no, once you saw his eyes, it became strikingly clear. You looked into them, and it was like looking into broken glass. Maybe a glacier, even. They were cold, but fit him so well. His entire style seemed to reflect...rebellion, maybe?

He wore a choker around his neck, more like a black ribbon than anything. It matched the thick cloth wristbands he had on either wrist, and his pants. He had some baggier ones, but seemed to prefer tight leather. Occasionally there'd be a chain hanging out of his right pocket, and I was surprised a teacher hadn't said anything about it yet. And he wore boots! Not winter ones, but they had these short heels that clicked when he walked. Funny, cuz no one ever heard him unless he wanted them to.

Last was his jacket and shirt. His t-shirt was this red-orange color, and he wore a black jean jacket, never zipped. He looked damn intimidating, all-up. It's probably why no one ever fucked with him. Hell, if I didn't have so many classes with him, I'd avoid him, but he's smart, and so am I. But he's _too_ damn smart. Like when you see a wolf, and all that intelligence in their eyes, and you know that _they_ know that you have no chance against them. Just like that.

I must have zoned out for a moment, because next thing I knew, I heard the -click- -clack- of his boots against the linoleum. And not a moment later, a paper slid onto my desk, and I felt mine slip quickly out from under my fingers. I didn't look up as he walked away, back to his seat to the right of me, a few desks away. I decided I'd get this over with. Hell, I wasn't sure I had to bother; this was _Eddward's_ paper. This was probably his final draft already.

I let my eyes wander to the elegant cursive on the page before me. The teacher always requested we write our rough drafts on loose-leaf, and I always struggled to keep mine looking legible. His might as well have been font, it was perfect in every way, and I'd only gotten to the title.

 **Without Pain**

The title struck me, and I had to recall the subject, as I'd finished my draft days ago. It was, "Feelings that have strongly influenced you, or have a deep meaning to you," or something. Mine was about Fear... _ugh, and Eddward's reading it_ , I thought immediately. I sighed. There wasn't much I could do though, was there? I just decided to trudge on, though it was more-so a leisurely stride as I perused his writing.

I honestly had no idea what to expect.

When we were all kids, 3 or 4, back when Eddward didn't even have a hat, we all played together. We all knew each other's names. At 5, it all seemed to change. Moving trucks came by, Eddward closed himself off. Nazz and I hung out a lot, occasionally with Eddy and Sarah. We all tried to avoid Jimmy, and Rolf didn't talk to anybody. Johnny did all he could to start crap, but we just tried to ignore him. Ed hung around a lot to keep an eye on us, and them, and even if he was kinda dumb, I guess we were all glad he kept us safe. We pretty much never saw Eddward outside of school.

We all noticed the change though. What we remembered of him, this sweet, smart kid, was gone. Trying to talk to him did nothing but hurt, he used our words against us. It's scary, trying to talk to someone who could tear you apart in mere sentences. Everyone learned not to bother him. Even Johnny and Jimmy. They seemed to respect him. I'm not sure Eddward cared.

With all this in mind, I began to read.

I quickly realized this was no mere essay, it was much more philosophical than anything a high school kid would, or even could, write. I knew the teacher always kept what we wrote to herself, but hell, it was risky for him to write something so profound, with how kids judge. I guessed that's what Marie was for. She never spoke to anyone. Some people even guessed they were dating, but no one was really sure.

So here I was, reading this deep, soul-searching piece of...fiction?, that Eddward likely never planned to allow me to read. Or anyone, for that matter. At that moment, I realized just how frightening a position I was in.

I'd finished, and had found nothing, not a single error to correct. I signed my name on the top of the paper, just to assure the teacher I'd read it, before sparing a glance towards the wolf to my right. His arms were laying on the table eruditely, hands together, eyes closed. I assumed he'd finished, and was...truly afraid to bring his paper back over to him. I bit my lip.

I looked back down at the paper. My eyes unconsciously began to read it again. I suppose I'd never get another chance to see him, laid bare in writing like this, or at all. I almost dared to wonder what all he did, but I wouldn't go that far. His writing itself showed he was aware of everything pain could do. It's frightening, to know how much power he holds, simply from knowing these things. Frightening, and fascinating.

When a paper slid onto my desk, I jumped. I looked up, and caught icy, slate eyes, blinking slowly as the towering predator stared down at me. Thoughts of who he had once been had fled from my mind, only recalling what he'd written, and who he presented himself to me. His eyes pierced me, and I noticed...was it eyeliner? Is that what made his eyes stand out?

I couldn't examine him any longer, as he cleared his throat. The deep threat of his voice shook me, and I immediately slid his paper over to the right. He picked it up, looking at it for a moment. His eyes closed.

"You have your fear, I'll have this. It's not for others to know. Got it, Red?"

Oh yeah, that was his nickname for me. Ugh. It could be worse. Either way, that's besides the point; I nodded fervently. Then I remembered his eyes were closed.

"Y-yeah." My voice stuttered out, soft and weak, and I saw his mouth twitch. Then, he turned on a dime, and walked back to his desk. Silently. I'd fucking _love_ to know how he managed that, it'd be useful to be able to do sometimes. But in heels...how the hell, man? Even Nazz had no clue.

The cogs in my brain finally started to move again, and I realized what he'd said. I should have been scared, actually. He'd pretty much told me that what we'd read, wasn't going to be discussed, ever. Which was good, I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't want anyone knowing about what I wrote. But still, what he wrote...what was with that? Is that why he's so quiet? What sorts of things does he _write_ about? Who is this...this scary, malevolent kid?

I was glad when the bell rang. I could swear he'd had his eyes upon me the entire rest of the class, but when I looked, he was reading a novel. Before I got up to go to my next class, I finally bothered looking down at my paper; it was upside-down. I flipped it over, and...good fucking lord, it was covered! With _writing_! It's like, I expected marks and shit for punctuation, but there were _full sentences_ on there! I couldn't believe it. I would have to read it next class, figure out what the hell he was on about.

I looked his way once more, and caught his gaze. Analyzing, wise, and frightening; it was almost as though he didn't care if I knew he was watching me. When someone knows you're afraid of them, they can do pretty much anything they want to you.

And now Eddward knew that was how I thought.

Fuck.

* * *

 **Welcome to my Rev!KevEdd. The Rev! concept was inspired by Asphyxion, of course, but that's where I'm going to end it. This story's probably gonna be a deal darker than Dearest Diary, but for good reason. This universe has some things inherently wrong that have broken the personalities of several of our beloved characters. I haven't watched the show in a good many years, but I'll do the best I can to honor their characters whilst twisting them as this universe I've placed them in, has. And I apologize for the fans of the standard things like Pumpkin and the dog tags, but I'm not going to take someone else's ideas and try and force them into my story.**

 **All of the love for my previous story (which is nearing its end) has spurred me on to write this. I truly, truly hope I can do it justice, because Rev!KevEdd is a heart-wrenching, amazing pairing. Wish me luck...and enjoy.**


	2. In Light of Fear

_"Fear; it keeps us safe, keeps us_ **(** **You've already said 'keeps us', no need to repeat)** _wise, and above all, it shapes who we are and will be."_ **What wisdom is gained from fear? It keeps us ignorant and stupid, like sheep in flight from a harmless pup.**

* * *

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that Mrs. Rhodes would decide to spring our peer reviews upon us a day early. However, the mere fact that Marie was not in class was enough to upset my appetite.

It wasn't that I was unprepared; no, I'm always prepared. I knew this would eventually happen, and I'd chosen the only suitable person in the class to read my paper. It was entirely my fault that I'd decided to delve deeply into the subject matter of the essay. Marie wouldn't have cared. She knew more about me than I would have preferred. No, it had to be my luck that Little Red was my option on that day.

He was a scrawny kid, in any way you look at him. Insignificant. I suppose even _he_ knew this, considering his subject for our essays. His red cap hid his orange hair, whilst the brim hid his eyes. I suppose, in fear, one learns how much their eyes give away. Thus, I believe he does this on purpose. As for the rest of him...pallid, freckled, with soft features and a sweater vest. How cliché. Black cargo pants, a navy green vest, and white sleeves to his elbows. Of course, you must add in the squeaky sneakers for added aggravation. I'm not certain who chose his shoes, but he should have given them an earful.

I left him with a threat. Or, well, a statement, laced with the power I knew I held over him, simply by being who I am. Fear, it truly is something to behold. Even if the reasons for the fear are but naïve assumptions, I shan't tell him a thing. With any luck, he won't pry, either.

I would definitely need to have a word with Marie. Sure, she'll shrug it off. I'd find her right now, vent my frustrations, but I'd rather not taste the bitter air, or waft the stale aroma she now must exude. I can't fault her for where she lives, her parents, her upbringing, but she knows what those things will do to her health. That she has a cough at this age truly concerns me, but what am I to do? She is my friend. Friends 'understand' each other. Agreement, however, is another matter entirely. Would that I could rid her of those toxic things; especially considering her cut class cost me, well...perhaps nothing, but I'd have preferred Little Red not learn what he had.

I'm still not sure if it was good, or bad, for me to choose him. On the one hand, no one else would have been able to comprehend my writing. On the other, that means I believe he _could_. I also knew he was the one person in the classroom who could keep his mouth shut, and his essay on Fear seemed to show that I was correct. However, that gleam in his eyes, when he looked up at me, I fear he was a bit more inquisitive than I would have liked.

I can only hope he does not press, as I am by all means a private person. I've my faults, my genius, and little else. I've no need for some naïve child to pry into my life.

Every day that passes is another day, worth little but for what happens. One day, perhaps, it'll be gone, and I can only hope I'll have done something worth remembering. For now, I'll simply go home, read, and sleep, with no dream. Perhaps I'll be lucky, and there will be a message waiting for me on the answering machine. Possibly a rock will tick against my window pane, and Marie will give some purpose to my evening.

It hurts, but for now, things are stable. And I exist. The books let me escape, and I've quite a supply of them, despite Marie's valiant attempts to 'save me' from their hold.

In the silence, as I walk, I can't help but to think back upon his essay. Fear. What do I know of fear? I suppose as much as anyone else, but pain overrides fear. Pain shapes and molds, pain can break and save and shatter. What have I to fear when the pain comes unbidden? To be afraid would be hopeless, and I accept this. This is who I am, what will happen, and how it'll hurt, and it always shall be.

When pain and fear become one...Marie would never allow it. I should be thankful. But sometimes, I wish I could let myself be afraid again. No matter how dark it gets...

Perhaps, one day, it'll allow me to see the light.

Perhaps.

* * *

Rather than a tick on my window, which was open to the sun-tinged breeze, I caught the scent of smoke on the wind. Bitter, familiar smoke. I sighed, placing a paper betwixt my pages, and rose from my seat. I descended the stairs long before I heard the knock. I readied myself, posture drawn tight and proper, and opened the door a crack. I slid out the door before she even noticed my presence, as focused as she was upon her 'smoke.'

I saw the surprise in her eyes, and got a faint bit of amusement from it. No matter that she knew how silent I was, she was never prepared for me to slip into existence. I suppose no one is, not even myself.

She flicked her cigarette lightly with her long fingers, ashes falling upon the back stoop. At least she was polite enough not to come in the front door, not that I'd have let her in smelling like _that_. Father would have my head. No, she knew the ritual, and knew to think before she spoke. At least, when I appeared upset. And I daresay I was a bit miffed from prior, with the unpleasant advent of English class.

Her head tilted minutely, her lip snarling, before she spoke, "What's got you all pissed-off, black-eyes?"

My eyes closed and opened mirthlessly, the slow blink answering her decided 'nickname.' Ever since I began to wear eyeliner, she had decided that would be my beck and call, no matter how much distaste I held for it. My eyes were blue, and the black merely accentuated them. Once, Marie had told me they were like frostbite. I liked that, and I like little. And so, I gave them the gift of emphasis.

"You should be aware, Marie, as I suppose you would note your own lack of presence, now wouldn't you?" Where-as anyone else might have cowered at the ice in my voice, my friend Marie merely rolled her eyes. And I did not mind. Being feared can grow wearisome. Though her complete complacency in my presence was noted, and, at times, frustrating.

"Oh...OH, that! Yeah, Lee was pretty upset. She thought she saw Sarah give Eddy a kiss, I called bull, and she started down that whole 'dark path' bullshit..." I rolled my eyes. Lee was quite a drama queen; so frail of heart, despite its longings. "So me and May snuck out for a smoke and dragged her out of class for a bit. Why are you bringing it up, though? Did something happen?"

I bit my cheek to keep back a snarky remark, "Mrs. Rhodes decided we would review each other's papers today."

Her mouth went into an 'o' shape, and her shock was not flattering at all to her figure. She could be beautiful, but she chose to wear baggy clothes, no make-up, the lazy way out. I couldn't fault her; with where she lived, she could afford little. And she had no interest in impressing the 'boys' at school. The only thing that truly stood out about her was her hair. An appealing bob cut, with sable hair...but the hair that framed her face was dyed a rich, navy blue. I found it endearing. Most found it a reason to call her a 'freak.' And when they noticed I'd heard them, they would go mysteriously silent. How _queer_.

She finally spoke up, having taken sort of her thoughts, apparently.

"...What did you write about?"

My eyes rolled the slightest, "Pain."

A frustrated groan, "Eugh, Edd..." My lip twitched, but she continued, "You know better. This was _bound_ to happen, but you wrote about _that_? Who read it?"

My answer was quick, "Little Red."

She blew upwards in a sigh, leaning her head back, arms crossed. The cigarette had ceased burning, but the unpleasant scent lingered. I tried my best to ignore it.

"Yeah, of _course_ you'd choose him...what were you _thinking_ , Eddward?"

I snapped back, "That my 'friend' would be present in class this fine day. A failed assumption, it appears."

"Yeah, but not my fault you wrote," her hand went up to her face, gripping her forehead, "Look, how bad was it?"

"I've it in my room. If you'd like, I can retrieve it for you."

"No, just... _fuck_ , Eddward. You scared him, right? He's not gonna blab?"

My gaze remained coolly upon her, "There was little he could 'blab' about in the first place. Besides, his own essay gave me plenty to stay his tongue."

"Like?" Her hands rested on her hips.

" _I don't know_ , Marie. _Unfortunate_ you weren't present in _class_ today to _peruse_ it _yourself_."

She grunted, "Fuck off, black-eyes. 'Least I don't write about my deepest fucking thoughts."

"You've not much to write of in comparison to me."

"Yeah, you're dark and brooding with a life that's _so sad..._ "

My eyes pierced her, and she bit her lip, looking off to the side.

"Just...I can't always be there for you, you know that, right? You gotta stop doing this. Write it for _me_ _alone_ , not for class. I worry about you, Eddward. I _do_ care, even if you don't believe me."

 _I believe you, Marie._

"So...seriously though, what did Red write about?"

"Nothing I'd care to share."

"Bull- _shit_ ," she shoved my chest with her cigarette-free hand, the only person who could do such a thing to me and not regret it, "I know it was something, so just _tell_ me already you sadist."

The tiniest smile, more a line than anything else, flickered across my lips.

"Fear."

"Fear?"

I nodded imperceptibly.

"Well...that's weird. Who woulda thought the kid would be as stupid as _you?"_

The smile could, perhaps, be noted as one now.

"My thoughts exactly, Marie."

She smiled, and it was lovely to see. I was perhaps one of the few she permitted see it. It was a favor returned for her seeing my own, I suppose. Though few could make me smile, as it is, so I've little need to hide it.

"You gotta tell me about it. Come on, we can sit on the bench, my legs hurt from standing so long."

I rolled my eyes at her comment, but walked behind her anyways. My heels sank into the grass, but such was life. There was so much in life to fear these days.

A little dirt was nothing.


	3. Around The Corner

_"Even the simplest choices in our lives are flavored by an internal conquest to avoid pain's splendors."_

* * *

That night, I thought about the things he'd written.

In class, it didn't hit me. I guess I was just too worried about what he'd think of _my_ paper to really try and figure out _his_. But thinking back, it was more than just deep. It was... _depressing_. I thought back to what I could remember, lines that stood out. Like that one where he indirectly mentioned hurting himself. Was that just a thought, or was it true? How could he do that? Why? He was so well-off in so many ways.

For one, the Vincents were rich. One look at their house, and you could tell. Second, Eddward was pretty much destined for the best college there was. I had to work hard for my grades, while he would sit outside during Study Hall and...who knows? Think? He didn't even _need_ to study!

Three, pretty much everyone respected him. Sure, a lot of us were just plain _afraid_ of him, but fear commands respect, you know? And all he did to make us fear him was talk.

Yeah, just talk.

I mean, sure, he was imposing. Like I've said, he's the wolf and we're the 'sheep,' like he wrote on my paper. God, the things he wrote on my paper, what was WITH them? I mean, sure, he was spot-on, and it was brilliant as all hell, but he diced me to pieces! I just wanted a damn spell-check, not a judge and jury.

Back to the essay, though...man, what _was_ this kid? How could someone with such a set life, someone so arrogant and frightening, even consider 'pain' as something worth mentioning? You'd think his essay would have been about _imposing_ pain, not receiving it. I really wondered what it could all mean. But, at the same time, I imagine Eddward would lash me verbally for even _considering_ thinking deeply about his essay. I don't know how he'd know, but damn it, he'd know.

I just wanted to see Nazz, talk to her about this, show her my essay. Even if I couldn't tell her about Eddward's paper, since she'd blab with her eyes, whether she meant to or not. I'd rather Eddward hate me equally, and not specifically, out of everyone at school. Hell, maybe I'd luck out and read another of his essays...

Luck out?

I must be tired if I'm thinking _that_. I'd rather stay as far away from Eddward as physically possible for the rest of high school. I want to finish up, head to a normal college, get a normal job, and never let him see me again.

Since, you know...I don't see him unless he decides to let me.

God, he's frightening. Hopefully I won't have nightmares about him.

* * *

"He wrote all this?" Nazz's eyes darted from left to right, and back again, as she surveyed my paper.

"Yeah." Her eyes went up to catch mine, then back down. She furrowed her brow.

"How long did you have to grade these things?"

I cocked my head, "You mean review? Umm," I rubbed my neck, counting internally, "around 10 minutes or so?"

She looked at me with disbelieving eyes, "You mean he wrote all this in 10 _minutes_? _How_? His handwriting is...it's so..."

"It's Eddward." We both shared a look.

"Yeah...it's _Eddward_." She handed the paper back to me, eyes off to the side. She seemed to be thinking for a moment, before speaking again, "So...what did _he_ write about?"

"Nothin' really."

"Yeah, _sure, uh-huh_ , and Eddy's a jackass. Now spit out the truth already, you know you can trust me, right?"

My eyes flicked around, knowing he might be hiding somewhere. There was _always_ somewhere he could hide.

"Nuh-uh, no way, I'm done. End of discussion."

Nazz frowned, cringing her nose up. I suppose I could call it cute, but I thought of her like a sister, so it was more _adorable_ than anything. Her blonde hair waved, cut to her shoulders, with small braids at the front. Intelligent, caring blue eyes tried to peek past my defenses, but I was having none of it. She held that position for about 5 seconds before she cracked, rolling her eyes with a growing smile.

"You really _are_ scared of everything, aren't you?" I looked back, hands in my pockets, sneering as she continued, "Yeah, I never thought of it until now. Dude, you gotta branch out there, be yourself, it's not healthy to hide so much! I used to think it was just you being shy, but now I'm pretty sure you're just a coward."

"I am _not_ a _coward_ ," I said contemptuously of the statement, "I'd just rather live my life than die doing something stupid."

"Dude, risks are for _taking;_ you won't get anywhere in life if you just keep up like this."

"Says you."

"Says Eddward, too."

I growled.

"Come on, think all you want of him," my eyes widened at her as she covered her mouth, looking around, before speaking again, quieter, "but he has a point, Kev. You're missing out on a lot. _It_ isn't that scary..." Her eyes darted to the side when she said _it_ , and we both knew who she was referring to.

I sighed, moving next to her, whispering, "Yeah, well...you know what he's like. I disrupt his 'perfect order,' and..."

-click- -click-

From around the corner, the dark wolf strode. At his shoulder was Marie, her clueless grin just as much a disguise as the wolf's strange beanie. I think, for a moment, he regarded me...but his eyes never so much as flicked in my direction. Marie's, however, did. Even after they'd passed, she turned and watched me. It was freaking _weird._

But that was that. The first bell rang, and we all headed off to class. I'd talk to Nazz again later today. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to talk to Eddward at _all_.

* * *

 **Hey all! So big thanks to TheWalkingPokerface for being my reviewer-on-the-side, helping me by letting me throw ideas her way. I've needed someone to volley ideas with for a while, so it's quite useful. Hope you enjoyed!**


	4. Words With A View

_"To fear is innate, but what we fear is often based on personal experiences."_ **You'd do well to note that this is 'also,' for I'm certain not every fool would embrace falling despite their lack of experience in the subject.**

* * *

"You should talk to him."

Oh, if it were only that easy, Marie.

Our English teacher, Mrs. Rhodes, had left the room temporarily for the sake of _relieving_ herself. I suppose teachers are humans too. Marie was sitting atop her desk, legs crossed and dangling, my mind calculating the possibilities that the plastic would give way and fall. She was rather light, but...

"Marie, you know better than to sit there, you could easily fall and injure yourself."

A huff blew a strand of blue hair from her face, as she slid back down into her seat in one fluid motion, pushed herself to sit up straight...then slouched, elbows on the table of the desk with her fists upon her cheeks.

"Aww, little blackie afraid for poor wittle me?" I could see the playfulness in her eyes, hear the mirth of her tone, and my eyes flicked slightly to observe the classroom. Only one boy; a certain redhead, to be specific; was looking our way. I let my fingers dance against one another, my mind processing her earlier question.

"And what, exactly, would you desire me say to the boy, _Maria_?" She rolled her eyes at that, and I allowed myself the smallest hint of satisfaction.

"I don't know, something about how you're _intrigued by his inner thought process_ and would _love to delve deeper_ ," I made a disgusted face, and she put her hands up in defense, "Hey, it sounds like you, don't blame the messenger!"

"And what would be my motivation for this, _hmmm_?" I watched her eyes dart up, lips pursing in thought, before she held her index finger up to signify an 'idea.'

"How about, you do it for _me_ , because I'm **worried** about you."

Ah...of course she'd pull this one on me.

As much as I adored my friend, she grated on me with this little habit. Ever since the first time her hands slid one of my wristbands off, she became 'worried.' And worry meant a desire to inform someone as to my doings, and my home life. Now, one might think it would be such a pleasant endeavor, escaping the tragedies of home to a new world. That would be ignorant. No, I would need to uproot myself as a flower choked within weeds, tearing my roots asunder, only to be thrust back within the dirt, choked by dust and debris.

I'd not have that. And thus, she found after some time that her mention of the 'subject' would impose upon me her will. I loathed it.

But...her intentions were _mostly_ well-meant, and so, I tolerated it. Just.

The corner of my eye observed little Red's fidgets. Why he was so interested in me now, I could easily guess, but I would have preferred he continue to treat me with the same, resigned disdain as his fellow classmates. The teacher would arrive back soon. I turned my head towards the front of the classroom. The doorknob turned, and silence fell upon the class.

Today, we wrote our essays once more, correcting our mistakes, able to inquire of the teacher as to things we were uncertain about. I took the time to write something less academic, for I'd already finished said assignment the night prior. Kevin did not once approach the teacher. In fact, he seemed entranced by his page. Or, perhaps, the words upon it. My own.

Again, the teacher departed. Unprofessional, if you would ask me, though I imagine the students enjoyed their reprieve from their assignment. The few of any value exuded their frustration with sighs, and one even stood waiting at the teacher's desk for her return. Kevin's eyes turned my way again. I decided, this time, I would meet them. And so I did.

Akin to a deer in the headlights, that one. Most would have pretended to have only looked my way by accident. I suppose, though it could merely be an assumption, that he was too distracted by the thoughts I'd placed upon his paper, swirling in his head, to think to look away. Still, his eyes did not turn, and I found myself standing up. I could practically see Marie cheering for her little fantasy of my befriending of others. I had no intentions to; I simply had something to clear up.

His nervous habits appeared to kick in again at my approach, and I allowed my heels click against the floor. When one's presence in unwelcome, even dreaded, all aspects of one's arrival become key to thickening the mood. I had no desire to let the little boy gain the upper ground in a conversation, no matter how unlikely it may be. I stood in front of his desk, eyes upon his paper. His only paper. His essay.

"Slacking off, are we, Mr. Barr?"

He looked up at me in a stunned silence, as though he'd expected me to go away if he'd ignored me long enough. I met his gaze with a glare of my own. He gulped.

"I...uhh, I just have a lot to think about with mine. M-my essay, that is! Your observations in it were quite...astute! Yeah, it made me think a lot. Umm, I just need time. Your advice was good, I-"

"I noticed a distinct lack of any commentary on my _own_ paper. You could have at least _tried_."

He was withering beneath my glare, fumbling with his pencil.

"It was, it j-just, there was nowhere to improve. It was deep, and eloquent, a-and..."

"And no one is perfect, Mr. Barr. If you're ever required to assist with a paper of mine again, you'll need to hone yourself properly. I don't take kindly to disappointment, and schoolwork is _very_ important to me."

He seemed as though he was struggling with a reply.

"Speak up."

He took a deep breath, "I just...your essay made me _think_ , and..."

"And?"

I imagine the tone of my voice, falling upon his delicate ears, burned as acid. His body shrunk.

"I wanted t'knowmor'boutchu..."

I narrowed my eyes, my expression unchanging.

"Well, here is your chance, Little Red. Marie has refused to assist me any longer in this class by way of peer reviews," a frustrating truth from the former evening, which resulted in a volley of sharp words, and a win by way of a newly-lit, stale cigarette, "and thus, I am in need of another willing applicant."

I watched as he bit his lower lip, cowering within his shoulders. I supposed I should pity him for being so pathetic. Instead, I was simply frustrated, as I did not wish to draw this conversation out any longer. I was doing this for Marie. For the stability of my life, with all of its negatives and its rare points of light. Red was merely a means to an end.

"Your answer? I've little time left, and you've wasted much already by _not_ improving upon your shoddy work."

I almost saw a hint of anger there, but he hid it well. I was tempted to provoke it, but I needed him to be agreeable, if only for this class. If only for Marie's sake.

"...Alright."

His voice was deeper than I expected, and almost sounded...determined? I suppose I could call it that, but I'd be more like to imagine it 'bravery,' due to his obvious fear of my presence.

I gave a curt nod, still conveying no emotion, "Then I shall come to you next we write. And remember," I leaned down, letting my palm and nails rest on his desk, my fingers curled in a claw as the nails slid over the desktop, "whatever you have of me, I shall always have more, little _sheep_."

And so I turned, likely leaving him to stew in his worries, whilst Marie tilted her head my way, a lop-sided grin on her face. I rolled my eyes condescendingly.

Upon reaching her, she spoke, "Wasn't that hard, now was it?"

I let out a hushed sigh, one only Marie could register, "With the correct motivation, no task is insurmountable."

She giggled playfully, hopping off her desk and settling a hand on my shoulder.

"Come on, sourpuss, teacher's due back, we should probably pretend to work, like, _now_."

And like clockwork, Mrs. Rhodes returned. All the students so well-behaved, no speaking, essays being rewritten dutifully and questions asked once more. All, but for a single red-headed teen. If I hadn't forgotten how to ages ago, I could have laughed at the irony.

Little sheep, you'd do best to follow the herd, lest you be trampled and left to the wolves.


	5. A Bookshelf For One

_"Loneliness can be either a comfort or a festering wound, it all depends how one chooses to look at it."_  
 **(Red's unwritten thoughts: I think it always hurts, though, after a while...being alone...)**

* * *

"He asked you a question, pipsqueak."

I prepped myself mentally, taking a deep breath and turning from my locker, my books in my arms.

"Sorry, it's not easy to write in your style..." I fidgeted.

"You saying his style's _bad_ or something, ...huh?" You know, most people would be sarcastically asking, if they said 'huh.' But no, this was Johnny. And with him, it meant that 'Plank,' his ever-present imaginary friend, was speaking to him. That piece of wooden bullshit decided to 'tell' something to Johnny, and so he added, "Plank says you're just making excuses."

 _Yeah, but how would you know? You're just barely passing with a D in English._ I guess it's like everyone says, Plank is the fucking _brains_ and the kid's the brain-dead muscle. I winced, realizing this could go real bad, real fast, if Johnny decided it. I turned to Jimmy; no, excuse me; _Jamison_ , with his wild golden hair oddly serving to make him more intimidating. I cleared my throat.

"I'll have it ready later, alright?"

I saw him mouth the word 'later' doubtfully as he cocked his head once to the side, his brows furrowed, then raising. I felt trapped. Damn it, I hated being late for class. Why did I have to leave his damn paper all the way in my gym locker? Idiot!

-click- -clack-

I heard it behind me, and my eyes widened. The grin on Johnny's face grew, a malevolent smile to put the Cheshire Cat to shame. Jamison looked ahead at the approaching figure, giving nothing away with his cold demeanor. Honestly, I doubt he even wanted Johnny there, except for as a voice. He didn't talk much, and when he did, it was whispers to Johnny. I don't think he liked his voice much.

"Gentlemen?" his cool voice echoed in the hallway, emptied a bit ago as the time for the class bell crept nearer. Johnny cackled rather insanely.

"Oh, hey, Eddward! The nerd's been holding out on us, he has Jamison's paper and won't give it up."

He took a step forward, into my view, his eyes glancing my way whilst his head kept its direction, facing the two boys in front of me.

"Is this true, Kevin? We haven't the time for such dalliances."

"S-sorry, it's..."

"He'll bring it to you after lunch. We must take our leave for class. Jamison. Johnathan." Eddward nodded towards the pair, and continued to walk forward. Johnny's smile faded, and he gave me a sneering look, before walking past, eyes glued to me threateningly. Jamison 'accidentally' bumped me when he walked past, and I fumbled my books, almost losing them. My heart fluttered, all the anxiety I was pushing back coming to the front of my mind.

They hadn't done anything. How the fuck? And why did Eddward even say anything to them? Normally he'd just walk on past, or make things worse!

I decided it wasn't worth thinking about, because I needed to get to English class. Eddward was sitting there in his normal seat, speaking casually with Marie. He didn't even look my way once. And once the teacher announced what we were doing in class, I realized the only reason he must have said anything was so I'd be on time to proofread his paper this week. Fucking self-centered ass.

He walked to my desk again, but I was more prepared. I was still afraid, though. The sureness of his step, the way he held itself, it all screamed predator; I was just the means to an end. That was the only reason he bothered to 'keep me alive' today.

"Your paper, Mr. Barr." He wasn't asking, but rather, stating it. I took it from its place in my binder, handing it his way, and found myself looking down at his paper once again. The teacher had assigned us to write about our ambitions this time. Now, it was time to proofread Eddward's paper again, in all of its peculiarity. A few things stood out to me.

 _"I've been alone for so long, we've wed; Silence and I. I keep her company, and she keeps me her peace. A mutual relationship by all accounts."_

Mutual? Who would want to be alone all the time?

 _"I'll become a staple feature in the homes of the wise and the recluse, my name echoing across the bookshelves, oscillations of shared loneliness, for they and I alike."_

That sounds less like an ambition and more like depression talking. How could someone seriously _think_ like this?!

 _"The dark will be my eternal foe, kept at bay my all manner of static and flame, lest Silence's grip become vile, stale, to which my mind has a tendency to lead her."_

Alright, that sounded fucking dark. I actually feel bad for him. The fuck was this all about, anyway? I decided I'd finally ask him.

It was another few minutes before my paper found its way back to my desk, with its grader in tow. Again, blue, pristine ink covered the page in tightly-bound curls, elegant script, and undoubtly a bit of the _judgement_ he was _so_ fond of. But I didn't really care about that at the moment. What I cared about was this depressing essay I just read. Does he really write this stuff all the time? That first essay, was it...true? He's not just bull-shitting this all...right?

"Hey...Eddward?"

He turned his head to look down at me, his hands in the pockets of his jean jacket. Just turn his eyes copper, and I'd be staring down a wolf, I swear. The intelligence behind them...but...

"Have you comment not worthy of writing? That _is_ the purpose of the assignment, mon cher." His words were quiet, but sharp, as his eyes continued to pierce me. I looked down at the paper, biting my lip. Maybe I could...no, no, _fuck_ , at least with talking I can pretend I didn't say anything, if he has _physical evidence_ then I'm fucked.

"I just...all... _this_...is it true?"

His eyes softened for a moment, only for his gaze to return to its normal, icy guise, "What is truth, but the absence of lies?"

I sneered a bit, looking down at my trembling hands, which were practically _screaming_ at me to 'shut my geek mouth' before I fucked myself over. But no, no, I had to keep talking because I'm a glutton for punishment.

"It's just...it's depressing. You can't really think like that, can you?"

He looked away for a moment, to the side, his head unmoving, before his eyes quickly flitted back to mine.

" _Life_ is depressing, Little Red. You'd best learn that quick. Now, if I may procure my paper before the end of the year, or have you managed to yet again fail at the simple process of correcting it?"

I gulped, "I...tried...to?"

A sigh. "Very well. I suppose one cannot 'expect a babe to sing' when they just began to walk. But I cannot allow this to continue. Inquire further of Marie, lest you stir my temper, Little Red. I've little of it these days."

And he was gone.

I looked over at him as he sat down, turning his head slightly to speak to Marie. She frowned, and looked my way. Then, she smiled...and waved? Good lord, what have I gotten into? Fuck this class. I'll take the F if this keeps up. I mean, it's like...I wanna know what the fuck is up with Eddward, kinda. Maybe. But is it even worth it? I mean, if he keeps me safe around the two and a half dumbasses...ugh!

Class is over. He's already gone. Whatever, I'm done for the day.

Lunchtime, time to grab the essay for the two bullies. And I guess...ugh. I should probably thank him for stopping them.

...Not today though, nope.

Tomorrow. I'll thank him tomorrow. God help me.

* * *

 **I'm feeling my skill at poetry and my deficiency at prose rearing its ugly head. Yuck. Oh well, sorry if this is bleh. Even coming back to it now, I don't think highly of it; apologies.**


	6. You Will Speak

**Red cinnamon with dots of fire  
** **Veiled in the rosy brier  
** **I shall pick you, take you in  
** **And come to terms with my own sin**

 **Raven-blessed and torn of flesh  
Filthy, beaten, rotten mess  
** **Quick of wit and burnt of choice  
** **Now I speak some other's voice**

* * *

An engineer. How quaint.

I suppose it was to be suspected; with how often I saw him tinkering with his bike across the street, it was less a surprise and more of an inevitability. Sad, really. He could have been anything, the world was open to him, and he chose such a lackluster profession to strive towards. Well, I suppose it is a tad more than my own choice...or, well, my own _fate_. For what little choice did I have in it?

Here I sit, taking in the knowledge my teachers put forth as I stir in an educational limbo. And one day soon, I will be sent into the world to _be_ something. How easy they make it sound, to _be_ something, to _go_ somewhere and live a life on my own. Am I not already on my own? With Mother gone, and Father in his eternal midnight play date with a job or something more _suggestive_ , I am left to the house. To my own bidding. Tainted by the occasional beration when my careful hands still leave the handle of his precious 'equipment' in just barely the wrong position. Or, perhaps, I manage to brush against an object, leaving it out of place, just the slightest bit. Enough to irk him. Enough to draw his ever-present ire.

No, I am alone now, but what will do I have to further my life? As the teachers spouts drivel about some mathematical equation I'm already quite familiar with, I am left here to ponder these things. I think, at times...what will happen, when the time comes? When the cap is donned, the robes drawn around me, and I am handed that final piece of evidence of my education? I don't believe it will be anything special. No one will be there for me, and it will mean nothing. Perhaps when I come home, there will be a note. Or the chance call, though I'd honestly doubt anyone would tell her of the occasion.

I'll be given an ultimatum, some day. And I'll have to find somewhere to go. But that, is some day. Not now. For now, I'll walk the school as Father does his house. I shall invoke fear, and therefore respect. No one will question me, and that will be for the best.

Though it appears, much to my misfortune, Kevin has decided to inquire. To query is a wondrous thing, but I'd prefer to be left in the shadows. And yet, I write such foolish things, knowing he would be the one to read my paper. Would he speak? No, he would likely tremble himself to a magnitude of his own before that happened. It was simply an inconvenience, forced upon me by Marie.

She does mean a lot to me, I suppose. In a platonic way. We did try a dalliance once, to no effect. It appears I've no interest in her as she has in me. She believes there's more to it, but I don't particularly care. I try not to think of the forceful way her tongue invaded my lips, her own cracked and split. She is a beautiful girl, truly, but I believe a little chapstick and hesitation would do her well. I told her as much. She did not seem amused.

We tried to do more, even. I allowed it, more out of scientific curiosity than actual interest. Sadly, we could not go far, as she could not tease me above a flaccid state. Her irritation was rather cute, it drove me to laugh, almost. Would that I could.

I often see him in the hallways now. I took little note of him in the past, he was merely a specimen in the petri dish that was school. Now, I noticed the way he looked at me...or didn't. I try not to be noticed, if I can help it. When you blend in, it's difficult for people to single you out. I chose when to be noticed, and by who. It's funny, how many little corners you can find to hide in when you truly **look**.

And, by pure happenstance, I found myself in his vicinity later in the day as the two giant children decided to play their games with him. Perhaps, once upon a time, each could have been an upstanding member of society, in his or her own way. Instead, they resorted fool's tactics and the weaponry of fear. Something must have happened to Johnny; there was a time when he was kind, I've heard. Then, in the bat of an eye, he changed. Whatever happened, the child turned down a dark path, and it's rather a shame. Jamison, on the other hand, had a very obvious influence - his _adoring_ father, pressuring him to become someone great. The imperfect child playing pretend at being perfect; strong, quiet, masculine. I'm not certain he even believes it himself, but he sure puts on a good show.

Kevin...have I not already discussed him? I suppose, knowing what I do now, his entire personality is based around the trappings of fear. Hence, bullies are pulled to him from afar, like moths to a light in the witching hour. One bit of resistance, and perhaps the children would back off. But no, he allows them bat against him, he does their bidding, and then, he allows himself to be walked over like a worn dirt road. There is so much potential in him...but he is so webbed-in by fear, there's no way to free him from the trap he's set for himself. Thus, I merely stand here, past two corners at a peculiar angle, watching the scene unfold.

Ah, he didn't have time to see them until now, it appears. How unfortunate, but he shouldn't be doing their homework in the first place. _Is that...a book?_ Not from our English class, nor theirs, so it must be his from home. _Oh, yes, jump and try to get it, that's obviously not what they're trying to make you do, Little Red._ Oh...and now the piece of wood speaks, joy. _Is that a..._

 ** _Sigh._**

"Now now, Johnathan. You wouldn't want to get detention _again_ , now would you? Put that down; you know as well as I that the smoke alarms trigger on a dime, and you'd be caught _red-handed_ , so-to-speak." For I'm doubtful most children carry a fire engine red lighter in their pocket at all times. But, I suppose we all have our vices.

"Huh? Plank, why didn't you think of that?" _Because he is you, and you've little more intelligence than he does, cher._ Jamison appeared unamused. Is that unusual? No, I imagine he was merely along for the ride.

"Now run along you two, I shall resolve the matter here." I was sent a steely glare from the 'supposedly' threatening Jamison, and Johnny appeared confused.

"But you don't even know what..." I looked at Johnny with a condescending glare of my own, Jamison's own glare paling in comparison. It is hard to make one fear when one isn't at all familiar with the topic. Hence, it was hard for others to top me when it came to intimidation.

He said some...'words' to himself, or possibly to Plank, as he departed. Jamison followed. I suppose he found that having the crazy, frightening boy on your good side was something worthwhile during high school. I pitied him, honestly.

"Th...thanks," the words stumbled out beside me. I turned to Kevin, who was looking carefully at his book, still scared out of his wits, apparently. It was unfortunate; it was his wits that I liked. ...not that I cared for him in the slightest.

"I'd rather not see a book of any sort aflame. That, and I was not particularly interested in departing the school on such an unpleasant day." Why was I talking to him? He was beneath me. I suppose Marie infected me with a bug of some sort, something must have been making my mind hazy. There really was no logic in this.

"Yeah...but, uh...really, thanks though. This book means a lot to me...I mean, they all do, but..."

"You need to stand up for yourself, mon petit. They shall come back, and I will not always be here." His shoulders fell, and he looked to the floor. The halls were empty, the school day having ended minutes ago. And, unfortunately for me, I had nowhere to go, no excuses. Though I could easily make one up, I had no desire to lie to someone so fearful of the mere truth. What would become of him if he began to believe my lies? Let him keep his truths...perhaps one person will see _me_ besides Marie. _How sad, this life I live._

"I know...I'm..." He gulped, and stopped. My eyes narrowed on him, and he froze.

" _Parles,_ " I urged him on. Of course, he didn't understand me, but I managed to get the message across somehow.

"I'm...honestly as afraid of _you_ as I am of _them_ ," he spoke, _as if_ that would have been a surprise to me. _However, I congratulate you for gathering the courage to say such a thing to your predator, Little Red._

"As you should be. It is wise to fear those wiser than you." That plucked a nerve on him, it appeared.

"Hey, I've been on this planet just as long as you, you can't say you're smarter than me!" _Quite a fuss you're causing, mon cher...it's intriguing to see you like this, even if you shall be prey again on the morrow._

"Ah, but I can, and I did. I am not only smarter by way of 'book smarts,' I also have you beaten when it comes to simple human knowledge. Such as knowing that Jamison is nothing but a tool, and Johnny will only bother you so long as you react." He seemed pensive after that one. Good, let him think for once.

"...But, you aren't me."

"No, mon cher, I am not. Nor are _you,_ _me_. You're destined for a bland, but stable, life, where-as my day-to-day is in flux every time I walk into my own home." I've been thinking too much today. I _should_ be speaking to Marie about all this, instead of him. Where was she, anyways?

Then, out of nowhere, he spoke something seemingly unrelated.

"You...you don't really want to _kill_ yourself, do you?" I imagined that was what he pondered when he read my essay earlier in the day. I'm surprised he managed to entice that detail from my written work at all. It's...a tad worrying. I didn't underestimate him, I...I suppose I didn't care, honestly. If someone like him knew, that is. _Maybe, in the case I disappear on the eventide, I'll have another flower at my funeral._

I decided to merely shrug it off.

"Have a pleasant evening, Little Red." I wasn't sure why my tongue was so shamefully loose, but I needed to cut it before it waggled free and bled me out, useless thing.

"...Umm...good night, Eddward."

As I walked away, the strangest thing happened. In the back of my mind, the memory of my mother played, the only one to ever wish me such a tiding. Even Marie never said it, always a 'later.' Perhaps it was her knowledge of this fact, about my mother. But either way, as I walked towards the stairs in the dim hallway lighting, the sky overcast outside, I felt my face warm. A fever, perhaps. A strangely nice one, but occasionally illnesses could present in such ways. I could ask Marie to check my temperature later, goodness knows where she placed it last time she was sick at my home. That girl might as well be my sister, for all the times we shared my house.

Turning to the stairs, the corner of my eye caught him, still standing there at his locker. He appeared to be looking my way, but despite the distance I had put between us, I didn't want him to know I so-much as noticed him. _Let the world think you're blind, and you can see the world_. That is one of few games I play.

But now, home. Perhaps rest, and a jasmine tea. And a good book...I wonder if the one he held was any good. One day, perhaps, I could obtain and read it, if I put my mind to it.

Ha.

That will be the day.

* * *

 **I did plan to keep to essay bits, but...Eddward wrote a poem, and I had to put it somewhere. Blame him, heh. Enjoy!**


	7. Father's Boy

That was...unexpected.

Of all the things for Eddward to do, saving my ass twice in one day was near the bottom of that list. Probably right below the sun falling, but you know. Stuff. It happened, though. Maybe it was all in my head, anyways. He did say he didn't want to see a book burned...and that thing about not wanting to go outside. Yeah, it's probably just that. I mean, why would he give a fuck about me? He's...ugh.

I mean, I wanna hate him. I do, but he did kinda just save my ass, and my book.

I remember when it all started, you know. The whole, him being a fucking asshole thing. We were all hanging out together at the little playground down the street. We were like 6 or 7, all of us. It was me, Nazz, Sarah, and Eddy; and Ed was kinda just "there." Jimmy was off at who knows where, and Johnny was grounded, so we didn't have to deal with him. Oh yeah, and the topic on everyone's mind was, of course, Eddward's attitude. It'd only just started, with snappy comments and bitter glares, and we were all taken aback a bit.

"I mean, all I said was he had something on the back of his shirt, and he gave me this, like...death glare. I mean, what's with that?" Nazz made a confused gesture with her hands, and a few of us nodded in agreement.

Sarah piped in, "I used to think he was nice, but now he's sooo mean...did the movers take away his niceness?"

"Bet he couldn't afford to keep it anymore-"

"Eddy!" Sarah quipped, giving him an angry pout. She liked him, we all knew, and she didn't like when he said rude things like that.

"It's true! I mean, his dad's at work all day, probably can barely afford to keep the house."

For a 7-year old, he was well-versed on anything and everything monetary. He even put his money into a bank! We couldn't believe it until we saw him pocket his own ice cream money with our own eyes, and put it in a piggy bank. Not a real bank, I know, but we were kids, we thought that _was_ a bank.

"It's prob'ly-"

"Probably what, Kevin?" a cold voice cut in, and we all turned to a figure emerging from around the wooden fence.

"N-nothing," I stuttered out as he walked forward in practiced, elegant steps. Who knew a 7-year old could be that frightening?

"Nothing is _ever_ nothing, Little Redhead. Perhaps you could see that if your tattered hat didn't obscure your vision so. Or, perhaps you would know more if you took the time to think before your spit those disgusting words out of your freckled face," his voice was glacial, and his eyes bit into me. I shrunk back. Nazz walked up.

"Hey, don't be mean to-"

"Hypocritical Goldilocks, how about you hop a truck and go see what the movers took, before you assume things you've no knowledge of? Silence yourself."

"Back off, nerd!" Eddy shouted, walking right up to Eddward and staring him straight in the eyes. Eddward returned the gaze impassively, blinking once.

"Speak to me like that again, mongrel, and I'll give _you_ reason to do so. Listen to your own commands, you shameless money-grubber."

Without another word...Eddy back off. Eddy, the most stubborn of all of us, for some reason, stepped back. Maybe it was something in the way Eddward looked at him. Either way, Eddy's shoulders slumped, and he almost seemed...afraid.

We heard someone walking up from behind. Heavy footsteps; it was Ed. He walked near to Eddward, whose expression was frozen and eyes dark, and he just...looked at him.

"...Yes?" Eddward inquired, looking soullessly into the eyes of our protective friend.

"Go away please. They don't like you."

Eddward seemed to think for a moment, took a long, composing breath, and stepped back. He turned on a heel, and walked off.

Ever since then, we never speak around him unless we want a venomous snark in return. It's silly, something from so long ago still affecting us today, but...he's only gotten more frightening. And stronger. And angrier.

Who wouldn't be afraid of him?

* * *

Sometimes, I find myself thinking back to the beginning of all of _this_ , this hatred of the children of the cul-de-sac where I've grown up. I'll think of a time when life was simpler, and much less practiced. And it was by no means pleasant in any way.

A Sunday, I remember, for Father was home. Mother had called me, having lost track of the date for...whatever reason ailed her at the time. When Father picked up, I froze in place at the bottom of the stairs. A quick, efficient conversation, and she was gone again. I'd imagine to cry. I wouldn't fault her for it. I knew she merely wanted to talk to me; neither of us _ever_ desired to talk to Father nowadays.

"Son, a word," no request, just command. Take away the choice before I could comprehend its existence. I walked forward smoothly, with practiced grace, as he'd taught me. A respectable young man must present himself in a certain way, he always told me. And so I did.

I looked at him, and replied, "Yes, Father?" My voice lacked any emotion.

"Mother wishes you well. She has cut into my busy schedule, however, so you shall make your own dinner tonight. I need those precious minutes for my own work, as you should know."

"Yes, Father."

"Go, get some fresh air."

I did not repeat myself again. I simply walked to the door, let myself out, locked the door behind me...and slouched.

I loved Mother. I was young, and did not understand why Father had left her, only that he did it "out of his concern for her," as he was wont to remind me. I hadn't seen her since she left. Sometimes, I even had trouble remembering her voice. Those precious, rare Saturday calls were a Godsend, and...Father stole it away because of her one idle mistake. I was downtrodden.

I walked the sidewalk, looking up at the cirrus clouds painting the sky. I sighed. My heart ached. I yearned for someone to care about me like Mother did. I wished Father could, that perhaps I could make him proud, earn his respect. As I've grown older, I've learned that will never be possible. I don't particularly care why anymore, I merely loathed him for it. If he could do me the honor of rotting in a grave at this very moment, I'd besmirch his name and spit on his corpse.

But, alas...at that time, I was ignorant and childish, and so very desiring of affection. I could heard the children talking now, as I approached the playground, a few minutes into my walk around the neighborhood. I halted; I wasn't welcome here. Still...I could listen. I could pretend I was a part of their conversations. I hid, as I knew to do when Father was around, but none of the children quite had his eyes.

I heard their words.

What struck me was when they mentioned how the movers must have 'taken away my niceness.' A bit too close for comfort, but inaccurate still. I felt a sob boil in my chest, and bit it down, feeling it smolder as a burning heat inside me. I let it turn to hatred. Sadness overwhelmed, but hatred could be directed. I had control over anger, at least. I had so little else I could control in my life, but the burning spite was one of my few tools.

I heard an opening in the words, and spoke.

I learned how words bit from my Father. As much as I loathe him, I am far too alike him now for me to deny myself being of his blood. I speared the letters through them, each one chosen to dig into the skin of the receiver. Even Eddy, that loathsome cretin, couldn't stand up to me once I spoke the painful truth he hid to his face. What one hides from others is their greatest weakness. All we hide is all we are.

It was Ed who finally played a final note with me. His eyes were kind, but hurt. He rarely spoke, and yet, he spoke to me; but only to tell me to leave his friends alone. Because they didn't like me.

I left in a confident stride.

And once I rounded the corner, the walking stride turned into a desperate run, as a sob burst from my throat.

I was weaker then. Or, perhaps, stronger. Back then, I would hide amongst the trees in the wood, and observe the world around me. I would cry until my tears ran dry, my eyes burned and I ached inside. Then I would go home. Whereas now...now, I've a knife. Sharp, painful, and one of few things I've truly learned to fear. But it's one of my few friends, when the tears threaten to come.

When my eyeliner runs, I take it as a failure. Father hates when I cry.

He always tells me so.


	8. Heroes and Underdogs

Home. The sound of the television playing in the living room, and my mom starting up dinner with the clang and patter of pots and silverware. Damn, I was glad to be home, and away from the fucking insanity that called itself 'school.'

I immediately ran upstairs to my bedroom, after shouting a greeting to my parents. I kicked off my shoes, chucked my backpack on my bed, and sat down at my work desk. Yes, it's a work desk; it's where I do all my work. Homework's still work! And I tinker with stuff on it occasionally, too...either way, work desk, end of discussion. I stretched out in the chair, yawning and putting a hand on my forehead. Oh yeah, I probably shoulda grabbed something to work on.

After getting my homework, I decided I'd take the next hour to finish it, so I could spend the rest of my night doing whatever. I mean, there was plenty to do! I could pick apart one of the things dad brought home for me in the shed, or maybe work on my bike, or...

"Kevin, you have company!"

...or, talk with Nazz, I guess. That'd work too.

I sighed, pushing myself up from the chair and groggily walking towards the door. Yes, I _do_ genuinely get myself psyched up for homework. It's mental exercise, arithmetic acrobatics, theoretical gymnastics! I mean, yeah, I'd always be looking forward to doing stuff in my free time, but I knew for a fact I had to _work_ for what I wanted to be in the future. Might as well enjoy it. Think my dad pushed that attitude on me, kinda glad about it.

As I descended the stairs, I heard a voice. Not Nazz's, not my mom's. Alright, so some chick was here for me...wait, huh?

"...for allowing me to come over even though you didn't know about it." Marie?

I heard my mom's voice respond, "Oh, it's no trouble, dear! It's always nice to meet Kevin's friends, even _if_ he forgets to _tell us about his plans_..." She rolled her eyes with a sarcastic smile.

I cut in, "What plans?"

"The essays, silly! Remember? We were gonna work on them tonight! Wow, is he normally this forgetful?" Marie exclaimed animatedly.

I blushed, even if she was making all of this up. My mom chuckled, "Not often, no, I'm actually surprised he didn't tell us though. Kevin, do _try_ and keep us informed on when you plan to have company over. I'm the one cooking _dinner_ , after-all," she had a hand on her hip, and a feigned frown on her lips. I put a hand behind my head embarrassedly.

"Sorry mom. ...I guess we should go to work on it then. Come on, my room's up here." Marie smiled innocently and walked up to me, following my footsteps.

My mom called out again, "Oh, and please leave the door open, honey!"

...I groaned. Marie laughed, and replied to her in my stead, "Don't worry, my boyfriend knows I'm over here. I'll leave it open a crack though," her smile was infectious, sweet, and _totally_ not her. But all I cared about was the fact that, you know...she had a _boyfriend_? Like, was it Eddward? Legit?

She followed me upstairs, my mom shrugging the whole thing off and returning to dinner. I sighed inwardly, not looking forward to having to learn anything from Marie, but what was I gonna do? Tell her to leave? Hell no, Eddward would have my ass! She could probably beat me up, too! No, better to just play it cool and deal with it. I'm quite happy in my non-bruised state, thank you very much.

Upon entering my room, Marie decided to hop onto my bed, bouncing on it as to test its springiness. I didn't even want her in my _room_ , let alone on my _bed!_ I sighed, flicking on the light and closing the door _almost_ all the way, because I _knew_ my mom would have a fit if she heard any foul language. And I didn't much trust Marie to keep her mouth shut.

"Nice bed you got here, Red," I kept myself from growling at the pet name Eddward had originally given me, "so you excited for today's activities?"

I rolled my eyes and pulled my cap down, covering my eyes. "Yeah...really excited," I said with the least amount of enthusiasm I could muster. The response was a very unladylike chuckle.

"Aw, come on, we're gonna have fun! Just you see," her eyes flicked to the doorway. I figured she'd seen my mom peering in, though by the time I looked, she was gone. I sighed.

"Let's just get this over with."

I finally noticed the tattered grey bag she was wearing over her shoulder. She swung it off, unzipping it and letting the contents slide over my bed. Fortunately, it was just papers. Unfortunately, they looked like papers that had been in the trash. I cringed my nose, giving her a weird look.

"What? Oh, these," she let her fingers glide over the papers, looking for some specific one on the crumpled mass of lined white clutter, "yeah, Eddward doesn't like to save the stuff he writes, so I kinda _maybe_ have to dumpster dive for em."

At that, I went bug-eyed. Those were _his_ papers? He just _threw them away_? He should have a whole damn portfolio of them, they're brilliant, _if a little dark_ , how could he...and she had to get them out of the _trash?_

A thought occurred to me: my bed was covered with papers that came out of the trash. _Eww._

Another chuckle, "Don't worry, it's his bedroom's trash, very clean. He just crumples them out of pure spite. You know _him_ , all hate, every day, _blah_ -de-blah- _blah_."

I was surprised she could be so casual about him. I was almost afraid to reply, thinking that the wolf could be hiding anywhere, listening in. That maybe she planned to draw something out of me to tell him. I guess she caught the worried look in my eyes, because her smile fell.

"Hey," she pushed herself up from the bed, walking up to me and reaching a hand for my shoulder. I flinched away, backing up a step, and she rolled her eyes, sighing, "look, kid, I don't bite. Seriously, not my thing. But no, really, we gotta get to work on this. I need _your_ help, got it? I just...just sit down at your dumb desk already and listen, okay? I gotta find that paper. What was it again, 'Without Pain?' Yeah, that one...now where is it..." She wandered back to my bed, sifting through the litter for a specific paper I remembered quite clearly. I had no idea why, but I decided not to question it.

"...Whatever," and so I walked, begrudgingly, to my desk, taking a seat and swinging around to watch Marie look through everything. My arms rested on the back of the chair as I tried to figure out what tonight was supposed to accomplish. Not 30 seconds later, I heard her excitedly announce her discovery by way of a maniacal cackle. She's so strange.

"Found it! Now, let's get to work on this baby," I found the crinkled paper placed in front of me, and stared at it. Yeah, that was the paper, still had my signature and everything. I sighed. She didn't say anything for...what, another half a minute? Then I heard her growl.

"Alright, what's your deal? Don't you see _anything_ wrong with this?" Her face voiced her disbelief.

"No, it's, like...fucking perfect, alright?"

She looked shocked, " **Perfect**? HA! If Eddward showed this to the teacher, he'd end up locked in a damn institution for the next 6 months. No, it's a complete fuck-up of emotions but that's _sooo_ fucking expected of him. He always does this!" Angrily, she grabbed the paper from the desk, scrunching it in her hand as she lifted it, and cleared her throat, "Ahem., ' _Throughout our lives, everything we do or don't do is influenced by pain, or a lack there-of_.' Alright, nerd, what's wrong with this? The essay was supposed to be about feelings, like, EMOTIONAL feelings, and he's totally taking it out of context! And this stuff is like, shrink stuff, not class stuff! Seriously! Come on, say something, nerd-boy!"

I furrowed my brows, looking up at the paper, back down at my desk. She was right; I didn't even think about the teacher reading it before she said something.

I guess I took too long to think, cuz she started up again, "Eddward's dense. I love the boy, but he _just. Doesn't. Get_ it _._ This is fine for friend stuff, but totally _not_ okay for in-class. I basically have been his damage control for like, _years_ now, and it sucks. Wanna see what happens when he doesn't get his stupid paper fixed?"

She turned and walked back over to the messy pile of papers, grabbing some specific one from the madness, and stalked back over to me. She shoved it down in front of me.

I read the title.

 **Respect**

...huh? Wait...did she mean _this_ is what he turned in? I read on, " _People around us can be respectable, but they have to do something to earn it."_ The flow of the entire essay was off. It felt forced. " _When you do something mean to someone, they will often lose their respect for you._ " No shit. Where'd the brilliance go? This was elementary crap!

"It's shit, right?"

I turned to Marie, "Yeah, the fuck?"

She smirked, and it actually seemed somewhat genuine, "He just does that cuz he doesn't know how to shut himself off. I kinda have to help him, or he goes on a tangent. He _hates_ rereading his own work, it's half of why he tosses everything in the trash. Other half is because he hates being acknowledged in general, but that's just some weird thing of him. Either way, I've had to be his eyes and brain for years now. And," she held her head, "and I'm so fucking _sick_ of it." She looked at me, desperation in her eyes, "That's kinda why I'm making you help him now. I...I just can't deal with his _shit_ anymore. Sorry."

I was kind-of baffled, "What do you mean? The guy's fucking scary, and he hates my guts! How can I even _start_ to help him? Seriously though, I don't get it."

Her eyes softened, "By fixing his paper. Just this one for now. I'll do his other one, this is just a...a test, alright? I just...I can't anymore, Red, I just _can't_ ," if she were a weaker person, I'd swear she was holding back tears at that point, but she continued, "Just think of something, _anything_ , and write it next to every sentence. Tell his fucked-up sense of life to fuck off, tell him he's an idiot, hold a candle to his foolish lack of self-worth and just..."

You know, I'd never seen anyone get like this before. I'd seen Nazz pretty upset when she failed that Biology exam, and Sarah always cried when she got caught doing something wrong. But this? Marie wasn't even crying and I already felt like I was the shittiest person in the room for not helping her out.

Ugh. Fucking guilt-trips, man.

"Alright, just...give me the paper."

We locked eyes for a moment, and her trembling hand dealt me the paper. Trembling? Whatever, I had to write something.

That first line...that first, fucking depressing line.

I mean...sure, pain's pretty powerful. But it's not _that_ bad. I'm afraid of a lot of things, but not every one of those things is because of _pain_. Some are just common sense, others are just stupid, like not wanting to sleep without a nightlight. I bet superheroes can sleep without a light at night. Heroes don't give a shit, they have someone to save, nothing else matters. They don't care if they die, as long as the person they're fighting for is alright.

...I couldn't get past that thought. Maybe I should write that? I took up a pen, Marie waiting on baited breath, and started to write.

"Heroes don't pay attention to pain."

Yeah. That was a good start. I looked to Marie, whose eyes were still on the paper. I caught the smile flicker on her lips. She looked at me, and nodded. I breathed out in relief.

Alright...so maybe this wouldn't be as hard as I thought.


	9. Victims and Villains

**Trigger warnings. I apologize for how dark the Eddward chapters are getting, but it's just a part of who he is. Don't worry, this is a romance, not a tragedy. And the romance will start _eventually_. Just bear with it for now. Eddward's a far tougher nut to crack.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Little tacks, as I tested each key, before I began to put weight on them. The notes rang out loudly, echoing throughout the piano and into the room. I smiled, thinking how someone as unimportant as myself could create such beautiful sounds with mere finger-strokes. I look at the sheet music in front of me, trying my hardest to understand what was written there. I knew only that the notes went up and down as they were to be played.

I struck a foul note, and cringed. Perhaps it wasn't as easy as I thought, playing what I could see. I knew the notes, Mother played them so often they were a lullaby to mine ears, but mere determination to play wasn't going to make me any better. I had to practice. I wanted to do this!

"Your Mother was a natural, you know," long strides brought the sinewy man into the room. His black hair was combed elegantly over the top of his head, trimmed shorter at the sides. Piercing eyes behind thin reading glasses overlooked my form. He wore his suit; when did he not? "The moment her fingers touch the keys, she could play. I, however, stumbled and fell many times before I realized the hopelessness of the situation. I wish to spare you from the same fate. Stop this foolishness now; focus on something you can actually _excel_ at, Eddward, rather than wasting your time on such a wasteful endeavor."

"Oh, lighten up, Harry," Mother's voice ambled into the room, light and buttery, as she took her husband's arm, "he's just a boy, and younger than I when I began! Give him some time, let him live a little. Perhaps I can teach him-"

"No, Marianne, and we're done with this." His voice was firm, but Mother was not having it.

"Don't you brook that tone of voice with me, Harrison, I've no patience for it today," she placed her hands on her hips as though to emphasize her point.

"What, is it too long into your recovery that you're considering relapse already?"

It was always like that with him. You never knew when he'd be collected and kind, or embittered towards the world. He knew how much it hurt Mother to bring such things up, but he would do it anyways if he felt an argument wasn't going his way. It was petty, cruel, and...and him.

Mother was aghast, "How DARE you bring this sort of thing up in front of our son! I'll have you know, Edd, that-"

I was gone. I could hear the fight starting, and wanted no part of it. I'd grabbed the sheet music from the piano, out of some sort of fear that Father might destroy it. Oh, the joyful, unfounded fears of childhood. Either way, I ascended the stairs and made for my room, slamming the door behind me as angrily, and quietly, as I could.

I dropped on the bed and cried. Their voices carried through the house, and Mother was truly upset. I never heard Father's voice; he always practiced keeping his head level. Despite the fact that level was below where decency actually lies. I held tight to the music, and looked at it, as my tears stained the sheets. I hoped I could stop crying long before I was retrieved for dinner. I also hoped Mother would be sober.

* * *

I always kept it. A beauty of unrecognizable symbols upon sparsely-lined white sheet. Even now, I can hear the piano's tune through the empty house, though the instrument has long been gone to some pawn shop...or perhaps the dump, seeing Father's distaste for it. I closed my eyes and hummed. No soul was around to hear me, or judge me, as I hummed unsteadily to the tune, mumbling out the words, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey..."

" _You'll never know, dear, how much I love you..._ "

"Please don't take my sunshine away..." my voice choked out, memories coming unbidden of the harmony of Mother singing along with me. She encouraged me to sing. She encouraged so much from me. It's all gone now...does she even remember it all? I suppose she does, but it all hurt, so much. For both of us. We pretend to forget when we talk to one another. It's for the best. I keep telling myself it is.

A little tap on the window. I had a visitor in the form of a rock-throwing adolescent girl.

I sighed, opening the window a crack and speaking, "You've no need to alert me, Marie."

Closing the window once more, I returned to my bed. I took the music, and slid it inside my pillowcase. Marie knew about it anyways, much to my chagrin, but...she didn't need to know what was on my mind.

It wasn't much longer until she had found herself in my bedroom, backpack in tow. I quirked an eyebrow at her, having returned myself to the collected individual I guised myself as daily. She didn't question it, instead opting to remove a paper from her bag. A crumpled one. _Of course_...

"Hey, I've got a surprise for you," she grinned, and I just stared. I couldn't force myself to respond right now despite knowing it was expected of me; I suppose the former place my mind had gotten into was still in control of me. Her smile lost its glow, and she made a face, "hey, what's gotten into you, sour-puss?"

I just looked at her, numbly. I should have responded, but I didn't have the falsehood in me right then; not to speak.

"...Alright, fine. Don't answer then. I get it. Anyhow, I got Red to fix up your essay," if she expected me to respond, she was sadly mistaken, "still nothing? ...Damn, black-eyes, what crawled up your ass and died?" I let out a breath of annoyance, but nothing more. Even the breath was halfhearted.

Marie looked at me for a moment, the silence of the room enveloping us both, before she sighed and walked towards me. Her hand held out the paper, and as such, I reached out instinctively to grab it. I was taken aback when her hand grabbed at my wrist. I didn't wince, and she noticed. I knew what was coming next, and looked to the side, pretending not to care what she had to say.

"Eddward, _please_ ," her voice was light, but carried a fearful tone in it, "don't do anything stupid. Promise me you'll call me first." I stared at her for a moment, taking in what she said and the loopholes prior to responding, when realization struck her eyes and she quickly got out, "Call me before you do **that** , Eddward. Promise me. Promise. Me."

Her eyes burned into me and...I acquiesced. I blinked slowly, "I promise, _Maria_." She didn't even sass the nickname. I didn't mind; it was lovelier than her own. I'd have rathered call her it on the norm, if only she cared for it as I did.

She sighed, and turned, "I gotta get home now, parents'll...you know. Just don't do anything, okay, Eddward? Read the paper. I'll see you tomorrow."

And so she left. I held the paper loosely. I had no desire to read it.

* * *

The birds had ceased their incessant twittering. The evening had fallen, and I'd yet to read that mockery of a paper that Marie had handed me. I did not wish to set my eyes upon it, but at the same time, I was curious. Oh, curiosity, how vile and tempting you are in all of your horrid glory. But I am human, and I give in, when I am all alone. I _always_ give in. Curiosity always finds a way.

I sat down on the bed, wincing at the effort as the skin of my arms stretched to hold me up, eyes momentarily flicking to my pillowcase. It was untouched. They returned to the crumpled paper I held within my hands. My eyes glazed, blurring the words written such that there was only the blue of my ink, and the red of his. I let out a shaky breath. My heart beat a little faster, and the anticipation of... _something_ , spurred me on. I adjusted my focus, and allowed myself read the first line again, for the first time since I'd written it.

 _Throughout our lives, everything we do or don't do is influenced by pain, or a lack there-of._  
And in red ink, in the margins: **Heroes don't pay attention to pain.**

A breath I didn't know I held rushed out, and I bit my lip. My mind's gears turned, and I looked emptily in front of me.

To no one, I replied, "But victims do. And villains do as well."

The paper fell to the floor, strewn in all its crumpled, pathetic grandeur upon the carpet. I let a hand slide over my wrist, bare as it was of its cloak. It distracted me from the emotional pain, for now.

"My sunshine..." I mumbled to the empty room, my heart a dull beat, my head still cloudy from prior blood loss.

 _Perhaps, when I wake, there will be a 'Hero' to save the wretched 'victim.'_

Or behead this self-told villain.

Whichever comes first.


	10. Check One, Two

"You're asking me to _what_ _now_?" My eyebrows went up, surprised as I was that Marie was talking to me in school, let alone asking _this_ of me.

"You heard me. I don't care how you do it. Ask him, grab his wrist, bump into him, anything! And tell me what happens, if it hurts. _Please_ , I beg of you. He's," she looked distraught, "trust me when I say I'd do it myself if I could, but he won't let me anywhere near him right now."

I tried to sense some sort of ulterior motive, but she really did look sincere. Then, she looked like that around my mom, too, and she was full of shit then.

I sighed, "How do I know this isn't a trap?"

Her shoulders drooped, "It... _please_ , Kevin, just...do this for me, okay? I'm really worried here. I can't tell you why, just...I'll owe you one, alright? If I ask him about this and I'm wrong, he won't talk to me for a week." Her eyes looked down, and I could tell this situation had happened before. I still wasn't sure, and _hell_ if I wanted to get within two feet of the guy, but...something about the way she looked at me made me acquiesce.

"...Fine." Her eyes lit up, and I saw hints of a smile cross her lips. She moved forward unexpectedly, causing me to step back, but she still managed to give me a short hug.

"Thank you. I'll try and catch you at the end of school to ask. Thank you thank you thank you!" Backing off, she waved at me, and ran off to God-knows-where.

"...What was the deal with her?" I heard a melodic voice cut in, and turned to see Nazz walking up. I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's something stupid, don't worry about it."

She raised an eyebrow, "...I _will_ worry about it, but I know you won't tell me and that pisses me off. Dork." She smiled, rolling her eyes and grabbing at my hat. I mockingly covered it with my hands, as she walked past to her class. It was at the other end of the school, so I didn't blame her for not lingering long. When she was gone, my smile left me. The thoughts of what I had to do came to the fore-front of my mind, and festered.

How the hell was I going to do this?

* * *

Carefully. That's how he dealt with the books in his locker. He could have opened it up and been done in 5 seconds, but instead, he took his time to sort everything. Not that there was a rush, but...I just didn't get it. My eyes, however, were more interested in the wristbands. The things Marie had begged me to inquire about. Ugh...

Now that I was paying attention to them, it did seem he was being even _more_ careful than normal. I never saw his left wrist bump against anything, it was like he purposefully avoided it coming into contact with things in his locker. That was kinda weird, but...seriously though, why would it matter? Did he hurt his wrist or something? Is he that stupid that he hides serious injuries? If that's it, then I guess Marie's right for being worried. I'd be pissed too, if Nazz pulled that sorta shit.

I was only caught in my thoughts for upwards of 7 seconds, but that's all it took for his glare to catch me. Those glacial eyes were piercing, and I was frozen in place. He simply looked at me, didn't bother saying anything. He actually looked...expectant?

I guess, in the end, that's what made me walk up to him. Which was stupid, I know. Damn, was it stupid, but...guess I'm a fucking idiot so it's not all that unusual.

"H-h-hey, I uh..." You know how all your courage suddenly leaves you when you're faced with your fear? Yeah. That.

"She asked you to check on me, didn't she?" His voice was colder than his eyes. I choked on my words.

Literally though, I couldn't get out a fucking word. But he knew anyways. I kinda just looked at him, nonplussed, and his eyes spelled annoyance.

"Your eyes announce what your _fear_ denies," he let out a long, frustrated sigh, looking down temporarily, then back into my eyes. I didn't know how I was keeping eye contact with him, but somehow I was, and it was making me shake. His eyes spoke of intelligence I could scarcely understand, as he continued, "are you aware of what she was asking about?"

I wasn't. I started to reply, "I-"

"Thought not."

Asshat. "Hey, she's worried about you, and it looks like she's right to be. Why are you hiding that you're hurt? I mean, it's stupid, hiding stuff like that," I reached forward without thinking, grasping his possibly-injured wrist. I guess he wasn't expecting it, because I actually managed to **grab** it. I was about as shocked as he was, but I still saw the way he reacted when I touched it. He winced, hard. He tried to pull away, and I grabbed tighter. He was strong, but he was also hurting, and I think he knew pulling harder would just hurt him more. I felt bad about it, but...seriously, I had to do this.

"...why does it _hurt_?" I found myself asking, and I saw this hint of...something...in his eyes. Then it was gone.

"It's none of your concern, Little Red," the wolf-like eyes bore into me, and I felt hunted. I drew myself in, my hand going slack on his wrist, as he immediately pulled it back. I looked down, thinking for a moment. I felt the words scramble towards my lips haphazardly.

"Look I know we're not friends but if you want my number you can call me if you need a friend or something okay?" It all came out in a long stream, not a pause to be heard of, and I almost immediately regretted saying it. Eddward looked surprised. Twice in one day, that's a new record. Again, he hid it, but he seemed to be thinking. We stood there for a minute. I was going to be late to class, but I didn't really care. Shit happens, and the teachers know I'm a good kid. Whatever, fuck it.

"..." His lips parted, but no words came out. His right hand lifted to the choker on his neck, fingertips slipping under it and tugging. Fidgeting? Eddward was _fidgeting_?! I think he noticed, because his hand fell, and his eyes returned to their crisp, cold norm. His lips parted again, and he spoke in a hushed, almost stuttered tone, "v-very well then. Leave it in my locker, I have class, which you've done quite well in distracting me from. Your interference will be noted, now off with you."

I saw him pluck the appropriate books from his locker, even using his injured wrist and wincing all the while, as the locker slammed shut smoothly and he walked off to class.

Ever-graceful, his shoes made no sound as he walked the hallway.

No one would know he was there unless he chose for them to.

And then there was me.


	11. Understanding the Mechanics

I was greeted with Marie's accusing eyes once Little Red spread the news to her. How utterly frustrating that was. I did my best to avoid her, but by day three, she actually bothered to come see me before school. I can't much avoid her when school was my required destination.

I know she cares. I do. But it's not that, it's the fact she tries to get me to _do_ something about my habits that irks me. They are mine, and hurt no one but myself. I'm not about to end my life, as lovely as that would be. No, in my more logical frames of mind, I'm quite aware of how that would affect the world around me. For instance, Marie might follow suit, and if there's anyone one else I care about in this shit stain called life, it's her. Or, worse yet, I'd leave her as broken as myself, and that simply would not do. I'm not _that_ cruel, as much as I pretend to play the game.

Mother...she...I'm afraid she wouldn't be allowed at my funeral. No, I'm not saying I wouldn't permit it, more-so that Father wouldn't. Spiteful cretin, he'd likely get some entertainment out of the drama she'd cause at the gates. It would not do to give him any form of joy. I'd rather continue to live in his resentment and make him regret my birth. If _I_ have to bear my imperfect existence, _he_ can do so as well.

Still...there are times. Times like this, as I sit on the floor next to Father's exercise machine, my hand gently nudging the pedal...hearing it make that terrible sound that it should never, ever make. These times, where I occasionally consider leaving this world before he makes it that much worse.

You see, fitness is yet another thing he finds completely useless for me to partake in. And yet, it gives my mind something to focus on, the burning a distraction much like the cuts, but much less violent. So I rebel, and use his precious piece of machinery nightly for the sake of...well, what else but staying fit? I hide the evidence well. I ensure it's spotless, the position exact, not a single imprint betraying my presence. There are many things I hide from him; I've become an expert at masquing almost all things. I rarely, if ever, messed up.

But, tonight, I definitely messed up.

I've been sitting here, legs splayed one side, a hand holding me up from the carpet, for...perhaps ten minutes now, and I've been pondering all the things I could do. All the things _he_ _**might**_ _do_. A dreadful waste of time, I assure you. My mind had come to one possible solution, but it was not something I wished to do. No, I would rather slit my wrist and bleed myself just enough such that I would not wake to my Father's knocking. But that's foolish to even think of; he has the key to my room. Childish, that desire. But tempting.

Instead, my mind had decided to remind me of a certain redhead's proficiency in matters such as the one I'm facing. Oh, you've no idea how chagrined I am by this. I could call Maria, but for what purpose? To speak? To share my worries? Perhaps she'd even point me to Kevin as well, noting his skills in fixing that which is broken. A reminder that despite all I know, my ability to put it into use in the real world has been...rather stunted.

I had the paper there, next to me, the one with his number on it. I'd retrieved it in my daze, and I'd left the phone just behind me. I had thought about calling, originally...before I went back to stewing over the issues at hand. Time wasn't going to slow down, however. The issues would remain if I simply sat and did nothing. I knew this, but it wasn't an easy thing to do, to call him. I have to be the strong one. I am someone to be looked up to, respected, or feared. If I am weak, I won't be able to make it, and I could hurt those around me. I have to be strong.

I had to do this, though...I just wasn't certain how I'd manage.

A shaky hand lifted the cordless phone from behind me, my limbs tingling. Rarely did I get anxious these days, but this was my last hope before my Father became my set outcome. I dialed, and my heart skipped along angrily, clashes of cymbals reverberating through my veins.

I held the phone up to my ear, and it rang. Almost three times, before someone picked up.

"Hello?" A cheery, feminine tone. Perhaps his mother.

"Greetings. I was wondering if Kevin was there?" I tried to keep my voice as I did with Father; respectful, not showing any emotion, let alone any fear.

"Oh, of course, is this one of his friends?"

He'd likely prefer death over friendship, but what's a white lie going to do to someone I'll never speak to again? "Yes; is he available at the moment?"

I heard her voice a distance from the phone, yelling her son's name, and then the shaky sound of the phone returning to her cheek, "He'll be right down."

"Thank you," I hoped I could drop the vocal façade soon. I'd had too much excitement already this evening, I had no desire to play the game of masques for any longer than need-be. Just in case I had to play it again for Father.

The silence on the line was interrupted by muffled sounds; the phone must have been set down. I heard it slide off wherever it had been put.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Kevin," I dropped all formality right then, I couldn't fake it. The anticipation of the call, the anxiety of this evening, it was a lot for me. He already feared me as it was; I did not need to try any harder. It'd do nothing but tire me.

"...Eddward?" A quiet, muffled sound, and his mother's voice again. Movement. He was taking the phone to another room, I assumed. "Sorry, had to go upstairs," no, really, Kevin? I had no idea, "i-is something wrong?"

"Nothing that cannot be fixed. But if it remains broken, the consequences will soon be dire. Does that not sound fascinating, mon cher?" I spoke straight from my conscious thoughts, and I was not tweaking my words to purposefully sound malevolent. I was exhausted. I truly, utterly could not play this game. How the mighty fall to the simplest things.

"Wai-wait, did I break something? Are you threatening...w-what's this about?" He sounded panicked. I could almost have smiled at the irony.

"Ah, if _you_ had been the one to break it, Little Red, there would be little issue. No, it was I who was at fault, and I who shall dread the coming night. Have you ever known that feeling, that fear of what the evening holds, when the Monster comes home and passes judgement?"

I could hear a sharp breath, "What are you talking about?! Did you...wait wait wait, alright, what's going on? What did you break?"

I laid down on the floor, an arm under my chin as I let my heart calm, "Trust, hopes, dreams...always the rebellious son. But you wouldn't know about that, would you, Red?"

A short silence.

"...So what did you actually break?" I was surprised he was being persistent on this. It was enough to get my mind to speak clearly for him.

"A machine of Father's. One for the proper maintenance of one's anatomy," alright, I admit, I didn't actually _try_ to speak clearly, but I blame Father for the way I speak, to be entirely honest.

"Like an exercise machine?"

"Point to Red."

"So wait...did you want me to...take a look at it? I mean I'm not saying you can't, you're _way_ smarter than me, I just-"

"As true as that is, mon petit, you've practical experience, whilst I only have the knowledge."

A pause.

"...so...are you asking me to..."

"The front door will be unlocked for the next hour, if you so choose. I believe you know where I reside. Adieu."

"Wait, but-"

-click-

I had no desire to continue the conversation. I felt my face heating up as it was. Embarrassment, Marie had explained to me, a blush. I was _embarrassed_ asking Little Red to assist me. But I...I'd rather ask him for help, than face Father.

I saw him enough on the weekends as it is. His ire would only darken the days further.

* * *

He still rung the doorbell. _Quaint one, he is._ I sat up from my useless position on the floor and opened the door for him. He looked...well, as he usually does, to be honest, with a hint more apprehension. I could practically _smell_ the fear, but it was tinged with something else. Curiosity? ...Bravery? More likely foolishness if in relation to me. I allowed him in, silently. He cowered with every step.

I could see his eyes taking in the house. I decided I needed to speak before he walked any further.

"You shall not touch anything in this house but for what you have been permitted to," he looked at me, shocked, but I held firm to what I was saying, "for though you will not suffer the consequences if anything is ajar, I shall not be so lucky. And I shall pass that fate unto _you_. Now, follow me."

He did, quietly, unquestioningly. I don't believe he stayed silent because he had nothing to say; more than likely he was scared out of his wits. I have that effect on people. It's very good for controlling the situation, as I am apt to do. So many less issues when no one tries to challenge me. Thus, we walked into a room attached to the living room: Father's work room. No one else was ever permitted in here but Father, not even I. Marie avoided it like the plague. And yet, here I was, allowing a foolish, nerdy boy access to the room whose disruption could spell my emotional end.

He was careful, though, I'll give him that. I was about to warn him again, but I had no need to. He stayed along the wall where the machine was, and barely touched the wall as it was. He leaned down, his practiced eyes taking in the entirety of the machine in some strange way I supposed only people with his particular mindset could do. I decided it was best to leave him to it. His hands were much quicker than my own when it came to the machine. Where-as I calculated everything, every risk, his motions were smooth and knowledgeable. I almost envied him. It reminded me of...

I closed my eyes, and listened. Strange as it was, I trusted him not to ruin Father's machine. He feared me, but he didn't loathe my existence, not as Father did. I listened to him deconstruct the delicate machinery, occasionally opening my eyes to see what was causing a sound. He'd brought tools with him; I was surprised I hadn't noticed earlier. But then, my mind was more focused on getting through this evening alive.

Half an hour of leaning against a wall with one's eyes closed can be...exhausting. My eyes tired of being closed, and I begin to feel groggy. However, it was my only option for escape from the memories, as I listened to the melody of metal clinking against metal. His breathing was rather entrancing as well, from time to time.

I heard him sigh in relief. "Alright, done. Whew, you had me all freaked out there, but all it was was-"

"Thank you," I let my eyes flicker open, staring at the carpet at my feet.

He shut up, frozen in time, it seemed. When he finally spoke, it came out as a mumble, "...you're welcome."

My eyes flicked over to his form, standing next to the machinery, one hand against it. His cheeks were a slight shade of red. Few people must have thanked him truly for his services before, seeing as he mostly did it for pure enjoyment, I imagined. It was times like these I wished I could ease the tension in the room with even the subtlest of smiles, but...only Marie would see them. I could not force it any further. It would not come.

"Are you...gonna be okay?" he asked, looking at me with fear. Not fear _of_ me though, no...fear _for_ me.

"Isn't _that_ a question for the ages," I spat out, my voice tinting the room a shade darker.

He seemed a little miffed by my answer, responding, "Just say yes or no. I just...I..." Of course his bravado was no more; Little Red, you are nothing if not predictable.

"Speak up." My voice cut clearly through the silence.

He growled, "I'm not just gonna leave you like _this_ , you know?"

My eyes shut calmly, "Good night, Kevin."

"Don't 'good night Kevin' me. Talk!"

I was surprised by the outburst, doing so much as to turn my head in his direction. He seemed angry at...something. I didn't really care. He had to go.

"How Little Red becomes brave against his Wolf."

"Huh?" he gave me a confused look, but the anger was still there. I had no patience for this. I was tired, the grogginess pulling down at me. The problem was gone, now; I trusted Kevin enough to believe that. And as such, the relief had already washed over me minutes ago. Now all that remained was my aversion to having someone in Father's work room, and my hatred of the fact I'd had to ask for help in the first place.

But...he _had_ come to help.

I decided I at least owed him an answer as well, to this one thing.

"...I'll survive the night, mon cher, don't you fret."

He looked at me disbelievingly, but I think he knew that was the most he was going to get out of me. He sighed, slipping out from between the wall and the machine, passing dangerously close to me. His eyes flicked down to my wrist, and I pulled it back a little. It didn't hurt as much now, _unfortunately_ , but I had no desire to repeat the incident.

"...Alright then," he couldn't meet my gaze, but I kept looking at him. Examining his features. Rarely did I bother to look at him but for his frightened eyes, to examine how to control him. Now, I saw the plush of his cheeks, flared red still from the lingering embarrassment at the situation, the delicate curve of his weak jawline. It was several seconds before my eyes returned to his. Our eyes met, and for once, I wasn't looking through him.

I didn't care for this feeling. It was peculiar.

"Good night, Little Red," I said in hushed tones, and caught my unruly eyes again surveying his face. His lips looked as frail as he. Was it any wonder he was afraid to speak at times? Soft and weak...I recalled Marie's: harsh and broken; wanting and desperate. Were they a reflection of the soul? A window to who we are? If so, then...what do my lips speak of me?

When my eyes returned to his once more, his blush was glowing below them. His gentle, hazel eyes looked at me in confusion. I supposed I'd allowed my eyes linger on his lips far too long for comfort. And...goodness, of all the things I could control, how I wished blushing could be one of them. I did _not_ get embarrassed. _Kevin must not see any weakness in me, lest I lose my control over him._ His eyes softened, and I saw a hint of a shy smile on his lips. Those treacherous lips...

"...Sleep well, Eddward. I, uh...don't be afraid to call me if you need me again," I'd gone back to my uncaring glare, and he shrunk beneath in, "I'm...just gonna let myself out. Okay? Yeah...I'll...see you in English then, yeah? Yeah. Okay. Right."

When he'd left the room...my lips betrayed a smile. When he locked the door, my brows relaxed. And when I heard his childish, exhausted groan outside of my front door, the smile widened, and I released a breath I'd held.

It came out just a bit too fast. A hushed laugh? Perhaps that's what Marie would call it. Either way, it was my own, and none would ever be the wiser. I fixed the seat of the machine, the pedals shifted back into their position from prior in the day...no sound greeted me. Going to the front door, I locked it, and...I stood there.

Hand against the door, looking out the small window at the top.

I watched him walk in his front door, thinking on the fact that I would not see him again until Monday, most likely. Only Marie, and Father. But not Kevin.

...

Why did I even care?


	12. Kind Gestures

You know, it _started_ as a normal day. Ate some breakfast, walked to school with Nazz, talked about little things that don't really matter (and not about Eddward, heaven forbid he was around a corner...somehow). It was the moment I stepped inside the school that things went a little weird.

The big thing was that I saw Eddward. Yeah, that doesn't sound weird, right? Well, here's the thing: remember how I said he's only seen when he wants to be seen? I mean that. He hides in plain sight in the best of times, and some days I'll barely even notice him in class. Still, today, right off the bat, I could see him at his locker. Oh, and I know where that is cuz you kinda have to know where something is to avoid it.

Anyways, I saw him. I don't think Nazz did, though, cuz she just kept talking. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw him look my way. I just didn't get it. This felt wrong. I started thinking maybe it could be some random thing, that it didn't mean anything. But by the next period, I knew I was wrong. He _was_ looking at me. This _wasn't_ just random, and I had _no_ idea why. If he didn't look so imposing, I'd have asked him. But I'm not ready to die yet. Maybe after school, but hell if I'm gonna challenge his reputation _in_ school. Him talking to a nerd like me? Not happening without some scary words I had no desire to hear.

After my second period, I didn't see him, and started thinking maybe it _was_ all in my head or something. Then...Jamison and Johnny showed up. _Of fucking course_.

"Hey guys," I played it off casually as they approached, a malevolent smile on Johnny's face. His grin was vile.

"Kevin, my main man, how's the writing hand? Good? Good, cuz I have a paper on some stupid short story, Plank knows the name, and I need _you_ to help me out with it!" His smile read plainly that there was no help, only servitude. I gulped. Jamison's gaze was elsewhere. I supposed he didn't need the same help.

"Oh, o-okay, sure! Just give me the short story and the assignment paper and I'll have it done in a jiffy!" I put on the fakest of smiles. How they managed to fool Johnny, I've no clue, but he's got a couple of screws loose. Hard not to fool someone who fools themselves.

He grinned impishly, "Thanks, buddy ol' pal! I got it- huh?"

I looked at Plank, expecting him to "speak" to the wood as was common. Instead, I found Plank tucked under his arm, Johnny's gaze firmly behind me. I blinked, and froze, wondering what - or who - was behind me. As if I couldn't guess.

"Salutations, gentlemen. I happened to overhear talk of having Kevin do your essay, dear Johnathan, and I'm afraid that would be quite rude of him to do so."

Johnny scratched his head, "Really?"

I imagine he nodded, but I was afraid, and stood still. The paint chipping off the locker to my right was suddenly very interesting

"Why, aren't you aware of the upcoming exam's essay portion? You'll need practice beforehand. It would be cruel of Kevin to deprive you of it. Shame on him for not bringing up such a matter." His voice...had a strange quality to it. I imagined his expressions would have sold what he said, but only hearing it made wonder if he really meant it.

"Hey, you're right! Come on, let's go before this _loser_ tries to fail us. Thanks a lot, Eddward!"

They wandered off, and I closed my eyes. I could have turned around, but I heard the tell-tale click of his shoes beside me. I opened my eyes, and he was in front of me, just barely, facing away.

"We've class, Little Red, do not make us late."

I held my books tighter to my chest and started to walk after him. His steps were...slower than usual. I could actually keep up with him. Was this on purpose?

...fuck it, I was going to ask him what his deal was. It was now or never. I-

"I imagine you're curious why I stepped in there, oui?" He didn't stop, and I found my tongue caught.

I sighed. "Yeah..."

If he heard the disappointment, he didn't acknowledge it, as he continued, "The others know of us as being enemies. To taint that image with even the slightest amount of kindness would not bode well. I do not take well to inquiries into my personal life, and I'd prefer none would make themselves known. If you wish to speak to me, walk behind me; do not look my way, and I shall... _consider_ replying."

I crinkled my face up in confusion, "Alright, but...why did you help with Johnny?"

He made a 'tst' sound, "Johnathan is an uneducated brute who tossed his syllabus on the first day of class. To say I enjoyed deceiving the twit is an understatement."

Wow. He was talking shit about someone else to _me_?

"...so...it wasn't for me?"

"Mon cher, that is for you to interpret as you will. We've arrived at class. Adieu."

He entered the class, immediately turning to take his seat in the third row against the wall. I went to the other end of the class, taking my own seat. Class would begin soon. Marie was already there, and I kept seeing her eyes flash over to me. Eddward could hide like a champ if he wanted to, but Marie had no such reservations, making her subject of conversation very plain to see. I sighed, tilting my hat down over my face. The teacher came in, and class officially began.

Grammar review was both necessary...and boring. I found myself barely taking notes, already knowing everything Mrs. Rhodes was talking about. I let my mind wander; and when my mind wandered, my eyes did as well. And when they caught Eddward's, my breath hitched.

It was just for a second, but I knew it'd happened. He'd looked at me. Why? What was up with him? He hated me. Was he planning something? Was he _that_ pissed I helped him out? ...did I not fix the machine, and he was just biding his time to get revenge or something? All these thoughts went through my head at once, so I focused in on what the teacher was saying. _Anything_ to get my mind off of these worries.

Class droned on, but eventually, it came to an end. Eddward didn't rush to leave, and I found myself walking past his desk on my way out, dodging between the other students. I caught sight of something on his desk...a drawing? Eddward drew?

"What're you looking at, pipsqueak? Mind your own," Marie shoved her way in front of me, giving a rough push at my shoulder to guide me down the aisle towards the door. I made a face at her.

"Whatever! Don't touch me," and we shared a glare. She didn't seem to be putting much effort into it. I guess I wasn't either.

Maybe I was just playing the game, too...and at the moment, we were foes. And so, I played the part, and went off to my next class, leaving behind the drawing, the artist, and Marie, to the emptying classroom.

* * *

"Alright, black-eyes, what the hell are you drawing? Is that Red?"

Her voice struck me, and the daze I was in lifted. Blinking, I looked in her direction. I immediately realized I'd left my sketch in plain sight, and reflexively covered it with my hand. She didn't look angry, just confused. I was, too. I imagine it was written all over my face, with the warmth I felt.

"...I'll take that as a yes. You need to be more careful, Eddward, people'll start thinking things! You know what happens when idiots think!" She grabbed my wrist and pulled me. The pain wasn't there anymore; I wasn't sure if I was thankful for that or not. Either way, I was tugged into the hallway along with my books. Marie stood in front of me with a hand on her hips, the other around her own books and papers. She expected a response. How am I to respond when I barely know the answer, myself?

"I...allowed my mind to wander, and drew. Is there something wrong with that?"

She snorted disbelievingly, "Really? You're drawing Hood in English class, I think there's something seriously weird there."

My face was still warm. I was extremely glad she had me facing away from anyone that might have passed. Still, why was I embarrassed? Was it that we had to use our between-us name for him? It was rare we said something about someone else that we didn't want anyone else to know, but we still had a few nicknames just in case. I realized my mind was wandering away from the actual subject. _I was drawing_...

I slid the paper from a folder I'd quickly placed it in, and truly looked. It _was_ him. Yes, I'd known I'd been drawing him, but...Father always discouraged me, _there's so little use for artists these days_ , he said...but...but it looked like Red. Or what I could see of him, as we sat in class. And my cheeks are on fire...oh, goodness, what has become of my control?

"I...believe I may take myself to the nurse's office. Perhaps I am hypoglycemic, it could have caused my mind to drift as such," not that I believed that. Nor did she. But she simply nodded.

"Probably for the best. Also, dude, um," she stuck her hand in her pocket, her heel kicking back against a locker, "I think he's noticed you looking at him. Like, all day."

I looked to the side, trying not to betray my emotions.

"Alright, I won't ask why you've been doing it, but seriously, keep it together. We can talk about it later. I just...don't want people asking questions when even _you_ don't know what's up. And don't tell me you do, cuz you definitely don't."

I wasn't going to argue that. I nodded nigh imperceptibly, and turned. She took my arm, and I sighed at the familiar presence. No one would question it, and I'd have actual physical contact with someone whilst I tried to sort my eclectic, befuddling thoughts. No one understood how much I craved physical contact like she did, but she was rare to give it. Perhaps because she was afraid to get too close to me again, and have her heart broken. _Again_. There was no helping it; I could not feel for her like that, so this was all I ever got, now. But I was thankful for it.

I arrived in the nurse's office, and Marie went off to her next class. I simply told the nurse I was feeling lightheaded, and she allowed me to rest for a bit. I used the time to organize my thoughts.

Why _had_ I been sketching him? Yes, the subject matter of the class was droll, but I almost never bothered with art, not since Father drilled the pointlessness into my head as a child. And yet...I drew him. His face, his shoulders, his svelte form and innocent gaze. He'd even looked at me once, and I'd captured the beauty of his eyes in the sketch.

...beauty? ...Eddward, truly, what is _with_ you right now?

I'll admit it, over the short time since our chance essay predicament, I've grown...fond...of him. In the way one does a younger brother, I'd imagine. Not that I would know. His demeanor, so frightened, but still kind...I could control him, and still, he would not hate me for it. It was an odd thing, really. And rare. It had been so long since I'd met someone who treated me kindly, who told me their thoughts plainly, and did not assume facts about my life they did not know. Once, perhaps, he may have spoken against me with the other children, but...but children are _children_. And I no longer cry.

Marie has been my only friend for years now. I know I wear on her nerves; I would have to be blind to not see how much I exhaust her. But this school is filled with cretins, children of all ages both mentally and physically. I hate to admit it, but being alone here...I don't know if I could handle it. I lean on Marie too much as it is. Father would be quite ashamed.

Oh, Little Red...are you truly any different from the others? I want to approach you, with no other reason than to speak, as friends might do. But that would be taken wrong by others. So I watch, and listen. Perhaps you _do_ notice...perhaps you'll do as I asked as well. The thought of you speaking to me, of your own volition...

There's that humiliating blush again.

...I suppose, if worst comes to worst...I have your number. That you gave it to me, that you offered it at all...

It would be best I get back to class, once this accursed blush fades. This is exhausting. I'm not certain how others can deal with all these dramas.

But still...

I suppose I can make an exception for you, Red. I'm not sure I even have a choice. I hope you didn't see that drawing...but, I am glad that I drew it. Because now, I don't have to look your way to see you...

...sigh. I placed my fingers at the bridge of my nose, cringing, as I felt my cheeks heat up.

Again.

Red, I swear, you will be the death of me.


	13. In The Dark Of Night

The dark silence of night. It can be enveloping, warm, accepting. It can also be deep, ill-natured, and all-encompassing in its distaste for your emotions.

The latter was its decision this evening. How wondrous for me.

I listened to the hum of technology, the sound of a tiring cricket chirping far below my window. I'd opened the window in hopes the scent of the spring wind would kiss my mood away, but all it did was allow the newly-woken moths to my light. I ought to have closed it, or turned the light off, neither had their use. But I had no will to move. I'd barely managed to grab the phone on my way upstairs, when it hit.

It hugs me like a widow does her dead child; desperately, chokingly, with no consideration as to how I feel, for I am very much alive. The darkness had no motive, but stuck around in my mind, and played my thoughts on fast-forward. I tried to numb to it. It'd been 45 minutes or so now...or perhaps 20? It's been too long, that much is true.

For the next five minutes, or what felt like five, I edged my hand towards the phone, which lay on my nightstand. I carefully took it in my palm, my fingers grasping at it weakly, and pulled it to my chest, simply holding it. I closed my eyes again, and squeezed my left wrist. No pain. No relief.

In total, I had three people I could have called. In reality, only one was even plausible.

Mother would be asleep. She always went to sleep early, before temptation rose in her. Something about the evening called to her, and I was not going to induce her to do something neither of us desired. And so, she wasn't possible.

Marie would be out with Lee and May at this hour, doing God knows what. A girls' night out...I truly have no desire to know.

Then there was...the unknown. Kevin. Little Red, with few friends and fewer plans, the likelihood that he would be home and available were quite high, statistically speaking. I wasn't sure why he was even on my list, but I remembered his number. One of the now-three I mentally kept. Perhaps...I could...

It took another five minutes before I'd gotten the phone in front of me, and another minute to gather the will to type out his number.

The ringing just didn't last long enough to steel my nerves.

"Hello?" Ah, his mother again.

"Greetings, this is Eddward; is Kevin available by chance?" Hopefully she didn't hear the deadness in my voice, because it was all I could do to be polite. I could not play the game tonight.

"Oh, you're the boy from the other night? Yes, he's here," I heard shuffling, but nothing more than a distant whisper this time. I imagined he was in the same room as her.

"...Hello?"

"Hello, Kevin..." I struggled out the words. I was lucky I could speak at all, to be honest.

"Oh, hey, um," more hushed words, the sound of a hand covering the transmitter, and walking. Several seconds later, he started up again, "uh, what's up?"

"Absolutely nothing." Perhaps the moths on the ceiling counted, though I didn't care much for them.

"Oh...so, uh...why'd you...call me then?" I could hear the confusion. I could feel it in myself; I wasn't sure why I'd called, either.

"...I..." What could I say? I left it at that. Maybe he'd believe I'd broken; that was true enough as it was.

"...is everything okay?" Concern. At least it wasn't pity.

"It...will be..." Though honestly, nothing was wrong. Not a thing. Father was content, my grades were well, all was right as rain, except for the heavy feeling pulling me down against the bed.

The silence, oh, how I hated every second of it. No matter how hard I listened, I only heard the static of the phone.

"I...ugh..." A pause, a sigh, a deep breath, "did you, like...need someone over there, or something?"

I did not respond.

"...Eddward?"

"Yes?" A weakly-voiced response.

"I'm...I'm coming over okay?"

Yet again, I kept silent.

"Can you...unlock the door for me?"

No. But... "There's a key under the red stone by the back door..."

Well...I managed to force _that_ much out at least. I think that took the rest of my will out of me.

"Al-alright...I'll...be over soon then, I guess...alright?"

I breathed out approvingly, and I hoped he at least heard it.

"...bye."

"Adieu..."

-click-

* * *

Alright. So...fuck. He was asking me over.

No, wait, I asked _myself_ over.

Holy fuck I'm an idiot!

I groaned, grabbing my jacket before I headed down the stairs, setting the phone back where it belonged. I walked out to the living room, my mom looking at me. Dad was just focused on the tv.

"Hey, uh, Eddward wants to hang for a lil bit, is that alright?"

Dad's attention turned my way, and my mom looked to be turning the idea over in her head. "I... _guess_ it's alright. I mean, it's not a school night. Still, I'd like if you could come home before 10, alright?"

I nodded obediently, "Of course. Thanks. I'll seeya later."

"Bye honey," she smiled my way, before turning back to the tv. I ran my hand over my face as I walked to the door, went out, and...headed across the street to _his_ house.

It was kind-of a creepy night. No moon, no stars, the clouds were blocking everything. I could see the glow of the nearby town in the distance, but when I turned my head back to Eddward's house, all I saw was one single light. One open window. I kinda wished I'd brought a flashlight, as I went around the back of his house. What did he say, the red rock? Uh, it's kinda hard to tell in the dark, but...

I managed to find it, somehow. I fumbled with fitting the key in the lock, but I eventually figured it out. When I opened the door, it was...downright scary in there. Like a haunted house, but cleaner. There was the tiniest glow in the kitchen where I entered, so I followed it out to the living room, passing the room where his dad's exercise machine was. I ended up at the stairs, and could see the light shining down. I started to walk up; every creak of the steps eerie in the quiet of the house. I hoped he was actually okay with me coming over. But either way, I was scared out of my fucking wits and just wanted to dart back home. How can a house be this creepy?

For a moment, I thought about the fact that...only Eddward was home. There was, like, no other sound in the house. No way anyone else was home. Where _was_ his family, anyhow?

I reached the apex of the stairs, and his room lay before me. I could already see his legs before I walked in. I took a few wary steps, slipping past the door frame...then I stopped. My eyes widened.

Eddward was laying there on his bed, fingers laced together over his chest. He looked like he normally did, just...a little less...scary? But that's not what stopped me. The thing that made me freeze was his wrists. They were uncovered. The left one had all these...these marks on it. Even, red lines. One was a lot more obvious than the rest, but still healed. The right only had two lines, long and carefully-made, and faded.

My jaw dropped when it all suddenly clicked in my head. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying anything. Even if I wanted to figure out what the fuck happened, why he was...no no no focus Kevin, you're over here for a reason.

"Hi Eddward," I muttered, eyes still locked on his wrists. When his eyes slit open, I looked up at them. His fingers fidgeted as he looked down for a moment, then back in my direction.

"Greetings." No name-calling, no teasing...wow, I've seriously never heard him sound this bad. I mean, this could still just be a trick, but...I can't just...UGH. Fuck it.

I made myself talk, "A-are you alright? I-I-I mean, you look fine, I just, do you _feel_ fine? Cuz you don't...I dunno..." My sentence was a catastrophe.

He didn't respond verbally. But, watching him closely, I noticed him shake his head subtly. He closed his eyes again. His chest barely moved; he must have been taking really shallow breaths.

I sighed, cringing for a moment as I steeled my nerves. I took a step...then another...and walked towards his bed. God, what was I doing? Don't do it don't do it don't...and...I'm next to his bed now. He could grab me and smash my head in at this distance if he wanted. It could all be a trap. I just I dunno ugh whyyy am I here? I'd been trying to get over all my damned fears, but it's...there's so much to be afraid of, and Eddward was _scary_. Just...not now. No, he...he wasn't scary right now.

He didn't say anything, but he looked at me again. His eyes flicked down to his bed, a wide area beside him empty. I was thinking about sitting for a moment, before he nodded his head in that direction. I gave in to the gesture, and sat down beside him. I looked at him again, confused, and noticed his eyes were locked on my face. It was confusing enough the last time...but this time, he didn't even try and hide it! I felt myself blush from the attention, and tilted my hat down.

"So, uh...I...brought a book with me..." Smooth, Kev. Real smooth.

His eyes froze in place, and he blinked. Twice, in rapid succession. He winced, and cleared his throat, turning his head to his left, towards the wall.

"I...would have never guessed...that a dweeb like you would have a... _novel_ hidden away somewhere..." It sounded like he was struggling to speak for some reason, but the strangest thing was his cheeks. He was...blushing?

 _What_? No, focus Kevin, worry about that later!

"Y-y-yeah! I always keep it with me in my pocket just in case," the benefits of cargo shorts, "d...d-id you want me to read it to you?" _And_ if my face wasn't red before, it _definitely_ was now. I was offering to read the scariest guy I knew a freakin' bedtime story. Just because he looked like he wanted to die. And...probably did.

...alright, it's not actually that crazy, now that I think of it. I don't think I'd leave _anyone_ like this...even Eddward.

"G-go on then, Little Red. _Parleras_...speak to me. A novel...would be an adequate escape."

He sounded so miserable.

Was he always like this?

* * *

I could have slept to the sound of his voice.

As I stared at the ceiling, watching the moths bounce pathetically as they danced towards the light, I let his voice carry me elsewhere. My bedroom was no longer; instead, a forest surrounded me. The trees were alive, and every creature was as brilliant as the wisest of men. His voice rose and fell at all the perfect moments, and I knew he had read this story more than once. I lost myself in it. Occasionally, I caught myself staring at him, and averted my gaze. He didn't seem to mind. He was smiling so widely. If only it had been for me...

Just that thought set my mind back down its path. So fragile, the perch my mood sat upon. Once it fell, it took some time for it to return to a relative norm. But his voice...his voice seemed to know the way off the dreaded path. His smile reminded me that I was not alone this night. Not for now, at least.

An hour and a half of reading, and he was still going strong. I could see his eyes flicker to the clock, though, and knew he had a time limit for his visit. I sighed. It was...relieving, to be able to sigh, without having to force it. I had regained some control of myself. The distraction had taken me from the dark path, and I hoped to hold tight to the light until I could fall asleep.

It had to come to an end eventually, I knew. I tried not to think about it, but it could not be avoided. And, as such...it happened.

"Alright...it's getting pretty late. I, uh...I promised my mom I'd be home before ten, so I kinda gotta get going soon," he looked...disappointed? No, he was likely just caught up in the story.

"I understand, mon petit..." I wanted to say more, but my voice stuck. I looked up at him, both wishing he could read what my eyes spoke, and dreading it.

"I'll...I'll see you on Monday I guess, then. Umm...I...hope you feel better."

"Oui, Rouge...I do," _because of your presence_.

"G-great! That's uh, great. I should...get going. Umm...I...bye...then...?"

He looked at me one more time, and I could see the concern in his eyes again. I'd been tracing the curves of his face while he read, and my eyes fell upon his lips again. I looked down, and cringed, as I felt him start to push himself up. I decided to beat him to it, and sat up, stopping him in his tracks as I pierced him with a glare.

We just looked at each other. I pulled my knees up, my arms wrapping around them, and stared into his eyes. He was frightened, likely by how fast I'd moved, and I felt a little guilty for it. Yes, I wanted him, and everyone else, under my thumb. But he'd pulled me free from the darkness and I...I scared him in turn. I did not want to be like Father. I had to...do _something_...

I turned, letting my legs drop off the bed, and stood. He still sat there, likely afraid of what I was going to do. I sighed, and wracked my mind for something I could do. There were possibilities, yes, but so many, various and theoretically fear-inducing. No, I had to be careful. I wanted to show him I was thankful, but... _but_... _more_ _than that_ , as my mind had been apt to remind me during the story. It'd become an incessant buzzing in my mind, and I needed to quiet it. Perhaps, if I was lucky, he'd pretend it never happened. Because hoping for more would be a waste of time.

First, though, I needed to _do_ something. Before he left.

I sighed. My heart beat faster, and I acted.

I reached forward, delicately taking his hand in mine. He was tense, but didn't stop me despite the fear in his eyes. I felt electricity singe my fingertips, but I held on tight to reality, to the purpose of what I was doing. Gently, ever-so-gently, I lifted his fingers to my lips, bowing my head to give the lightest of kisses to his knuckles. I lowed his hand, and it softly slid out. I'm not certain who was more red-faced after that, so I closed my eyes and spoke.

"Thank you for the evening, Kevin," I felt the blush overtake me again as I looked into his eyes. He blinked a few times, before standing up. I stepped back.

"Y-you're w-w-welcome. ...G-g-good night," he cringed, and walked to the door, head down, likely hiding his blush. I looked away. Before he was out of view, I saw him look back at me. I didn't return the glance. Perhaps it was better that way.

I heard him let himself out, and I turned off the light. The window...I left it open, as I lay down. I heard the distant sound of his door closing, as my mind over-analysed everything that had just happened. My memories sang with his voice, my lips still felt the phantom skin of his hand. My heart fluttered, and reminded me of what I'd spent the last week thinking over. The thing Marie was convinced of, and me...I...I didn't have a say.

I raised a hand to my cheek, running the tops of my fingers over it.

Of all the emotions I could hide, attraction surely was not one of them.


	14. Tempting

I hadn't seen him yet this morning. I guess it really _didn't_ mean anything. I guess...that...

I heard the sound of his heels against the linoleum floor of the hallway. He was behind me. Whelp. He did tell me to talk to him like this...maybe he's hinting that at me? He could have just stayed behind me without making a sound and I'd have had no clue, but he made himself known. Ugh...

I'd been thinking about that Friday night since...well, since it happened. There were a lot of things that didn't make sense. Well, they _did_ , but only if I looked at it in a way that I'm _not_ going to assume. No way, that'd be fucking deadly to assume. But still...that...I remember things that happened, so clearly.

He blushed that evening. Twice. That first time could have just been a fluke, but the second time...when he...I...I still can't think of it logically. I get a bit flustered just remembering it. I mean, to my knowledge he spoke French quite fluently, maybe it was just...part of that culture? I was actually tempted to research it, but in the end I decided it wasn't worth it. _It's Eddward._ He wasn't gonna make sense no matter how hard I tried to figure him out.

 _I guess all I can do is...talk._

"...Hope you're feeling better today." My voice came out in a wary mumble, afraid that I was simply talking to myself. I was relieved to be proven wrong.

"Oui, quite. And you...mon cher, are you not afraid of me anymore?"

I almost stopped to look back at him, but managed to keep myself walking. It's true, I was actually talking to him...and after that night...

I thought hard on what I was going to say in reply, and said, confidently, "Not really..." Well, I _tried_ to be confident. Cut me some slack.

My locker came into view, and I slowed down to start to open it. I felt that he was still behind me, but I was nervous what his response to that was. My hand trembled as I put in my combination, opening the door. Suddenly, I felt a hand grip my shoulder, turning me around to see the wolf. He took a step forward, and I stepped back, nearly inside my locker at this point. His free hand lifted to my chin, his index finger and thumb hardly touching it, and looked deep into my eyes. He was so close; his right leg was pinning my own.

"You should be. If not of me, then... _of what I can **do** to you_ ," his voice purred, deep and sonorous, as he leaned in. His eyes caught mine, and I was trapped in place. By fear? ...anticipation?

My breath hitched; what was he...

He pulled away swiftly, and walked off, the sound of his shoes shaking me back to reality.

I held onto my locker like it was a lifeline.

* * *

I stared into my locker uselessly; I was prepared for my next class, I had no use to even open it. But Marie would be here soon, I knew. And...there, I heard her coming.

"Hey Eddward, what's - woah, what's goin' on with you?" I looked away from her, lifting a hand to sort something in my locker that had no need of it. A fidget. I didn't want to tell her what I nearly did, but she likely had a guess.

"...Alright, fine, be that way," she reached up and took hold of my beanie, and my eyes went wide.

My lip twitched, " _Maria, let go or I will not be responsible for my next actions._ "

That made her back off. I straightened my beanie, and sighed.

"I surprised him, Marie, that is all you need to know," I gave her a haunting glare, and it rolled off of her like water off a duck. She was used to my attitude. It was frustrating.

"Alright, well then why are you all red?"

I grumbled, "...Because I surprised myself as well."

I saw a smile creep onto her lips from the corner of my eye, and slammed my locker shut, leaning to pick my books up.

"Well, whatever you did has him fumbling all over the place. It's cute. You should see."

My eyes shifted, and I caught Kevin nervously striding down the hallway. He had to pass by me, and he was obviously afraid to. I both felt guilty for it, and glad. Marie, however, was just amused, as she shoved my shoulder playfully. I cringed, shooting her an icy look.

" _Yooouuu like Hood~_ " she practically sang, as she danced around me. We had English next. I was both hoping for, and dreading, it.

Since I couldn't stop the blush that had greeted my face yet again after the teasing.

* * *

I think I spent more time in English class watching Eddward than taking notes. I mean, I knew everything already, but normally I'm not _that_ bad. I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him. The weirdest part of it was that I didn't know why.

I'll be honest, I didn't expect it. I mean, who could have? No one, that's who! God...I thought he was going to...

And I'm red-faced again. Great. Hope no one notices. I looked at Eddward again, and he...I think he was blushing too? I wouldn't have believed it, but Marie was teasing him about something, and I couldn't think of what else it could be. I looked back down at my paper and sighed.

I'd talked with Nazz this weekend, about him. She didn't believe that I'd been over to his house. Twice. She actually patted me on the back for it! I wasn't proud of myself, though...I wasn't getting over a fear, I was just helping someone who needed help. I think. Yeah, that's all it was. I was helping him. Nothing else...

And the reason I talked to him this morning was just concern. Nothing more, nothing less. And what happened when he...

My grip on my pencil tightened. The teacher was speaking with enthusiasm, and didn't seem to notice anyone in the class. I let myself think...or d-daydream.

I'd never seen his eyes that close before. Normally, they're looking through me, glacial and cold. But they seemed almost grey when he had me there, like a coming storm cloud, and they were actually...there. Not looking through me, not analyzing my every move, just looking. My eyes had wandered slightly. His cheeks were soft and undamaged, his lips slightly parted as though he was going to...

I blinked myself out of the thought.

Alright. Yeah, he was still scary. But not in the same way at all. I rested my cheeks on my hands to cool them down.

* * *

I'm not sure he knew I was watching him. As the teacher went on about sentence structure, I caught Kevin looking my way every so often. When he stopped, I allowed my eyes flicker to him. His cheeks were red, and, as quickly as I'd noticed it, he covered them. I almost felt myself smile. Almost.

Marie was the one preventing me, because she was doing everything in her power to tease me for any show of affection. It was exhausting, infuriating, and...very much like her. This must have excited her, seeing her 'plan' in action. Whether she planned to have me interested in Kevin as more than just a friend, I've no clue, but she was relishing every second of it.

Alas, I could not still my thoughts. Every detail rushed back to me, as it had for the entirety of the class. The silky feel of his skin at my fingertips, the worry and curiosity brimming in his eyes. I'd wanted to. And had I had less sense, I would have.

But it could have been his first.

And as much as I'd love to steal that...I decided I'd give him warning. I left him with a threat, and...and left behind a regret as well. Because I'd wanted it. I'd been so long since I'd felt a kiss, and hers was not a kiss I desired again, despite caring for her. I wanted to know his. I wanted to hear the story those lips could tell, when they were not speaking...

Marie could tease me if she wanted. I _was_ hopeless, after-all. But I needed to figure out a way to get closer to him.

I should have been shocked that I was thinking such a thing, but...this weekend had given me plenty of time for that. It always came back around to him, his blush, the way he always came despite the fear he felt for me. The fear _everyone_ felt for me, because I made them.

I would not fail this. I would earn that kiss.

 _I can only hope this doesn't break me._


	15. Little Wolf, Run

_Little wolf, little wolf, alone in the dark_  
 _With a little bit of bite, and a lot less bark_  
 _I invite you to follow, I beseech you to play  
In this game of defense, where you can't run away_

 _Little wolf, knowing this, you should run away fast_  
 _You are only the first, and you may be the last_  
 _For this game is of fear, and the stakes are the prize_  
 _But remain, little wolf, and I'll shed my disguise_

* * *

I held tight to the notebook in my arms, a pen hiding within its spiral binding. That pen...

I remember when I'd first gotten it. Mother and I were window-shopping, and we came upon a store of stationary, among other things. I was fascinated by the various objects inside, whilst Mother merely watched me, a smile upon her face. I came across a pen, and my eyes seemed drawn to it no matter how hard I tried to look away. Oil on water, that was its coloration. It was simple in its beauty, but I was caught upon it. And, upon leaving the store, Mother presented it to me. She'd purchased it, and I was overjoyed.

Later on, I made the mistake of showing it to Father. I was young, and naïve, and should have known better. Father has never been one for kind words, but my excitement made me want to share it with my Father, one who I was supposed to be loved by unconditionally.

His eyes merely turned to it, examining it, before he spoke, "It's rather feminine, isn't it?" And he returned to his reading.

The words themselves were harmless, but the tone was...accusing. I heard Mother and Father argue later, after Mother had seen the tears in my eyes. I never hid them from her, for she assured me they were normal. Only for her did I cry. But still, to this day, I hold that thought in mind.

If I could speak to him, I would say, "Something doesn't have to be feminine to be beautiful."

But would he even hear it, I wonder.

I've had the pen for more than half of my life now. It's been sparsely-used and well-cared for. The notebook, I purchased several years ago. It is the only thing I ever use him for, my oil-on-water pen, and this shall remain as such for as long as I live. When I write in her, my notebook, he spells out beautiful things and empties emotions that try and consume me. He is my rare, true voice, and Father would be ashamed that he still exists...and that he plays such an important, albeit small, role in my life.

I stood in front of my locker, leaning the top of my notebook against the door; both were unopened. I closed my eyes, and sighed. The poem had been devouring me, but I had perfected it finally, and it ached to be written. The time, the location, they were of no matter; I did not exist to others if I did not choose to. I slipped my pen out, opened her up to write upon her next, blank page.

Two minutes, and I was finished. I looked upon her, and bit my lip. I held the pen tight in my hand, and he was warm from inspiration. I sighed emptily. It always broke me to write, and I was loathe to do so in school. I needed something to shock me back to reality before my next class, so I, desperately, reached to encircle my left wrist. I squeezed. There was nothing. I winced from the pain in my chest from the void I felt.

"Hey..."

I turned my head just enough so my eyes could catch Kevin's impending form. Of course, the subject of my writing would decide to intrude. And...people were watching. I sighed, readying myself for what I might have to do.

"Little Red, why are you approaching me as such? I've already informed you of the way it is to be done," I growled, lip twitching as I stared silently at the notebook, closing it. I gripped tightly on the pen before I slipped him into his nest within the binding.

"...Cuz I saw you grab your wrist again." _Of course you did, my sweet. But not for the reasons you assume. Why must you insist on making this difficult?_

" _Leave me,_ " I hoped my tone would convey my lack of desire to continue this conversation, at least within view the eyes of our fellow classmates. I was not ready for things to change at that moment. I was barely connected to reality as it was.

"Hey, I just wanna know you're okay, alright?" _Insistent dolt; that is not a simple question to answer, and I cannot lie to you any more._

I groaned quietly, placing my left hand over my face in frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose. I held tight to my notebook with my right hand, holding it to my chest.

"I am warning you, Kevin, cease and desist or you will come to regret your actions."

I turned away from him, beginning my walk towards my next class, when I felt something grab my left wrist. I mentally prepared myself for what I had to do. I swiftly moved my hand to take his, twisting it hard as I turned in his direction, forcing him down slightly as I glared at him. He let out a squeak of pain, but I did not yield, and held tight. Everyone was watching us. Red was only watching me.

"Fuck, FINE, asshat, have it your way!" He ripped his wrist out of my hand, grabbing it and hissing, " _Fuck_..."

And he walked off, shooting me nothing but a single look. I stared at him. Everyone stared at me in turn...until they didn't.

I was alone in the halls as classes started minutes later. I stood in place, gripping my notebook, as my look fell. My eyes softened, and my shoulders collapsed.

"Mon chéri... _this_ is the game we play..." My voice crumbled out, weak and upset with myself from some secret part of me, "play _foe_ with me; for them, for now... _please_..."

My walk to class was slow. No one dared look at me when I entered. I think I even scared the teacher, with the aura I exuded.

 _Good_ , I thought, _I need this time to think_...and so I did.

And again, I wrote.

* * *

"Seriously? That's f-ed up!" Nazz's melodical voice was interwoven with concern and anger. I'd told her what Eddward had done, since she wouldn't stop asking what had me in such a bad mood, and I decided I'd just get it out now and deal with her ranting.

And rant she did. Every time we met up in the hallway, she was livid. Even more than _me_ , it was kinda a bit much, but I guess it shows how much she cares. Still, I just kinda wanted to forget about it, about Eddward, about...all this stupid shit.

I shoulda known better anyways. He warned me not to trust him, and I was stupid enough to try and...ugh. I should've just asked Marie first instead of barging into his business! God I'm fucking stupid. And why should I care, anyways? It's not like I give a shit if he's hurting himself! He just proved he'd hurt me, too! _What's the point of stopping him? Better him than me, I guess..._

No, that's not right. Ugh, Nazz was getting to me, I needed to get her to calm down.

"Hey, chill, it's done. My wrist doesn't even hurt anymore, see?" I flicked my wrist around to try and make a point, all the while being stared down by my best friend. She was not amused.

"Yeah well next time it might. I - _shizz_ , I have to get home, I have gymnastics today. Just - just stay away from him, alright? I'll catch you tomorrow. Later!"

Finally.

I let out a held breath, walking to my locker to put my books away and head home. Turned the dial, opened it up, and...out fell a perfectly-folded note on lined paper. I looked at it bewilderedly, as though expecting it to move. When it didn't (and why would it?), I looked around; there was no one in sight. I leaned down and picked it up, fingers tracing the perfect creases as I unfolded it. It wasn't a normal piece of paper, it was pretty small, must have been torn out of a journal or something.

My heart stopped when I saw the writing. Elegant, blue swirls dictated a command.

 **You will come to my house after school. Do not waste my time. - Eddward**

I blinked for a long time, looking forward with blurred vision as I thought about what it said. I then proceeded to kick the locker, shove my books away, grab my bag, and leave. I didn't care if I'd forgotten anything, I just wanted to get this stupid shit over with.

What an asshat.

* * *

I awaited his coming by sitting upon the couch, reading a chapter of some random book I'd picked from the library. It was only mildly interesting, but it passed the time, and that was all I wished from it. I was impatient, naturally. Not to see him angry, no...but I wanted to see him, still...I...

The doorbell signalled his arrival. He must have gone home to put away his stuff first, perhaps tell his parents of his comings and goings. Not entirely unexpected.

Walking to the door, I was slow to open it. The crack revealed Red, in all of his frustration and ire...but I was numb to it. Or at least, I'd chosen to be numb. I opened the door the rest of the way, my arm signaling him to enter. He stomped in with all the grace of a disgruntled gorilla, and I held back a scoff.

"You may seat yourself on the right side of the couch, and nowhere else. I shall join you in a moment," I spoke calmly, locking the door behind him. He obeyed me unquestioningly, the good little follower that he is. His anger fumed from him, with his crossed arms and a down-turned hat, but I shrugged it off, instead choosing to sit beside him. Rather close, actually; I think it frightened him, because his eyes went wide. I felt him almost jump when I took his wrist.

"Hey! Don't-"

I cut him off, "Be still, I am merely checking that I did not injure you."

That caught him off-guard. He just looked at me, but I decided not to return the gaze. Instead, I cradled his wrist within my palm as my fingers danced over it. I pressed softly at key locations, and watched his face from the corner of my eye for reactions. None. Not even a bruise. If I had been alone, I'd have sighed in relief. I let go.

"It appears I did not injure you; I am...glad." I allowed myself to say, hoping he did not think much of it, as confused as he was. Though, the little firecracker he was, he decided to talk anyhow.

"...so the note was for...this? You...just wanted to check and see if you hurt me?" He stared at me; I did not give him the pleasure of a returned look.

"Oui, mon ami."

"A...alright? So...why did you..."

"Because you're foolish and ignorant, and I do not enjoy change. Did you not see everyone's eyes upon us?"

That seemed to affect him, and he fell into thought. I stared silently out the window to my left, still not so much as turning in his direction.

"I-" he cleared his throat, "W-well, why can _you_ approach _me_ , and not the other way around? Like you did a while ago..." I turned my head just slightly to see him take hold of his wrist again, rubbing at it. I sighed.

I replied matter-of-factly, "Because, mon cher, _I_ know when people are watching. _You_ , on the other hand, are blind to it. We've reputations, I believe you recall. I mean to maintain them."

He turned to me again, and his gaze burned holes through me. I willed myself not to meet his eyes.

"You're...just as afraid of judgement as _I_ am...aren't you?"

The room took to a silence as his gaze rested upon me. I thought of my next words, but all seemed to reveal far too much. I knew what I wanted, and who I was. I knew what I wanted of him...perhaps I could... _shock_ the question out of him.

"Would you allow me to kiss you?" To say his jaw dropped would be quite an understatement. I barely held back the smirk touching my lip.

It had the desired effect, however, as he was immediately brought out of his thoughts as he was faced with a question he never expected. It was priceless. How I wished I didn't know the obvious answer, though...that, perhaps, I could have asked at another time. _C'est la vie; I made my choice._

"N-n-no way!" He choked out, but still sat on the couch beside me. He gripped the arm of it and stared at me, and I finally let myself look back. His face was touched with red, and I forced my smile down by reminding myself of what he'd said. _Oh, you poisonous fool, Little Red...my thoughts are at war enough._

"Ah..." I replied, my hands holding one another. A fidget, but he did not need to know that, as I continued, "a shame...very well then."

"What?"

My eyes flicked back to him, and I wanted to say more, but tried to tame my tongue, even if that didn't stop me from speaking those foolish words.

"I shall earn it, you know."

He stood up, "I...what?"

" _Que, que,_ is that all you can say, Kevin? Anyhow, I've much to do this evening, and I've less time for it with every moment you steal from me."

He set his fists on his hips, "Hey, you can't just..."

"Mr. Barr, you know what happens when you question me."

And I simply stared at him. Analyzing, calculating, instilling the fear that kept him under me. He didn't shiver this time; did I miss that? Was it a good thing? Either way, his hands fell, and he groaned, walking to the door. He placed his hand upon the knob, turning his head back to me.

"You're...I don't get you."

And he left.

 _Mon ami, do you think that **I** get me? Ah...t'were it that easy, you'd be in my grasp. Instead, we play this game, and I will win, eventually._ Even if the blushes seem to have the upper hand, as I rested my hand upon my cheek. A warmth I could not fight, nor did I have any desire to. So long as I could wait it out, push it back until I was alone. When I could relish it, and the feelings that tingled through my chest.

As I remembered how warm his hand was, how right it felt to touch with mine...


	16. All In The Act

**Flashbacks**.

* * *

Set the scene:

Children cluttering an elementary school's hallway, the day having ended and not but stragglers remaining. The cul-de-sac kids form a disjointed circle around Eddy, who is busy making excited hand motions and gesturing to unseen items. He is weaving a 'plan' to obtain something, likely either sugary or monetary in nature. Ed stands aloof beside the group, his sister Sarah hanging on Eddy's every word. Nazz and Kevin watch from opposing sides, Kevin from behind and Nazz facing Eddy. Behind Kevin, Lee and May Kanker lean against the wall, Lee's eyes never leaving Eddy, May watching her sister. The third Kanker, Marie, stands at the other end of the hall, listening to music on her CD player. I stand opposite of her, the same distance from Eddy as she.

Action.

I play the memory through my head as it happened that evening, so many years ago. Long before I'd become feared, I remained in the shadows, and preferred to be unnoticed and unheard. I had befriended Marie, or, rather, _she_ had been the one to befriend _me_. She was persistent, and I gave in to her advances, and we found kinship. Only with her.

As such, I was left with the unfortunate task of crossing the hallway to meet with her, somehow trying to avoid the group that infested the area before me. It was something I never enjoyed, and often came with its own pleasant 'surprises.' For instance, as I quietly walked past, Eddy's exaggerated speech caused him to step in my direction, and bump into me. I kept walking, but Eddy was not going to allow me that peace.

"Hey, watch where you're going, Sockhead!" he shouted, but I didn't react. Marie did, and I saw her eyes shoot in our direction. She pushed herself off the wall and started to walk my way, and I tried to speed up to meet her. I felt a hand land on my shoulder.

"Didja hear me? I have a bone to pick with you. Say excuse me when you bump into someone, jackass!" I winced, since only Marie could see my face at this time. She looked pissed.

"Hey, lay off him, scumbrain!" Marie stomped over, and I moved away, pulling from Eddy's disgusting grasp. Marie and Eddy locked eyes, and I closed my own.

"Marie," I began, and she looked my way, confused, "I can handle this. Don't trouble yourself with the likes of _him_."

I watched her step away, a little disappointed. Eddy, on the other hand, looked pissed.

"What the hell do you mean by that, Sockhead?"

I glared at him, letting my body share how cold I felt towards this situation, "Oh, how foolish of me, I forgot _all_ about you being here. Pardon that; Eddy, is it? I'm afraid I must inform you that it was _you_ who bumped into _me_. I await my apology."

He went silent, eyes widening, before his voice became laced with anger, "The hell are you talking about, freak?"

My patience was limited, "If apologies are too far above you, I'll settle for you shutting up."

"Yeah? And why the hell should I?" he walked straight up to me, and everyone was staring. Marie was clenching her fist. I glared into his eyes, weighing my options. I believed I'd use _that_ piece of information this time. Yes... _that_ would work quite nicely.

"Oh, well, if you'd _like_ for your mother to learn of the reading material you hide in your locker, I'm certain she'd be oh-so-ecstatic."

I think, for a moment, he thought to question me. But his silence proved he knew better.

"...Come on, guys, let's go get started on those signs," Eddy said, hoping to change the subject.

Sarah piped in, "But what about-"

"Last one to Eddy's is a rotten egg!" Lee yelled out, grabbing and tugging at Eddy's sleeve.

He smirked, a catty grin playing at his eyes, "Whatcha all waiting for?" He ran off after Lee, who was obviously slowing her stride so the shorter boy could keep up. The others look at each other, and followed after. May walked slowly, her eyes looking back at Ed, who had finally decided to follow. He was always last, but she tried to stay near him. Marie had already informed me of why.

I glared at all of them as they left, feeling Marie's presence nearby. Soon, she spoke.

"Wow. You weren't kidding when you said you could be scary."

"When do I ever kid, Marie?" I looked at her. She stared back, and a forced smile slid across her lips.

"Anyways, let's blow this popsicle stand. Heck, we can even hang out at my place today since the sisters aren't gonna be home!" She took my hand, and I bit back a blush at the unfamiliar feeling. She'd been becoming more clingy recently, but I chalked that up to her simply being protective of me.

I didn't want to go to her home, though, but...she was my friend. And I would follow her wherever she took me. For better or for worse.

* * *

"You know, he's kinda like a wolf," I said to Nazz as I leaned back against my locker, twiddling my fingers. We had some time to kill before class started, and I was a bit stressed. I figured blowing off some steam with Nazz would help me calm down.

She giggled playfully, "Yeah, just give him teeth and he'll be spot on for one!"

I smirked, biting my lip, "I think his words are teeth enough, but he definitely has the eyes of one already." I'd been thinking that for a while, but I'd never told anyone it before. I was relieved when she nodded in agreement.

"Haha yeah! Maybe when he hits puberty, he'll get the hair of one too!" We both laughed at that one.

-click- -clack-

We froze.

"Quite the imagination you two have. I must applaud your far-sightedness, Nazz," his words sliced the air with a tinge of amusement, but when we looked, his lips carried none of the sort. We stayed silent, and watched him. He furrowed his brow, "Oh, nothing to say? Very well then..."

He walked up to Nazz, two steps taking him directly in front of the trembling blonde. His eyes narrowed, "I would suggest you hold your tongue next time you desire to speak ill of someone. Or, perhaps, your gymnastics coach would enjoy the looseness of my own as I indulge her in your... _interesting_ appetite."

Had it been anyone else, I'd have been confused, but I knew exactly what he meant. The snacks she'd been sneaking would _definitely_ get her in trouble with the coach, but I couldn't stand the fact that Eddward was _using_ it against her! It was bullshit!

"H-hey!" His eyes locked with mine, and I cowered, forcing myself to speak, "You can't talk to her like that!"

An amused huff, "Oh, but I did, mon petit...and I shall. For one deserves what one gives, do they not? That reminds me, would you like me to reveal a flaw for you as well, _Little Red_?" He punctuated the nickname with foul focus, and I looked down. He 'hmmed,' continuing, "No? Very well then. I'll be on my way, _children_. _Do_ carry on," his steps were slow, and his voice carried the malicious message, "Au revoir."

I was pissed, but fuck if I could do anything. This wasn't the first time something like this happened, but it was the first time we'd bothered to talk about him. It _really_ must have set him off, because he was freaking frightening. Those damned calculating eyes, they burned me. And that threat...I have nothing to hide! What could he possibly have on me?

Whatever. I turned to Nazz, "Let's just go." She nodded, and we headed to class.

But I kept my eyes out for the wolf from then on, because I never knew when he'd show up again...and I was afraid.

I felt...hunted.


	17. What Makes You Happy?

To say he confuses me would be putting it _way_ too lightly; he freaking _confounds_ me! I've been avoiding him outside of our few shared classes, but I could still feel his eyes on me constantly, even when they weren't. I started to pick up on the soft sound his shoes still made despite him silencing them, and I actually noticed him following me a few times in the hallways. Maybe it was an accident. Yeah, probably.

Or not. But I wasn't about to tell Nazz, no way! This was...this was all too much. What was I supposed to tell her, to tell _anyone_?!

" _Oh hey, so you know that guy who I've been scared of since elementary school? Yeah, he wants to kiss me._ "

Yep, people would totally buy that. Without a doubt. Even I'm not buying it, and I'm the one involved!

So I kept my distance, or tried to, anyways, until Friday came around. Our English teacher gave out one of her 'essay' topics, and we all went to work. It was about 'what makes us happy' or something equally ridiculous. It was pretty simple, so I just kinda brainstormed to figure out which thing would be easiest to write about. I...kinda mighta looked in Eddward's direction, just cuz he was in my view! No other reason! He was...staring at his paper. I even caught him talking to Marie at one point; he looked kinda pissed. I gulped. An angry Eddward wasn't good for anyone...I hoped I could sneak out of class without being noticed.

When the bell rang, I was slow to pick up my books, hoping Eddward would...nope. He was staying right there, in his seat. Darn. I figured maybe I could beat him out. Nope, caught again, he started to stand up. His eyes were on me. I didn't have a chance...so I sighed and walked up to him, instead. At least _that_ seemed to catch him off-guard. He looked into my eyes, and I froze.

"Kevin," he nodded his head minutely, "I'll be requiring your assistance this evening. It should not be more than half an hour, but do ensure you arrive. You're aware of the procedure."

"Wait, wa-"

"Au revoir." He walked past me, and I heard the soft fall of his boots as he disappeared out the door. I looked blankly at the back wall, before turning heel and closing my eyes, marching out the door.

I growled in my throat, because there was nothing I could do, but go.

* * *

I rang the doorbell, and waited. Despite the constant inkling in the back of my head that all of this was a big practical joke to him, he didn't seem one to keep me waiting, so I didn't press a second time when he didn't answer right away. I fiddled with the fabric of my pockets while I stared at the door. A jolt ran through me as I suddenly heard the door unlock, and open.

I should have been used to it at that point. That uncaring stare, his threatening stance, it was all a part of who he was...so why did it still freak me out? I had to make a mental push to get myself inside his house. _Always_. _Huh, never thought there'd be a first time, let alone that this would be a recurring thing._ I thought on that as I walked past him. I held my breath subconsciously as I walked to the couch, looking back at him quick to ensure I was allowed to sit. He nodded. I let the breath out.

"I'm surprised you've come in without inquiring as to your purpose here, Red. It is most peculiar of you." His head was cocked, obviously examining me for any little thing he could exploit. I tensed, and bit back a snarky response.

"I kinda figured you'd tell me eventually anyways..." _I mean, were you not frightening as fuck. But you are._ It kinda kept me from asking for fear of my own damn tongue.

"Ah, but would that not be an assumption?" I watched the elegant way he walked, the poise and practiced steps, it all added to his threatening appearance. Prey has little time for things like _walking fancy_ , I guess. Either way, he continued to speak as he turned to sit, "My dear, there is no harm in curiosity. So long as it is only heard by the curious and the respondent; I do _not_ humor hangers-on."

 _There he goes being cryptic again. What's that mean?_ I was tempted to ask, but I couldn't think of how to word it, and he grew impatient. He sat beside me; still fairly close. I squeezed the tops of my legs tightly with my hands as I waited for him to say something. He didn't...but his eyes were burning holes in me. I started to fidget, but eventually I thought up something to say.

"So why did you want me over here?" He seemed satisfied by this, but his mouth was still a thin line; did he ever smile?

"Astute question, mon ami," there he goes with the French again, fucking hell. Did I mention I can't stand it? _He's literally speaking to me in another language and I have no clue what any of it means, and I don't fucking like it._ "You see, I require aid with our teacher's 'lovely' essay topic. I would appreciate the input of... _someone such as yourself._ "

... _Huh_? I thought, but kept my mouth shut until I could think of something less idiotic to say. What I came up with was, well...

"How am _I_ supposed to help?" _Yeah. I know, I'm a genius_. He looked at me weirdly, obviously knowing I was slapping myself in the face mentally for asking something so predictable.

"I'm in need of _topics_ , Little Red. Surely you're aware of that word? You _do_ pay attention in class, don't you?"

 _Smarmy asshat._ "Obviously." _...fuck._

If he noticed my rude answer, he didn't respond. Or, well...I _kinda_ didn't look. I hid behind my hat and cringed. There was a silence, though...it hung in the air for a bit before he finally disturbed it.

"Will you assist me, then?" There was no malice in his tone, it was merely a question. I dared look up at him...and found him looking at me again. Not through. Big difference. I gulped, looking away, nervous because the last time he did that...I shook my head. Then realized he'd just asked something, and that I'd just...

"Sure! Sure, yeah, uh..." I scratched my head, suddenly grasping the task ahead of me. I had to think of a topic for Eddward to write about, something that makes him happy...what the hell could that be? I looked around the room, eyes desperate as they fell upon the few things that held any meaning in the room. An antique clock; a shelf of neatly-ordered books; _a lack of any dust, anywhere_... _alright, that's not helping_. But...books. "Books?"

"...Books?" I turned to greet his eyes, and was semi-amused to find him as confused as I was. Except I was the one who said something, so I shouldn't have been so confused. _Whatever._ Still, it was funny. Especially the cute way he bit h...oh, _fuck_ me, nope, I'm done. I stared at my lap and tried not to blush, wrinkling my nose in disgust at myself. I hoped he didn't notice. I prayed to GOD he didn't. I sure as hell wished _I_ didn't.

"I...perhaps. It could take some work, and would obviously not be one of my best works, but...it is plausible," his voice faded into thought, and he looked away. I stole another look at him; he was looking at the bookshelf. There was no happiness in his expression, though, believe you me. Suddenly, a curt nod, and he looked straight into my eyes, "It'll work..." His eyes wandered off, his voice losing confidence, "...merci."

Alright. I _knew_ that one, at least. "You're welcome."

I got caught in thought. _There, a reaction! I know I just saw it!_ His shoulders folded in just the slightest bit... _no no no it's not just me, I know it's not just me, he reacted to something! Come on, think, say something, Kevin!_

"I...thought you hated me." My voice came out as a measly whimper, and were it not for the quiet of the room, it would have remained unheard. However, as it was, I was heard loudly and clearly, and the answer to my statement was a somewhat...softer look than I was used to.

"Petit Rouge...I've few I truly loathe, and you are not among them," and despite the cold sting of his voice, I could also hear the sincerity in his words. It stirred me to speak again; to give voice to my foolish, rebellious mind.

"Then what," I almost chickened out, but he looked...less scary than usual, so I decided I'd ask anyways, "well, what _do_ you think of me then?"

He seemed to think on it for a moment, before responding, "Truthfully? I think you're wasting your potential. You've the aptitude for great things, and yet you sink to dreams of lowly professions that many fade away in. Such a pity," his eyes looked me over, and I wondered for a moment if he was wondering where else he could hurt my pride, when abruptly, he asked, "So have you thought about it, mon chéri?"

I was too focused on the veiled insults to know what he was talking about, and replied thusly, "About what? The fact you're an asshat?"

Before I could realize what I'd said, and promptly berate myself both mentally and physically...he rolled his eyes at me, letting out what seemed to be an amused huff.

"You have spunk, I must admit, mon petit. However, I was inquiring about the kiss...have you thought more on it?"

Alright, at this point I was a freaking mess. My heart had stopped, my fingers were digging into my thighs as my eyes tried to rip holes in the carpet. And his eyes, they were all over me. I had to blink myself back to reality. Then cringe for extra measure. And by the time I'd finally gotten a grasp on myself again, on the sanity I apparently had _so little_ of, I remembered the question.

And my cheeks betrayed the answer.

"Oh?...You _have_ thought about it, then?" His voice ran smooth, and it did nothing to calm me. My hand reflexively went up to tug down at the bill of my hat, only to feel resistance. I opened my eyes and noticed his hand had grabbed it as well, pulling it up. He looked into my eyes, and I was met with the grey stormfront that was his gaze. I was paralyzed.

Without another word, his free hand went to my shoulder, and I was surprised how strong his grip was. I may have felt it with my own wrist a few days prior, but he really didn't _look_ that strong! My body slid along the back of the couch as I fell back, one hand reaching back to grab the arm of the couch, as the other reached helplessly at the couch cushion. Our legs tangled, one of his hanging off the side of the couch while the other was between mine. My right leg was completely pinned, while the other was awkwardly resting between him and the back of the couch. And despite my surprise at the situation, I didn't say anything in protest. I didn't know _what_ to say!

I felt the bottom of Eddward's jacket come to rest on my stomach, and I bit my lip. His eyes had softened, and despite all the fear I felt for him on a daily basis, I almost felt... _bad_ for him. He looked worried, and...and _confused_.

" _S'il vous plaît...puis-je vous...embrasser_?" he asked, so close to my face, with a gentle voice I did not know he had. I didn't know what he'd said, but I knew it was a question from the inflection at the end. And it was obviously important to him. I wanted to say something, anything in response...like, to tell him to get off of me! Or...or...just to ask...what he meant...?

The moment was over nigh instantaneously. As though a switch was flicked in Eddward's mind, the dark clouds and frost touched his eyes once more, and he sat up. He stood up from the couch and walked to the door, his steps poignant and graceful.

"Depart." His voice cut into any traces of the remaining moment, and I sat up, albeit slowly.

So I got up.

And looked at him.

"Wh-"

"Depart. _Now_."

So...I did. And I kept my stupid mouth shut this time.

 _It's not like the asshat cares what I have to say, anyways..._

* * *

 _You were so close_ , I thought to myself as the door clicked shut. I fell to one knee, and rested, kneeling as I was. I let my chin nestle in the crook between my knee and my hand, and sighed a warm breath.

 _I could have leaned in, and kissed the innocent boy, and he would have done nothing to stop me._

 _But I am a coward._

I stood up, brushing my knee off before making my way upstairs to my room. I sat down at my desk, turning on my writing lamp, taking in hand a pen. For one's mistakes will always be permanent, so one must practice in not making them.

" _Books are an escape to a happier place, where we can live the lives we dream of without the fears of the waking world._ "

Or...something like that.


	18. Reasons

**I know that I dance between viewpoints irregularly, but bare with me - some things are best told from Red's eyes, and others from Eddward's. I also have to be careful not to give too much away. And thus, Red's ignorance prevails again. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Kevin, Eddward's here to see you!" was totally not what I was expecting to hear on a Saturday afternoon. I set down my book; one I was reading for class; and got up to check. I was surprised to see him standing there at all, but what he was wearing was beyond anything I pictured.

A denim jacket, blue and tidy, over a white t-shirt. Black dress pants, scuff-less black shoes. A watch over one wrist, and a 'Livestrong' band over the other. Nothing around his neck. The only thing that was the same was his hat. He looked... _exhausted_. How did I know that? Well, I didn't, but his eyes just looked different was all. He gave me a funny look, and I continued to walk towards him. There was a polite line on his face; not a smile, but his eyes seemed to fake it for him. Almost as though his mood was 'content.'

My mom smiled at me before she turned back to him, "Well, it was nice to meet you, Eddward."

He nodded back, "Likewise, Mrs. Barr." His tone was...lighter than usual. It was kind-of weird, actually.

But the moment my mom passed out of view, all the strangeness fell away. His lips dipped into a well-worn frown, though I realized it was no truer than the line I'd seen before. His eyes, however, returned to their calculating gaze. _That_ felt normal.

"Mr. Barr," he barely nodded in acknowledgement, hands holding one another in front of him, almost politely. I still can't understand how his posture is so perfect, like, all the time. I tried to remember what he'd just said, and returned the greeting.

"Eddward, umm...hi, I guess. Did you need something?"

He kept his calm demeanor, not betraying his true intent no matter how much I wanted to figure it out, "I'm in need of your presence this evening." He left it at that, and the air grew stale. I felt awkward. And...a bit...rebellious?

"...and what if I said no?"

"Then that would be that," suddenly his posture shifted, becoming more submissive, the line returning to his lips, "but I could truly use your assistance with my essay. I promise I will not use up too much of your time."

 _That was weird...wait, his eyes just went behind me..._

"Uhh, sure. Lemme just ask my-"

"That sounds fine, Kevin. When will you be going out?"

"Umm," I stumbled on my words as I turned to face my mom.

"No sooner than 5 o'clock, as my father is busy at the moment, and prefers to have the house to himself." The lightness of his faked voice was really, _really_ unsettling.

My mom turned her head to me, "Will you be home for dinner?"

Before I could respond, Eddward cut in, "I shall not keep him for long, he should be home well before dark." I almost saw a smile there. I wondered who the hell this was that I was next to...

"That's fine. Just let me know when you're planning to go, Kevy."

" _Mom..._ " I rolled my eyes. Eddward covered his lips with his fingers and let out a polite huff, like a laugh, but...but...there's always a 'but.' Nothing was ever straightforward with him.

"I shall see you then, _Kevy_ ," he teased, but there was no humor in his features. My mom had turned, so he only had to fake his voice right now.

Silently, I watched him as he crossed the pavement towards his not-so-empty home.

He faked so much, I sometimes had to wonder if he was even real.

* * *

I waited until 5:09 before I headed over. I was antsy, and I'd wanted to head over earlier, just to get it done with, but...I decided to heed what he'd said. 'No sooner' had to mean something _more_ than that, and with what little I knew of his father... _yeesh_ , I didn't wanna deal with that. I rang the doorbell, as always, and was promptly greeted by a much different, but more familiar, Eddward.

The jacket had been tossed against a far wall, shoes haphazard around it. He wore nothing but the dress pants and a white t-shirt now...and black socks.

The watch was gone, too. I saw the yellow of the band peaking out from under the jacket, and guessed the watch was under there. The scars were plainly visible, and I almost winced, looking at how many there were. The erratic slashes of the left; the long, patient carvings of the right. His eyes bored into me, pulling my own away, as I blushed from shame. I already knew he did that, I figured it out a while ago now... _and it's rude to stare...but hey, he's rude! But...it's not...it's not right to stare..._

His indistinct, tired eyes watched me for a moment, and he spoke calmly, "You're welcome to watch whatever you would like on the television. The bottom shelf of books is also free for you to peruse as well. Take a seat, it won't be too much longer now. You're already _later_ than I anticipated." The way he said 'later' was noxious, and I found myself looking down. _Hey, I was just trying to listen to what you told me to do..._

I realized he didn't specify where I was to sit this time. I was half-tempted to just go sit on the other side, just to be a rebel, but something in his eyes...told me it wasn't worth it. I took a seat on the right side of the couch, twiddling my thumbs. He might have told me I was allowed to watch something, but something in the air just put me off. Or maybe it was the way he was dressed. Probably both. I figured I'd say something, since the silence was starting to creep up on me.

"So...uh...what's with the get-up?" I couldn't help but ask. It was weird seeing him, well, dressed-up. It's not like he was going anywhere...or was he?

He seemed to growl under his breath, his lip twitching, "These are 'proper' clothes for a young man such as myself to wear. Do you find that to be _incorrect_?"

 _Well, yeah._ I decided to try and explain, "I mean...no, but it's not what _you_ normally wear. So it's weird."

A grunt. He looked _thrilled_ , and by that I mean, like he wanted to walk off instead of explaining. But something kept him there, standing next to the phone, so I guess that's why he responded.

"Father does not tolerate my particular _taste_ in clothing, if you simply _must_ know," he snarled, "now is there anything else you'd like to _bother_ me with instead of distracting yourself with something more entertaining than myself?"

I almost wanted to say that he _was_ entertaining, but...I stopped myself short. "So why do you have me over, then? You gotta have a reason."

"I 'must,' mind your speech, Kevin. And I do."

Silence.

"...so...what's the reason?"

He glared at me piercingly, "That is my own."

I furrowed my brow, "So you have me over, for God knows what reason, so I can just sit here and...what? What's stopping me from just leaving? I mean, you mentioned the essay earlier-"

"A mere reason for your mother to hear, and nothing more."

"-alright, so seriously, why should I stick around?"

He leaned his back against the wall, eyes flicking down to the phone as he spoke, "...I suppose you're correct. There's nothing keeping you, that much is true. But I do require your presence right now..."

Something told me he was being serious, which was strange. I decided to pry, "Why me? Why not Marie?"

"Yes, yes, why _not_ Marie, _surely_ she doesn't have a life and is always at my beck-and-call during the week's end."

"Don't gotta be snippy, _jeeze_. Still...why _me_?"

" _Why not_?" He answered immediately, and we shared a look. I found myself cowering under the intensity of his gaze.

"I...cuz..."

-ring-

-ring ring-

-ring ring-

I watched Eddward's hand clench, as it moved to the phone he'd been looking at before. His attention left me, as it felt like we were suddenly in different rooms, for how little he seemed to care about my existence. I watched him bring the phone to his face...slowly, hesitantly.

"Hello?" _Is he...nervous? He totally **sounds** nervous._

The lull was unsettling, but I watched him, watched how he reacted.

"It is nice to speak to you again, too. It has been a while, and I've missed it."

His voice sounded soft, like it had last night, when he spoke _those words_...but, just who was it that he was talking to? I realized I was holding onto the edge of the couch, gripping it tightly as I tried to hear. But I only heard his voice.

"I know, and I'm proud of you for it. Don't apologize." Alright, _that_ sounded forced. Or maybe it was just the fact I could see the broken expression on his face... _wait, I can see...wow_ , he was actually showing an emotion for once. I had to keep myself from commenting.

The silence pervaded as whoever was on the other line continued speaking. I watched Eddward earnestly. His lips, his cheeks, his eyes...there was emotion there, fleetingly, but there.

"I...I'd love that."

My eyes almost bugged out of my head when I saw that gap-toothed smile. His lips were barely parted, but the corners of his mouth were upturned, and his eyes were so gentle. He looked...happy.

He nodded to no one, "I understand. It was nice to speak to you, even if it was only for a short time. I'll be looking forward to it." And he was, there was no force put into the smile he held. He looked genuinely hopeful for once.

"Good night."

The phone was set down. Eddward stared at the floor, the slight smile still upon his lips. It was as though he'd forgotten I was in the room. I kind-of didn't want that to change. He closed his eyes, and breathed in, placing a hand on his chest. His head fell back against the wall, and he sighed out.

"Y-you know," he looked at me as I spoke, still in some sort of strange stupor, "I've never seen you smile before."

And it fell.

I could have forgotten I'd even seen it, so intense was the frown that replaced it. He underwent a transformation, and the mask he always wore came back on.

"That is because I do not," he stated matter-of-factly.

"But you just-"

"For _Her_ alone, mon amour." And he blushed. I wondered what he said. What he meant. But mostly, what he said.

"...I don't understand what you're saying."

His eyes flicked to mine, his lips parting for a moment, before he looked down in thought. He finally spoke, meeting my eyes again, "Forgive me, I...have a fondness for a language I am not permitted to speak." His voice was quiet, almost like he was barely able to say what he did. I still had no clue what he meant, though.

"Well, you speak it just fine. I mean, like, I think. I don't know...French, is it?"

" _Oui._ And I shouldn't know it, either, mon ami. I should not speak Father's language...my grandfather's. I," he looked down again, looking back at me, analyzing how I was taking this. I did my best to appear neutral, and genuinely curious, "I have no reason to learn it. And Father learned to stop speaking it around me. It flows from my tongue and feels natural, but...but, 'w _hat use have I to learn it'_...he says..."

I could hear the bitterness in his tone. I was surprised he was telling me anything like this, but I wasn't complaining. I was seeing him in a different light, after that smile, and...and I really wanted to see more.

"You shouldn't listen to him."

"Ah...were it that easy, mon chéri."

He sounded...resigned. I wanted to tell him he could totally do whatever he wanted, seeing as he always does at school; but something kept me quiet. Maybe it was the slack way his shoulders fell, or the way his eyes couldn't meet mine anymore. Either way, I didn't correct him. And eventually, he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall, sliding down until he sat on the floor. His arms curled around his knees.

"I envy you, you know," he said so quietly, I had to turn my head to hear him, "would that I could smile when I felt content, speak back against the word of a _God_. However fearful you are, it is nothing compared to the fear of _knowing_..."

His words ceased.

"Knowing...?"

"Just knowing."

Our eyes met again, and I looked at him with just the tiniest sliver of empathy. Because he really did look broken, right then. The scars, the way his eyes were sunken, his arms holding himself together as though he would fall apart. Where was the wolf? All I saw was a broken boy...

"Now, go."

"Huh?"

He pushed himself up, dusting his pants off as he looked coldly in my direction, "You've served your purpose, now _go_."

"Hey, what'd I do?"

"Enough. Now go, before I escort you out," he said, crossing his arms, fingernails digging into them. I just glared at him, challengingly.

"Make me."

He rolled his eyes, before walking towards me. Elegant as before, but I noticed the way he walked on the balls of his feet, virtually silent as he stalked towards me. I held tight to the couch, still staring him down. The wolf stared back, but I was unmoved.

Tilting his head, he took a step, pressing it between my legs. I was surprised NS didn't fight back as he knelt down against the couch with his knee, hand lifting to my chin. Frightened, I sat stock still, staring into those threatening eyes that knew so much; and told so little. I couldn't focus on anything except for the scent of fabric softener lingering off him. I tried to tune into it, distract myself from whatever he was going to...

 _"Mon Petit Rouge, mon naïve sweet...you tempt the Devil with your defiance."_

The smooth way his words poured forth gave me chills, and I felt my cheeks redden. The way he was looking at me was unsettling, but I didn't understand...I didn't _think_ I did, at least.

"S-s-so? Lay it on me, I can take it," I thought, this false bravado pushing me forward. _Face my fears, alright, just...just do this. He can't hurt you. You know too much._

He looked ponderous, blinking slowly, "Do you understand that of which you speak?...you are giving me permission to do unto you as I desire. Do you acknowledge this?"

I stuttered, "Y...yeah."

His eyes narrowed, "Are you certain you would rather not leave? _This_ is what you want, _mon ami_...?"

"Cut the crap, speak English, Eddward."

He backed up a little, and...I swear I saw the tiniest smirk crawl onto the corner of his lip, as he leaned in closer. I felt his breath upon my lips.

" _My dear, my Little Red, may I kiss you?"_

I parted my lips, but nothing came out. He didn't move, though. He didn't steal it, or force it upon me, he simply waited. I knew for a fact, if he'd wanted to, for whatever perverted reason he had, he could do it. Honestly, though I was still in denial about it; face-to-face with him, I couldn't just ignore the truth. I saw the way his eyes hungrily scoured my face, and my heart was rebellious in my chest. A rush of adrenaline pumped through my veins.

" _Oui? No?_ "

"I...maybe...I don't...know why, though...you'd...want to..."

He tilted his head, and his fingertips on my face that I'd nearly forgotten, began to move, tracing the line of my jaw. It felt..it felt really, _really_ confusing.

"Because...I _want_ to, Little Red..." He looked like a child staring longingly at a sweet, and... _I_ was that sweet.

"But I'm-" His fingertips fell over my lips, and I looked into the ice of his eyes.

"Hush...if you do not want this, shake your head...that is all I ask of you..."

I gulped. I was frozen and tense and confused. But the velveteen way he said it just frenzied my mind, and I felt myself unsure. I could have just shaken my head, it was so easy.

But something stopped me, as he leaned forward.

His fingertips left, and in their place, a warmth. He did not move, as I took in what was happening. His hand had frozen on my face, cradling it with a softness I had never expected from him. My eyes screwed shut. I almost felt claustrophobic for a moment, as I held my breath. It...it didn't feel _bad_ , I just...I didn't know what to do. How to react. Or, well, ANYTHING. I was completely at his mercy. He tilted his head, and it felt...soft, as his lips moved further over mine. For just a moment, I...I felt myself enjoy it...

And then he pulled away. My eyes fluttered open and I looked at him: he was red-faced, and apparently just as breathless as I was. I heard his heavy breaths, and watched as his eyes avoided mine. He looked shy for once. I almost could have laughed at the irony of it.

He lifted himself from his awkward position, standing and putting his hands in his pockets. His feet were flat against the floor, his posture imperfect. Had I not been speechless, I'd have commented.

Instead, he stole the air, "...I think it best if you depart now. I've...I've things to do." I wasn't buying it; the blush on his face was darker now, and I wanted to comment on it.

But I also wanted to get the hell out of there before I completely lost my grip on reality.

"Uhh...sure...umm..."

He nodded, "Thank you for your presence this evening."

"N-no problem, I'll just..."

"Farewell."

I saw the faintest hint of a contented line upon his lips as I pushed myself up from the couch. I felt suffocated by the heat in my cheeks, and couldn't help pulling my cap down. I couldn't go straight home, but like _hell_ was I gonna stick around here. I needed some time to think.

I let myself out on auto-pilot, only turning to meet Eddward's eyes before he closed the door.

He hung there for a moment, before it shut. Once it did, I took deep breath.

And completely let go of the fact he'd _kissed_ me _._

I'd remember later. For now, I was gonna go take a ride on my bike. This was all too much for me.

 _Holy fuck._

* * *

I dialed her number, still numb from what had occurred before he left.

"Yea'llo?"

"I..." My voice ran off, barely audible.

"...oh. Holy shit you're fucking with me. Holy crap!" A pause, the sounds of her sisters in the distance, "Oh man you've gotta tell me about it! I just thought he was gonna be there for-"

"I know. I did, too...but...my tongue was loose..."

" _Yeah right_ it was! It was your heart speaking _for_ you for once! Ha, this is great!"

"Marie..."

"You're coming over and telling me, and we're totally having a girl's night, girly-girl!"

I snarled, " _Marie, cease that this-_ "

"Blah blah can't hear you gotta go now!" I heard her cackling laughter before the phone went click.

Once I'd put it down...I felt the smile I'd bitten back earlier, return. I relished its warmth. I could still feel his lips, innocent and yielding as they were. That one moment, at the end, where he'd accepted it...

And I'd remembered how terrible a fate I am to inflict upon someone.

And ended it.

I...regretted it. Regretted the kiss, regretted its end, and thoroughly regretted who I had to be.

I'd wanted to continue it, but I couldn't.

I was... _too afraid._


	19. Sunday

It began as any other Sunday would. I awoke long before Father, and prepared breakfast. Simple buttermilk pancakes topped with melted, organic butter, perfectly-peeled oranges, and a glass of milk for each of us. I imagined that would be sufficient, as I heard his door open, alerting me of the end of his slumber.

Harrison upheld a sense of dignity around him, walking with a poise few knew, and fewer desired. As unbending as the beams of all the buildings he designed, he walked through the kitchen to his chosen seat, not uttering a word. And, upon sitting down, he examined the meal.

"When did you make this?"

An average inquiry, "I finished not 2 minutes prior to your waking."

"Ah, I see," I could feel the snide remark coming, "you cut it a bit close there, son. Fortunate that you did not make a mistake and have to prepare our meals again. I've little patience for that." If I did not finish it early enough, it was always some snip like that. Just early enough, or too early, and there'd be another sort of insult. He always came prepared. Did he think of these things whilst lying in bed in the morning sun? Was it the rays of daylight converted into flaming lashes for him to send out towards insolent people like myself? I would not be surprised.

I made an effort to look toward my watch. I always did this, because it seemed a habit that was accepted as a norm for those wearing watches. Father seemed to believe so as well, because he thought little of it. Best I do something normal in his eyes than something to inspire another snap of his tongue.

Breakfast was tense, as it always was, at least for me. I always served myself a lesser portion, as I did not enjoy it quite as much without the simple pleasure of maple syrup, but Father disapproved of it. And so, it was not in the house, as he always had his way. It was difficult to stomach the food when I had dread in its place in my stomach. For _what_ , who knew but Father?

"I imagine your Mother called yesterday," I didn't catch my reaction fast enough. All it took was the slightest shift in my eyelids, and he knew. He continued on, "please do tell me that you kept the conversation short. She really should be meeting you in person to discuss things, rather than wasting more of my money to help feed into whatever it is she is up to now."

Father paid for her rehab, in the beginning. Then there was The Divorce; an entirely ridiculous and unnecessary affair, I assure you; but Father found it for the best. All it did was make her suffer...but I digress. Now, I believe the State pays for her treatment. I can't honestly recall. Father does aid her, from time to time - Mother tells me it's because he did love her, at one time, and feels guilt for having left her - but as far as he was concerned, she was beyond help. He simply helped her live contentedly, but gave no more than that. He was barely tolerant of her Saturday calls.

"Two minutes. She shall be here in person next Saturday, rather than wasting a phone call," though it was never a waste, not in my eyes.

"We'll see."

His dark tone stole the light from the room, and I saw contempt flash in his eyes. I did not reply to his cruel remark, however; for I knew what he said was true.

We finished breakfast, and I tidied up. Father had no time for such things, and so, I did the chores. Along the far side of the refrigerator lay neatly-written notes, each one detailing daily, weekly, and monthly tasks. I knew them all by heart. Perhaps that is why I can't open my heart up to anyone else; it is filled to the brim with useless, novelty things. Like when to clean the fireplace, or the only items worth saving if there ever is a fire.

None of mine, of course.

The day went on as it always did. Father sat at the desk in his study, taking occasional breaks on the couch in the living room. On the left side, _his_ side. Fortunately, it was undisturbed, and he made no comment. He'd return to his study, and I'd do my best to avoid any quips he might have for me whilst I tidied up the house.

I had to mention my plans for the day at some point, and knew delaying them would get a remark. I was foolish to delay it as long as I had.

"Marie has invited me over for dinner this evening; may I go?"

He didn't look my way, "You've taken your time in telling me. You could have saved me the effort of planning dinner. Go, now."

His way of saying, ' _Get out of my face, I don't want you around and you finally gave me an excuse to kick you out of the house._ ' But an elegant man such as himself would never lower himself to such words. I had simply done him a favor. I left without saying goodbye, but ensured the door was locked behind me.

I didn't let my shoulders sag until I was out of view of my own house.

It's strange; I don't get much relief from slouching anymore. I've stood up straight for so long, that I have to literally _force_ myself into anything other than perfect posture. Despite the lack of relief, though, I do enjoy it. I revel in the fact I'm doing something Father would dislike. Just once, I'd like to spend an entire weekend without abiding by his rules...just once...

The trek to Marie's house was a long one, unless I cut through the woods. Which I did. I made a mental note to come home late enough that Father did not see my dirtied dress shoes, but I had no desire to prolong my walk. Unfortunately, upon arrival, I caught a whiff of the stale splendor of their home. It was always one of them, smoking; I was simply glad they did not do it in the house. I still could not stand it, however.

May was leaning against the trailer, and her brown roots were showing. She looked nothing like her sister, but still did all she could to be different. I didn't understand siblings. I nodded to her when I came into view.

"May."

She held her cigarette up in the air, between her index and middle finger, and tilted it toward the door, "She's inside."

I nodded again, and went to the door, creaking it open. They never locked it when someone was home, and for good reason. No one in their right mind would mess with these girls; it was actually amusing to picture. That, and they had little worth stealing. The musty scent of the living room made my nose cringe, as I turned toward Marie's room. She shared it with May, but generally May minded her own business, which I was glad for.

The door was opened, and Marie was sitting half cross-legged on her bunk, high above. I could see the sketchpad on her lap, and bit back a comment. For a moment.

"...Idly doodling again, _Maria_? Do your grades not require studying?"

"Whatsit to ya, black-eyes?" she responded intuitively, not batting an eye in my direction. I watched the cogs in her head whir for a moment, as she stopped her drawings.

"Not black-eyed, today, I'm afraid. He would not approve, but I believe you know that already."

The smile was on her face now, as she slipped down from her high perch, letting the sketch pad and pencil drop on her sister's bunk.

"Hey, how's it hangin'?" she said, a wide grin plastered upon her face, as her arms foretold a hug. I allowed it, for her sake, sighing outwardly so to not breath in the stench of cigarettes still heavy upon her.

"Adequate. Father had me leave; I did not tell him soon enough that you desired me over. Such a shame."

We shared a look. Her grin got wider, "I'm sure he'll get over it."

"I'm quite certain that flies have brains, too, Maria."

"Cut it, Eddward. We need to talk, chill...hey, let's just relax!" She grabbed the remote, clicking on her tiny television and plopping down on May's bunk, "I'll drill you about your 'Little Red' later, but first we need to get your daddy issues out of your head. Let's go."

"...Thrilling."

But still, I gave a thin-lined smile, one only she would recognize.

And I tried to find some peace-of-mind in that fact.

* * *

"That's great, Eddward," she was sincere, but I could see the worry at the edge of her eyes.

"So long as she shows, that is."

"She will. Just trust her this time." Key word here: This time.

"I am attempting to."

"Don't let your old man get to you, she will! Just trust me."

I sighed, and did not respond.

She frowned, "Alright, alright...lighter topic now. How's Red doing?"

"Fine, I imagine."

She crossed her arms, "And how're yooou doing with hiiim?" She dragged the words out teasingly, and I looked down and away, searching for words.

"...As would be expected."

"So basically you're just playing with your food?"

 _Precisely_. "It isn't as simple as one would think, Marie."

"Oh, yada-yada Eddward, you and your sad thoughts. If the kid didn't like you, he'd be long gone by now."

 _True enough_. "Or perhaps he is too afraid of me to run."

She smirked, raising an eyebrow doubtingly, "From what you've told me, _you're_ the one doing the running."

 _Oh, hardy-har-har._ "Wonderful observation, Marie. Let me add that to my list of things others are aware of that I am not."

"Well, it's a pretty big list."

We glared at one another. Eventually, though, a smirk crept up along one side of her mouth, and she chuckled.

"Enough teasing, Marie. Ask what you wish to inquire."

She cracked her knuckles, sitting cross-legged on the bottom bunk, "Hmmmmm...so how did you do it?"

"We haven't done ' _it_ , _'_ Marie," I snarked.

"Oh, ha ha. How did you two kiss?"

I growled in my throat, taking a moment to recall the scene. I had to distance myself so to not give her more to tease me about, "I...suppose I asked him. And he did not decline. I gave him ample opportunity to, but..."

"...but you actually took what you wanted for once, didn't you?"

I remained silent.

"Was he okay with it?"

"...hardly."

She read my facial expressions for a moment, as I was not attempting to hide them...and nodded, "Good. I didn't think you the type, anyhow."

"I said-"

"Yeah, but your eyes say he didn't mind it. And your eyes are bad liars. 'Least to me," she smirked, "especially when they're not all painted up."

I sighed exhaustedly, and she smiled. I felt a hand on my back, and slumped a little.

"I'm proud of you, Eddward."

"I'm sick to death of myself."

Her smile was sad, "I know...I really do."

Our silence kept for a time, before she returned to her sketch pad. I didn't watch; she did not enjoy an audience or commentary, and I respected that. At least 15 minutes I sat there, thoughts turning the past few days' events over, as I listened to the calming scribble of graphite against paper.

I heard the pencil make a plush sound as it dropped on the blanket beside her, and she shoved the paper in front of me.

There was an artistic gleam in her eye, creative and lovely, how I envied it. I looked down at the paper.

A broken boy was sitting in it, staring blankly at nothing, almost through the world itself. A jean jacket wove around his shoulders, half-off. His plain, white t-shirt seemed to blend with the paleness of his skin. His neck was skinny, his features drawn and defined. He held onto his own hands as though holding onto his own life.

I always loathed when she drew me.

It was always so depressingly accurate.


	20. Out of the Loup

I was walking down the hallway between classes when I heard the ever-chilling sound of Eddward's shoes hitting the floor. He was behind me, keeping a steady distance, and _choosing_ to make himself known. I could tell. He must have expected I would want to talk to him, and was giving me the opportunity.

I found my words, and spoke up, "Can we talk about..." I let my voice trail off.

He quickly answered, and I had to tilt my head a little to hear him, "Once school ends, stay. I shall find you. We can speak then."

I could no longer hear his shoes, and when I turned two seconds later, he was gone. Likely down some hallway, but still, it was eerie. I sighed, shrugging off the weird feeling, as I tried to clear my mind for my next class.

The questions would just have to wait.

* * *

"Come _on_ , Kev, _pleeeaaase_ tell me what you're hiding?"

Persistent Nazz was at it again, "I'm not hiding anything, Nazz, just drop it already!"

She pouted, "Every week it's like you're shutting me out even more - hey, wipe that look off your face, you know it's true! I feel like I'm falling out of your life, your trust..."

"You're not, I just," I wanted to reassure her, but the truth was, things were just too weird for me to explain. I didn't know where he'd be hiding, what I could say, so I kept myself tight-lipped, "I'm going through some stuff, okay? And I just can't talk about it."

"Kevin, you gotta...shit, I'm gonna be late. Call me! Seriously!" She gave me a playful shove at my shoulder, but her expression wasn't quite as jovial. I sighed as I watched her walking off, wondering what I should even do about all this, what I could say...

"I didn't realize I was of that much import to you, Kevin," the smooth voice of Eddward rolled through the halls, and left me with a chill, "she is your friend, after-all."

"Y-yeah, well," I stuttered, "loose lips sink ships, eheheh...heh..." I bit my lip after saying such a ridiculous thing, but as I saw him come into view, I realized I was right in assuming he didn't want me to talk. His expression seemed to show approval.

He walked past me, beckoning lightly with his hand, "Come. Let us walk, if you desire to speak about _things_..."

I followed him hesitantly, shutting my locker and swinging my bag around my back. I tried to keep pace with him, but he was always one step ahead. We left the school, and I noticed the stragglers around the area. I decided to comment on it, just to lighten the chilling mood he left.

"So how come we can talk in the open like this? I mean, we're practically walking together right now," or I was trying to. I really was. Damn his long legs.

"Do not worry yourself on such things. It is not your reputation at stake, and I am well aware of what I am doing. Hurry along, lest I leave you for the dust."

I growled in my throat, but still walked at that awkward angle from him, watching his perfect stride. Not a single crack in the sidewalk fazed him. I started to think about what we were walking _for_. I didn't think I'd be able to outright ask him now, but I still could talk to him. Maybe I could pry something out of that lockbox that was his mind.

"So...I always kinda thought you and Marie..."

"As did she. Sad that it happened so. For her, at least," his tone sounded somewhat remorseful, but still held a steel tone to it. I was actually a bit surprised he responded with something so revealing, and decided to try my luck.

"What happened?"

"She was not my type," he snipped, and the silenced reigned again.

"...so...what IS your type?" As if he'd answer.

And I was right. The trees were louder than he was, and because of the angle, I couldn't even see his face to see if he'd reaction. I groaned internally. Why did I expect anything more?

"So..." I said nonchalantly, without thinking of what else I'd say. I almost stopped walking as I caught myself, but I managed to latch onto a train of thought I'd had earlier in the day, "now that you got what you wanted...uhh...is it all over with?"

I heard him scoff slightly, "And how would you have any idea what I might have desired?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn't see me, "Well, it's not like _you, do_."

His silence begged me to continue.

"I mean, from what I've read, you don't seem to have any plans for yourself except to, you know...fade away..."

I found myself halted as he turned to face me, a hand drawn to my chin as he lifted my eyes level with his. They were filled with...something, and it was the most emotion I'd seen from him.

" _Mon cher_..." his voice was soft and sonorous as we continued the look, frozen in time.

A moment later, my chin was dropped, and he resumed walking. I followed, and we resumed our angled walking game.

Confused, I inquired, "What does that even _mean_?"

Huffed breath, and no response.

"Like...what do _you_ mean, when you talk like...like you do in your essays?"

The slightest hesitance in his steps, and I watched a stray grass blade tap against his shoe. The little things tell us so much.

"Imagine you are the prey. You are, yes, but perchance imagine yourself a young buck, tempting meat for the wolves. Among the herd, you can blend in, fade to obscurity, and perhaps live a long life. But act, make yourself known, and the predators will see you. You will be singled out. You could lead the herd, but would it be worth it?" I saw his head tilt back in my direction slightly, as if to listen for a response. I had nothing to say, and so he continued, "Be seen as nothing, or as the prize to be ravaged? When the wolves watch, it is best to stay low. When you live with one, though, it's...not quite as simple."

I didn't answer. I was turning over what he said in my head, trying to figure out what he meant, it was on the tip of my tongue...

" _Le loup_ _et le garçon dans le petit chapeau rouge_..." his stride was slowing, but I didn't catch up to him yet, "How quaint. How absolutely ridiculous and worthless, _all of this_..." His voice was dark, and carried an undertone of pain.

I watched his shoulders, and how they curved ever-so-slightly forward. His stride was sloppier, his jacket slipping down his shoulders in the heat. His shoes didn't click, nor did they stay silent. I knew he'd never let anyone else see him like this, no one but Marie. I felt...I felt kind-of honoured. Despite how he was talking, and the fact he just said God-knows-what in French. He was still walking with me, or as close to it as his pride would allow.

His hand clenched into a gentle fist, then let go, but I saw it. I watched the muscles tense, though most were hidden under the wristband. I couldn't see his face, but I knew something was troubling him. And despite the fact I knew he had the strength to pulverize me if he so wished, and despite all the things he'd done to make me fear him like the predator he was...I couldn't stand to see him like this.

I remembered all the things he'd written. The things he'd let slip. The fresh, fading slice on his wrist that evening I read to him, and the rest of the scars that told frightening stories all on their own. I thought of the way he smiled, on the phone with...with someone. How soft his lips were in that stolen kiss that I didn't deny...that I could have...but I...

Again, his hand squeezed, and I was brought from my thoughts. I didn't know what to say, but I knew he needed something, or someone. I thought to reach out to comfort him, but each place I thought to touch could be misinterpreted. His shoulder, to turn him to speak; his wrist, to check. His arm, to get his attention...his hand...

Gingerly, I reached at the angle, my head turned and face hidden under the bill of my cap. When I felt his fingers, cold and smooth, I forced myself to grab them. I squeezed, just enough for him to notice.

He stopped abruptly, missing a single step before he walked again. We were no longer at an angle. My eyes shifted, and saw red painted on his cheeks.

The slightest reticence tinged his voice, " _What are you doing_?" His voice was barely above a whisper, and seemed tremulous.

I found my voice somewhere inside myself and replied, "What do you _think_ I'm doing?" Hell, that was a question for the ages. Even _I_ didn't know for sure!

That seemed to silence him...but I didn't feel him pull away. I was expecting it, honestly. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd twisted my wrist again, or my arm, but I didn't feel him trying to. Our wrists slid against one another as our strides evened out, and it felt like he'd slowed down. Like he'd been running away before, but now he had nothing to run from.

The cul-de-sac was coming into view. Even if he wasn't fazed by it, I was worried what people would think. I mean, _I_ knew why I was holding his hand, but...people assume, and I was afraid. I let my hand loosen, and...

It didn't fall from his as I'd expected. Instead, _he_ was holding _my_ hand, and I turned to look his way. The blush had faded, but I still saw it. I felt my own cheeks heat up from an inner sun as well, and found myself squeezing back. I didn't understand why, but...I didn't mind this. I was afraid, but when am I not?

I felt his hand drop mine a minute later, hesistantly. His fingers were slow to loosen, but he did so, and I saw him breathe out a heavy sigh.

We were almost home, and I decided it was now or never.

"So...what _did_ the kiss mean?"

He looked at me, with those stormy eyes looking at me, not through me, as his voice came out subtly, "What did _this_ mean, mon ami?"

We stood there, staring into each others eyes for a moment, and I looked down, blushing. I wasn't sure what to say, but apparently he wasn't either, because he turned, hands slipping into his jacket pockets.

I was left on the sidewalk to contemplate what he'd asked, but watched him go. His stride was a little more confident, but it stilled wavered, and I was proud I could notice that. He reached the door to his house, and turned back to look at me. I averted my gaze, but the moment I looked back, he was gone.

I sighed.

As if school didn't give me _enough_ to think about...Eddward was going to make my head explode.


	21. Grills' Night

As I entered my home, I sighed, preparing myself for what was to come. Upon entering the vicinity of my property, I'd caught the odious scent of cigarette. That foul stench alerted me to its owner, who was likely standing out back, smoking and awaiting my return.

I glanced out the front window, watching Kevin's form fade as he entered his own domicile. I squeezed my hand, and again, sighed.

I let myself outside once more, though the back door. She was leaning right next to it, and blew a puff just as I walked out. I coughed as a show of my distaste.

"So what didja ditch me for, huh?"

I rolled my eyes at her, mirroring her pose on the opposite side of the door, "I did no such thing; I declined your request to walk home with me, and that is all."

"Yeah, but it had to be for a reason," I only blinked in response, but that told her enough, "was it him?"

"It is none of your concern, Marie."

I heard her signature snort, "It's _him_ alright. So what've you been up to all day? I couldn't even find you after school. Spill."

"Again, it's none of your-"

"Knock it off black-eyes before you earn your namesake. I love you to death but _God_ you're like a broken record over here! I'm not gonna tell anyone, jeesh! Just say it already!"

I cringed at the squeaking heights her voice reached in her irritation, and grumbled, "He desired to talk, and thus, I told him to meet me after school. That is the gist of it."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't be hiding it if that was it. Spill, _spill_! I want _all_ the gruesome details: blood, guts, _assorted bodily flu-_ "

I snapped my finger, "Enough, Marie." She was silent as I held my head, organizing my mind into something that would allow me to speak without interruption by my own...meddling thoughts. The snap was a sign for her that I had to fix myself in some way, and to wait. I've few faults, but occasionally speaking is difficult, when certain people pry for certain things. And they actually _do_ deserve answers.

"He inquired about the kiss. I told him little. He insulted my future, and I wove him a tale. He..." my eyes flickered down, and my throat hushed itself. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply.

"He...? What, did he...?" And there she went, "EEEEE!" Her girlish shriek was frustrating, but I was glad she could read my unspoken words. Even if she didn't know exactly what it was that happened, she was apparently excited about what had transpired, no matter the level of intimacy. She dropped her cigarette, crushing it under her shoe before reaching down to pick it up and stick it in a paper towel in her pocket. Father would have my head otherwise, and I was thankful for her gestures.

"Yes...quite," my cynical tone just made her giggle.

"I just can't believe it. He made a move! An actual move! Oh, oh you gotta tell me. Or, better yet, show me!" She smiled too wide, then frowned in an overly-exaggerated manner, "Or not. But come on, I need to know, pleeeeeeaaaaaaa-"

"Hands..." My traitorous voice closed itself off once again, as I found myself remembering the incident. I bit back the blush, but Marie's enthusiasm was embarrassing in its own right.

She smirked gleefully, "Awwwwwww!" Her hands were clasped together as she pouted cutely, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, certainly, now may we move on from the topic now?"

Her eyes rolled in return, "Yeah yeah...lighten up, bright eyes, things are looking up!"

I snorted cynically, "Hardly. They're simply..." I turned my gaze away, my voice crackling out weakly, "not looking down..."

Ironic, since down was exactly where I was staring.

* * *

I heard the knock on the front door, and recognized Nazz's melodic tone down in the living room. I finished up the sentence I was working on, setting my pen down before going down to greet her.

"So then I was like- oh hey, look who decided to show up!" She had a mocking grin on her face, whilst my mom was smiling pleasantly. They must have been discussing something while I finished up, but it didn't seem to be that important, because my mom turned around and waved us off.

I smirked at Nazz, "Yeah, had to finish something up, you know me n' schoolwork," she smiled knowingly and followed behind me as I went upstairs, "so what's up? Did we have plans that I forgot about, or..."

"Don't worry about it, let's just get up to your room."

And so we did. As I closed the door and walked over to my desk, I heard the click of the door locking. My eyebrows shot up as I turned around. There stood Nazz, arms folded, tapping one foot on the ground as she gave me a disappointed glare. I withered under it, gulping as my shoulders fell before it. It was rare she gave anyone that look, so I wasn't exactly prepared for it.

"You didn't call."

Oops. "I forg-"

"What are you hiding?" The words whipped out, striking at me as fiercely as her eyes. Her sweetly dimming voice did nothing to lighten the mood.

"...I can't tell you." Great, Kevin. You coulda just, you know, said 'nothing.' You know, like a smart person would. Now you've opened a whole _new_ can of worms...

Her eyes narrowed, looking down angrily at the carpet as she mumbled, "Sarah saw you, you know..."

"Saw what?" My eyes locked on her, and I felt my heart leap from my chest.

"You and Eddward, walking home together. I didn't believe it at first, but...but that look on your face, it's totally true!"

I stumbled out, "It's not what you-"

"What's he making you do, Kevin?"

"I..." I gathered my courage, "nothing! Absolutely nothing, I swear!"

Her eyes seemed to lighten, but her body was showing her breaking a little, "Please, Kevin...I'm really worried about you. I know we've been falling apart a lot lately, but...but I care. I'm scared for you. He's...he's really scary, alright? And I just..."

"Nazz..." I walked towards her, placing my hands on her shoulders. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I just...I want to be sure you're okay...you're my best friend, Kev. For real. And I...I feel like I'm losing you..."

I squeezed her shoulders, "You're not. I just...I just can't talk about it yet. There's... _so much_ going on, Nazz, and I just can't."

She looked down, distantly, and we held our position there for little over a minute.

"P..." her voice was weak, but she straightened up, looking me dead in the eye, "promise me he's not hurting you, at least? I can't..."

"I swear on it, Nazz. I promise, if he does, you'll be the first to know."

She let out a half-hearted, scoffing laugh, "Ha...you know, like when he twisted your wrist."

"Hey, I totally had it coming!"

"You did?" Me and my big mouth.

"Uhh...complicated. But...kinda, yeah, I did."

Nazz cast an analyzing glare over me for a moment, thumbing her chin. Then, she smirked.

"You're such an idiot."

I laughed breathily, feeling the weight in the room slowly lessen.

"A _smart_ idiot," I pointed out.

She smiled, "But an idiot nonetheless."

* * *

We'd never left our positions behind the house. The odd bathroom break aside, we had remained dormant as statues keeping watch on our post. Marie was barely visible, the glow of her cigarette signalling her position, the gibbous moon casting an ethereal glow over her. I wished to blend in, but my white shirt shone in the moonlight. I was half-tempted to rip the thing off.

I wrinkled my nose as a soft gust blew the smoke in my direction. I rolled my eyes, gazing upon the red-lined, scarlet clouds in the muggy sky.

"You know, I wish you'd stop that disgusting habit," my voice growled into the night, met by a playful cackle.

"Well, I wish _you'd_ take those damn _wristbands_ off!" I could hear the mockery in her voice, but ignored it. This was a normal conversation for us.

I was intrigued by her proposition, however, "And how do you expect me to pull _that_ off, _Maria_?"

I heard her take a puff of her smoke, and I growled internally, "I dunno...tattoos for something?"

I scoffed.

"Hey, look...if you ever stop wearing them...I'll quit," the silence emphasized what she'd said, "Cold turkey. Swear to God on it."

I turned her way, "That doesn't mean much."

"...Alright, how about, swear to _Cthuhlu_?"

She had her hands out in a 'come on, accept it' sort of pose, and I couldn't help the smirk teasing at my lips. It, in turn, caused her to grin back quite widely. I bit my lip to still my mood.

"You're outrageous...you _do_ know that, don't you, Marie?"

The blue-dyed fringe shone in the moonlight, as her eyes looked to its beauteous amber. I wondered, at that moment, what she could be thinking. She looked peaceful. But I never asked; for I did nothing but disturb her peace.

A smile accompanied her chuckling sigh, "You're glad about that, though, aren'tcha? You're glad I'm here, even if I'm a trailer trash artist who won't surpass you in this whole 'game of life' thing..."

I didn't respond to her, but I knew she heard my answer. Some part of her was forever linked to me, and I was thankful for her. It was...frightening...to allow someone other than her into my life. Someone who didn't know my secrets, or the games I played. Who just thought I was a sadistic, venomous creature lurking in the unseen corners of the hallways...as if that has any sort of use in the real world. I blinked the thoughts away, because she was staring at me.

I nodded to the moon, "...To solace."

An echo, "To companionship."

We sighed out the same breath, and I'd forgotten all about the smoke that was slowly suffocating me. Like the comforting hug of something familiar, deadly thought it may be. The addicting poison, when one forgets how it is to simply _be_.

Without _pain_.

 _Perhaps, funnily enough,_ _the smoke was an allusion to my life,_ I thought, as my smile shone twisted in the sepia glow of the moon.


	22. Shooting the Morning Breeze

The morning was crisp with winter-tinged air, but snow was something of a rarity in Peach Creek. The sky was painted with light white brushstrokes and contrails, and the sun was blinding, but warm. I took in a deep breath, embracing the new day with the courage only morning can give.

I'd woken up early, and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt electric, and decided it meant I had to meet the day head-on. I mean, it probably didn't, but what else was I gonna do? Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling? Yeah, thanks but no thanks, I've got a _little_ bit more of a life than that. So I got up, made some breakfast, packed my books, and took a long walk through the cool, end-of-winter weather.

February is always more spring-like here than most places. I kind-of missed winter, actually; the possibility of snow. I mean, snow days were impossible, but I could hope, right? So I enjoyed the cool air, the feel of my brown jacket on my arms, and walked to school. Early. Waaay early. I doubt Nazz was even up yet. Good 30 minutes at least.

So of course when I saw Eddward there, I freaked out. I mean...I'm not a stalker or anything, but he generally showed up with Marie. Later. But there we was, a single boot back against the wall, hands in his pockets. It was rather picturesque, in a 'scary hunter' kinda way. Looked like he was ready to kick off the wall at any moment, but he stayed unmoving. As I resumed walking, I kept an eye on him.

He looked up at me...and nodded to his left. His eyes didn't leave me. I blushed, a little shocked he was...wait, _was_ he? No, he had to be, he was asking for me to come over there. Alright, big thoughts, deep breaths, hold your ground Kev...

"The little wolf wakes early, it seems," his voice was ice, warmed by the sun. His eyes were gleaming, and it made him seem less-threatening.

"Yeah...you too, right?" I walked up beside him, hopping up on a cement windowsill; the blinds on the classroom behind me were closed, seeing as no one was there yet. I held tight to it, the roughness of it reminding me just how real this whole situation was.

" _Oui_. I'tis a perilous kismet, our dance, is it not?"

I just stared at him, perplexed by his random statement, even if I understood the words. The meaning, however, was beyond me.

"...Huh?"

A soft, exhaled laugh, lips never parting til he spoke, "Mon ami, must I be overt? Can you not understand the little insinuations I make in English so plain? I speak it for your sake, you know."

I rolled my eyes, my mouth running away from me, "And your dad, obviously."

His eyes cut into me, and I slapped my hands over my mouth. I stared wide-eyed at him, dreading what sort of response I'd incited from him.

Instead, I watched as the corner of his lip nudged upwards, just a tad, his eyes looking down at the cold, dew-laden grass, " _Père cruel_...yes, you are quite astute in that, mon petit." His eyes fell upon me again, but this time, they lacked their edge. I was so close to him, and with the way the sun shone, I noticed the black lines outlining each eye. I was a bit surprised I'd never noticed it before, and it sent me into my own thoughts, whilst he held tight to himself, lost in memories I could never imagine.

After a long silence, he spoke, "Red, would you permit me the favor of," his words were calm and slow, and for the slightest moment, I flinched, "pre-reading my paper? I...fear Marie has declined, _once more_." His fingers held his brow, and a shadow cast over his face.

I shrugged, "Uhh, sure. I mean, if you want."

He nodded, "Merci."

I found, in my hands, a genuine Eddward essay. Fantastically neat writing, lacking even eraser marks. But, it was in pencil, so I assumed there was reason to that. I began to scour the page, taking in each sentence and any vague meanings they hid. There were none. It reminded me much of Eddward's "Respect" essay...I was a bit perterbed.

I noticed he was toying with fingers, almost boredly. Realizing I'd left him with nothing to do, I turned, "Did you...yaknow, wanna read mine?"

His eyes lingered on me as he seemingly weighed the options, "...I suppose that would be alright. It's only natural that I return the favor." At his response, I took off my backpack, carefully locating the paper and handing it to him. Gingerly, he took it. I had hoped I would be able to see any sort of reactions he had as he read it, but his expression was locked as it always was. I returned my eyes to his paper.

I finished just as the first few students started arriving, but immediately felt a little uncomfortable with the fact I was so close to Eddward. I mean...he DID call me over...and there's no way he didn't see the students...

"Fret not, little pup. All is well." His gaze never left the paper, but I knew he was talking to me. I bit my lip. He looked up, his head slightly tilted, "You have finished, then?"

I nodded.

"May I...perhaps know what you found at fault in my writings?"

His expression didn't change, but I felt a little shocked he'd admit anything could be wrong with what he wrote. Still...being honest to Eddward hadn't gotten me bit so far. I figured, since he was asking, I might as well try.

"Well..." as I started, I felt his form grow closer to me, eyes looking upon his paper. His dark jean jacket brushed against my sleeve, and I stuttered, "ya-you see this sentence? It's forced. I mean...I pretty much get that you didn't wanna write any of this, right? But there's forcing and then there's just bull-shitting," he shifted, and I blinked, shaking my head, "I mean...yeah. You pretty much know how to fake it pretty well, but you can't just write something happy like that out of nowhere. Might as well plant a fucking daisy in an urn."

The stifled chuckle threw me for a loop, my head whipping towards him. There was this smile on his face, like...a real one. Not just some line I thought mighta sorta been one, but something he musta not been able to control. If I hadn't been so freaked out by it, I might have commented, but instead I just stared. When his overcast eyes met mine once more, I could see the storm whipping around in them. He blinked it away, and the ice held him again. He stared at me.

"And you, mon cher...you still have your bike?" His voice was soft; not teasing, not taunting, simply curious. I looked down, squinting at the sunlight shining off a remaining droplet of dew. He was referring to my essay, its topic, and...I felt a little bit ashamed for what I had to answer. I handed his paper back as he handed over mine.

"Yes, I do. It's safe in my garage."

He scoffed, "Might as well be trash if it's left to rot. What use is such a thing when its purpose is left unfulfilled?"

I shot him a scathing glare, "Hey, it's not my fault I don't want it ruined..."

Eddward dropped his shoulders a little, speaking lightly, "Mon ami, one must bare themselves to the elements to feel the sun. Why hide? I can assure you, nothing is gained from the shadows."

"Pfft," I rolled my eyes at him, slipping my hands into my pockets, "says the guy who never leaves them."

"Ha, you're gonna let him talk to you like that babe?" I jumped at the sound of Marie's voice, as she slid her way around the evergreen. Her smirk was devilish, her arms crossed. Eddward regarded her nonchalantly.

"He knows little, and speaks what he knows as the truth. Besides..." I hung onto that last word, waiting to know what else he had to say about me. Instead, he remained silent. Marie seemed to figure out what he meant, though, because her grin softened to one of sympathy.

"So what was that about a bike?"

I looked at her crossly, but Eddward responded, "Little Red's happiness comes in the form of a treasured cycle he refuses to ride. Why that is, however, I could not say."

The third wheel now, I just watched them banter, "Prob'ly cuz of Tweedles Jami and Jonny, if I had to guess." She smirked in my direction, and I lowered the bill of my cap to hide my face.

"Ahh...the Fearful Pup. My Little Red, what shall we do with you?"

I turned to him, shocked at hearing something so casual slip from his lips. And yes, there it was, that faint hint of a smile that lined his lips. It was as though Marie's presence relaxed him, and, for once, he was letting down his defenses. I should have felt honored, but...I still didn't like him. I mean...he's a condescending asshat who forces me to do whatever he wants. Right?

"I dunno, but it'll have to wait 'til later. His little girly-girl is coming our way. Think fast, cutie!"

Marie smirked and shoved me from where I was, and I stumbled into view of her from behind the tree. She turned her head my way and waved. I nervously waved back, head turning to see Eddward and Marie from the corner of my eye.

They weren't there anymore.

My heart dropped...wait...why? I mean...

I shook my head, turning back to Nazz and putting on a welcoming grin. Whatever, who needs them anyways? They're jerks. And whatever Eddward was doing to me? That was the totally the jerkiest of it all.

And yet...I found myself looking back one more time, at the empty space, and...feeling a little bit upset.

But at what?


	23. Speech Atrophy

The day had settled behind us. Marie and I had gone our separate ways at school's end, but I found my mind still looking over the events of earlier in the day. That lost, pleading look in Kevin's eyes as Marie shoved him off 'to the wolves,' so to speak. _Though Nazz is in no way a wolf,_ I thought, a subtle smile teasing at the corner of my mouth. The morning already carried a nostalgic feel to it, the twinkle of the dew in the sunlight, the way his hair shined under that ridiculous hat of his...

I fidgeted, hand reaching unconsciously to my own hat, hiding a tuft of hair beneath it. My eyes were downcast, my purpose unclear for the evening. Memories came and went, fleeting as the goldfinch in the underbrush. On my desk, a paper lay. False, sloppily-made and hastily-written. To anyone else, it would appear gilded in calligraphy, hopeful, and perhaps a little naïve. To me, however...it was utter garbage, not worthy of claiming me as its author.

I took pride in the fact that Kevin noticed this right away. Or, I assumed he did; let it be known my assumptions are rarely false. Still, it disgusted me that I'd written such dreck in the first place. Fingers found their ways to the sides of the essay, sliding under its thin, blasphemous form, my scowl penetrating it. My thumbs pressed deeper as my mind delved into my utter hatred for the drivel I'd spewed so falsely, and before long, there was a crease forming in the paper. I noticed, but took no action to stop it.

Traitorous hands clenched the paper, fingernails leaving marks, until I looked down and saw nothing but trash in my hands. My only draft, and it was gone.

I blinked myself out of my peculiar revery, tossing the thing to the floor with careless abandon. Before it even touched the floor, another paper was before me. I examined its lines, and plotted the words in my mind. The memories returned in the shiest spark of thought.

I would write about what made me happy. And it would be...'true.' Almost.

Close enough.

* * *

The whole day, he was watching me again. I mean, I should've gotten used to it by now, but some days his eyes hid, and others, like today...they glowed. Not literally, of course, just that they stood out, and when I caught them, I didn't feel the cold chill he normally cast towards gawkers. It's like sometimes I'm allowed to watch him, and I guess that's...kinda nice? I mean, kinda weird, don't get me wrong, but the fact he gave me that special privelege was... _something_.

You know, I barely notice him in my other classes. He's quiet, out of view, and there's rarely any group activities to spur me to turn around and see him lingering in the back. It's only been English class, and only recently, where I've seen him out of his shell, engaging, conversing, _being_. Maybe it's just because of Marie, but either way, when I walked into English that day, I was met with the distinctive, rumbling baritone of his voice.

I didn't catch any of them, but I still turned to look his way. Marie was sitting on her desk, shoes on the chair as she stared back at Eddward. She didn't seem to notice the stray glance he shot towards me, but I saw his eyes look down afterwards. Something bubbled inside me. Confidence, maybe? It was just different, I guess. He never had a problem meeting my eyes before now...

I sat down, awaiting the teacher's inevitable arrival to start class.

Like clockwork, she appeared, and the chaos of the unsettled clas was gone in an instant.

"It's Wednesday, dears. Take out your papers and pass them to your partner for inspection, chop-chop! The sooner you start, the sooner you finish, and before you know it, you'll have your paper handed in and have spare time in your future!"

She was _way_ too cheery sometimes. And weird. _Teachers_...

I remained in my seat for a good half a minute before I realized that Eddward wasn't coming. A lull in the sounds of moving desks and excited whispers brought this to my attention, and I turned to look at him. His head was buried in his arms, the black jean jacket pressing lines into his cheeks. His eyes stared forward at Marie's arm, as she said something to him. I watched the exchange, and noticed Marie's obvious frustration when she pushed herself back around, standing up and moving to her partner's desk.

Well, I kinda had to get this done. Decided it was gonna have to be the hard way.

Getting up from my desk, I carefully maneuvered the maze of desks, wondering how Eddward could ever manage to look so elegant doing the same thing. I nearly tripped, twice! Once it wasn't even over a binder, it was just me not paying attention to someone moving. I grunted angrily as I finally found my way to Eddward's desk on the other side of the classroom.

I saw a paper under his arms, and I assumed it was his Essay, but...the title looked different. I wanted to take a closer look, but that meant either leaning down in front of the wolf, or asking. And hell if I was gonna risk the first one. I cleared my throat, but he didn't look up. I sighed frustratedly.

"Hey, it's time to...you know...do the thing. Can I have your paper?"

His eyes rolled, but not in frustration. He slowly sat up; it reminded me of a cat stratching, eyes cringed closed as he cricked his neck. He blinked open, looking my way as though he hadn't just been ignoring the world a moment ago.

" _Can_ you?" The sarcasm practically oozed from his voice.

I threw up my hand disbelievingly, "... _MAY_ I have your paper, _Mr. Vincent_?"

He darkened at the added name, handing me the paper almost mechanically. I returned the gesture, but he was slow to take mine. He didn't look back at me; instead, he reached under his hat, pulling out a red pen. Huh.

I weaved my way back through the desks to sit back down, getting ready to try and officially proofread the paper I'd seen the morning prior. Yeah, that was a total bust. Instead, I was face-to-face with a brand new essay, entitled, **Talk**.

It started out with a brilliant line, as all of his writing did. Something to catch the reader, entangle them.

 _We are all born with a voice, however we choose to speak it; however, it is merely talk if no one is there to listen._

I envied him, the way he wove these beautiful things, I didn't understand how he could be such a dark person all the time. He had such beautiful thoughts. I continued on, his first paragraph's gleaning.

 _Some of us will go our entire lives talking to walls, speaking with books, and trying, desperately, to actually be heard._

But...but _I_ hear you, Eddward.

 _Our truest words will atrophy, a muscle without use but for minor communications, when we've no one to speak to._

What don't you say?

 _We'll find a few that will stop and listen, but a lot of times they're like mirrors, able to reflect but nothing more._

Well, that doesn't make sense. What...

 _Then, that rare person comes along that hears you, and replies with something you could never imagine, and you're free._

 _..._

 _Like an atom, we react, we decay, and most important of all, we bond and become something greater than we ever were separate. When you find the one that makes you smile in this empty, atomic world, you must react, or you will fade away._

I stayed silent for a moment, contemplating the words, their meaning. It wasn't difficult to determine, but it was still odd. He'd rewritten the entire essay in one night, it seemed, and now it was this. Cryptic, or blatant? I wanted to think...no, no no no, read on.

I did just as such. The paragraphs didn't do much but to cement my beliefs. The occasional line would strike me...

 _To think that someone's smile could create my own, or a gesture stir feelings rare and deep.  
_

 _It's funny to think I'd bond to such a peculiar compound, light and free to travel where they wish, the whole world ahead of them, as I lay the dormant solid weighing myself down._

I looked his way again, and watched his pen. Something inside me couldn't wait to own a little piece of Eddward's writing...I blinked myself back to reality, shaking my head as I went back to 'fixing' his paper. There wasn't much, but I knew better than to hand a blank paper back to him, else he'd completely ruin it when he turned it back in.

I kind-of wished he'd let me keep one of his papers. Nothing else made me think about him this way. It was dangerous, but...so was playing with wolves, and I did that daily.

I turned back to watch him working on my paper, finally having finished his. He looked...pissed? That was odd. I figured it'd make sense when I read whatever he had written, and sighed.

The next few minutes were agonizingly slow, and I closed my eyes for a moment, only to hear the tell-tale 'click' 'click' of his heels.

"Dozing off, are we?" I looked up at him, his head cocked in a semi-playful way. Something in the way he held himself told me he would be smiling, were he anyone else. Maybe it was just his eyes. I guess you can't hide them...

"Nah, just waitin' on you. You done now?" My eyes flicked down to the paper in his hands.

"Quite," he slid my paper onto my desk, taking hold of the one in my hands and removing it before I could say anything, and mumbled lowly, "thank you for your time."

My eyebrows shot up, but he'd already turned back to his desk, this time silent. He was so damn strange. I looked down to my paper.

In bright red ink at the top, there was a line, and a word bolded by repeated lines of ink, underlined, with a distinct lack of cursive.

It said, simply:

 **Don't let fear be your eyes  
RIDE**

Unconsciously I blushed at the pure conviction in his words. My mind immediately searched for a distraction, going down to his first reviews, and finding them average. Well, average for Eddward. What had driven him to write _that_ , though? I looked over at him, and found him examining his paper silently. He didn't seem to acknowledge me. I felt a little disappointed by that, for some reason.

I read through the rest of his comments and thought of tweaks, until class came near an end.

The bell was just about to ring, when the teacher spoke up, "Now, I know I have this essay for you to finish by Friday, but I'd like to assign you an extra credit assignment based on the upcoming holiday," the bell rang, desks shifting and kids getting up to leave as she continued, "so as a head start, here is the topic: I would like you to write a poem about what love means to you. Any format, due Monday. I will read your works anonymously to the class. So for those of you that need a boost in your grade point average, try it out! I'll see you all tomorrow."

I had scrawled the extra credit note on a piece of paper in my binder, and got my stuff together to leave. Eddward had already left the classroom. I frowned.

Why was I frowning, anyways? This thought stayed in my mind as I made my way out of the classroom, clutching my books tight against me. I looked for him once I'd left the room, but he was gone.

Later that day, I'd made up my mind. I wanted to get to the bottom of why he wrote that...that _thing_ he wrote.

I was going to go over to his house, and, and...pray he didn't kill me for bothering him.

The fuck is wrong with me?


	24. Can Wolves Speak

"So how did our boyo react?" Marie smirked as she commented, keeping pace with my long strides, despite my subconscious attempts to leave the conversation behind. She didn't deserve to be ignored, I was simply not in the mood at the time for her proddings.

"As one might expect, Marie," I said nonchalantly, hoping to dissuade her from inquiring any further, but she seemed hell-bent.

"Sooo...does that mean he _got_ it, or...?"

I looked away silently, lips in a line, "I do not know, Marie; he wrote little of interest on my paper." As far as I knew, at least, for my eyes had skillfully avoided reading any of his commentary. I'd say I at least tried to, but that would be false; I was...worried. I did not wish for anyone to catch me in such a compromised position, and thus, I avoided the triggers.

"Yeah, well," she sounded resigned, "I know what _your_ paper was about. Wanna hear about mine?"

Glad to have another topic to latch onto, I nodded curtly, and she went on about what made her 'happy.' To be quite honest, I was glad to hear about her passion for the canvas, illustrations and the like. I held tight to her words as she spoke, and enjoyed the glow she gave off, as I avoided my own worries. But, occasionally, they peeked their heads out and a stray thought would make me blink.

I felt the softest of raindrops hit my neck, and looked up. Marie stopped talking once she noticed, and groaned.

"Alright, guess we gotta cut this short. I better get home before a downpour starts. Seeya later, tough guy!"

I did not respond, but it was rare I would. Instead, I continued home, for I was only a few minutes from it. The musty scent of the mostly-unused house caught me once I left the petrichor. The shift from the smell of rain to this was unsettling, but it was a reminder of my life. I closed my eyes defeatedly the moment I closed the door.

Fear comes in all forms, but pain is the reality behind it. We do not fear that which causes no pain, and I knew his words...they could. For some time now, I felt free to express myself upon the safety of loose-leaf, and now a boy had come to judge me. A boy with no right, a golden path in life and little weight on his breast that was not petty and trivial. But all the same, my heart thumped when I thought of what I'd written. To him. And if he knew.

 _Of course he knew_.

I steeled myself, and broke the fear with practiced numbness. My seat on the couch was taken, bag placed on the coffee table as I slid the menacing, judgemental paper out, complete with separate inks. My heart bumped, and I took a deep breath, for I felt nothing, I told myself. I required the commentary for the sake of writing something acceptable for the teacher. My creative writings were not favored by those preferring formal, and that was Mrs. Rhodes to a T.

Most of his comments were similar; **too wordy** , **dumb it down** , **reading an essay not a dictionary**. That last one almost made me laugh, admittedly. Quite true, but I did not care when I first took to paper with my words. As I read his blunt commentary, I felt the strangeness of a smile upon my lips, and was reminded of the subject. I had nothing to fear, after-all; it was all in my head. A mind game.

Softly, the doorbell rang.

I looked up at the door as though expecting someone to enter, but there was silence. It was such a late hour; was Father expecting a package? Who else could be visiting at this time? Marie would simply enter through the back.

All these possibilities ran through my head as I approached the door, unlocking it carefully.

Opening it, I found a certain red-haired boy, shoulders heavily dotted with rain. I stared at him, befuddled, expecting an explanation, but none came. The rain was subtle, but I watched as every drop fell upon him, unable to make him move. He looked up at me, finally, and I cast him a confused look, head slightly tilted. He bit his lip, and I found myself rolling my eyes. I moved to the side, and gestured him inside. He happily obliged.

Closing the door once more, I found that Kevin carried the scent of rain on him, and immediately turned to lock the door. How quick I was to become embarrassed, I thought, allowing the back of my hand to smooth over my warming cheeks. I did not face him when I turned, instead passing him to return to the couch, sitting and holding my hands. I looked up at him curiously.

"...Yes?" I finally said, the tension of the room not lessened by the soft drumming of rain on the roof.

"Uh, hey," his hands went immediately down to his pockets.

I growled, my lip rising in slight frustration, "Did you need something? Or did you simply forget your home was across the street? This is not a rain shelter, Mr. Barr."

"Hey, I know that, I - uh," he blinked, and he seemed to come out of his daze, freezing as he continued, "I...just...had something to ask you okay?"

I decided to humour him, "Oh? And that would be?"

"The - the thing on my essay. That you wrote, on it, I mean."

I toyed with the band on my wrist, "Why yes, Little Red, I _am_ in fact _aware_ of the things I've written."

He huffed, voice deepening, " _My_ name _is_ Kevin..."

Our eyes met, but the fear in his eyes at saying such a thing to me was overshadowed by a touch of rebellion. Frustration. Maybe a little bravery, if I could hope?

I decided to prod it.

"Oh, really now? All I see is a lost boy in a little red cap strolling through his day, praying the wolves don't catch him, _always_ taking the path most-travelled and playing it safe-"

"Fuck off, asshat, you don't know me."

If he didn't look so cold and angry, I might have smirked. But as it was, his hands having moved to hold his arms, I felt a touch of pity. Beating an animal when they are down, whether by illness, chill, emotion, none were worthwhile.

I sighed gently, shifting over to the side a slight amount, looking back up at him. He both wilted, and strengthened, under my gaze. My shoulders relaxed at his passion, and I spoke, "Sit. I won't have you catching a chill as my guest, no matter how foolish your reasons for coming are."

I could feel the bite in his gaze, and I felt a breath escape my nose in amusement. Slowly, however, he came to my side, and sat. I was relieved he did not choose to sit on Father's side, but I assumed it was only out of habit, and not respect, or even caring. He was rather upset about something, and I hoped he would voice it rather than exhaust me with these foolish little spats we had.

His eyes were resting on the essay I'd left on the table, but I kept my gaze on him. It took him a moment to realize I was staring at him, and when he did, he blushed. It was...endearing. He squirmed, seeming to want to say something. I was content just being next to him...and that mere thought made me turn my head away. I was too close; too close.

"Were you...writing about me?"

The room was tense, but the pattering on the roof was calming. I turned my head further away, rather than respond. I did not see his reaction.

"I...what sorts of..." His voice trailed off, then softened, "What...sorts of things don't you say?"

Gradually I turned my head, catching his hazel eyes, and being caught in them. I wasn't certain what to say. I think...he could tell.

"...You're not really an asshat, are you?" The relaxed manner in which he said that caught me off-guard, but my face betrayed nothing. He narrowed his eyes, "See? There it is again. You're pretty shit at hiding it."

"Oh?" I quipped, pulling my head back defensively, fingers curling over my leg. I wanted nothing more than to hold the arm of the couch, to give me something to hold onto, but I did not want to show weakness. I was not weak, after-all.

"Don't 'oh' me, you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about, don't you?" There was an uneasiness in his eyes, and I felt myself move back further, but he pressed on, "You talk like you know everything, like nothing scares you, but that's just it. It's all fucking bullshit, isn't it? It's all just some game to you, and I'm just some fun thing for you to mess around with every once in a while. Is that it? I bet all these things you write are just to make people feel sorry for you..."

"Kevin."

"No, this is bullshit, I'm done playing these games. Tell me what you want with me, and then I'm so over this."

"Kevin Barr."

"No, fuck _you_ , man."

I thrusted my palm forward into his chest, knocking him down onto the couch, "No, _you_ listen, you rebellious little -pup-," I accentuated the word with my lips, "there are..." I stopped, looking into his fearful eyes for a moment before I felt my courage leave me. My fake, necessary courage...

I felt weak.

"...things. So many, many things that you can not even _begin_ to comprehend, about me. And I speak them, but only just."

Kevin stared at me, but I could not return his gaze. I held my hands together, squeezing them.

"And I thought... _foolishly_...that you heard me..."

I closed my eyes.

"...I guess I was wrong."

The rain was settling, and I didn't hear, or feel him, move. I focused on my breathing, and stayed still.

A shift.

The rain slowed further, barely audible. Minutes passed.

When I felt something touch my hands, I jumped, intaking a sharp breath as my eyes shot open. I saw Kevin's hand over mine, but he pulled it back immediately. I couldn't bare to look at him, instead, looking at the floor with empty eyes.

"S-s-sorry," his voice jittered, but I didn't look back, "I didn't mean...I'm..." I heard him swallow, and saw his hand clench from the corner of my eye, "I just...you _fuck_ with me, you know that?"

I gave the slightest of nods.

"Yeah, you do. I figured as much...but what's with _this_? This essay? And...and other things, like the scars," I immediately felt self-conscious of my wrists, pulling my arms closer, "I just...a few weeks ago, I thought you were just some jerk who got joy out of messing up my day. But now," he sighed, "now I kinda just wanna know why you're like that in the first place."

Weakly, I looked back at him, but there was no malice in his eyes. He stared at me as though I were a riddle, and I suppose I was. I almost wanted to speak up. Almost.

The silence drew him to continue, "The things you wrote on my paper...they're all true. I mean...Nazz has been trying to get me to stop being so afraid for, what... _years_ now? But when even _you_ say it, it kinda...makes me feel pretty stupid. Even the wolf is telling me to stop being such a pansy-ass, huh?" He chuckled at himself, and it was strangely comforting, "So you can't be all that bad, can you?"

I didn't respond.

"...Yeah, kinda figured you wouldn't say anything. Look, sorry about before. I've been kinda stewing in this all day and I...shoulda known better than to open my big mouth."

"It does tend to get you in trouble," I remarked idly.

He laughed, "Yeah, yeah it does..."

The silence took hold again, but he was smiling now. And I felt like, were I not bound by so much in my life, I'd have been smiling then to. As it was, I barely managed to lift my gaze. And my gaze fell upon his hand.

I reached for it, and took it. It felt cold within my own, but my fingers laced with his...and his laced back.

He allowed it.

I looked into his eyes, a rogue blush having crept onto my cheeks, only to find his cheeks were a dashing red as well. His smile...

I wasn't sure, but, perhaps, I was smiling. It felt like it, but I couldn't be sure until I saw his grin widen.

"Your eyes..."

I blinked in confusion, barely tilting my head in response.

He squeezed my hand, and I felt a rush of butterflies run through me, "Even if the rest of you is hiding, you can't hide your eyes, can you?"

I let out a soft chuckle, barely able to be considered a laugh, and my cheeks warmed further, "I...suppose not."

"Yeah, well, I like it." And I heard the unsaid words, _and I like you_.

He did not have to say them, but it warmed me. My eyes locked with his, but any courage I had was long gone. I was exposed before him, though hidden in wristbands and threatening clothes, and I was at his mercy.

He was tantalizingly slow. Every inch lingered for long seconds, and I heard his soft breathing as our faces neared. I watched his eyes, how they nervously darted down to my lips, then back up, then down again. It was enough to make me smile, to spur me on, but I had taken his first kiss; I would allow him to take his second. My lips parted the slightest amount, and his tongue rolled nervously between his. It was...cute. A mere inch apart...and I closed my eyes.

I was no stranger to his lips; I still dreamt of them, their softness, how their touch remained long after he was gone. But he was in control now, and guided the kiss nervously as I never could. My free hand found its way behind his ear, tracing the curve of cartilage, making him flinch. He did not part, though, for several more seconds. And when he did, he left with my breath. My heart was warm, even if my smile had faded. His hand still held mine.

I blinked my eyes open, and saw the beautiful expression on his face. Timid, but excited. I missed the feel of his lips, but I did not rush him.

I had earned his kiss, I realized...but I still had to earn more.

The room was gloomy with the overcast light of the passing storm, and it was tiring me. I was tempted, for a moment, to lean back and close my eyes...when another thought crossed my mind. I closed my eyes, but instead, I took a calming breath, and leaned to my left. My shoulder connected with his, and my ear rested against his shoulder. I felt him jump...but he didn't force me away.

He didn't say anything at all. He just sat there for a while, until, eventually, I felt his head rest upon my own. I felt the rim of his cap through my hat, and though it was strange to feel...it wasn't.

It all felt right, and -I- felt right.

I...I felt... _alright_...

And when he left a long while after, we didn't say a word, but our eyes spoke volumes.

He smiled at me before he left, and I wanted to smile back, but I couldn't.

But I think he knew.

And in the back of my mind, I feared what else he might see.


	25. Act Like Your Life

" ** _Marie!_** " I heard the shout from behind the closed door, but just rolled my eyes and finished putting on my eyeshadow. I heard pounding against my door.

"Quiet down, will ya? Jeeze, I'll be out in a second, Lee."

"You have five, now hurry up, will ya? You're hoggin' the mirror!"

Her raspy voice made me smirk, as I snapped shut the eyeshadow's case and stuck it back on my shelf in the cupboard. As much as I loved my house, my mom, and my sisters, being in a trailer home just meant a lot less room for...well, everything. I kinda wished May hadn't smashed the only other mirror in the house.

Pushing open the bathroom door, Lee shoved past and quickly locked it. I rolled my eyes again, but heard the tell-tale sound of packaging, and sighed. She could have just said something, jeeze. Didn't have to make up a phony excuse about the mirror. But that's Lee for you, insecure and wily as a feral animal.

As I walked back to my room, I heard May coughing. The scent of smoke was pretty strong, the wind must have been blowing it in the doorway. My fingered twitched, but I resisted heading out for a smoke. May didn't care, but I sure as hell didn't wanna get kicked out of school for smelling like smoke. Sure, I made exceptions and skipped class a couple times, but I tried to avoid the teachers afterwards.

I grabbed my bag off the floor, loading my schoolwork into it and whipping it over my shoulder. On my way out the door, May nodded a little goodbye, and I waved, heading towards school.

As per usual, I went through the woods to pass by Eddward's house. He didn't always want to talk in the mornings, especially since his dad was the king of all assholes and ruined most of them, but sometimes he'd show. He'd stand at the light pole out of view of his place, and I'd meet him. And, by the looks of it, he was there this morning.

The look on his face was disconcerting, but I let it slide for a second as I went over and bumped shoulders with him. I could hear him groan internally, but he didn't fight back, so least he seemed in a talking mood. I decided to pry.

"What's shakin' bacon?" I kept my tone light, having to be the sun against his darkness.

"Hmph." He slid his hand into his pocket, the small chain rattling, and pulled out a neatly hole-punched note. He unclipped the chain, and slid it over to me, letting the chain fall back inside his pocket. It annoyed me that he couldn't just bring me it to show me _without_ going through all this crap to make sure his dad wouldn't find out. All it took was _one_ slip-up, one cut, and...this began. I sighed, and read the note.

 ** _Tomorrow you will scrub the floor where your friend left wet tracks, I will not have mildew in this household. Please refrain from repeating this mistake next time, and clean it up immediately. Harrison_**

I pointed my finger into my mouth and made a gagging sound, and heard an amused huff from Eddward. He reached for the note, securing it back onto the clip and concealing it once more. At least he didn't seem _too_ upset, but...that was kinda the thing. And what with the mention of a 'friend' in the note, I was curious...

"What's got _you_ in such a good mood, black-eyes?" I cocked my head at him, and found his lips in a line. I sighed deeply, giving him a shove against his shoulder, "Just tell me, Eddward."

He seemed pensive for a moment, eyes examining the sidewalk, before returning forward.

"Yeah?" I prodded.

"Kevin came over." His lack of enthusiasm was unsurprising.

"Well, yeah, I kinda figured _that_ much, but...?"

He kept silent, looking only slightly down.

"Oh, you _sooo_ gotta tell me what happened now."

I heard him sigh, and watched as he slipped into...someone else.

"I...suppose it's of no use hiding it, is there?" I shook my head calmly, watching as his guarded façade fell. It was both disheartening, and pleasant, to see him like this. I never knew quite what triggered him to 'give up' like this, but I knew how easy it was for him to slip back into his other self. I stayed silent, waiting for a response.

He cleared his throat, taking a breath, "I...found him at my door last night. Wet from the rain, Lord knows I wouldn't leave him there, even if his home was right across the way. So I invited him in, and...of course, forgot to take care of the tracks, hence the note."

The voice he used was odd. Unlike the dark, stormy rumble, it was rather feathery in its insecurity. Lighter, but still afraid. I wondered how many people ever heard this voice from him...

"We spoke, and he drilled questions into me like the inquisitive person he is," I held back a smirk at the kindly remark, noting he'd normally never say anything favorable towards the boy in any other mood, "and eventually I acquiesced. He's rather amusing, though he did not find it as such when he questioned what I was doing to him."

A haunting, soft sadness rang in his chuckle. I bit my lip to keep myself from cutting him off, but watched the beautiful gleam in his eyes, the way his lips parted in that sad smile of his. This was the boy I dealt with all this crap for, I just wished the world saw him...

"I must say, I did not expect for him to...to," his voice went silent, "to kiss me." Several steps echoed on the sidewalk before he continued, voice hushed and wavering, "Afterwards, I suppose we were both shocked, but...I could not run. Not after that. And so I stayed there, against him...him against me...until we knew it time to part, and we said nothing. And thus was the evening that did not deserve to be."

I felt the iced edge of those last words, and painfully watched his eyes darken, any hint of a smile retreating from his now-closed lips. Shut inside again...

"It was _totally_ an evening that 'deserved to be,' Eddward. You said it yourself," or a part of yourself, " _he_ was the one that kissed _you_ this time. You can't just shove that off to the side like it's last week's leftovers!"

A scoffed huff, and his frustratingly stubborn glare settled on me, "You should know the dangers. I dance upon razors, his kiss is my antifreeze and I shall fall to his bane before long. How foolish I to entertain such a laughable thing for so long..."

"Shut it, black-eyes," I gave him a shove at his shoulder, harder than usual, looking into his gaze, "You..."

I couldn't continue, but I didn't need to. He heard it through my eyes, and stayed silent.

The school came into view, and Eddward continued to sulk. I bit my lip and hid my hands in my pockets, eyes darting as I desperately look for a way to help him.

It struck me the moment I laid eyes upon a certain blonde-haired girl.

"Hey Eddward, why don't you go and talk to Kevin over there?"

He narrowed his eyes at me as though my statement was completely insane.

I rolled my eyes at him, "I'll take care of her, don't worry. You need this."

Silence. I knew he was contemplating it.

"If you don't, I'll make you regret it, you know."

His posture slumped, but I knew I'd won. Not that my threat meant much, with the boy being the master of shutting people out, but I wasn't going to complain. I guess he just preferred the bubbly me to who he knew I'd become if he didn't do what I wanted.

It's actually kind-of sad, you know? I'm the only person who knows who he is, every piece to his puzzle. He doesn't hide from me on purpose…but me? I have to have from him. I think, somewhere deep down, he knows how much I hide. He just needs this face from me, this person who can hold him up, because he's in no state to do the same for me. Sure, my life isn't half as bad as his, but my shoulders sag under life's weight every once in a while, and it's kind-of lonely.

But he doesn't know that. I mean, again, I bet he knows, but I won't tell him unless things get better for him.

And I really, really, _really_ hope Kevin can help with that.

I sighed as we approached the pair, eyes locking on Nazz. She was eyeing Eddward, but I swiftly blocked her view as I approached. The glare she shot me was threatening, but I wasn't afraid.

"Hey hun, we need to talk."

* * *

"No way in hell am I talking to you, raccoon!"

When she said that, I was actually pretty shocked. Normally Nazz wasn't someone who'd resort to petty insults and name-calling, but I guess this wasn't a normal situation to her. Eddward, for the most part, left her alone; Marie had probably never spoken to her. And yet, here they were before her. Must have freaked her out a bit.

I saw Marie seething behind some controlled blinks. Even more shocking than Nazz's words was the fact Eddward's hand came to rest on Marie's shoulder. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes.

Eddward looked at me, and I could kind-of understand him.

"No need to be harsh, Nazz. They're cool." I tried to come across nonchalantly, but Nazz looked at me like I was a freak of nature.

"Cool? **_Cool?_** They're _so_ not 'cool,' Kevin. And it's not like she doesn't deserve it. They _both_ do…"

"Did." We both turned wide-eyed towards Eddward, whose hand held tight to his friend's shoulder. He lifted his chin higher as he continued, "Perhaps we _did_ deserve such ire and distaste, once. But, as with all things, things have changed. You should know well that is the truth, and treat my friend with more respect because of it." His voice cut sharp, and he shot Nazz a scathing glare, "…I believe an apology is in order."

I got the vibe from him that he wasn't speaking what he thought was the truth, but it all seemed accurate. Nazz turned her head to look at me with disbelief, but I just shrugged and sighed.

Marie cleared her throat, shaking us all from our shock, "So you coming or what, Goldilocks?"

Nazz bit her lip, and our eyes met. I nodded in Marie's direction, mumbling, "It's okay, Nazz. Just..."

"Okay, fine," her voice was sweet, but exhausted. I watched the tense second-long stare between her and Marie, before they walked off. Eddward's hand fell from her shoulder, and he stared emptily at the grass. I let out a long sigh.

"I..." his voice was tinged with uncertainty, and had a strange, light quality to it, "I'm surprised that didn't come to blows."

My eyes widened, "Really?" I clenched my fist worriedly.

"Indeed. Marie is not one to readily tolerate such 'insults' to what little she does to beautify herself."

I looked at him strangely, "What do you mean, 'beautify'?"

"Mon ami, have you not noticed how little Marie does to make herself look presentable?" I cocked my head in response, and he sighed, "She is a lovely girl, but you would never know it from a single glance. The eyeshadow she wears is the most she's ever bothered, and insults towards it break what little self-confidence she had."

"But she seems-"

He cut me off, "Prideful? Self-assured? Heh," he chuckled darkly, "is it not hilarious how well we all play our parts? You'd think the world a stage."

There was an undertone to what he said that chilled me. Eddward's eyes softened.

"Kevin..." I turned to look at him, slightly surprised by his use of my name, "I'm...afraid that last night was a...mistake. On both our parts."

"What?"

"You see, I have been far too, how you say...I've been pushy. And you, you merely acted on hormonal impulses," I watched his fingers fidget, tapping against his upper arm as he refused to meet my eyes, "Would that someone else were there, you would have felt for them instead, I assure you."

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Really?"

He tilted his head, eyes moving up but not meeting mine, "Quite."

"Yeah, that's kinda bullshit, Eddward."

He stayed silent.

I let myself speak.

"You're...okay, you're weird. And like, scary, and dark, and pretty fucked up, I know. But you act like that fucking matters," he winced for some reason, but I continued, "I mean...l-last night wasn't...it wasn't _wrong_ , okay? It wasn't a mistake or anything. And I _chose_ it. If..." My voice lowered, "If it hadn't been you, then no, man, I wouldn't have...y...you know..."

The silence weighed heavily on me, but I could see the light in his eyes. The storm swirled and pried at me, but hid its master's intentions.

He took a step towards me, eyes flicking to the sides, probably looking to see if anyone was watching. He blinked in contentment, and gingerly settled the palm of his hand on my neck.

I gulped, the touch was so soft.

"Mon Petit Rouge..."

The bell rang. I felt his fingers curl against me, and heat rose in my cheeks. His hand pulled away.

"Au revoir...mon cher."

His steps were hesitant as he walked away, and it spurred me to call out after him, "See you later, W-wolf."

Eddward stopped.

"Loup."

"...What?"

His voice was even and clear, "You may call me 'Loup,' if you so desire."

I tossed the word around in my head for a moment, and he remained still all the while.

"Al...right...I...guess I'll see you later then, Loup."

I caught a flicker of a smile on his cheek before he headed towards the door into school. Nazz looked at me weirdly as she walked beside Marie.

Before I knew it, I was all alone. Then in clicked.

"Ohhh...Loup means Wolf in French, doesn't it..."

And I smiled, and chuckled, and finally went inside.

* * *

 **Hey guys and girls, been a while, no? Moved into a new apartment, haven't had internet access for a few weeks. I hope you guys are alright with all this. I figured I'd submit this to prove I'm still alive, and I'll write the girl-talk chapter next.*yawns* Hope you enjoyed.  
**


	26. Family Ties

She ended up taking me over near Mrs. Jenners' room. The little ferns in the window weren't much for back-up, though, and the look Marie shot me almost made me flinch. I stood my ground though. She wasn't gonna break me.

We looked at each other for a second, and it was kind-of eerie, so I decided to speak up.

"Sooo what did you _want_?" I asked warily, my hand gripping onto the concrete windowsill.

"Ha," the sound escaped her throat harshly, then she growled her words, "like you even give a shit, Goldilocks."

I tapped my foot, crossing my arms in a faux-annoyed stance. I mean, I was curious, and Kevin...if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. Totally annoyed. Definitely.

"Well, maybe I _wouldn't_ be if you weren't such a _witch_ all the time," I laced my words in venom, but kept them light enough that a teacher couldn't accidentally overhear. Wasn't likely, but I wasn't one to take chances, 'specially when I knew they liked to keep their eye on troublemakers like _her_.

A smile cracked her lips, "...Witch? Come on, really? That's the best you can do? I thought kitty had claws..." She sighed mockingly, "Oh well, I guess she's just all talk and no game like the rest of the sissies..."

I didn't bite, but I did take a step forward, shoving off, "Hey, I'm just being smart, I'd rather not get in trouble for insulting a lowlife like _you_."

Unlike my previous insult, this one didn't seem to faze her. Her gaze drifted over my shoulder, locking onto something. She frowned.

I heard a familiar voice, "She causing you trouble, Nazz?"

My shoulders relaxed, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I turned to look at Ed, wrapped up in a large, woolen brown jacket. There was concern in his eyes, and his lips were drawn into a line. I almost felt bad about this...

"No...no, she's not, Ed. It's alright," I took a few steps forward and patted his shoulder out of reflex, "Thank you, though. You should get back to Sarah before she worries about you."

His expression didn't change, but his eyes flicked away. He walked off without a word, and my heart plummeted. I didn't say anything else for a moment, and didn't even look back at him.

"...What does she even see in him?"

"Huh?" I turned back to see Marie watching Ed's departure, and cocked my head.

She looked back at me, blinking back into reality, and cleared her throat, "S'nothing, don't worry about it."

I frowned, "Uh, I totally _will_ worry about it. _Who_ were you talking about and _how_ does it relate to Ed?" My words held teeth, and Marie flinched. I would have been shocked if I'd had the time to process it.

"Jeeze girl, calm your ass, I just..." she sighed, a genuine one for once, "Look, if she finds out I told you, you're dead. You hear me?"

"I-"

"DEAD. **You** don't have life cover, **I** am her sister so she won't kill _me_ , but she can be..." Marie shivered for a moment, and I almost couldn't tell if she was being serious or not, "Let's just say it won't be pretty."

I just nodded.

She groaned excessively, "Alriiight...so the truth is...uhh...my sisters and I have a thing."

She stopped. After a few moment I goaded her on, " _Yeah_...?"

"Alright already, yeesh! My sister likes Ed, okay?!"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Which..."

"The stupid one."

If it weren't mid-morning, crickets may have chirped.

"May."

"Ohhh..." The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Memories of her standing near Ed during get-togethers flashed through my mind, and I wondered how dense I could actually be.

"I mean, Lee-" she cupped her hands over her mouth.

"No no, you totally gotta tell me now," I goaded, and realized a smile had appeared upon my lips, and bit it back. Fortunately, she relented.

"...Yada yada yada dead and stuff, she _totally_ wants in Eddy's bed."

My jaw dropped, and Marie let forth an infectious cackle.

"Ha! You should see yourself right now, you totally look like you're drooling!"

"I don't..." I shook my head, "So wait, why do they like...I mean, Ed is...and...Eddy...?"

I guess I looked like a lost dog because she walked to my side, hopping on the windowsill and putting her hands behind her head as she spoke.

"Well, I guess it all started when May _accidentally_ had to use Sarah's bathroom. And heard Ed's parents arguing. I mean, you know Sarah well enough, she's probably told you...I mean, she _is_ her brother's keeper, and...I guess I should thank her for that. I mean, she still pisses me off for going after Eddy when she TOTALLY knows that Lee...nevermind. Anyways, I guess it just clicked with her. Probably because of her own dad..."

I bit my lip as her mind seemed to trail off, but stayed silent, waiting on baited breath for more.

"And, well, Lee just...honestly, I couldn't tell you. I guess it goes back to our dads. I mean, not mine, of course, but hers was a total charmer! Suave, charming, the only reason mom learned his name was because she saw his credit card. I guess what I'm trying to say is, she wants someone to sweep her off her feet, even if they're scum. I guess she believes if she turned out alright, her dad must have been a 'better person' than she thought...pfah! As if!"

Marie crossed her arms in disgust, looking down at one blade of grass with the seething fury of Hades.

I spoke up, "Yeah, well...what about you, then?"

She looked at me incredulously, "Me? What about-" she paused, "oh...me."

She sighed, closing her eyes and cracking her knuckles.

"Well, if it wasn't obvious, I went after the black horse of the group. And look at where _that_ got me..."

There was melancholy in her eyes, and I actually, for once during our entire conversation, felt sort-of bad for her. Maybe she wasn't like this on purpose...maybe it was his fault.

"Where?"

Her eyes met mine, and we shared a long, searching look. I could see pain, distrust, and fear. Like a stray who had been hurt too many times to trust anyone...then the cockiness enveloped it, and her eyes twisted. Chin lifting slightly, she looked to the side.

"Well..." I didn't know how to feel about how low her voice had gone, "I spend most of my days worrying about a guy who only sticks around because I make him promise to..."

I didn't understand. But from the look of it, I decided not to pry. I was utterly confused and bereft of any knowledge of the girl before me, her eyes shaded lightly with blue eyeshadow, glittering in the sunlight.

The bell rang, and I jumped; so did she.

"I...shit, I didn't tell you, uh..."

I didn't move, waiting to hear whatever she had to say, "Hmm?"

"Look, just...I...my boy and your boy are kinda a thing now. Maybe. Possibly. I don't even know, _please_ don't ruin it for them, but for the love of God, make sure Li-Kevin's prepared, okay? I...I care about the kid. Now, I mean. And maybe you too."

I was kind-of in a stunned silence as I felt her grab and pull me towards the entrance, and let go when I started walking on my own. When I turned back towards where Kevin and Eddward had been left, I saw the smile of Kevin's face. And the tail end of Eddward. My eyes flicked back to Kevin, but...a nudge from Marie kept me silent. This wasn't the place to ask about all this.

Something was going on, and I had to find out more...

...and probably punch Kevin for making someone _else_ tell me.

Ugh. Guys.

* * *

 **FoFNazz is...UGH. I hated writing this. I mean, I really want to flesh her out, but her character just isn't one that needs to be developed. I don't believe I'll be writing her perspective again. It is beyond painful. But I did it.**

 **It didn't come out as I envisioned it, but it never does. Now, envision me punching Nazz in the face.**

 **And now, the story may continue. Hope you enjoyed.**


	27. A Favour

Lunch...was exhausting.

Not only did Nazz drill a hole into my brain to try and figure out my whole life, I also had to keep in _just_ enough to keep my word to Eddward. Well, I mean, I never promised him I wouldn't say anything, but...she didn't need to know any of that, right? Me liking him has nothing to do with...no, she doesn't need to know. This isn't on her. It can't be on her, too.

Not to say I minded it, because I didn't. Really. I mean, I guess that some people would be pretty torn up about all of it; Marie is, for sure; but me? It just feels...natural. Like, I've been thinking about it, even. How things came to this. Any time I see him, it pops back into my head. Flashes of him, weak on the bed, or scowling after I grabbed his wrist. The way he smiled on the phone. I'd actually say he's on my mind more often than schoolwork lately. Probably not a good thing, but I can't help it.

When I said it feels natural, I mean, the whole thing between him and me, this, well...this "play" we're in, as far as Eddward's concerned. I kinda get it. I still get dirty looks from Johnny and Jamison, but they're even fouler when I've been talking with Eddward. We gotta play our parts or it upsets everything. Eddy would probably try and "save" me and make a big show about it if he found out. You know him, always faultless, omniscient, and a role model. Or, I guess, that's what Sarah thinks. I kinda think he's compensating for something...

Kinda funny that I think that though, never woulda thought something so bold before things started with Eddward. Nowadays, I analyse people all the time. Like how Nazz barely has a hold on her social life, and that Ed's like, some depressingly hollow shell. Me n' Nazz even went into that at lunch, guess he interrupted, and Marie let something slip. Seems that's how Nazz got calmed down.

I kinda doubt it was an accident. Marie...I mean, I barely know her, but she's pretty manipulative and I'll be damned if she's not smart. But I'll let Nazz believe she was victorious due to a slip-up. Maybe I'll ask Eddward later.

All these things filed through my head as I walked to my next class.

"Little Red."

My binder flipped in my hands and I nearly tripped on air, but I managed to get my footing back.

"Uh..." What was it he said before..."Loup?"

No response for a moment. I wanted to look back, but there were people I knew around.

"Favour me with your presence at last bell, s'il vous plaît?"

There was command in the tone, but I guess it'd be hard for him to ask _without_ being a douchebag. Ha, kinda funny when I think about it that way.

"Yeah, sure."

"Merci beaucoup, Rouge."

I smiled, rolling my eyes as I chuckled quietly, "Still gibberish."

"You shall learn. Au revoir."

I expected him to simply disappear, and decided not to respond...when a dark presence appeared to my right. Books in his arms, he looked ahead, but there was a touch of a smile on his lips. I immediately averted my gaze, but when his elbow slide over my arm, I stumbled.

I felt my legs reel around, arms shooting forward to hit the ground as my books slid across the floor, but something held tight to my arm. My left hand hit the floor, but the impact was lessened, a strain holding my right wrist and pulling me upward. I looked back in surprise, and met his eyes.

Eddward's eyes, for once, held actual concern. His lips were turned into a worried frown, eyes scanning me over...and a moment later, they widened...and Eddward straightened himself, letting go of my arm. There were imprints from where he'd grabbed me, but I couldn't look away from him.

Condescension veiled his eyes, like a cloak to hide his true thoughts, "Be more careful, Little Red." There was a darkness in the tone, and it kept me still. I didn't understand, until...

"Ha ha, did you see that, Plank? Man, Eddward, you got him good!" The bald, olive boy marched over to Eddward, readying himself to give him a pat on the back. A growl from Eddward's throat stopped him just in time, as Jamison strolled up beside him. Unlike Johnny, he seemed unamused. He was glaring at Eddward, but it chilled me to the bone.

"Ah, it appears the cavalry has arrived. I am afraid I must get to class; do be gentle with him, his ego is likely soiled as it is, being saved by his sworn enemy. Adieu."

"Wowie, Kevin, look at alllll these papers!" Johnny had begun to pick up some loose, returned assignments while I was distracted, and I was too afraid to rip them out of his hands immediately. "An A+? How come we never thought of that, buddy?"

A dark smirk appeared on Jamison's lips, and he gestured me towards him with his finger. Like clockwork, I abided.

He leaned towards me, mumbling darkly as to hide his unmasculine voice, "You're overdue on assisting us, and this won't do. Should I remind Johnny of this? He doesn't have much wit, you know, but he has oh-so-lovely a vocabulary with his fists."

I gulped as he tipped my chin up with his forefinger, and chuckled.

"That's what I thought. Don't think your alliance has gone unnoticed. Eddward may underestimate me, but you?" He tilted his head, "You know _exactly_ what I can do."

Those words brought a shiver to my spine as the boy backed up, purposefully leaving shoeprints on some of my papers.

"John, haste, it shall be made." He turned on a heel, and Johnny noticed a split-second later.

"Hey, wait for us! See you Dweeb!" His cackle would normally have unsettled me, but...all I could think of was the look in Jamison's eyes, his perfectly manicured nail poking into my flesh.

Oh yeah...I knew what he could do.

And just like that, the fear came back.

* * *

"What did they do?" I asked calmly, as Marie stretched her arms out.

"Oh, nothing much. Johnny was trying to understand God-knows-what, while Jimmy-boy scared the wits out of our Little Red there. It kinda pissed me off, but you know, adding wind to the fire and all, so I stayed out of it."

I nodded, and sighed, "That boy has little coordination..."

"Hah," she smirked at me, "says the kid who can only walk in a straight line because Daddy made him train like a model."

I growled. It was a sore point, as was anything to do with my Father, but it was something I didn't wholly despise him for. I used the techniques I learned on a day-to-day basis. Bittersweet describes my feels for it quite readily.

"He could have saved himself an awkward encounter, but instead, he trips up when I do nothing more than make my presence known..."

"...To a shy boy, by brushing up against him. Yeah, _totally_ subtle, Eddward."

I sighed inwardly at her mocking, "I do hope Jamison is playing fair."

"But you know he's not."

I shook my head, "Would that boy ever?"

It was no secret what Jamison's father had put on the boy's shoulders. Few knew his older sister directly, but most were aware of her influence on him. He had been a gentle soul as a child, until his father returned home. Hopeless as his mother was, she took him back; she'd only pushed him away because her daughter threatened to run away when he was around. Little Jimmy had no such bravery.

His father did not harm him, but the expectations broke him. He's a twisted boy with so much hidden within him, even a shrink would have a fun time. For instance, I am quite aware of my many flaws. Jamison has been forced to forget them. He knows only the desire to be his father's perfect son; strong, cunning, and, most importantly of all, it seemed, a lady killer.

We were all quite aware this last bit would never come to be, because Jamison never had an eye for ladies. His only good decision was made out of fear, as he told May first, rather than his father, about his...preferences. Afterwards, the Kankers drilled it into his skull that his father could never know. His one good choice in life was to listen to them. From then on, it's been a downward spiral.

There's so much to him, and I pity him. As I pity many of us, for our inward scars that play in our eyes like a tapestry.

But those that are broken cannot fix. I can only watch. As can Marie. She's one of the few that is whole...and she wastes it on me.

I sighed as Marie and I parted our ways. I'd informed her of my plan to meet with Kevin, and she left without a hitch.

I stood around a corner, leaning and watching for my red-haired...for Kevin, to appear.

* * *

I nearly dropped my books a second time when I heard Eddward click his shoe behind me. I hadn't even heard him coming, hadn't seen him. He's like a fucking shadow and it freaks me out sometimes.

"Mon cher?"

"Yeah, it's fine, I just didn't expect it. You come out of nowhere dude!"

This elicited a chuckle from him, dark but gentle. It made me smile in turn, and I looked at him. The halls were finally emptying, and he seemed a lot less tense than earlier. The mask wasn't on all the way, and I was glad.

"A skill that is good to have. Now, a favour of you, Little Red..."

The way he looked off to the side when he said that made me a little wary, but his eyes didn't seem cold. Just...distant.

"Saturday, from 2 PM onward, might you free yourself and come to my home?"

"Uhh..." I thought for a second, as he seemed to fidget, scuffing his shoe with his hands in his pockets, "S-sure. But what for?"

The frost darkened his eyes, and his entire stance seemed to dip. His words were clear, but empty, "It is a favour I ask. Take it or leave it."

I saw it, though. The most minute of signals, the way he blinked, how his hands seemed to ball up in his pockets, I knew it wasn't just that. I wasn't sure why he'd just ask me, when I knew this was important enough to him, whatever it was, to force me to do his bidding. But there he was, waiting for an answer, with eyes like Death Row.

I couldn't do that.

"Sure, I'll be there."

The breath was audible as he let it out, eyes closing. He looked so much weaker than normal, almost like the times I'd seen him at home, and it unsettled me.

His lips parted for a moment, before a soft reply came out, "Thank you."

I smiled widely, "Hey, what are friends for?"

His eyes flicked up at me almost playfully, his lip caught between his teeth as he eyed me.

"Do friends kiss, mon cher?"

I blushed, "Uhh, I...Th-that is, uh-"

There, I saw it. A smile, a genuine, lovely smile graced his lips, and our eyes met.

" _Bonne journée_ , Kevin."

I felt butterflies from the way he said my name, and closed my eyes for a moment to revel in it...

And he was gone again.

I ran my hand over my head, pulling my head off and running my fingers through my hair.

I sighed to myself, mumbling under my breath. " _Fucking hell_ , man...things he does to me..."

I didn't mind.


	28. The Day Without

Not so long ago, a day without seeing Eddward would have been a blessing. Yeah, that was kinda before I got into things with him.

I mean, he's still not my favorite guy by a long shot. There are still some moments where I shrivel under his gaze, even. But today, when he didn't show up to school, I found myself...oddly upset.

I asked Marie where he was; her answer? "Don't worry about it, kid. He's going through a lot of stuff."

Thanks, Marie.

The day was, otherwise, of no note. We got our essay topic in English, which was, "How does nature make you feel?" I know, it's pretty corny, right? Guess we're supposed to relate it to ourselves with some natural event that makes us feel good or some shit. Honestly, I didn't give a fuck, and I was pretty antsy to get out of that class and back home. Why? I...had reasons. I scribbled down the topic anyways, figuring Eddward would need it later. He'd appreciate it, I know he would. Even if he didn't say anything.

Time passed slowly, and the day dragged on. It's like it knows you want it to go by faster, and all the teachers get this urge to be boring and monotone.

I practically jogged home.

* * *

I'd been sitting there for like, an hour. For how much I wanted to call Eddward, I found myself...slightly terrified of it. Why? Well, first of all, I was grabbing his number out of the phone book. Might not even be his anymore, who knows? Second, he wasn't exactly the sort for casual talk.

Third, he probably wouldn't like why I was calling. I mean, it's not normal...I can't even understand it.

The door was locked, the phone in my hand. Dinner would be fairly soon, so I could use that as an excuse to end the call.

My body tingled as I dialled, and my heart sped up.

The ringing set me on edge.

And, finally...he picked up.

* * *

My eyes flicked over to the phone as it began ringing. I tried to calm the flow of anticipation rushing through me, the possibility that it was Mother calling me about tomorrow. Or her Sponsor. I almost didn't want to pick it up.

I moved anyway, lifting it to my ear. I spoke formally, as Father would have expected, in the case it was him. Lord knows I'd prefer it be anyone but.

"Vincent Residence, Eddward speaking."

"Hey..Eddward."

The blush came unheeded to my cheeks; whether from relief, from embarrassment at my unneeded worries, I did not care, for no one could see it.

"Greetings, Kevin." I was caught too off-guard to recall his nickname as I stumbled out the response.

There was a tense silence, before Kevin continued, "How's it going? You okay?"

Ah. Of course that would be it. "I am quite fine, thank you for your concern, Little Red. Is that all?"

"No no, I uhh," he stumbled over his words, "I was wondering how you're doi-I-I mean, how your poem's doing! Yeah, you know, for English!"

"Neither are worthy of any mention."

"Huh?"

I let myself smile at his confusion, as no one could see me presently, "I haven't been doing well, or badly, so it is without mention. As is my progress on the poem."

"Oh...OH, that's cool, I guess. I mean, yeah! So, uhh, didja wanna hear about today's assignment?"

I looked off to the side, enjoying the comfort of the smile, the lack of judgement for it, "Do regale me with it."

"Okay, so, it's about nature, right? And how it affects us. Like, you know, how a sunny day can brighten your mood, a storm can be peaceful, that kinda sh-I mean, stuff."

I felt my shoulders relax, smiling a little more at his nervousness, "I understand, little wolf."

Silence.

"Is there anything more you wish from me this evening?" I asked out of a feeling of necessity. I...can't really explain it further. I was in a miniature war within my head.

"Not really..." a pause, and then, "oh yeah, tomorrow! Two o'clock, right?"

"Affirmative." I nodded to no one, feeling my cheeks redden further as I noticed my idiocy.

"Great, I'll just...I'll be there, yeah. So, I guess that's it then..."

"So it shall be."

"Heh, I missed..." The line grew silent for a moment, "Uhh, yeah, well, I guess I better get going. Dinner soon and all."

"Understood." My smile faded.

"I'll...I'll see you tomorrow then, right Edd?"

I didn't respond, my chest tightening. I found my voice locked, as I stared, unfocused, at the wall before me.

"Oh shit, sorry, I didn't mean...Eddward, fuck, I didn't mean to call you..."

I breathed out audibly, closing my eyes, and swallowing.

"It's alright, little wolf. I cannot fault you."

"...I'll see you tomorrow then, Eddward."

I already missed the name. It was...I forced myself to speak.

"Call me what you may, mon petit."

Another silence.

"...Good night, Edd."

My voice was weak as I nodded to nothing in particular, responding in kind, "Bonne soirée, Rouge."

I ended the call, and closed my eyes.

* * *

 **Not every day is gonna be one where they'll see each other, but it's come far enough that each day of theirs will be affected by one another in some subtle way. As such, it's worth writing these small interactions. You can see the changes in character somewhat, I hope, even if little happened in this chapter.**

 **I just want Eddward to be happy. But there was be a clean break before his shattered heart can be healed, and luck cannot always be on our side. Little rises in hope fulfilled mean little when the patterns repeat. And as for Kevin...we'll have to find out where fear and pain are one and the same, and the ways to escape it, to avoid it, or, perhaps, to simply react.**

 **Thank you for staying with me so long. Things have been set into motion, and soon, you'll see the results. Until then...**

 **I hope you enjoy.**


	29. Time For Our Lives

I got to Eddward's place with a few minutes to spare. I didn't want to be too early, what with his dad possibly still being around. Yeah, I remembered. I rang the doorbell, hesitantly, hoping to whatever God is out there that his dad wasn't home. When the door opened silently, I took a moment before walking in.

I found Eddward pacing behind the door as I closed it, and I froze. His hands were over his chest, eyes closed, as he took deep, measured breaths. The button-up dress shirt he wore had been undone, and his hands rested on bare skin. I found myself taking a step back, bumping into the door, and stirring him from his trance.

His arms folded protectively around himself, "My apologies, Kevin. I shall go make myself more appropriate, I simply..." He trailed off, and left the room, taking long strides up the stairs. I lifted my hand to my cheeks, fingers running over the heat. If he wasn't embarrassed, I sure was. I'd have to ask what that was about when he came back.

My gaze turned to the articles of clothing on the floor. Nothing much; the watch, the band, and a tie all sat in a half-done heap. I tried to wrap my head around Eddward wearing a tie. I picked it up. Red silk. Soft, pressed, and barely-worn. I figured it was just part of the charade he put on for his dad.

I had a thought. A stupid, childish thought, but...as the minutes passed, I decided, fuck it. I went with it.

When he came down the stairs, his hands preoccupied with clipping his choker around his neck, his eyes widened when he looked at me.

I had been hyping myself up for this for the past minute, I could do this.

"Think I look responsible enough for your dad?"

He stared at me aghast for a moment, before his expression curled. A dark chuckle slowly escaped his throat, barely heard despite the silence of the house. Eddward stalked towards me, boots silent against the carpet. As he neared, I found my confidence wavering, and took a step back, a hand reaching up to the tie around my neck, readying to undo it.

His stare kept me in place as he daintily reached for it. My hand fell away as he lifted the smooth fabric, tilting his head, and the faintest touch of a smile curved the corner of his mouth.

Velvet words came forth, "The tie itself is delinquent enough. You'd command far more than his ire."

I didn't quite get what he meant. So I said as much, "I'd...what?"

He dropped it, lips returning to his near-constant frown, "Would that Father knew how often I removed this petty thing, he'd be at my throat with needle and thread. _Mon beau Rouge_ , the implications of _une cravate_ , or, mine, around your neck...I shudder to think what he would do."

"I...didn't really get what you said that time either."

A subtle chuckle, "And you're all the better for it. But mon cher, it would be best I retrieve and hide my shame. If you would?"

I gave him a blank look, as lost as I was. He rolled his eyes, fingers coming forth to catch the tie between them, tugging at it.

"Oh, that, yeah, right! I'll get that..." I reached up automatically to undo the tie, and in doing so, my hand bumped against his. I immediately looked up, but he didn't seem to mind; he actually seemed to be trying to gauge my own reaction. I bit my lip, carefully undoing the knot as his hand fell away. I knew my cheeks were red, but knew there was no hiding it. I timidly handed the tie over, and yet again, our hands met. It wasn't my fault this time, either.

"How I'd..." He closed his eyes, opening them again, ice covering them, "I'll return my things to their proper home in my room. I will not be long this time. Do behave, Little Red."

He barely took a minute that time, coming down silently and stopping midway through the room. His hand gestured to the couch, and I obeyed.

There was silence as he stood there, wringing his hands slowly, but not taking a step to join me.

"Hey...Eddward...did you want to sit by me?"

There was something strange in his eyes when he looked my way again. My heart fell.

"...Sorry Edd, I just wondered..."

I watched his breath escape, his eyes flitting from the door, back to me. He appeared to debate it, but after a moment, he took slow strides towards me. When he sat down, it was further than was normal for him. Something felt wrong about all this.

"So what's all this about?" The question had been dancing around the room, and I knew he didn't want to tell me. But I had a right to know, what with being here at his request, ignoring any other plans I could have had. I mean, I had none...but still!

He looked away, fingers running over the leather of his pants, before he spoke, "You're...aware of my situation with my parents, correct?"

I cocked my head, "Uhh...not...really. I mean, I kinda figure your dad's an asshole," he perked up at that, and I smirked, "probably an even bigger one than you. But I have no clue about your mom or anything, or if you have any brothers or sisters..."

"I am an only child, Kevin."

"Alright, noted. But yeah, that's about all I know."

He shrunk for a moment, and I watched him cling tight to his hand. Fingernails clawed deep, and I felt like I had to do something.

I inched towards him, reaching a hand out to rest on his hand. It relaxed immediately, and his head turned away.

"Ah-I, well," I was glad he didn't see how wide my eyes went at the stutter, that freakish break in his normal demeanour, "Mother is...she's..."

His hand tensed, and I squeezed. I felt him start to turn his hand, but he stopped. He tensed up, eyes closed.

"Little Red, isn't it fascinating how the few we need around happen to be the most broken?" I didn't respond, and he continued, "I will...I'll not be surprised if I've no visitors today...besides yourself. And if that is what happens, I may need your companionship. I am loathe to admit it, but..."

His eyes were resting to his side, but I could see where he looked. Fingers curled around one another as the band danced over the unseen scars. My grip tightened.

"What did she do?"

He seemed baffled by my question, "Very little, Red. I could count our recent interactions on a single hand. It is what she doesn't do that concerns me. For her, doing it is akin to breathing, and I'd give the very last of my joy to take her breath away, and leave her happy..." I could see a shine in his eyes, "She deserves it..."

I pulled. He wasn't expecting it, so his entire arm came to my side, and I gripped his hand as well as I could. My arm locked with his.

I heard the barest sniffle, and felt his head come to rest on my shoulder. He was still as death.

There was nothing I wanted more than for him to let it out. This sadistic, sharp-tongued wolf, my former predator, was now holding in tears just to appear strong. When I realized this, I think something in my brain clicked. It wasn't just his personality. He wasn't an asshat by accident, he didn't use his words to be cruel. He...he was just acting.

And I was behind the curtain.

"It's okay, Edd," I said in a hushed voice, whispering against his hat. I breathed in his scent, and simply sat there, my thumb running over his hand. I didn't want to question him anymore, I just wanted him to...to feel safe. Because I knew first-hand what it was like to be afraid. The pain, well, all I could do was be there for him until he told me about it.

His words made me jump, "Mother should be here at the half hour mark, she swore it. After that, you are free to go, but..."

I could feel him hold his breath, and a soft smile crossed my lips.

"I'll stick around."


	30. Revelations

She came a bit late.

By 'a bit,' I mean 17 minutes late. Seventeen long, still minutes, where the clamminess of his hand in mine didn't seem to matter.

When a firm, single knock rang at the door, I jumped, and felt Eddward's hand slip from mine without hesitation. He stood, taking a deep breath, composing himself. His walk to the door was ceremonious, yet cautious.

The lock was clicked open, and the door was opened to reveal a tall, elegant woman, with crystalline eyes and strawberry blonde hair.

I guess what really struck me first was her eyes. Not the color, just...how familiar they were. I'd seen those eyes glaring coldly at me enough that the gentleness in them was off-putting. There was a subtle smile on her face, reminiscent of her son, hiding just enough that it seemed real. It was odd I noticed that, but I didn't think much of it at the time.

Confident shoulders and a comfortable, navy blue long-sleeved shirt went nicely with the floral skirt she wore. Black pointed dress shoes and a watch completed the motherly look to her, but something about the latter drew my eye. It was the same as Eddward's. My gaze turned back to him.

The most quiet of smiles creeped over his cheeks, "Mother..."

The lady smiled widely, remorse in her brows, "Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I didn't think to check if the car would start before I was ready to leave, and wouldn't you know it, the battery was dead. It took me a while to drag one of the nurses out to help me jump-start the thing. I'm so sorry-oh, who is this, Edd?"

I felt the metaphorical spotlight shine on me, and Eddward eyed me warily.

I gulped, "Kevin, umm, Eddward's friend."

"Eddward?" Confusion mounted in her tone, and her gaze turned back to Eddward.

He looked away, the smile falling from his lips. His mother smiled apologetically.

"Alright, well, 'Eddward,' I know I'm late, but are you still up for some late lunch?"

He nodded, meeting her eyes once more. I caught his mom looking my away again, flashing a secretive smile that only reached her eyes, and she beckoned with a single hand.

"Is your little boy friend coming?"

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, despite the obvious pause between the words.

Eddward managed to keep his poise, however, nodding in return, "If he so desires. He was merely keeping me company, and I can ask no further of him-"

"Sure, I'll come."

The double-blink he did was almost unnoticeable, but it made me smirk. It wasn't often I caught him off-guard like that.

"Great! Alright Edd, are you and your little friend ready to go then?"

I nodded, but Eddward replied, "Certainly."

I heard a long sigh escape the woman, "Oh, Edd..." She turned and walked back towards her car, faded orange and in all ways unremarkable. I fell in step beside Eddward, looking his way to gauge how things were going on his end.

He seemed relieved, honestly. Any weight that had been on his shoulders earlier had been lifted, and he walked with a renewed vigor in his step. I smiled at that, but looked away when he caught my eye.

He mumbled quietly, "What is so amusing, Little Red?"

I chuckled, "I dunno, maybe it's how flustered you look, _Edd_."

In reality, he didn't look it in the slightest up until that point, but the reaction I got from him was _definitely_ worth it. A rare few strands of hair purposefully fell between me and his cheek, obscuring whatever possible reaction he had after that. I just smiled wider.

"Alright, who's getting the front seat with me? Any takers?"

She seemed to be pleading with her eyes, but Eddward didn't respond. I could see her shoulders crumbling, and I immediately answered, "Sure, I'll take it." Eddward seemed baffled by this, but I merely walked past him, awkwardly slipping into the passenger's side seat of his mother's car.

It smelled musty and damp, the chill of the morning more prevalent as the faux-leather seat stole my warmth. I buckled in, hearing Eddward take a seat directly behind his mom. I looked back at him, and he shot me a curious look. I just smiled back at him, and he looked away, out the window.

"Alright, so where are we heading?" She inquired, her eyes on the rear view mirror.

"The usual location." His answer was stiff. She smiled.

"Of course, sweetheart."

As the car started and we started pulling away from the curve, I took a quick look back at Eddward. His eyes were fixated out the window, but I could tell he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

As we approached the first stop sign, his mother spoke up, "Oh, forgive me, I never did introduce myself, did I?," her voice was buttery as she continued, "My name is Marianne, but please, just call me Mary, despite the looks my son gives you." I looked back and saw Eddward roll his eyes, "As you may have already been aware, I am Edd's mother. It really is a pleasure to meet you, Kevin. I wasn't aware that my son had made any more friends."

"Yeah, I wasn't either," I responded casually, before mentally slapping myself for being so honest about it. I bit my life, hoping she didn't take it offensively.

Her response was a hearty laugh, smoothly filling the car, "My, Edd, you sure know how to pick them, don't you?"

A measured reply came from the back, "I suppose."

I looked in Marianne's direction to catch her smiling widely. I was starting to feel a blush forming from what I'd said, but was glad she wouldn't be able to see.

"Now, don't be embarrassed, sweetheart," she said, eyes still firmly on the road, "no one can fault your honesty. Perhaps it was what drew my son to you in the first place?" The statement was almost rhetorical, but I could tell she was curious.

"Perhaps." That was all that Eddward replied.

An unsatisfied sigh escaped his mother, "Well, if _you_ won't tell me, I suppose I'll have to ask your dear friend here. Surely he knows why you're friends, hmm?"

The question actually caught me a bit off-guard. Surely I knew why Eddward and I were friends, how could we be otherwise? I mean, surely there had to be a reason...but my reassurances didn't give me the slightest hinting towards an answer.

"Uhh..." Was my brilliant reply.

"...Hmm." Her lips formed into a tight line, fingers tapping against the steering wheel. A minute passed as I slowly shrank back into the seat, the silence reinforcing how completely foolish I felt, how awkward this situation was.

She slapped her hand against the steering wheel, "I see! I think I get it."

I raised my eyebrows. I figured Eddward was doing the same thing, but when I looked back at him, he was staring out the window, eyes downcast in thought.

"Tell me, Kevin, how you two first met. And no, I don't mean simply 'acknowledged' one another, I mean spoke to each other, got to know each other. I feel like that's the missing ingredient here, something in the past."

I looked at her, baffled, my words flowing before I could think, "Why the hell would you think that?"

She smirked playfully, "I'm fairly good at reading people, if I do say so myself." I still gave her an odd look, and she must have noticed it, because she continued, "If you didn't know, then it must have been something that came about on its own, and not a typical friendship in the slightest. And Edd...you're terrible at hiding where your mind wanders from me, you know that, dear. I see you in the mirror."

I turned to see Eddward blushing, not looking forward.

"That's...weird," I responded.

Marianne giggled slightly, "So it is, but it's my weirdness that brought little Edd into this world, and I don't regret it for a moment."

"What do you mean?" I looked in her direction with questioning eyes.

"You're avoiding my question...but very well, I won't forget to ask later. Edd, sweetheart, are you alright with me talking about this?"

He replied softly, "It is about a different man. I cannot find fault in your regaling of it."

She sighed again, shaking her head, "Very well. Kevin, dear, before I start, have you met Harrison yet? Edd's father, that is."

I shook my head, "Just heard of him is all."

Her smile fell a little, "I suppose that's for the best. He's...not quite the man I fell in love with. Or he's hidden that self too deep for me to reach..."

I didn't respond, listening attentively.

"When I first met Harrison, I never spoke to him; no one did, really. He kept to his studies and his habits, and like clockwork, you'd know where he'd be at any given time. Not to say I was stalking him, far from it, he was just...hard to ignore."

"How so?" I inquired.

"His presence. It's something my son has, even. A way to dominate a room by posture, but Harrison was a master at it. I dare-say he even frightened the staff," her chuckle was sweet, "I thought nothing of it, though. That is, until his parents showed up.

"I was sitting at a table in a joined dining-study area, reading a novel, when out of the corner of my eye, I caught two interesting figured stride towards this frightening man I'd never met. It was actually a bit strange, seeing as no one ever approached him, so I kept my eye on his table and the exchange. The words I heard were...unpleasant.

"I determined them to be his parents, with how 'kindly' they judged him. Criticisms about his performance, his goals, and eventually, his lack of social advents. I was appalled by how much they expected of one person, and I could see him shrinking noticeably, despite his attempts to respond. I hated seeing anyone be treated like that, and thought for a moment as to what to do.

"So, with my books in hand, I walked up to this man I'd never known outside of stolen glances in public places, and smiled. He was completely befuddled. So I said to him, 'Hey, sorry I'm late for our study session. I didn't want to intrude on your time with your parents...' I was very fortunate that, despite the flash of confusion in his eyes, he quickly perked up and accepted my presence. In turn, I introduced myself to his parents, who afterwards informed me of his name without realizing.

"It was actually a rather amusing farce. I managed to spare him from their ire, and they left earlier than they had planned to allow us to 'study.' Immediately after I left, all of Harrison's confidence faded, and he inquired what I was doing. So I told him. He couldn't believe it.

"From their, our strange friendship blossomed. I could read him like a book, and did my best to 'reform' him into someone people wanted to be around. He wasn't always aware of the presence he exuded, so I helped him correct it. I learned more and more about him, and found him absolutely fascinating. And, in turn, he grew fond of me as well..."

Her eyes seemed to lose their light as she continued, "But I suppose the damage was already done. His parents' poisonous influence seeped back into him as we raised our son, and in time, he resembled them far too much for me to bare..."

"And he became a cruel, heartless man, whose company no one prefers," Eddward cut her off to say.

She responded with a slight hum of approval, but no more was said. The silence became a bit much for me.

"So what you're saying is, he wasn't always a douche?"

A sharp chuckle escaped Marianne, "No, no Kevin, he was not. Nor was my son, I can assure you."

A sharp voice cut in, "Mother!"

She grinned, and I smirked as she said, "I still speak with your friend Marie, and I'm quite aware of your attitude, mister. Would you prefer we discuss it right here, right now?"

A muffled grunt was the response.

And she smiled, warmly.

I liked this woman. 

* * *

**I've had this planned for a while, it's just a bit draining for me to write dialogue of several characters at once, so it's been delayed. I decided to cut this up so you guys at least get this much.**

 **No one is born a jerk, but they can be raised to be one.**


	31. Fallen, Leaves

I tuned her voice out as she told Kevin about my...about Father. The trees, bare of leaf, sat on a rusty orange bed of its own fallen foliage. The sky was a deep blue, and added a chill to everything. I subconsciously huddled into myself to keep warm, though the snugness of the car prevented the cold from ever entering.

It was difficult to ignore her, but it was the same as trying to ignore Little Red, and so, I traded. My eyes held upon him, as I knew Mother already suspected something, and was lost in her memories as it was. He was hanging on the story with the curiosity one would expect of such a little pup, and it was enough to make me smile. I think the warmth of her voice helped.

My eyes flickered down onto dusty latchings on the back of her seat, picking the perfections out mentally as I thought of him. There was much I wanted to say. To do.

For a soft moment, I lost myself to being. I wanted him close, fingers linked and eyes speaking. Alone, no future to tether us, nor past to show us the way. I was cold, but he could warm me...

The darkness came unheeded to her voice, and I returned. My eyes were gone, distant, as I responded in turn to a comment she made. And again, as a jest.

But my heart was not in it.

I'm not certain where my heart was at _all_.

* * *

 **I'm still alive. Don't worry. This story isn't over yet, mon amies. Was going to have this as a short snippet for tumblr, but I figured some of you might appreciate an update this way, and might appreciate this small little peek into Eddward mind.  
**


	32. And Other Fine Pleasantries

The late lunch we shared was pleasant, all things considered. Mary really was a nice lady, and that's putting it lightly. Sure, memories of what Eddward had mentioned about her danced in the back of my head, but they never came to the forefront as she regaled tales of Eddward's childhood to us. Eddward wasn't particularly pleased.

After she'd finished her meal, she ran off to the bathroom for a few minutes, leaving me sitting awkwardly next to Eddward in the silent corner of the diner.

I decided to break the ice, "So, uh...she's a nice lady."

He breathed a little out his nose in a mocking reply.

"Oh, come on, man. I know you're happy about this, don't let it all get to you. Trust me, I'm kind-of the king of letting things get to you." Or fears, of which, well...this probably fell into that category anyways.

"You don't...understand," his voice quivered, turning to look out the window beside us.

I still felt a little of Mary's bubbly attitude in my breast, giving me a little bit of courage to do something about his mood. Cautiously, I moved my hand to just graze the side of his leg. I didn't want to make him upset, I just wanted him to, you know, realize I was there.

He jumped, "K-k-Kevin!" He said in a hushed, reprimanding tone, and I smirked despite myself. His hands had gone down to push himself up, but he'd stopped when he realized it was just me, apparently. I took advantage of that, moving my hand over his and giving it a quick squeeze before pulling it away.

The blush on his cheeks was unconcealed before me, and I felt a warmth flutter in my chest. I smiled widely.

"Just enjoy yourself, man. I know how much this means to you."

He was silent, not looking in my direction as he spoke, but I knew he heard me. Despite everything, he really couldn't hide his thoughts as well as I used to believe. Or maybe I was just so familiar with him that nothing could pass me by any more. Either way, I was looking at him long enough to meet his gaze when he looked up at me. I could swear there was a smile there, but on anyone else, it wouldn't have passed.

His voice creaked out, " _Mon petit ange_... _trop beau pour être vrai._ "

Our eyes held, and a blush came unbidden to my cheeks, just from the intensity in his gaze. I didn't ask what he meant...I don't think he'd ever tell me. And honestly, I'm not certain if his mom's return was welcome, or...if I secretly regretted the end of the moment we'd had. But when she came back, and our eyes broke contact, I felt a sense of yearning in my chest that I couldn't push away.

* * *

We said our goodbyes, despite Eddward's hesitance. It wasn't as though he was trying to keep her longer, more like he didn't want to have to say it at all. When it came out, it was a squeak, and Mary smiled.

When she drove off, leaving us at Eddward's doorway, I could see him slump beside me. He turned to unlock the door, slipping inside, but leaving it opened a crack. I took that as an invitation and followed him in.

"Thank you, Kevin."

It was plainly said, his voice sincere, but his shoulders folded. Despite the kindness of his words, I only noticed the hollowness of the one speaking them.

I approached, "You okay?" It was all that came to mind to ask.

He looked off to the side, cold eyes glimmering in the evening glow from the windows, "I'm..." his trailed off, "I'm adequate."

"So...not okay then," I replied, taking a step closer. My hand gingerly reached out, finding its way to his shoulder in a comforting gesture. He jumped, and I nearly brought my hand away, before he settled, and leaned into it.

"No, my Little Red, je ne vais pas bien."

I narrowed my eyes, "Uhh...English?"

A soft breath escaped his nose, "I am not well, mon Petit Rouge."

"Oh, I...I knew that."

His eyes turned to me, "I am aware."

We looked at one another for a moment, and, yet again, I thought about pulling my hand away. Then he...he smiled. Slightly, again, in this way I don't think most people would notice, but I could tell. It made me grin, and I squeezed his shoulder, causing him to look away. I didn't stop staring as his cheeks reddened.

"You'll...be alright if I go, yeah?"

The smile dropped, and I immediately regretted asking.

"I am not your captor, Red," his glacial eyes met mine, "no matter how you wish I'd be."

I was a little surprised at his response, feeling the blood rise to my cheeks, "I uh, I just think my mom'll be waiting is all and..."

"Go, mon cher. You've done enough."

I could tell that he was only saying that for my benefit, and, despite the dark look he held in his eyes, I didn't want to run off just yet. I took a step closer, my hand daring to slide slightly off the edge of his shoulder, earning a startled response from those predatory eyes of his. It was minor, but enough. I let my hand glide down his shoulder blade, curling comfortingly over it. I could feel his breath hitch. And it didn't unhitch. I'm not sure he knew I could feel his reaction.

I dared speak, "If you want me here...just say so."

He stared at me with a paradoxical emotion flitting through his eyes, and the breath still didn't come for another several seconds. Until he had to draw breath to speak, that is.

" _Je veux passe r une...une éternité, avec toi..._" He looked down, then up to me, and I found I couldn't meet his eyes. Not out of fear, just...just because they held something I couldn't understand. Instead, I took a final step closer, letting my cheek rest shyly against his shoulder. He breathed out deeply, his body relaxed and warm against my skin.

"I uh..."

I watched the smile return, lighter this time, almost passable as an actual thing rather than the broken facsimile I was used to, "Perhaps I'll see you tomorrow, but your mother, she desires your presence. Do not keep her waiting. Be glad she is there, my..." He sighed, and said no more.

I bit my lip, wanting to try to argue with him, but the look he held seemed...almost at peace. I didn't want to ruin it. Whatever he said in French, it must have meant a lot to him, and maybe it took some weight off of his chest. Either way, I finally nodded, pulling away from him. I immediately missed his warmth.

"I shall see you again soon, Little Red. Now go, before I change my mind and keep you here against your will."

There was a slight snark in his voice, which surprised me, so I replied, "Oh yeah?" My reply was pretty weak, and he could tell, I think. My heart wasn't in it, because...because it wasn't, I guess.

He smirked; it was sour and playful, but it was there and it was surprising.

"You would like me to do so...but alas, I was not expecting further company. Come another night and I might...arrange things for you."

There was a cocky sureness in his stance, but his eyes said otherwise. Impish as he was acting, it all seemed to be some sort of act. I realize it now, but right then, I was just embarrassed.

"I...I'll see you in class on Monday, Edd," I said warily, and was glad to see the name dropped his guard a little, the snarky look he held dropping in place of a truer expression.

"Of course."

I walked to the door, slowly turning the knob.

"Bonne soirée, Little Red."

I smiled.

"Later, Loup."

* * *

 **Saudade, a word without a match in the English language. A deep yearning, sadness, and longing for someone dearly cared for. A soft sadness. A velvet, sombre sheet over the heart.**

 **A word that Kevin didn't know, but described what he felt perfectly. Hope you enjoyed. Sorry there wasn't as much about Eddward's Mother, but it was yet another obstacle that kept giving me a block, so I found my way past it.  
**


	33. February Pains

I wasn't particularly thrilled to see Father this morning. That is to say, I would have sooner slept the day through would it mean avoiding him. I knew no way to avoid his presence, at least for a short time, and so I awoke and faced the horrid morn with a measured step and a meal plan.

An omelette for each of us and orange juice with pulp, I could only hope they fell within Father's expectations.

I winced despite myself when I heard his descent.

"Good morning, Eddward. Of what do we partake?" His words were proper beyond reason and it sickened me. I kept my thoughts to myself.

"Good morning. Omelettes and juice; orange, that is, Father."

He sat down quietly, eyes scanning over his breakfast for whatever faults he may assume exist, before he carefully cut and lifted a bite to his lips. He chewed, and made no cruel comment afterwards. I let out a held breath, and began to eat as well.

"Eddward," I turned my head to look him straight in the eyes, as anything less was assumed disrespectful by him, "how was your day, yesterday?"

I had to strain to hold his gaze, "It was pleasant. And she had nothing but kind words to say about you. I told her you were well."

"Someone has to be," I swallowed my food, reaching for another bite whilst mentally preparing myself for whatever remark he had. He sighed in a dignified manner, "She will relapse again soon enough, and I am glad you were able to spend some time with her before then. Despite her tendencies, I did once love the woman."

I bit my tongue by accident and had to use all of my self-control not to react, despite the stinging pain.

"Do not let her dalliances strain your mind. School is more important right now than her, you must remember that."

I nodded, because no matter how strongly a part of me disagreed with him, the part he'd nurtured within me that was wise to her ways couldn't help but agree. It shattered parts of me to hear him talk so plainly, but those parts were deeply hidden knots in little-used muscles that might be of use one day...but not today.

This wretched man never disowned me, nor did he ever betray me. He has always been true to his word, despite how harsh they tended to be.

And...as Mother had said...it wasn't his fault he was like this. But then, it is not my fault either, and I pay the price. As did she.

We ate in polite silence for a time, and I took a little time before moving to clean my plate. I watched the clock, calculating, and decided the perfect moment to speak.

"Marie and I have made plans today, Father; may I depart?"

He nodded curtly, "You may."

I let my breath out silently, and headed for the door.

I was thankful he had no further comment as I left...and abruptly turned the corner, sitting in a blind spot just outside the house. I wrapped an arm around my knees, looking emptily at the visible grass between my legs, before slowly closing my eyes.

* * *

It wasn't all that late in the afternoon when Nazz and I got back from the candy store. Mostly we just wanted to take a walk, that's just where our walk led us was all. We'd finished our treats within 10 minutes of leaving the store.

And at that point, Nazz started with her teasing jests.

I won't go into detail, but it involved a lot of me cringing and groaning, and her just giggling. I guess she was finally starting to accept whatever the 'thing' was that I had with Eddward as a fact, and decided to make my life a living nightmare by being a girl.

Girls, though. Seriously.

So since he was already on my mind when we got back, I turned my head reflexively towards his house. I mean, I did that a lot recently as it was, but normally there was nothing to see.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I noticed a huddled figure wearing a watch and wristband sitting against a wall. I also noticed the car, knowing exactly what it entailed. I bit my lip.

"What's up?" Nazz inquired, walking up next to me.

"Just...something. Hey, I'll see you later, alright?"

My abrupt parting confused her, but then she smirked, "Ohhh, I see...well, have fun with your Wolf, Kevy." She winked, and I groaned, a blush reaching my cheeks.

I sighed, taking a few careful steps towards his yard. I noted the window was wide open, and saw a figure inside. I didn't know much of him, but I knew better than to get his attention. I took a moment to consider what to do, what to say. I mean, I didn't _have_ to say _anything_ , but this wasn't normal. Normal for Eddward, that is.

I kind-of worried, okay?

My voice wavered as I yelled out, looking behind the house next door to his, "Loup?"

The reaction was delayed, then instant, like he took a moment to process the name before he snapped to attention. He stood, looking my way, and gesturing with his arm. I wasn't looking at him still, worried I might give his location away to his dad, but I noticed him slink off. He deftly avoided the windows as he moved through the back yard...and around a fence, into the neighbor's own. My eyes locked with his, and I smiled. He stopped before he walked into view.

He beckoned me forward, and I approached.

"I did not expect you, Little Red." His voice was weak; I didn't like it.

"I didn't expect _you_ , Edd."

His eyes darted down, off to the side, before flickering back up. He reached his hand forward towards mine, and I lifted mine in response. Rather than grab it, which I assumed he'd planned, his fingerprints gently touched mine as he tugged me behind him. I followed obediently. I figured I'd rather not be seen with him in public like this, anyways.

He led me into the woods behind the cul-de-sac, broken twigs snapping underfoot as we get far enough to be out of view of practically every window.

Then, he dropped my hand, turned, and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

At first, I didn't react. I mean, how could I? We always played this strange game of cat and mouse, and this wasn't in the rulebook. I only moved when I noticed how cold he was.

I let one hand wrap around his waist, the other his upper back. I breathed him in, clean linen and the slightest hint of some sort of body wash. I didn't mind it.

We stayed like that for a while, his breathing steady as he refused to let me go. I tried to end the hug once, just because I didn't want to make it awkward, but he didn't budge. At one point, I felt his cheek limply meet my neck. It was so cold...

"You're really cold..." I was patting my back for my brilliant observation.

I felt a slight nod, then a soft teasing breath over my neck, " _ _À_ la Chandeleur, l'hiver se passe ou prend vigueur_."

For the first time, I was able to pull away from his hug as I looked him incredulously in the eyes.

"...the fuck does that mean?" I asked, shaking my head.

He smiled tenderly, slight as it might have been, "'Twas a subtle January, and February's nip is quite worse for it, no?"

I was confused, "Yeah, so...?"

"So when one has been outside for some time, Little Red, one becomes cold. Inductive reasoning, mon cher."

I cracked a half smile for a moment at his jab, then it fell.

"Wait, how long have you been out there?"

To that, he simply shrugged.

I sighed, "Eddward...no, Edd, yeah, you can't just keep not saying stuff. I mean, I get it, you're mysterious and all that, but I think I deserve to know-"

"To know what, little pup?" His tone was icy, "My dark past, my uninspiring future? Why must the world be a play and everyone must watch, cannot an actor play to the unseen, unheard audience, and be satisfied?"

I was silent at that. After some time, there was a sigh.

"My apologies, Red...you are..." He thinned his eyes, looking at the ground listlessly as he walked towards a cleaner patch of leaves on the ground, sitting down calmly, "You are not Father."

"Yeah, no, I'm not, why the hell would you think I'm _that_ douchebag?"

I saw a slight smile perk his mouth, "I do adore your colorful mind and loose tongue. You truly are a milksnake, all flash and nothing for it."

I didn't get it. I just stared down at him, trying to figure him out.

He looked up at me, then, wordlessly, reached forward a hand. I was a little more hesitant to take it this time, but when I did, I found myself pulled gently to the ground, and I took a seat beside him. My leg brushed against his, and I held myself up with a single hand against the soil-trodden leaves.

A soft voice came forth from Eddward's throat, "It's...unfair."

I wanted to reply, but he closed up, arms around his knees, head hidden. I felt my shoulders drop in dismay at his mood, timidly placing a hand upon his shoulder.

He leaned his cheek against it. It was warmer now.

I found my voice, "Hey...I'm here, you know? Even if you, like...can't stand me...or, whatever...still here for ya."

He nodded, smooth skin rubbing against my hand, causing me to smile. My arm slid down his back, pulling him a little closer against me to fight off the end-of-winter chill. My other hand fell upon his leg, and he flinched.

I thought it was kinda cute.

Finally, he spoke, "And shall too leave my one treasure, learnèd of my cruelty, gifted to the stars. Soon, my happiness shall go, through poison, through spite, through contempt..."

"Hey..." I wasn't certain what he meant, but I could tell he was speaking down on himself, and reached my hand up to his chin. He was taken by surprise, staring at me in slight shock as I frowned at him. "I just want you to be happy. I...I mean, I know you've been...you know...but...you're not that guy any more...right?"

A scoff was his response.

I smiled a little, "Well, either way, I'd like to think I know the real you somewhat. I don't think the 'Big Tough Wolf' is a real guy..."

Eyes flickered wide, a cold stare trained upon me, a voice laced with venom coming from his lips, "A wolf is a wolf, and you will regret every moment you tru-"

While he was speaking, all I could see were his eyes. His lips were turned into a scowl, his shoulders tense, but his eyes, they were screaming. I hated it. So I silenced it.

Despite the cold chill of February surrounding us, his lips were warm and dry. I'd closed my eyes, partly out of courtesy but mostly out of fear of his reaction. I held to his lip like an errant droplet of water, unmoving, fingers dropping from his chin.

Nothing happened...until I started to pull away.

A hand pressed the center of my chest back, but his lips never left mine. My hat fell to the ground as a makeshift pillow, and I found myself lying on my back, pressed down in a deep, calm kiss.

I heard a sniffle. I opened my eyes.

I wasn't sure how long it had been there, but I could see the glimmer at the bottom of his eyes. My hands down rested around his back, and I felt him swallow back the tears, blinking them away as he pressed me down even deeper, lips sliding within mine in a gentle dance. I followed his lead. I cannot tell you how long we stayed like this, for time lost all meaning for a bit...until he pulled away, breathless.

I stared up in awe at the red-faced stranger over me. Gone was the wolf dressed in his father's choice garments, with a threatening glare and snarling lip. In his place was a frightened young man, biting his bottom lip, with looks of guilt and fear fighting for dominance in his eyes.

So I did the only thing I could: I smiled at him.

He sat up, and I found myself unpinned. He still looked unsure, but the mask was coming back, which made me frown.

"Hey...don't go yet."

He blinked, looking at me with a slightly cocked head, "I'm...not."

"Yeah, you are," I said with sadness tainting my voice, "you're gonna hide again."

We looked into each other's eyes for some time, before, finally, he decided to stand up. He brushed off his dress pants, looking down and away for a moment, before reaching down to pull me up. That made me grin, as I took his hand one final time. He seemed surprised when I wouldn't let go.

He looked up at the sky for a moment, like he was reading it, then looked back at me.

"I should go now...Marie will be expecting me."

"Oh," I felt my heart drop, "okay..."

A sad smile graced his lips, "J'ai tellement de chance de t'avoir..."

"...huh?"

A truer smile this time, "I will see you tomorrow, mon cher, mon Petit Rouge."

I rolled my eyes, sighing a little, "I...alright. I'll see you in class then, I guess."

"Hopefully before," he said quietly, but I still heard him.

"Wait, wh-"

"Au revoir, Kevin."

He gave my hand a squeeze, then walked off, leaving me there a little more confused than I had been previously. The way he walked was...lighter. I decided I could wait until tomorrow. Why rush?

We had our whole lives ahead of us. Tomorrow was just a day away.


	34. La Langue

"Hey Red, whatcha doin' all the way over there?" Marie's grating, but sweet, voice rang out in my direction. I felt myself blush, immediately looking around to see some heads looking in their direction. I was glad to see no one knew my nickname, but I still waited a second before I walked somewhat in their direction, walking behind a tree before coming up next to them. At least Eddward had a faint blush on as well.

"Was waiting for Nazz. Didn't know you guys were gonna make this a regular thing, what with...reputation and you know, all that." I was being honest, since I wasn't about to lie and say I minded being with them. Marie was a nice, respectable girl, despite her snappy attitude, and Eddward...yeah.

She smirked at me, shoving me playfully to bump up against Eddward, much to our chagrin, "You shoulda seen the look on his face when he saw you weren't coming over here. Ever seen a sad Wolf? Not pretty, let me tell you."

Eddward shot her a glare, his lips parting for a reply, but closing. He rolled his eyes instead, letting out an annoyed sigh. I felt his arm brush against mine as he folded his arms, his eyes shooting wide as he pulled away, looking down. Marie caught this, and smirked.

"See, what did I tell you? Anyways, you two're together know, so get chattin'. I didn't call you over for nothing." She was smiling, and despite her devious plan, I honestly couldn't help but appreciate what she was doing. I would have never approached on my own, not in school. Despite everything I'd been through with him at this point, I knew better than to mess with his appearance in public. I still remembered the wrist thing, and it tempered my actions well enough.

"Uh, well, like," I started clumsily, but Eddward's eyes caught mine anyways, "what did you do for that extra credit thing? Cuz I figured you'd do it, I mean, just for the heck of it. Not like you need it or anything."

He regarded me with calm eyes, "I wrote a poem."

"...Yeah, and?"

He huffed out softly, shaking his head, "No, mon cher, you may not see it."

I frowned, mumbling, "Why not?"

An invisible smile crossed his lips, "It shall be read in class...do you not recall?"

My eyes widened, "Oh...umm, I...yeah, sure."

Marie cackled, "Oh my god, you forgot. That's rich! Ohhh I am _so_ not skipping English today."

Eddward shot her a glare, " _Marie_."

She held her hands up, "Kidding, kidding! Hey, is that Goldilocks?" We looked over, and sure enough, Nazz was walking towards us, of her own volition. Marie smiled, "Goldilocks, baby, how you doing girl?"

I snickered at her phrasing, hearing the mocking tone in her voice and watching Nazz's obvious frustration.

She walked up next to me, "Hey Kev."

"What's up, Nazz?" I smiled, taking a little step back to let her join our little group, which, coincidentally, made me bump into Eddward. The surprising part? He leaned back for a moment before he backed away.

"Not much, just a bit tired. And confused. What're you doing hanging with the scaries, anyhow?"

I looked over at the pair, who didn't seem to mind her judgement, before replying, "Eh, it's a thing."

She tilted her head at me, but didn't inquire further. Marie butted in, changing the subject to the topic of the day: a certain holiday I didn't really care about. Valentine's Day.

Whilst Marie and and Nazz girled-out about stupid things like roses and love notes and who was gonna ask who out, I leaned over a little to bump my arm against Eddward's. He let out a soft 'hmm,' and didn't move, looking down at my shoulder. I looked at him, biting my lip as I looked around to see if anyone was watching.

He smiled his subtle smile, " _Avez-vous assez chaud_?" He asked breathily, and I just stared at him, confused.

"I literally have no clue what you just said."

The smile grew a little, but was still nigh unnoticeable, "Are you warm enough, my Red?"

My voice stumbled at the depth of his tone, my cheeks reddening at the hidden meaning, "I-I'm fine."

"Are you quite certain of that? From what I can tell, there's a chill to you," he emphasized his point by letting the bare, lower portion of his arm rub against mine. I blushed deeper.

"We-we can't, Edd."

His eyes softened at this, a layer of ice covering them, "You cannot fault me for...you are correct, though," he pulled away, the February chill brushing against me again, "Jamison is watching, now. Not that I am deserving. The bell will ring soon, let us rejoin their conversation and play our parts, mon cher."

I frowned at the resignation in his voice, but I knew better than to fight it. Even if I hated when he got like this, I couldn't, not now. I looked at Jamison from the corner of my eye, and sighed. He was definitely watching. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't like it. Johnny might have been an idiot, but Jamison was smarter than he let on. It gave me a chill just thinking about it, and for a moment, I wanted to take Eddward up on his offer.

The bell rang exactly a moment later, and the mask slid on his face once more. I wanted nothing more than to remove it for good.

* * *

"Alright, class, now the next work I have here is a set of haikus. I'd like you to think deeply when you hear it, because, as you know, poetry is written from the heart, and is not always clear. And a haiku tends to be even less clear, as one must limit their usage of words. Now, ready yourselves, and I'll begin.

" _Love is like a flo'er  
Silken petals, subtle bloom  
Bleeding hearts for stems_

"Always to admire  
From afar, the briar rose  
Thorns adorn her heart

"Love is like a flo'er  
Pick her loose and watch her die  
Love is like a flo'er"

The room was silent as Mrs. Rhodes smiled, putting down the paper. I looked towards Eddward, and his eyes flitted towards me, then back again. I smiled as well.

* * *

"...I know, but you wrote it for him, you just _gotta_ give it to him!"

I scoffed, walking fast ahead of her, but she ran to keep up.

"Please please please, mister Wolf? With sugar on top?"

I gave her an incredulous look.

"Before I tell him instead."

I stopped on a dime, and Marie turned to face me, pouting lip combined with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. I sighed, "Marie..."

"Look, I know it's in your special notebook, but you wrote it for him. Isn't he special enough for you to, I dunno, make an exception?"

Begrudgingly, I looked down at the notebook, and the pen within its binding. During English, I'd...written something. And now, I regretted it, because Marie saw it and wanted me to give it to Kevin. I couldn't.

"I'd rather spare my notebook, and my...my hopes, Marie." The last bit that I said was forced, because I knew she wouldn't believe me otherwise. I didn't truly hope, though. I knew he...he might accept, but I couldn't...

She glared at me, a frown now on her lips, "Eddward...don't. Just...just do it, okay? I'd rather you ask him. I really would. I don't care if it's that note you show him or if you just ask, but just _do_ something."

I sighed, looking down. I nodded.

It was good to see her smiling at me, even as she walked off, but I groaned internally. I flipped open the notebook, poring over the page I'd recently laid claim to.

 _Beautiful boy in the cap of Rouge, your skin cold to the touch. Let me warm you for an evening, take you into my home as I've oft desired to do simply to revel in your presence._

 _A date, on this date...such a dated concept. And yet, I wonder, will you?_

 _I dare not ask aloud, in case you refuse...oh, sweet boy, my heart and my bane, would that I knew._

 _For tonight, I'd rather spend alone_  
 _with you..._

I closed my eyes, my thumb rolling over the elegant font, blue as the cold, permanent as those thoughts within my mind. I was not afraid of anything, just...just aware of the pain.

* * *

I stared down at the note for the millionth time, trying to figure out what he might have hidden in its folds.

 _My evening is yours, if you'll have me. The door will be unlocked, come at your leisure._

The note, written in blue ink upon a small tear of paper, was pretty obvious, but also confusing. I mean, I guess that's the point; Edd wouldn't be Eddward without being cryptic and unclear. And I kinda liked that, figuring him out and reading him like this. But I still didn't know.

I mean...was this a date? Or was it just an invitation?

I'd taken long enough, though, I decided. I'd been up in my room since I'd gotten home, and knew it was time to let my parents know about my... _plans_ for the evening. Whatever the hell they were.

When I came down the stairs, I saw my mom and dad sitting on the couch, holding hands. A vase of flowers sat on the table.

I sighed, steeling myself, "Hey, I'm gonna head over to a friend's tonight for dinner. S'that okay?"

My mom looked at my dad, and he returned the look, but a little more confused. Mom just looked suspicious.

She spoke first, "Is this a date?"

Before I could respond, my dad added, "Didn't think you had it in ya, boy, why didn't you say so earlier?"

I felt my cheeks heat up, holding out my hands defiantly, "No no, it's just a dinner with a friend, mom! Dad, _really_? Did you _have_ to say that?"

Mom smiled, "Don't be ashamed, I just wanted to know. I mean, if it's a date, you shouldn't go dressed like _that_ ," she pointed at the clothes I'd been wearing all day, "it's really not that romantic."

"It's _not_ a _date_..." I grunted, but the red on my cheeks wasn't helping my case.

"Well, have we met this 'friend' of yours?" She asked, smiling widely.

"Yeah, it's just Eddward." Their eyes both widened a bit, and I groaned angrily, "It's not a date!"

My mom looked like she wanted to say something, but dad spoke up first, "Alright, go head on your non-date then. Better be home before bedtime, Kevin, even if it's just across the street. Got it?"

I nodded, trying to will the blush away.

"We'll see you later, have fun."

I didn't even look back, walking out the front door and slamming it behind me. I groaned loudly.

"Fff..."

* * *

"I'm not certain...would my school clothes be too casual? I know there is a ritual to this-"

"There's not, Eddward. Really, you're _totally_ stressing out over nothing."

"I want nothing less than perfection, Marie."

"You're just worried cuz this is your first date-"

"And that is exactly my point. And I don't believe it's only my own..."

"AWWWWWWW-"

"Marie."

"Look, you just need to chill out. Make something nice for him, wear the clothes you think he likes looking at you in-"

"Marie!"

"-and have a good time. But I gotta get going, alright? I have my own plans. Be good to yourself, okay?"

"...fine."

"Have fun!"

"Adieu."

-click-

* * *

Despite having reassured my parents that this was _not_ a _date_ , I didn't believe that for a second. I just..wasn't sure how they'd react, that was all. I hesitated before I managed to put enough pressure on the doorbell for it to actually ring. Then I had to wait the agonizingly long seconds for Eddward to answer the door.

From the moment he opened the door, I could tell he was nervous. For once, the threatening Wolf couldn't even meet my eyes for more than a few moments, choosing to look away as he spoke, "I've a dinner prepared for us, if you'd be so kind as to come to the kitchen and seat yourself."

His smooth voice was laced with little, shaky moments, making it even more clear to me that he wasn't completely confident about this, not at all.

"Sounds good. How did you know when I'd be here?"

He didn't turn back as he spoke, "I did not. I prepared it ahead of time and kept it warm for us, and chilled the salad."

"Oh." Duh.

The delicious scent of steak filled the room as Eddward opened the oven, carefully removing the tray with an oven mitt. Afterwards, he removed a nicely-prepared salad from the fridge. He placed them side by side, turning to me, "Take your pick."

"But you made it, shouldn't you-"

"I m-made them for you. Now pick, please." I would have smiled at the little jitter in his voice, but I was actually pretty nervous as well. The room was filled with anxious electricity and it made it hard to act normal. I picked one at random, spooned some salad onto my plate, and took a seat. He followed soon after.

It was awkward how silent dinner was. I kept seeing him part his lips to speak, but he would always hesitate, and decide against it. I found myself in the same situation, as well as the fact that Eddward was a God at cooking, and I couldn't savor my meal enough. Still, the silent grated on me, and, after Eddward had taken his last bite, I choked out a sentence.

"I can kinda tell you're nervous."

He looked up, staring straight into my eyes, swallowing the rest of the food, "I...how come?"

I looked back at him, "It's like what your mom said. I mean, I'm not as good at it as she was, but I can read you pretty well. And you're, like...scared shitless right now. Or close to it, I guess. Right?"

He stared unamusedly at my comparison, speaking calmly, "Well, this...isn't exactly an experience I'm familiar with. One cannot go purely on instinct. I've had a lot to think about."

"Come on, man, it's just a date," I smirked at him.

"Is it?" He spoke softly, then bit his lip, " _Sot_ , I, what I meant to say is..."

"What's that even mean?"

He cocked his head.

"That...word you said. In French I'm guessing."

"Oh, I...did not realize it. Forgive me."

"I just kinda wanna know what you meant," I leaned my cheek on my hand, staring at him.

"If it truly interested you, I imagine you would have researched the language more at this point, mon cher."

"Like that," I held my palm out, "What does that mean? What are all these things you're saying to me?"

He huffed amusedly, "Things you'd rather me not."

"Try me."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head, "Mon cher, I want nothing more than to faire la danse du loup, and yet, I refrain. It is...for the best." A blush began spreading over his cheeks as he stumbled that out, looking away from me.

"Seriously? Stop pulling French on me and just tell me what you mean."

He stood up from the table slowly, lifting his dishes and bringing them to the sink, "You speak as though you've no interest in my language, mon Petit."

"It's not that, it's just..."

"As though there is no one you could, perhaps, _ask_ to teach you of it."

I sat up, bringing my plate and silverware over to the sink as well, Eddward taking them from me before I could set them down.

I didn't reply to him. I, honestly, felt rather stupid. Because he was right. I could have asked him any time, to teach me. I guess I just didn't care. I mean, the only person I'd ever meet that spoke French would be him, so why did I care? ...Why _did_ I care?

"Mon Petit, you appear to have something on your mind...something to inquire, perchance?"

I mumbled a response I wasn't confident with.

He smiled, genuinely but faintly, leaning towards me, "Mon cher..."

"My," I stopped, my voice soft, "my what?

"My cher...you are correct, at least, you are mine," I felt a flutter go through my chest, "but what does it mean?" I tried to respond, but he lifted his finger from the soapy water, wagging it, "Tut-tut, I shan't tell you until you can say it back to me."

"But, I don't know what it means."

He smiled wider, it was almost visible, "Then you cannot mean it, and so, what is the harm?"

I parted my lips, remembering, "...mon cher." It was a sad attempt, but I couldn't move my mouth quite like his, I couldn't understand how he said it.

"Again. Watch my tongue as I speak it, _mon. cher_." he spoke, voice suave and near, his face closer to mine. I watched his lips, his tongue...

"Mon...cher."

He leaned closer, inches away, "Once more..."

I was blushing by this point, " _Mon cher_..." It didn't sound as, well, as _elegant_ as Eddward had said it, but it was close. I could tell he approved from the way his eyes gleamed.

He was so close, " _My dear_... _la langue suits you._ "

I swallowed, cheeks burning, and I could feel his breath, "La...la langue?"

In a soft, smooth breath, he spoke, " _The language,_ " his lips brushing mine as he spoke, and I could feel it as he spoke, " _and the tongue_..."

As our lips finally met, I could feel something different about this kiss. A velvety warmth ran over my bottom lip, sending a chill down my spine, unconsciously parting my lips to accept it. His tongue, I knew, gently slid between them, teasing delicately over my tongue. I could taste what we'd eaten earlier on his lips, but mostly I tasted him. A muted groan rumbled in my throat, and he pulled away.

I looked up at him, his cheeks flushed, a half-lidded gaze cast over me. His lips were parted, just enough for me to see the slight gap between his front two teeth. I, myself, was breathless, unable to say a word as I felt the lingering texture of his tongue still lingering on my lips.

Eventually, I found my voice, "I...what...what _was_ that?" I asked, despite how obvious the answer was. I just had to fill the silence, and with how hard my heart was beating against my chest, I knew I didn't have it in me to try and initiate another one.

His lips parted, eyes wandering in thought, "It was a," he paused, and then, the strangest thing occurred. A soft, breathy laugh escaped him, "a French kiss, mon cher. How ironic."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "Ironic how? I mean...you kinda, well...led into it."

"Entirely by accident, it seems. Hmm, how quaint." He was smiling, as though he was amused by himself.

But honestly, all I cared about was how happy he looked. The corners of his lips were turned up, his eyes overcast and serene. I didn't catch myself lifting my hand to his cheek until I was too far along to stop. It was soft, warm, and...and I'm not sure what else I was expecting. I guess, sometimes, it was hard to remember just how normal he was. Just like me.

His eyes widened, smile falling, lips parting to speak. But the moment the smile fell, I knew what I had to do. I cupped his jawline in my palm, leaning in to catch his lip between mine. My beating heart fluttered, but I didn't back down, and was greeted with a gentle hum.

He pulled back, his eyes staring into me, as he uttered, " _Que mes baisers soient les mots d'amour, que je ne te dis pas..._ "

I tilted my head, "I...can't say that one, Edd."

The genuine smile returned, "But I can, mon cher, I can, and I will..."

I couldn't reply, couldn't even ask what he meant as his lips enveloped mine, stealing my breath once more. My hand fell from his face, slipping behind his neck instinctively as he deepened the kiss, my hat beginning to slide as his head pushed against its visor. Fortunately, he seemed aware of this, as I felt him lift it off and place it on the counter next to us. No longer obstructed by my hat, I felt his nose brush against my cheek, his lips dancing over mine like velveteen pillows. I gripped onto the edge of the counter as he pushed, just to keep myself standing up straight.

Hands found purchase around my waist, gripping my lower back and sliding lower still. I took a step back, a little nervous about what he was doing, but his hands stopped roaming, his thumbs teasing over my hip bones. I groaned again, trying to keep up with the quickening of the two-toe tango that our lips danced. Words escaped my mind as teeth ran along my upper lip, my fingers curling into the sparse hair leaking from his beanie, and what little ran down his neck. He hummed.

A leg slipped between mine, startling me for a moment as I felt his hands dip lower, and lower still, grasping at my thighs. Our lips parted as I let out a small squeak of surprise, as I was lifted into the air, legs tightening around him. I stared at him in shock, both at the fact he could pick me up so easily, and with worry at that same fact. My heartbeat slowed, however, when I caught the timid, soothing look in his eyes.

"May I...perchance...take you to the couch, mon cher?"

I blushed, wondering what choice I had in the matter, and nodded briskly. His steps were slow, but his grip never wavered, helping me to relax. I expected him to seat me, but instead, he sat down, and I remained straddling his lap.

Before I could say anything about our compromising position, he placed his now-free hands behind my head and neck and pulled me into another kiss. It was warm, our breath hot against one another as we gasped for air through our noses, both unwilling to part. I wasn't sure what drove him on, but for myself? Well, I guess there's no other way to put it than that he must have been a good kisser. Even if I had no authority on the matter, it was undoubtedly the truth. There was no way I was just _into_ him that much...no matter _what_ he did to my brain these days.

Minutes passed before we both gave in, panting, lips raw from kissing and faces flushed with passion. I looked into his eyes, and he looked back. We both smiled, and it was ironic.

I nestled my head under the crook of his chin, mumbling out softly, "It's like you've done this before."

A soft laugh made my heart flutter, "My dear, there is quite a difference between reading about something as such...and actually bringing it into practice. It is often that it does not translate well."

I made a 'tst' sound, "Translated better than your French."

A chuckle reverberated through his chest, a free hand sliding down my spine, tugging me a little closer to him, "Perhaps because it was never meant to be..."

"What do you mean?" I listened to the steady beating of his heart, the strumming of his fingertips up and down the ridges of my spine.

"I do not speak it to be understood, I speak it so I can say the words, and no one will understand. It is...it is another 'flaw' of mine, this language."

I curled my fingers slowly over his shoulder, "How is it a flaw?"

A soft, melancholic laugh, "Mo- _my dear_ , I am...it is simply another trait of the character I play. Would that you knew the words I spoke..." He said no more, instead bringing his other hand to run through my messy red hair, stroking it, his heart beating slowly, soothingly.

I let the moment pass, taking the time to enjoy his gentle touches, to think about what he'd said.

Eventually, I found my voice, and spoke, "S-so my parents thought this was a date. Heheh..." I laughed, but my heart wasn't in it. I stayed close to him, eyes closed.

"Mmm." Was all he replied.

"I mean, sure, it's Valentines Day, but...that doesn't mean anything...right?"

A silence pervaded the room, but his heart told another story. My eyes flicked open.

"I-I mean, I'm just a, a toy to you, right? This is all...just a game...right? You can't seriously..."

He was so tense under me, and I found my mouth speaking far too fast for my mind to comprehend.

"Cuz I mean you're the Wolf, and I'm just Little Red, right? And we can't be anything else because everyone would laugh at us and-"

"Shh."

It was quiet, but accompanied by a hard tug, and I was unable to escape his grasp. I stopped speaking.

"Kevin…tell me, please," his voice was…troubled, "is this," he paused again, before two meek words escaped him, "a game?"

My hand slid down to his chest, pushing me back slowly to sit up on his lap, looking into two broken, frozen eyes. His lips were inexpressive, hiding what he was thinking, but his eyes screamed out the pain he was feeling. It was a shot to the chest.

"No...no! It's not, I just, not to me, I mean, but I thought...you..."

"You thought," he sighed, looking down weakly, "you believed it. I played the part too well. C'est la vie, I deserved this."

"You didn't deserve shit."

We both froze. I was surprised I'd said that, and he apparently was as well, and it gave me a moment to formulate more words.

"Y-you didn't deserve for your mom to...and your dad, it's not...all these things, it's not...Edd," he looked at me, wounded and numb, "c-can I try again?"

He cocked his head to the side slightly, but said nothing.

"What I meant to say before, I just...when you gave me that note, was it just to, you know...to be the Wolf? Or are you...is this-"

"A date, mon cher. That is...correct." He finished brokenly. His voice cracked.

I looked into his eyes again, my heart beating fast with guilt and pain, and I almost sobbed as I spoke, "Wha-why couldn't you just tell me that in the beginning, you asshat?" I leaned forward, my forehead hitting his a little harder than I meant for it to, but I didn't care. My hands and arms slipped around his neck, curling delicately over the soft skin, and I spoke emptily, "I'd...I'dve said yes if I'd known, you know...f-fucking hell, man..."

There was a shimmer in his eyes, and a weakness. His mask was gone.

"Because...I am not wanted, Kevin."

I leaned in closer, "Like hell you are." I bit his lip, letting my tongue run over it as I kissed him, trying to wipe that dumb, sad look off of his face. He returned it so weakly, but he did, and I took advantage of it while he did. When I pulled away, finally, I whispered, "I don't know what I want...but, whatever this is, it's what I want. So please, Edd, Loup... _whatever_ you want me to call you...just smile."

So I looked again, and hoped.

And he smiled. It was everything I wanted, and more.

* * *

The evening was awkward, it was strange, and it wouldn't leave my mind. We spent half an hour or so like that, just leaning against each other, breathing one another in. Every time his smile lapsed, I kissed him, and it came back. In the end, he told me we should do this again, in so many words. I agreed.

I didn't plan on what our position had done to Eddward, though. It wasn't until I was off of him and looking down that I noticed...yeah. But I guess I couldn't blame him, I'd been on his damn lap for the past half hour and leather jeans are pretty damn soft. I still kinda can't get that out of my mind, that or the blush he had when I noticed it. Neither of us mentioned it. It _was_ pretty obvious.

I couldn't get rid of my blush before I got home; namely because I remembered what we'd been up to just before I got to the door, and it started all over again. My dad was actually grinning, and my mom...my mom was just confused. We didn't really say much, and I headed up to my room.

Marie probably knows about the 'date,' which I'm still amazed was a thing, but Nazz...well, she'd find out tomorrow, I was exhausted. Who knew kissing could take so much out of you?

But as I went to bed, I couldn't stop thinking about his smile. His smile, his heartbeat, his laughter...and that all this time, he'd been calling me 'his dear.'

And I never knew.


	35. A Dossier Most Dire

When I arrived at school the next morning, all I could see was Marie, one of her blue fringes shining in the morning sun. She was standing near the evergreens, which lined part of the school, with coniferous trees along the pathways. I figured Eddward wasn't around yet, so I approached her.

She was giggling. I opened my mouth to speak when she turned, her eyes casting an evil glint as her smile shone wide.

"Kevy dearie, we've been waiting for you!"

She grinned ear to ear, voice dark, grabbing my shoulder before I could speak and pulling me back behind the evergreens. Cackling, hopped away, eyes peering everywhere but the darkness between the trees.

Still staring at her, I didn't notice the other person behind me, until a dark figure stepped in front of me. I barely had time to react as I was shoved back, hard, against the wall of the school. A hand was behind my head, cradling it to protect it from injury as two dark, stormy eyes caught mine. My breath, what little I had left after the impact, hitched.

He kissed me, hard and fast, only slowing as he parted, my lip still nipped between his for a moment as he pulled away. I was breathless, flushed, and dazed, all in a manner of seconds, but from the looks of it, that was exactly what he wanted.

" _Mon Petit Rouge...tu me manques_ ," he spoke softly, a predator in his voice, "ah, that expression...so rewarding."

I blushed darker, taking a moment to catch my breath, "... _Damn_ Edd, you didn't have to... _jeeze_. And what was with that French? Yeah, I heard that, what was it?"

He tilted his head, a playful smile on his lips, "Tu me manques, mon cher. Parles vous."

I narrowed my eyes at him, fumbling things around in my head, "Tu me man...ques...uh, and that last bit was just you telling me to talk, right? I remember once when you said..."

"Oui, Little Red. I," he looked down for a moment, "I..." His eyes met mine, the hand from behind my head slipping down to cradle my chin, "I missed you."

"I, uh," I looked down, away from his piercing gaze, "I... _missed you too_..." The last three words barely crept past my lips, my embarrassment holding me back. My lips were quickly caught in another kiss, albeit a more gentle one, before Eddward backed away.

His eyes were soft and kind, his smile fading back into his hidden, thin line. I sighed contentedly, stepping forward out of the boughs of the tree.

"Wow, _black-eyes_ , thought you would've lasted a bit longer-Ow!" Marie whinged, rubbing at her arm where Eddward had hit her. I had no idea what she found so funny, or why he was upset.

He scowled at her, "Well, _pardon_ me, _Maria_ , for my chaste endeavor...you insufferable tormentor."

I cocked my head, trying to understand what was going on, "Don't worry hun, I won't tell all the pretty boys that you didn't last long-"

" **Marie**." He accentuated the word with contempt, as I slowly started to catch the drift.

"Wait, but, he and I didn't..."

"Relax, Red; I'm just teasing ya," she smiled at me, giggling at the frustrated expression on Eddward's face, "I mean, you gotta admit; he's adorable when he gets like this."

My eyes unconsciously flicked over to Eddward, who was donning a slight pout, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Besides, I know nothing's gonna happen un-"

"Marie, please greet Nazz, you obviously have _much_ to talk about. Depart. Adieu." He glared at her for a few moments before she groaned, rolling her eyes as she skulked off.

I tilted my head, "You upset with her?"

His shoulders fell and he sighed exasperatedly, "No more than usual. But, I must admit, her energy is a bit...taxing. And she doesn't seem to understand conversation boundaries at times..." He held his arms, looking down and away.

I gave him a half-smile, "Well, she _was_ right. You're fucking _adorable_ when you're pissy like this."

His eyes widened, and he stuttered out, "L-language, Kevin!"

The red on his cheeks was totally worth it, and that smile?

That smile totally made my day.

* * *

"Marie, please do refrain from telling Red about... _things_." I was embarrassed enough that I had to have Marie procure them for me, I didn't want Red to know I was, well, _planning ahead_.

She cocked her head, "Oh, what's that? Is Eddward shy about something for once?"

I growled inwardly at her teasing, "Marie," I paused, lowering my voice, " _please._ "

She sighed, "Alright, alright, but you're gonna owe me somehow for getting that stuff for you. You already owe me enough as it is."

I nodded calmly, "More than that, even. Thank you."

I continued walking down the hallway, only to notice Marie had stopped walking beside me. I looked back at her to see a surprised expression upon her face.

"Marie?"

"I'm just...uh...wow. You're welcome, Eddward." She caught up to me, head held high, her smile true. I gave her a curious look, as the bell for the next class rung out. We said our goodbyes, and I mentally reprimanded myself for being late for my first period class once again.

"Ahh, Eddward. Just the boy I wanted to see."

I stopped, blinking momentarily as the voice crept up behind me. I turned my head to look over my shoulder, spying a certain blonde boy with a Cheshire grin sneering in my direction. I did not speak, content to let the cretin approach. I was already late; what was there to lose but my temper?

"Nothing? A shame. I was _hoping_ you'd put up a bit more of a fight before I put you down-"

I cut him off, "Speak, you Preening _Coq_ , I'd rather your pathetic little crow not interrupt my morning much further." My eyes bore into Jamison, but I didn't get so much as a flinch in response.

It took all of my will not to show any surprise as his pitiful giggle sounded out, "Straight to the point, yes, Eddward? Alright, so here's my proposition: you will help me satisfy my father's academic desires of me, and Johnny as well...and in turn, no one will find out about your, well...shall I call them _tastes_?"

Again, I held my emotions firm, only blinking in response. I did not bite.

"Oh, don't be daft, it's not becoming of a closet twink; no one wants a buffoon, right?"

My frown set, eyes staring through him, "Watch your tongue, _Coq_."

He didn't react, instead smiling and shaking his head, "You're so childish, thinking yourself immune to social pressures. But you're wasting my time, so let me make this clear: You help me, or these photos will slip into the wrong hands. Capisce?"

As he spoke, he raised several photographs from his pocket, splaying them out before me.

There I was, my head upon Little Red's shoulder, his hand over mine, the day Mother had come to visit. My blood ran cold, and I stilled myself before I did something rash. It was only my calculating nature that kept me from ripping the chain from my pocket and wrapping it around the shameless Coq's neck.

I looked at him, blinking, for several moments. Jamison seemed content to revel in my reaction, slipping the photos back into his pocket.

I swallowed, blinked, and looked away.

The grin was there, in the corner of my eye, "Good boy. Now, don't go tattling, or I might tell Johnny where I put the extras. My next assignment's due Thursday, so please, take your time. Make it look like my work. I'll slip it into your locker later."

His voice slid like light oil down my spine, smooth and coating, with a hint of something deathly ill about it.

"Ciao," he said, waving as he strode past me, the grin on his face putting a fire in my chest.

The flame burned, holding off the darkness so long as the wick held true. When I returned home, however...it would be snuffed out, by memories and reality alike.

Until then, I was alive.

* * *

 **I'm holding off on the rest of the 'day' until next chapter, there's just too much that'll happen, or, well, NOT happen.**

 **And please, forgive the little Coq, we all have our secrets. But only the brave can use power correctly; cowards abuse it.**

 **Until next chapter...the ball has started rolling, my dears. Enjoy.**


	36. Sum Of All Parts

To say Eddward was acting odd today was an understatement. I mean, sure, when he pushed me against the wall this morning, he was up to his usual antics, but after that? It was pretty scary.

I first noticed during English class, because I couldn't really get him off my mind after what he'd done earlier in the day. I looked in his direction, more than once even, but each time he just scowled. The third time he met my gaze, and I was seeing the Wolf again.

I backed off after that. I couldn't even say anything after class, he left swiftly and efficiently. Even Marie looked surprised.

I approached her, curious, "Hey, did Eddward...?"

"No," she said, the word hanging, "no, he didn't. I...I don't know, babe, it's freaking me out."

Barely even registering the strange nickname, I looked back at the door, sighing.

"Look, hey," I turned as she spoke, "I'll let you know as soon as I find out, alright? Could be something to do with, yaknow...you-know-who. I'll figure it out. Don't sweat it."

The smile on her face was less than reassuring, but I had to take it. What else was I to do?

* * *

"Hey! Sockhead!" I yelled down the hallway. He didn't even twitch. Grumbling, I fast-walked towards him, skipping my steps just to get beside him, "Eddward, what's wron-"

"Marie you will _refrain_ from entering the space within which I breathe or I will not be responsible for what I do."

I stopped dead in my tracks.

* * *

 _Some time ago..._

Staggered, clumsy notes 'tinked' through the hallway as I walked towards my favorite teacher's class. She let me use all of her paints, and it was definitely better than spending Recess talking about stupid stuff with my sisters. Like how Lee's dad was the best, or that Ed was just a big teddy bear. I didn't get it, I didn't care, and I left every time.

Still, the piano rang out, warily, every note strangled in its sound. I walked to the music room, peering inside with curious eyes. I recognized the kid that was sitting there, noticing he was smiling and it made me a little confused.

He didn't smile, like, at all. Ever. He always had his arms full of books, and I mean, we were just kids, I had no idea what the books were even for. When school first started, he'd always raise his hand, but nowadays, he rarely bothered. Teachers still called on him, though, and he still answered, but it was like they knew he was afraid to stand out. He used to smile every time, when he was younger.

I stepped into the classroom, knocking at the door frame politely, so as to not scare him. He looked over at me, head tilted, smile failing.

"Oh, pardon me, I didn't mean to intrude upon anyone's time, Missus Gertchen simply gave me the keys to the room, you see, and I was-"

"It's fine, dude. I just heard you playing is all, was wondering who it was. Was kinda clumsy so didn't figure it was the teacher."

His shoulders dropped, head looking down, "Yes, I...suppose I have a lot to learn," his voice was quiet and self-reprimanding, "but that is what this time is for, isn't it?"

I smirked, "You're weird. So what's your name? I always hear the teachers call you 'Mr. Vincent,' which is kinda strange."

Turning himself to sit off the edge of the piano seat, he twiddled his thumbs, "Yes, Father instilled that it was more respectful for me to be called as such, and I made the request...is it really that odd?"

I gave him an incredulous look, crossing my arms, eyebrow raised.

"...Yes, I suppose it is. Ahem, pardon my lack of introductions, my name is Eddward, though Mother calls me Edd."

"Edward? Like the big bear my sister fawns all over?"

His eyes widened, "No no, you see, his name only has _one_ 'D,' where-as mine has _two_." His smile was innocent and reassuring.

"Oh, so you're, like Double the D of him."

His eyes looked down in thought, "I...suppose?" He looked like a curious pup.

"Alright, so how about I call you Double D?"

"Marie, please refrain from-"

"How do you know my name?" I took a few steps towards him, not threateningly or anything, but just to get a better look at him. He was scrawny, but, you know, kinda cute. In a nerdy way I guess.

"Well, you see, Marie...may I call you that?" I nodded warily, "Though I have chosen to be referred to by my surname, most students are called by their given name. I...try to pay attention to my classmates, if only to...well...nevermind, it's nothing." His voice lowered, hands rubbing one another again, eyes dropping.

"You're strange, Double D," his lips parted to protest, but I continued, "and I like it. Hey, mind if I chill in here while I do some art stuff?"

He bit his lip pensively.

Eventually, he nodded.

* * *

I ran up next to him, my voice a concerned whisper, "Double D, what's wrong?"

Eddward's eyes widened, fists clenching and lips quivering. He took a deep breath, eyes closing, and stood still.

"It's...none of your concern, Marie." His voice was strained.

"You haven't lashed out at me like that for ages, hun...something's hurting you pretty bad, and it's not the normal thing," I pleaded with my eyes, but he didn't respond, forcing me to speak further, "please, Double D. I know you don't want help, but...let me know what's up, please."

He shook his head, "No, Marie, I-"

"Red's concerned too. Like, you've got him scared...please, talk to me."

He stood still for a moment, eyes numbly tracing the lines of the hallway floor.

"...Meeting place, after class. I cannot be heard."

I nodded weakly, "Got it."

* * *

I leaned against the wall, holding my arms against my chest in a feeble attempt to rein in my emotions. Marie would arrive soon. Every moment I suffered through without something to focus on frayed me, bit by bit. The tears weren't coming yet, but they were at the doors and begging. I had to stay strong. I had to play the game. _I_ was _the game._

"Hey." Her voice was subtle as she slipped beneath the stairwell, sitting down in the crook of it as she looked up at my wilting form.

I nodded once in response, just to acknowledge her.

"What's got you shook up so bad, Wolfie?" There was a spark of playfulness in her voice, but I knew it was only there to ease the tension. I held myself tighter, closing my eyes.

"Ph," my voice petered out, "there were...photographs."

"WHA-mmph!" I cupped my hand quickly over her lips, my eyes darting, listening for anyone who could be near. I knew Jamison's class was on the other side of the building at this time, but wasn't going to hold him to that. I wasn't particularly accepting of 'facts' like that after what had happened.

"Kevin cannot know, and you will ensure he stays blind to this," I looked in her direction, placing the command on her through a glare, "as I clean up the mess I've made. I will find a way, you can be certain of that. This was my own fault - no, do not say otherwise - I know of the game, and how to play it. Now, the game plays me, and," my voice weakened, "I-I will survive."

She just stared up at me, pity on her lips, and I couldn't help but look away.

"Eddward...who did-"

"You know enough, Marie. Thank you for meeting me here, now be gone. You know I don't _play_ well with others around," I emphasized the word, hoping she caught on.

She sighed resignedly, "Just...please be careful, Eddward. I know you will be, but...I'd..." her voice choked off for a moment, "if it's getting to be too much, whatever the _blackmail_ is forcing you into," I knew she'd know what was going on without me having to tell her, "don't let _him_ being safe mean _you_ suffer...got it? He cares, too. He's...he's seen all the scars, right?"

Her eyes were fixed on my wrist. I nodded silently, snarling in response.

"Be safe, okay? I'm gonna head to class, because, well...I know there's nothing I can say to coax you out of this. Do your thing, Eddward, just please, don't let it hurt you. I'm not the only one picking up the pieces any more."

She left, and I slipped downwards into a heap, forehead falling to my knees as the heels of my shoes slid over the linoleum. I breathed in. I breathed out.

The dam held.

* * *

"Just let him be for now, alright?"

That was the sum of my evening; Marie wouldn't tell me what was wrong with Eddward. She just left me with that, no emotions, and walked off.

 _What the hell did I do,_ I wondered, scuffing the sidewalk with my shoes. Stray rocks became bullets as I kicked them, letting out my frustration in a way that wouldn't do much harm to anyone. My thoughts raced, wondering what I could have possibly done to fuck things up. As I neared my house, I stared at Eddward's, momentarily contemplating heading over there and...

And what? Asking him? Asking the Master of Masques what he was hiding? What the hell was I thinking?

I groaned, looking away from the closed-up house. Not a curtain was open, and it just...felt empty.

Hell, he probably wasn't even home.

* * *

The walk upstairs was agonizing, lead weighing my steps, my arms, my whole being. I could barely numb through it, so heavy were my emotions. I'd shut the blinds to every room, a needless precaution that I took without a second thought. Upon reaching my room, I only just managed to reach my bed before I collapsed, knees to the floor, arms and head resting on the bed. I couldn't cry yet, and so, I simmered with unreleased pain.

I fell back, sitting on my legs as my forehead still rested on the bed, arms too weak to remain holding myself up. I stared at the fabric of my sheets, every stray, minute tuft of thread visible. I read the lines of it, tracing them into my memory, as I blocked out the other thoughts.

Over an unknown amount of time, my mind wandered through the darkness of my thoughts. Few were hit upon, most just skirted, as my avoidance techniques slowly drew out the pain I'd be feeling when it hit.

I thought of Kevin.

My eyes grew wet as I recalled the worry in his eyes. A pang in my chest at the fear I caused him. I fell into myself, holding my chest, sniffling. I tossed the threat around in my head, knowing it meant little to me, but could ruin Kevin's days, and I felt guilt. How many times did my failings cause harm to others? Mother drinking so she could stand up for me against _him_. That liquid courage, that vile toxin that gave her strength to stand up for us, her child and her former husband, until she could no longer be strong enough for herself.

I did not consider it as a solution, no, it would only harm Kevin. It would only harm Marie. I did not matter, in the long run; but they, they did. They had lives. Wondrous, chance-filled lives. They could be gifts to this world; Marie painting beauty unmatched, and finally smiling; Kevin making the world a little better for all his kindness, creating and fixing. He was quite good at that...fixing things...if only I was not shattered as I was.

I found myself blushing, and a tear rolled down my cheek. I was loathe to blush, no...it was forbidden of me, to be happy. Father made it clear, I had little use to the world being happy, for I had little to offer in my happiness. I was naïve, back then, and foolish. I did little for the world but add ignorance and frustrating curiosity. Mother...she did not understand his words. It took time, but now, I knew. I knew what my happiness wrought. It made me ignorant, it made me weak, and it...it hurt those I hold closest.

Determined fingertips slid beneath the bed frame, at the corner, near the leg. I met the familiar touch of tape, and practised fingertips slid out my...my sin. A sob bit my throat, and I couldn't quiet it.

I held the razor, polished to a steel gleam, near the cloth of my wristband. Several minutes passed as it teased at the skin. I was too broken to take the band off.

With hesitance, with a choking sob, I slid it into the flesh of the back of my arm. I gasped, dropping the razor on my legs. The band slid back over the cut, leaking and stinging as it was, and the thick cloth turned wet slowly. I rested my left hand on the bed, calming the blood flow, and focused.

I was still alive. Only those who are truly alive can feel pain. I focused on it, held to it, didn't think of the reprimands I would receive from Marie...from...

The thick cloth band grew cold as I cried, salty tears staining the side of the bed, but I was there.

I would survive, and I would be stronger. I would not forget my errors, I would learn from them, and the new scar would remind me of it. And perhaps, tomorrow...I could be a little less useless.

'Fight or Flight,' they call it. Mother always ran, and it always hurt. No matter how tempting it was, to leave Kevin to happier times, let Marie focus on her life...I knew, deep inside, flight would always cause more pain. I would always fight.

And as my wrist reminded me...I could, at least, win against myself.

* * *

"Hey, it's Marianne, who is this?"

My voice cracked, "M-Mother...it's me-"

"Edd! Sweetheart, are you alright? What's wrong, baby?" There was urgency in her tone. Leave it to Mother to read me like a book through three lone words on a telephone.

I cleared my throat, sniffling, "I am...not weak, am I?"

"No, honey, what makes you think you are? I swear, if that man has driven you to-"

"It wasn't Father."

"Oh. Um," her tone was unsure for a moment, "pardon my assumption, dear, but normally it is. Who...or what, is causing you to react like this, honey? You don't cry...not any more..."

The truth stabbed me in the gut, but it wasn't much compared to the pain I already felt, "You are correct, Mother."

A pause, "So?"

I sighed defeatedly, "Mother...you know about Kevin."

"Oh, I was right about him? Wait - things didn't go south-"

"No, Mother, they are...fine...but yes, your astute observations of my mannerisms caught on quickly."

"Your Father is blind to emotions, but I always see the sunshine in my little Gift."

It'd been so long since she had called me that, it almost brought me to tears again, "Y-yes, well...someone... _caught_ us."

"Dear, it's only natural that-"

"He will use it against Kevin, and I don't believe the boy is strong enough."

A warmer tone flowed through the phone, "Dear, I believe he's stronger than you know. But what's he using, and to what ends, dear?"

I swallowed back tears, my throat aching, "F-for now, little to nothing. But cowards thirst for power, and eventually he'll just...he'll tell _everyone_." My voice cracked again.

Another pause, "Sweetheart...you," I heard a sad sigh over the phone, "you're Harrison's son. Sweetie, it's not _all_ your responsibility. You can't do everything alone."

"I must. I refuse to let him suffer for my indiscretions..."

"Then use your noggin, Edd."

I didn't respond.

"Goodness, Mother of the Year Award's coming my way after this one," she took a breath, "baby, you need to find something about this...this _scum_ who is using you, and use it against them. I can assure you, _anyone_ cowardly enough to use your _orientation_ against you is hiding something just as bad, if not worse. Take it from someone who's dealt with this before..."

I remembered kitchen arguments with Harrison's parents over the phone. Tears. The few times Father ever showed affection to her in my sight.

"Edd?"

I caught myself, "Y-yes, Mother. I'll...I'll take your word on it."

"I know you will, honey."

"B-but Mother...?"

She replied curiously, "Yes, Edd?"

"Am I... _strong_ enough? W-will...can you...honestly say I'll be able to stand up to him, and not just...give in, when it seems to be too much?"

The pause was long; the voice that responded, distant, "Dear...you're...you're your Father's son. You're his too, baby. You..."

Her voice was falling, sending a lance of regret through my chest, "Mother...I love you."

A breath, "I...I love you too, Edd."

"I shall see you soon."

"O-of course, honey. Good luck, and...stay strong for me."

"Good night, Mother."

"Night, Edd."

I set down the phone, holding my left wrist lightly. The stinging held the thoughts at bay. It kept me strong.

But as Father always said, the tears kept me weak.

* * *

 **We are the sum of pieces of our parents. Sometimes these sums can be weird.**

 **I don't enjoy breaking my characters, but real life enjoys breaking people, so it has to happen. Hope you enjoyed.**


	37. Time For Change

**Big thanks to Hazelbaum for all her help with this chapter :)**

* * *

A lone robin woke me to the early dawn. The sun barely touched the rooftops, but I could not return to rest; soon, several other birds chorused the robin's song. I rose, and cringed, as the skin of my wrist stretched. I looked down, slipping off my wristband, the clean one, to peer at how it looked. Dry blood flaked off against the cloth. I looked away, my mind calculating little things. How long it would take to shower; if my other wristband was dried from its hand-washing late in the evening.

The bird sang louder, and I stretched, ignoring the painful electricity as I ripped the cut's seam. My walk to retrieve the now-dry wristband was uneventful, as was my trip to the bathroom. I stripped myself of my only clothing, twisting my wrist around to examine the wound. It always fascinated me, how the body healed itself. The line laced strangely over-top the others.

The shower drowned out the overzealous birds, leaving me to my thoughts. I wet my hair, feeling the smooth scar where the glass had sliced all that time ago. I could not be angry with Mother; it was my own fault. I should have remembered the date, and walked home.

I knew he'd taken the photograph through the front window. The angle, the location, all burned into my mind more-so than what the picture actually held. My mind pored over all the places to look, all the things I could do or find once I went out there. It was still early, early enough to be unseen. I dried myself, fresh clothing holding in the shower's warmth, my hat keeping my hair from the chill. I'd always hold it dear to me. A...'parting' gift, as it were...

Dew shone off grass blades, sunlight-white sparkles coating the small, tidy garden in front of the living room's window to the cul-de-sac. Father tended to it, but no more. ' _Pointless, but it exists, and would be easier to sustain than get rid of. The scar would not be worth the effort._ ' Father _truly_ has a way with words. Still, I cared for the garden, for the small rose bush it held. Her bloom was long gone, late winter as it was, but her thorns kept to. A hindrance, truly, for any who stepped within their range.

I almost smiled when I saw the coin in the dirt.

To say I was surprised, would be a lie. I was not in the slightest. Though Jamison was intelligent, I imagine such a thing wasn't truly his style. And there-in lay my answer; he hired Eddy to do his 'dirty work.' Only Eddy would carry coins on himself, enough to lose one without a second thought, when trying to gather damning intel on someone. Always displaying his wealth to the world, compensating with coins over dollars, always heard before he was seen...short as he was.

He was an unusual sort of 'scummy.' He ran a legitimate business, complete with its own slogan, _You got the need? We'll do the deed!_ It was tacky, and fitting, as he would do almost anything one needed. There was little shame for him, and though he honored his customers' privacies, it was not difficult to... _convince_ him that you had something more... _worthwhile_ , to offer.

With that, I returned indoors, and readied myself for a rather _productive_ day at school.

* * *

Finding Eddy wasn't difficult, despite his rather _diminutive_ stature. He was quite loud, and I am not merely referring to his voice. One could hear the raucous of change in his pockets easily over the din of students in the hallways, and I found myself slipping past chatting pairs to find myself before him. I observed him for a moment, just out of view to his side, the collar of his suede jacket hiding the features of his face, God forbid anyone wanted to see them. Torn jeans (purchased as such) and expensive sneakers, he reeked of overcompensation. I rolled my eyes, stepping forward.

His sly fox grin shone bright, teeth glaring, as his half-lidded eyes tossed over to my direction. Immediately the smile became a glaring frown, teeth clenched.

"What do _you_ want, shithead?" Would that it were any other day, I might have taunted his language; but I was not in the mood for petty games with meagre, useless results.

"A word. Is that not your... _business_...?" I cocked my head to the side, voice arrogant and provoking, "Or perhaps you are not the one to turn to for such matters? Very well, _The Experts_ should be-"

"Woah waitwaitwait, hold on there, buddy-old-pal-o-mine," I found an arm slipping around my...waist, seeing as he wasn't tall enough to reach my shoulders, and I was guided to the wall. A hand rested on the wall as he grinned, a dark sparkle in his eye, "you're not going anywhere, tough stuff. But you better be able to pay the price. Cough it up, you _know_ the consultation fee."

I carefully lifted the quarter from this morning up before my eyes, twisting it between my index and middle finger, "Oh, this old thing? No, perhaps you _don't_ want _this_ little thing. Why, it appears you abandoned her, this poor, defenseless bit of currency...in my front yard."

Our eyes met, and I grinned malevolently. He looked off to the side angrily, growling, before looking back at me, "Yeah? Whatsitoya, chump?"

I smiled banely at his frustration, "You'd think when your customer paid you so much, you'd do a much less... _sloppy_ of a job, hmm?"

He huffed through his nose, "Give me a break, it's not like you can do anything about it anyway."

"Ah, but Sarah-"

"Keep the damn quarter. What do you want?" His tone was aggressive, but I could feel the fear.

You see, Sarah did not much care for the trading of secrets, blackmail...all of those less _savory_ things. She preferred a more _legal_ business, where-as Eddy would do, well... _everything_ has a price. Sarah was not often aware of these transactions, however, and when she found out, there was all hell to pay. She had him whipped, and she wasn't even dating him. Still, rumors spoke of... _other_...things. I dare not imagine them, however, lest it give me nightmares.

"Ahh, well you see, Eddy...may I call you Eddy?" I smiled at him, no sincerity in it, and received to response. I chuckled, "You see, your employer has, how you say... _forced_ my hand. You're not one to help someone that you cannot hold something against, not when the risks are so high, and thus, I am quite certain you've the information I seek-"

"You can't pay me enough to make me spill, cheapskate. I know 'daddy' pays all your bills and you don't get _squat._ "

I blinked at that, a bit miffed that he knew that much about me, but I refused to let it show, "Ahh, but you see, I have something **much** more _valuable_ than mere... _cash_ money," I looked up and away, my finger lifting to my chin thoughtfully, "well, at least for now. In the future, perhaps, it could net you a bit more of a monetary gain, but that is up to what you do with-"

"Get to the point, Sockhead, I ain't got all day. Time is money and you're wasting my time."

My eyes bore into his, "I can find the evidence you need to take out The Experts."

His eyebrows shot up, showing that he was clearly not expecting that answer, "But how-"

"Do not ask my sources, but do know that in exchange for the information I crave, I can arrange something to garner you... _evidence_...on a certain _trading_ activity that is cutting into the precious pocket money of your fellow classmates."

"...How do I know you're telling the truth?"

I giggled maliciously, "You don't. That's what makes the game so fun," he frowned, seeming like he was about to walk away, and so I continued, "but if you must know, Austin tends to be a tad bit talkative to his 'girls,' of which, one happens to be of relation to a friend of mine. And my-oh-my, since they have more than one phone in the house, how _dreadful_ it would be for someone else to _accidentally_ listen in on these things? Oh, the shame. I truly feel the guilt for my friend, how terrible she would feel for spying on her sister..."

The cogs in Eddy's head had been turning while I spoke, and the agreement was made with shifty eyes. The Experts had been selling test answers for months, a lucrative business that Eddy wanted no part of, but could never find any evidence to pin it on them. Occasionally, _he_ got blamed for _their_ misdoings. I was surprised he wasn't salivating at the idea of bringing down his biggest competition.

"...Whaddya wanna know?"

"Whatever is so _juicy_ about our little, insecure friend. I simply _know_ there is _something..._ oh, _pretty please,_ Eddy? Do tell me?"

Classes were soon to begin, the hall nearing silent, with all but a few stragglers in their respective classrooms.

"Tst. How about I drop off one of his 'regulars' in your locker? I still don't trust you, but it's probably your style, anyway, faggot." The name was clipped on at the end like a necessary derogatory term. I didn't grace him with a reaction.

"That would be lovely, Eddy."

"Yeah yeah, now fuck off, you freak."

As he sauntered off, I mumbled deeply, "Gladly, _crétin_." I spat the word, the language giving the cognate a lovely depth to it.

I would speak to Marie soon enough; I was certain she'd accept. For now, however, I would go to class, and be patient. And hopefully, by tonight, I would have Jamison under my thumb.

Where the little _sot_ belongs.


	38. Little Lies We Tell Ourselves

**Austin from the last chapter was Hazelbaum's character, go check out her FanFiction. She helped me out a lot with the last chapter, things such as how Eddy was caught and who Eddward had information on? Those were her ideas. Just want to give full credit to her for that, it helped me get past a small block I was having where I couldn't figure out what to do.**

 **WARNING: BDSM. Now, on to the show!**

* * *

"Marie, could I speak to you for a moment?"

She stopped and turned around, confusion in her eyes, "Yeah, sure...what's up, Eddward?"

I played a neutral expression upon my lips to reassure her, "I am in need of your services, to help pay a debt."

Despite her wariness, she smirked, "Debt? You mean like all those debts you have with _me_?"

"Not quite, mon amie," I stepped closer, "for you see, I have made a..."deal" with the devil, so-to-speak."

She was genuinely surprised by that, "You made a deal with _Eddy_?"

I could have smiled at her astuteness, "I have."

"...Alright, what's the catch?"

I looked away for a moment, not entirely confident any more that she would play the game with me, "I...need you to listen in on your sister's phone calls with a certain, how-you-say, ne'er-do-well?" I saw her bite her lip, and continued, "The incriminating evidence is the payment. I wish I did not have to use your sister for such things, but-"

"Yeah...yeah, I get it. It's Eddy...I just...fuck, man, couldn't you have asked first?" I felt the guilt weighing down on me, "You know I hate to betray her like this..."

I used a small amount of ammunition, something I was rare to do to my friend, but it needed to be done, "Would that May and Austin got together, even for a night..."

She looked away, and I didn't even have to spell it out for her. May, despite her cold attitude and her many, well, 'habits,' was actually a very kind-hearted girl. She was easily influenced, and thus, when Austin decided she'd be useful to have on his side, she fell for his honeyed words fast. For the entirety of the school year, she'd been under his thumb, providing an open ear, and useful insights. Both Marie and I wished that Ed would simply notice her attentions, for it would rid the sod that was Austin from our lives quite quickly.

Still, the one time that Marie had intruded upon a conversation where Austin was bragging to May, stroking his ego as he was, the sisters had a huge argument. Tensions had lessened, and within a week they'd mostly forgotten about it, but May wasn't certain she could trust Marie any more. If things went bad; for instance, if Lee had a rotten day and caught Marie, deciding tattling would cause a good show; their relationship could suffer.

Marie did not hesitate for long, nodding calmly, "I'll...alright, Eddward. But not for Eddy's sake...I just...want that _scum_ out of my sister's life. Just...tell Eddy to be patient, alright? It's not every night he calls-"

"I shall. Thank you, Marie."

Her smile was weak, "No problem, Eddward, but...what info did you get on Jamison, anyways? I'm assuming that's what you went to Eddy for..."

"I cannot say, and shall not," not that I would know until I visited my locker later, "but hopefully it will rid him from my life, and Kevin's, _permanently_."

"Well, good luck on that, I'm heading to class. See ya, black-eyes."

I sighed softly, letting my doubts overtake me for a lone moment as she walked away, "Au revoir, Maria."

* * *

It was...not exactly what I expected.

Perhaps I was expecting condoms, to show his frivolity. Perhaps even names of girls, of whom I could inquire and learn certain, damning details about his personal life.

No, before me there was a magazine, with a strapping young man...well, said man was 'strapping' _another_ man to a bed. Would that my plans for the evening didn't rely on it, I would have found it rather amusing. It also carried with it possibilities.

On one hand, he could identify with the dominant man. He _was_ quite the strong man in school, sports and manliness and all that uninteresting crud that I knew was likely a charade...

I couldn't help but believe it was rather the _other_ hand that held the key.

And so, I received my part.

Let the play commence.

* * *

I knocked on the door at around 5:30 in the evening. Jamison had come home from school not long ago, having been practising 'sports' for some time, and would likely be in the shower. Would that I came too early, I'm not certain I could have willed myself to...to _do_ this. Too late, and perhaps he would be able to put up a fight. No, I needed a foot in the door and his parents' trust and favor. That was my saving grace.

A frail, subtle lady answered, curly hair in a bun, speaking curiously, "Yes?"

I nodded my head, putting on the most realistic, kind smile I could manage, "Ah, Mrs. Archer, I presume? My name is Eddward; I'm a friend of Jamison's. It is a pleasure to meet you!" I held my hand out gently, and we shook hands. I loathed even the small act, but my mask didn't drop.

"Oh! Oh my, Jamison did not mention any visitors this evening, umm," she looked around the corner, "Jake, honey, we have a guest." There was the smallest amount of fear in her actions, and I immediately felt pity for the woman.

"Fer cryin' out loud, what now?" A large man turned the corner, scowling at me with eyes of an eagle after its prey, "whaddya want, kid?"

I shifted my demeanor immediately. No longer was I a sweet, upstanding boy; now, I radiated confidence, pride, and intelligence in my stance.

"Honoured to meet you, Mr. Archer, your son is quite fond of your influence," a lie, but it was the perfect one for the situation, "I did not mean to intrude, but your son is in need of some... _assistance_."

He furrowed his brows, "Yeah? What could he need from _you_?"

I could feel him sizing me up. I wore the clothing Father favored, and I wore short sleeves, allowing me to tense the muscles beneath them as I held out my hand to explain, "It seems he's got a thing for my friend, and, between you and me, sir," at that wording, Jamison's mother scurried off, and I lowered my voice to a sly whisper, "she's _totally_ into him. I just gotta get him to make the first move, and I know _exactly_ what he needs to do. I think he knows what I'm planning though, and is too cocky to ask for help, so I figured-"

He laughed richly, "Ha! My boy needs to know when to take some help. Glad to know there's girls gunnin' for him though, was beginning to think his little pansy ass was shootin' for the other team, _iffen_ you know what I mean, son." His smile was dark; I knew the context _behind_ what he meant, even. I loathed him all the more for it.

"He's quite the _looker_ to the ladies, but he isn't always good at talking to them, I'm afraid. I, on the other hand, can help him with that-"

I was cut off by a nearing voice, "-Eddward? The hell are-"

"Jamison, you fuckin' _dog_ , you," I held back wincing at his terminology, and it almost seemed as if Jamison did the same, "this kid's here to set you straight, and by that I mean get you with a smokin' hot babe, right son?" He clapped his hand on my shoulder, and I almost wanted to vomit from the fact that the vile man was touching me.

"Come now, you _know_ I've been planning this. You won't get away this time!" My voice was playful, and held none of the malice that was seeping through my eyes, my smile laced with rancor.

His hair was in a towel, and he quickly finished up, tossing it on the floor. I was a bit baffled until his mother came by to pick it up; I could have rolled my eyes at how much I loathed this family at this point. His eyes went from me, to his dad, then back to me again.

"Let's...take this to my room, shall we?" His father's eyes pierced him, and he brushed him off, "Yeah yeah, I'll tell you about it later, Pops. Gimme some privacy, will ya? Yeesh."

At that, his old man backed down, and I was led down the right corridor to the room at the end.

The moment we were in, I slipped behind him. He locked the door with a growl, and went to turn back around.

He didn't get that far.

I slammed my chest against his back, arm grabbing his wrist and pinning them high up his back. I felt his fingers clawing back against my chest as I did so. He fought back valiantly, and I had to use every bit of strength I had to keep him there, leg locked between his, but I knew he couldn't yell out. His dad would kill him for being so weak, and that gave me the strength to continue. I had a plan.

I hissed into his ear, my voice running like syrup, "Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy," he struggled, little grunts heard as he tried to escape without making it audible through the door, "you've been a _naughty_ boy, haven't you? Ohhh yes, I see it in your eyes, you _know_ you _deserve_ this..." My voice was breathy near his ear as he struggled to turn around. I could swear he wanted to bite me, the fire in his eyes burned so brightly.

"Get me the _fuck_ away from the door you fucking _psychopath_ and I'll smash your fucking _face_ in!" His voice was a deep growl I'd never heard from him before, but rather than scare me, it made me chuckle.

"Ahh Jimmy, you don't make the rules," I pulled back quickly, my fingers digging into his arms as I threw him around and onto the floor, as quietly as I could, whilst still being painful. His chin still hit the carpet, and I put a knee right at the bottom of his spine, " _do you,_ _bitch?_ " I growled, straining to keep his arms down as I leaned close to his ears. His legs went up to kick me, and I contemplated holding them down with my own, but decided against it.

My knee slid downwards, hitting the floor as it sat directly between his legs, pressing tight against his package. I wasn't Eddward at the moment, I was the actor, so was he. All else was secondary in importants.

"Get your...f-fucking knee off my...the fuck are you d-doing-mmph!"

He grunted as I forced my knee forward, grinding roughly, "You don't speak, _bitch_. Say it. You're a _bitch_."

"The fuck a-"

" _ **You. Don't. Speak.**_ " I growled against his neck, mentally voiding myself as I bit down hard on the flesh on his shoulder. He gasped, lips closing to keep quiet. My teeth sunk deeper, and I dragged them down his shoulder, under the cloth. I was at least 'with it' enough to know not to leave a lasting mark anywhere visible, instead choosing to leave my reminder somewhere he'd have to see every single day for the next few weeks.

" _Fucker..._ " he mumbled out, a growling moan vibrating my lips, and I bit down harder. For a moment, his struggles lapsed, I held until he started again.

" _You're my bitch._ You _know_ you want this, and the longer you hold out, the worse it'll get." I shifted my knee, hitting it between his legs again just to remind him of what I meant, causing him to groan.

" _..."_ He tried to reply, but it came out as a breathy hiss, and I could see his eyes closed tight. The redness on his cheeks was new, and I found myself smirking.

" _Say it,_ " I hissed.

" _I'm..._ " He stopped, breathing heavily as I continued to force him down, my knee in constant motion.

"Say it if you want more, _bitch_. You've wanted this for _years_ , haven't you, you _slut_?" His eye fluttered open, teeth clenching, and I knew I found the key, "Beg for me to fuck you, _whore,_ it's the only way you'll ever _get_ it..." I purred into his ear as I left the wet, tender spot at his shoulder, biting down hard on the lobe.

"I...I...t-take me..." His voice was strangely frail, much different from the one he faked at school.

I cackled quietly, "What are you, _slut_? _Tell me what you are_..."

He cringed, "I'm your...I'm your _bitch_..." he said breathlessly.

My knee slid away, his eye shooting open, but he didn't struggle to escape quite as fervently. One of my arms left a wrist, allowing him free reign, but he didn't take it. I slid it around his neck, pulling him up as I stood, his head back over my shoulder as I pushed him forward. When we got to the window, I let go of his other wrist, and crept my fingers down the front of his pants.

"You like this, don't you? You _nasty, disgusting whore_ , how could _anyone_ want you? You're lucky I found out. Maybe if you're a _good boy_ , I can _help_ you," I gripped at his cock, squeezing the tight muscle, hissing in his ear, " _say it."_

"I'm a-I'm a good boy!"

His whispered loudly, moaning as his jaw pressed against the window. I looked outside.

I scoffed, "You _will_ be."

I abruptly let go, and he almost fell, one hand reaching for his throat as he gasped, face flushed and eyes wide as he stared at me. I watched his eyes go down, and I could have laughed. I couldn't have been less turned-on. It was all an act, and I wasn't particularly _into_ this whole... _domination_ thing. Still, he seemed fooled. And confused.

"E...Eddward," he started, and I lifted my chin, hands sliding into my pant pockets.

"Take a look at what your hidden fetishes have wrought, _Jimmy_. Come now, don't be shy, he doesn't bite." I smiled, nodding towards the window as my eyes flicked in its direction. Horror took hold in his eyes as he turned, seeing a certain boy with a camera down below, his grin biting, eyes sly. "Funny how things work out, no, mon cher?"

"Y-you can't, I paid him-"

"Yes, and now the money is gone, wherever he wills it. You are not aware how to pay over time, are you?" He didn't understand, and I sighed, shaking my head, "Foolish little Jimmy..."

"Stop calling me that, you fucking...you..." His voice was weak.

"What? Jimmy? But...Jamison is such a _long_ name, so... _unfitting_ of you," I chided, "was it daddy's choice?" I watched my comment stab him in the gut, and smiled a little, "Oh, Jimmy...how far you've fallen. One day, you're this handsome, unattainable jock with an iron thumb and a lackey, and the next?" I cringed my nose, "You're nothing but a hot mess pleading on the floor. Oh, but I suppose you still have the lackey..."

He was simmering, a predator trapped, and I was glaring into his frightened eyes, "Do not worry, for I am a...more _merciful_ sort than yourself. Eddy will hold the photograph, in trust, unless I say the word."

His shoulders slumped, and he looked pathetically weak. There was shame in him.

Eyes closed, he mumbled weakly, " _W..why_?"

In that moment, I took stock of him once more. Stripped of his coat of masculinity, that paint he'd worn since puberty made him aware of his more _primal, 'unnatural'_ urges, he was nothing more than an untended, withering flower. His mother was outspoken, nothing more than a housewife, as his father dominated the household with an iron grip. He was hiding even more than me, for at least, at school, I could be angry. I could be cruel. I could ignore anyone and anything that did not interest me.

Jamison was forever in his father's hands. Certainly, he could rebel much further than simply bullying and blackmailing an innocent, but at what cost? Would he have a home? What would happen to his mother? I'd seen little of her, but I imagine that without Jamison, she would be much worse-off. She seemed sweet, and out of her league...how did that marriage even occur, I wondered.

Strange how being controlled, likely without even realizing it, with how much he repressed, made him so...interested, in such things. To each their own.

But for now, I had an answer to give, and another mask to slip on.

I tossed his question in my head for a moment, before calmly replying to him, "I'm only playing the game, mon cher. I am almost... _sorry_ for you."

I tidied up my shirt as he looked back, still shattered by what had happened. I imagine this was the only time he'd ever been able to be himself, and for it all to be a trick, well...let's just say I am loathe to be needlessly cruel. I almost wished he hadn't provoked me. It didn't sit right in my heart, but...but he wasn't ready to come out yet, and face himself, I reminded myself. It was the only way.

I left the room with the same smile I entered with, calm and confident. His father thanked me on the way out, and his mother wished me well.

And I knew that Jamison wouldn't be bothering me again anytime soon.

The unfortunate soul.

* * *

 **One of my best friends in high school was a terror for most of her school days. I befriended her by chance after seeing she wasn't a bad person at heart, and was invited to a birthday party. I met her mother, and knew where a lot of her issues came from. Then I met her father, who decided to visit for that special day...and remember how she told me about her...well, about things he did to her during her childhood. The moral is? Until you've seen someone's home life, you can't judge them, because there's a damn good chance they're a lot better off than their parents left them.**

 **I hope at least a few of you can have pity on him.**

 **Until next time, my dears.**


	39. Indolore

Marie told me to let him be...yeah, don't think I did a very good job at that.

It was kind-of the first time I saw him like this, I mean, in his element. Without, you know, being scared to death of him. When a wolf's hunting you down, you run, you don't just look at them. But when they're on the hunt? It's actually pretty damn breath-taking.

His frostbitten eyes were every bit as threatening as I remembered, maybe even more-so. Thinking back, he was never really aggressive back then, more just defensive, protective of his state of being. But this? This was a gaze that pierced walls, forcing holes through the structure as he endeavored to target his hatred. Yeah, that's what it was, it was hatred.

Someone, something, had him seething, like a wounded animal biting at its captor. It was terrifying; it made my heart soar.

It was absolutely thrilling.

I mean, no, I'm not into the fact he was 'out for blood' or anything, I just...the _passion_ with which he faced, _whatever_ it was, was entrancing.

That's _probably_ why I spent the entire day watching him.

He totally knew, but he allowed it. The one time he met my gaze today, I was frozen, but...his eyes seemed to melt when he looked my way. I don't think it was from being happy, though...he...he actually looked pretty sad. And I definitely noticed all the little times during the day when he ran his hand over his wrist. It was the left one, the one I knew about, so as much as I wanted to pry, I held back. Besides, he wasn't upset with me, and, well...I hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid anytime soon.

So when I got home, wouldn't you know it, I was still watching him. I watched him enter his house, and leave dressed in his...well, his 'proper' clothes. At first, I wondered if his dad was home, but that didn't make any sense. And the direction he was walking was...

I dropped the pencil I was fiddling with the moment he stepped foot on Jamison's property. I couldn't believe...I just...

I just watched.

For maybe a quarter of an hour, I just sat there at my desk, listening to nothing but clouds of thought, as I waited for him to leave. The thoughts didn't let up, either. Was Jamison the one who pissed him off? Was it Johnny? Maybe Marie was in on it, maybe...maybe Jamison had something I didn't.

I blushed rapidly at the intruding thought, frowning as it tossed around in my mind. I mean, I didn't think Jamison would be...but what if he was? What if Eddward found something out, and was plotting against someone for revealing it? Yeah, that could be it. Eddward's a jerk, but he'd never let someone get bullied for...for something personal like that...would he? Or was it the other way around?

Thoughts tumbled forward, weighing my chest down heavily, as I caught movement.

Eddy was, for some reason, in front of the house. He was...holding a camera?

There was movement in the window, but I couldn't tell what happened. Eddy waved. He left. The figures left. My eyes were fixated on the window.

Until the front door finally opened, Eddward walking out with his chin held high. My eyes tried to pick out his motives, but none came. All I could do was watch as he came closer, and closer, and...

He looked up at me, and stopped. I ducked, but the damage was done. I mentally berated myself, but there was nothing I could do. I sighed, closing my blinds as I walked over to my bed, laying down. I closed my eyes, and tried not to think of him. But how could I think of anything else?

* * *

 _Curious_ , I thought, a hidden smile just touching my lips.

I'd seen him watching me throughout the day. I was loathe to involve him in my schemes, but I could not chastise him for mental queries as to my activities. I kept an eye on him silently, and at one point, let him know I was not upset with him. Not with words, but merely a look. I was far too angered to speak with a soft tongue at the time.

I looked down; my attire was appropriate, and so I decided I give Little Red a little visit. At that point, my smile was likely visible, which only made the next part easier.

I knocked on the front door of his house, straightening my shirt again, a nervous habit. I was not nervous, though...was I? For what I'd done just a little bit ago, it was laughable that nerves had any sort of say in my actions.

His mother answered the door, but her smile was tight the moment she saw me.

"Eddward, dear, I didn't expect you to visit!" Her hair was done up, a faded green dress accentuating her figure. I wondered where she was going.

"Greetings, Mrs. Barr," I nodded politely, my worn smile widening to try and soothe any tensions, "pardon my interruption, I did not mean to intrude on anything special-"

"Oh, what, this? My husband and I just have a small dinner date, it's nothing really," she added kindly.

"It flatters you, if I do say so myself." And flattery is the key to many a heart.

"Why thank you, Eddward, that's so very sweet of you to say!" Lock and key.

"My pleasure. I was only dropping by to see if Kevin was available; I had little chance to speak to him today, and there's an assignment I'd like to go over with him. Is that alright?"

Her answer wasn't immediate. Instead, she called out, "Sweetheart, Eddward wants to know if he can talk to Kevin. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, why not?" He walked up next to her, not quite dressed to a T like she was, but well enough.

"Because we're going to be heading out in a moment, and they'll be alone-"

"Kevin'll be alone either way. Why not just give the kid permission instead of having to guess if he was around or not?" I couldn't but chuckle inwardly at his logic, "Stay as long as you want, but try and behave, alright?"

I nodded, "Affirmative, sir."

He kept his gaze on me for longer than I'd anticipated, but I didn't wither under it as some might. He huffed, "S'alright, dear, he's a good kid."

She looked off to the side, as though she wanted to say something, but my presence prevented it.

I spoke up, "May I...?"

"Oh yeah, uh, of course, go on ahead. He's up in his room right now I think."

His mother scoffed as I walked away, "You think?"

He laughed in return, "Yeah yeah. Quit worryin' dear, pretty sure Vincent's kid won't be that much of a trouble-maker."

"I know, but..."

I walked up the stairs before I could hear more, though I'd already sensed what was worrying her. They suspected us, which was keen enough of them to do. I could not fault their logic not to want to leave their son alone with another boy, not when they expected _that_. They were doing as parents should do.

But it amused me to no end how 'good' they thought me to be.

Softly, I knocked upon Kevin's bedroom door. I heard a rustle inside.

"Who is it?"

I smiled, "It's me." He knew, he just didn't want to admit it.

"Umm...c-come in, door's unlocked."

I turned the doorknob gently, peering inside to see the cowering boy sitting on his bed. My smile softened, but I knew it would still be visible, at least to him. His hands were on his knees, eyes looking everywhere but in my direction. I was tempted to laugh.

"Greetings."

* * *

I bit my lip, "Uhh...h-hi, Edd..." I mentally shot myself for calling him by that nickname, praying he wouldn't be upset over it. Instead, there was a flicker of amusement in his eyes. I looked up at him through my hair, "I uhh-"

"How was your day today?" He tilted his head a little, leaving the door slightly open as he nodded back towards it. I furrowed my brows for a moment, until I noticed the tell-tale sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. Light, so it was definitely my mom. I relaxed a little; I almost think I was part of Eddward's 'play' at that point, with how much I changed due to a captive audience.

"Was alright I guess, you?" My tone was casual, but again, I don't think it was _me_ talking. I think Eddward was slightly proud of that.

"No complaints. I apologise for not catching you earlier, but I'm afraid I had some business with an acquaintance of mine that required my full attention," and I was dying to know what that was, but couldn't ask, as he continued, "could you be so kind as to refresh me on what our English teacher discussed? I am ashamed to say I was not entirely 'with it' during our class." He berated himself in a light voice that was so real, anyone would fall for it.

I snickered a little as I heard the footsteps trail back downstairs, and Eddward must have noticed as well. He rolled his eyes sighing, resting those icy orbs upon me once again. I felt the blush return as we left the game, leaving, not Kevin and Eddward, but Little Red and the Wolf to play for keeps.

"...Before you speak, I must apologise, but I lied." My heart seized a little, and my gaze urged him to continue, "I was paying full attention in English class today, I... _mon doux_ , you look troubled...did I err in my speech?"

I swallowed, my heart steadying as I realized I had incorrectly assumed what he had 'lied' about. Though the words were foreign, I could hear the tenderness in the way he spoke them, and I looked down, "N-no, I just...thought you were gonna say something else."

There was a short silence, during which I looked up to see him watching me. His lips were unmoved, his expression gentle.

"My Little Red...I saw you watching me throughout the day."

My cheeks flushed, as I stuttered out, "Y-yeah, I...k-kinda figured."

"Oh, no denial? You freely admit to spending the day spying upon my person, with no regard to my privacy or desires?"

My eyes widened as I clawed into the bed, "I-I didn't, I mean, I was just-"

" _Relax_ , mon cher. I tease," again, my shoulders fell, "I...only wonder what it is you hoped to see."

"Uhh, n-nothing really, just uh," I felt my cheeks heat further, "I um...I kind-of...missed you, alright?"

His eyes were settled upon me, head tilting, "I am...somehow doubtful of that. Perhaps it was what I _represent_ that-"

"No, it was _you_ , Edd."

Our eyes met, and my heart sped up at the disbelief in his eyes.

He sighed, "What did you see, mon petit?"

I furrowed my brow for a second, before realizing what he was referring to, "Well...not much. I mean, I saw you heading over to Jamison's house, but I uh...couldn't really see what you were doing there."

A door slammed downstairs, and I heard the jingle of keys outside. Eddward's lips turned the tiniest bit upward.

"Oh? I see curiosity within your eyes, mon cher," he looked me over momentarily, eyes shifting to the side as he continued, "you wonder, no?"

"...can you blame me?"

He chuckled darkly at this, "I cannot, my dear, but you see, it is not for you to know."

"Huh?" I stared at him incredulously.

"Were you to know the circumstances of today...would that your lips loosened...it would not be preferable. I should like that you not be involved in petty disputes with cretinous little creatures such as _Jamison_."

A silence tried to take the room, but I spoke against it, "But...can't you tell me _anything_? I mean, you went into his _house_ , and then were was Eddy with a _camera_..."

"Again, Little Red, I'd much prefer you not be involved at all," I frowned, looking away, as he spoke slowly, "though...perhaps...a _demonstration_ could still your trusting tongue, and curious mind."

"...come again?"

"If you'd like to know the goings-on in Jamison's house, I could give you a demonstration. That is...if you are _truly_ that curious."

I looked up at him, squinting as I tried to read him, "I...but..."

He shook his head, voice softening, "Mon cher, I would never hurt you. I promise you this."

My lips parted, but I couldn't think of anything else to ask. There was a mischievous look in his eyes, but even that seemed to excite me. And, in all honesty? I...I missed his touch.

I wanted to know.

"Is there anything you need me to...you know...do? For you to be able to do this?" I fidgeted with my thumbs.

"Just one little thing, mon cher," he paused, the slightest grin sneaking over his lips, "lock the door."

I started to get up, confused, "But nobody's gonna be home, why do you..." His stare was unwavering, and I was locked in place for a moment. His eyes, his head, flicked towards the door, "...alright then, locking the door."

As I walked past him to reach the door and turned the lock, I felt a weight press against my back. Soft Hands grasped at either of my wrists, pulling them back and upwards. It wasn't done harshly, but I knew how strong Eddward was; I wasn't about to fight back. I felt a breath over the edge of my neck that sent my skin crawling.

"Edd, wha-what are you..."

His hands move, now only one holding both of my arms back, unusable, between us. The other lifted around me, touching my lips.

"I am demonstrating, little pup...you accepted, did you not?"

I gulped.

* * *

To have him in such a compromising position was, well...to be entirely honest, it was tempting me. The heat of his skin against my neck, his hair tickling my throat, the softness as my cheek touched against his hat...

"I g-guess I did, but...why would you do... _this_?" His voice was tremulous, but innocent, and I felt a smile touch my cheeks.

I whispered smoothly, "Mon cher," _my dear_ , "were you aware that there are some people out there with a...'preference,' for being held up against their will?" I couldn't resist letting my cheek sink deeper against him, my thumb massaging the back of one of his wrists lightly, "To be dominated, wholly and yet willingly, for the sake of the pleasure it provides them?"

"I, uh," his voice hesitated, "I didn't really...I mean, I knew it was out there, but I guess...it's not really my thing, I don't think. It's kinda strange, I guess?"

I chuckled darkly, "So honest; it's delightful, Mon Louveteau," _for you **are** my little wolf pup, _ "and heartening. I do not favor it, either."

"You don't?"

My breath washed over his neck, and he leaned into it, thus leaning more into me. I blushed, but...I allowed it, for he could not see me as it was.

"Why, my Little Red, would I desire ownership of another? Or to be owned? Is that not _already_ true enough to life?" I smiled as he leaned back against me, and I whispered sweetly, "However, you asked for a demonstration, mon cher...and a demonstration you shall have."

I took a slow steps backwards, pulling Red along with every step, until there was just enough distance between him and the door for me to feel comfortable with what I had to do next.

"Now kneel, my dear."

His head turned, eyes wide as he stared into my own, and I noticed the flush of his cheeks as he spoke, "W-why would-"

" _Kneel_ , mon cher," I replied sharply.

And he did. I kneeled behind him, my free hand slipping around his side as I manoeuvred him down against the carpet. He didn't seem to like the idea, but he wasn't protesting any more. He didn't struggle in the slightest. I was both thankful for that, and...a tad touched, that he trusted me so.

Rather than place my knee between his legs, I sat on either side of him, sliding his arms lower down his back. My other hand reached forward, holding me up as I leaned in. It was awkward, holding his hands as such, when he made no attempt to escape.

I thought for a moment before speaking, "Red...if, perchance, I release your wrists...will you swear not to use them, as though they were still being held?" I blushed, as the only real reason I was asking was...selfish.

"I...if I...if I can trust you not to hurt me..."

I shook my head, "I would never." Something about the moment provoked my honest, clear response.

"...alright."

I released his wrists immediately, my hand going to steady myself over his as I leaned down. His slide to his sides, but he didn't do much more. I smiled internally at that.

I leaned down towards his neck, words coming unbidden from my tongue, "Everyone carries little things...hidden lusts, sexual disguises, perhaps hatred to hide their true pain," I sighed over his shoulder, "but to protect those I treasure most, I would use each and every one of those against them."

"But how does Jami-anngh," he groaned as my teeth met his fragile neck. I didn't bite, merely resting them on other side and moving them; akin to a massage, even. He sighed, and it sent chills through me, heat rushing to my cheeks once more. My teeth parted, lips closing in a soft nip over the location.

"For you, my dear," I blew over the wet spot I had left, causing him to shift his head back, "I would become a monster, just to tear all of their fantasies away, to leave me alone with you..."

He shivered beneath me as I ran my tongue up his neck, expecting, perhaps, rejection of my advances. None came; instead, a small, stifled hum rumbled his throat. I had to wince, and raise myself slightly. This was getting a tad too exciting for me. It was not the act of dominating him, no; he could do whatever he wished at any time. It was the trust he had in me not to hurt him, only to give him pleasure. I felt myself flushing as my lips and tongue lifted from his flesh.

"This next part is...rather cruel. I'd rather not hurt you, not when you'll come along willingly. You will, will you not?" He nodded, and I breathed him in, nose touching the side of his hat, "Then I ask you to stand, but do not turn. And...and we must do something slightly different once you've stood, as well." _No one will see you, my sweet. You are for my eyes alone...for the moment, you are **mine**._

"A-alright, I w-will," his voice was breathy, and his eyes were glazed, as he looked back at me. I bit the inside of my lip, hoping he would not turn, for I knew he must be excited...and I did not know that I had enough restraint, not after the day's events. He stood up, and I slid my fingers gingerly over his throat. I felt him flinch.

"Do not worry, Little Red," I spoke, fingers delicately massaging his throat, "walk forward, against...the wall, I suppose. The...originally, it was a window, but...perhaps you are aware why I would avoid this."

He nodded, "I think I get it...not _this_ , just the window thing...that's what Eddy was there for, correct?"

I smiled gently, "My astute Little Red...je t'adore." _I adore you._

"Why always with the French," he groaned.

I giggled softly, my chest against his as I pressed him against the wall, trying my best not to let him notice my _excitement_ , "Vos réactions sont mignons..." _Your reactions are far too adorable, my Little Red. And it allows me speak freely._

"Whatever," he sighed, "just g-get...on with..."

His words trailed off as my free hand crept to his side, sliding upwards over the fabric of his shirt. I hummed, "My dear, do not rush perfection." The palm of my hand slid up through the center of his chest, reaching the neck of his shirt and teasing below it, "Hush...and enjoy. For you deserve it," _as well as the fact that your reactions are so very, very addictive_.

He stayed silent, but his breath kept hitching as my hands began to explore. One thumb slipped beneath his shirt on either side, and I brushed over the soft skin of his lips, my eyes shutting as he groaned within himself. My lips found purchase at the nape of his neck, leaning to place light kisses trailing down his back. Each little movement, each reaction, it was torturous for me, and I found myself moving along faster that I had planned to.

The palm of my hands slid upwards, sliding over the tips of his rips, upwards, the soft skin of his chest tempting me further.

"Nngh...Edd," his voice was unsteady, "th-this is...g-g-getting uncomfortable..."

I blushed, hands immediately leaving his chest as I parted my lips to speak.

I was cut off, "N-no! I didn't say stop, I j-just...I'm...d...don't make me say it!"

I tilted my head as he looked back at me through now-opened eyes, the desire in them racing my heart. I bit my lip, visibly this time, and took the smallest step forward. I pressed entirely against him, and watched as his eyes widened.

"If," I purred, "I were cruel...I would do as I did not long ago," his eyes pried at me as I leaned closer to his face, "I would take a step back, and leave you there to suffer. This _is_ only a _demonstration_ after all..."

"D-don't-"

"I don't plan on it," I whispered, my teeth nipping his lower lip playfully. He sighed audibly, a hand finally lifting to rest against my chest. I smiled within the starting kiss, taking my own hand and placing it atop his. My other hand, however?...

* * *

I just couldn't any more. I hadn't been this turned on, like, _ever_. I don't even know what did it to me. Was it the kisses? The nips? The way he touched me, the places...

I turned around, back against the wall as he deepened the kiss, fingers sliding under my hat. He ran them over my scalp, through my hair, and pulled me fully against him. I could _feel_ it, and this time, it wasn't one-sided. I wanted to beg him to do something, because the feel of his cock rubbing against mine...I didn't even know how much it'd effect me, but I couldn't fucking stand staying still.

Fortunately, one of his traitorous hands slid down my chest, and I immediately felt him cupping me, squeezing.

"E-Eddward," I groaned breathlessly, eyes forcing shut from the pleasure.

" _J'ai envie de toi_ ," his voice tumbled over my lips like rain, and I gasped. I wanted to ask what he said, but I couldn't think. All my blood was rushing elsewhere.

I kept my eyes closed as he began to stroke me through my pants, tugging just slow enough to torture. My fingers began clawing into his lower back as I scrunched up his shirt, gasping at each measured pump. I'd never known anything to feel like this, and I wasn't sure if I'd last long. But I didn't want it to end.

So when it did, I immediately yelled out, "W-why did you stop?!"

His eyes were smooth cumulus, his smile true but lusty, "My dear...I would ruin your pants, were I to continue."

I shook my head, "So? I just..."

His smile softened, "I'm afraid...it would be better I leave you like this, for now," I wanted to protest, but he lifted his hand to my lips, fingers pressing to them, "but I would prefer that the actions that do this to you, be my own. Not merely a _play_..."

I frowned, staring at him with desire pumping through me, "B-but..."

"I am glad. To know that I can do that to you, at least...it is flattering," he mumbled, his voice sad, "but we must wait. It will happen on its own. I...I admit, I forced this upon you. You did not initiate this, and thus, I cannot."

"But I-"

"No buts, Little Red...I have stolen enough from you. I have made you fear, and, nearly, ruined your school years," he cringed, and I stared worriedly at him, "and as such, I shall wait. And perhaps, if this was true...if this was not all manipulation, as to which I am prone...you will act, some day. But until then..."

Fingertips lifted my chin, and he leaned in, whispering as my lips parted desperately, "I will be a 'good boy.'" He chuckled throatily as his lips met mine in a slow, sensual kiss. I savored every minute of it...and didn't let him part until I could breathe no longer.

"I will see you tomorrow, mon cher."

I reached out as he walked away, "Wait, Edd, I...I need to do something!" I blushed at my own forwardness.

He turned his head back over his shoulder, looking at me.

And so, I walked forward, and slipped my arms around his waist from behind. I wasn't tall enough to rest my head on his shoulder, but my cheek was against the small of his back, and I listened to his breathing. It was imperfect. As was everything he could not control.

"Red," he spoke in disbelief, body tensing for a moment, before relaxing. His arms gently wrapped themselves around my own. He was so warm, and his touch like silk.

"Don't leave me again," I choked out, nuzzling at his shoulder without even thinking about it.

He pulled my arms tighter, "I...could never."

I didn't want to let him go.

Not again.

* * *

 **But sadly, my dear...all good things must come to an end.**


	40. The Will Of The World

_Eddward,_

 _I regret to inform you that your mother has given in to her vices once more, and will be unable to keep any appointed meetings you may have once had with her. She is in no condition to fulfil her obligations to anyone, as she has found herself in the hospital, yet again. It is not dire, but she has injured herself. Her sponsor has informed me that she has no desire to converse about what she has done, though I don't believe this is unusual, as she prefers to wallow in her own troubles. Do not phone her; she needs to learn from this, though whether or not it will successfully teach her to avoid the substance is anyone's guess._

 _I imagine you are disheartened by her failings, but I remind you not to allow them to interfere with your schoolwork. Do not allow her to distract you from your schoolwork, and attempt to restrain any emotional outbursts until the coming weekend, when you've no responsibilities. I will permit you to not cook this Sunday morning as a gesture of good will and understanding. I will be out for much of the weekend, for despite my severed relationship with your mother, I am not heartless, and need to be distracted from her folly._

 _However, do not stay home from school as you have in the past. I will be certain to phone them to assure you arrived. Do not disappoint me, Eddward._

 _\- Harrison_


	41. Eddward, Are You Alright?

**Trigger warning...very upsetting chapter; don't read unless emotionally prepared, and don't read if already in a bad way.**

 **You've been warned.**

* * *

After last night, my head was spinning with thoughts I had no right to have, but they were still there. Hell, a month or two ago, if you'd told me I'd be having them, I'd have laughed you off of the face of the earth! But who's laughing now? Nobody, that's who. Cuz Eddward doesn't laugh, and me? I'm just, well, I'm _happy_. And I'm not afraid any more.

I think, when I woke up, it all finally clicked. My Wolf wasn't there to hunt me any more, and the predators I thought I saw were like snakes to a mongoose; something to be fought off and, well, you know. Or I'm guessing I know, what with the whole...yeah. I'm not about to ask. Whenever I think about it, I get kinda turned on, anyways, which is a bit awkward. So I just stood there waiting for him to show up that morning. I was waiting a while.

Less than a minute before the bell was due to ring, I saw him. Marie did, too; she'd been with me to needle me about last night, but left me alone when I started to clam up from embarrassment. We both watched as he limped along the sidewalk, like every step was something he _needed_ to do and nothing more. She and I shared a look from across the school lawn.

The bell rang, and he slipped in before I could catch him. Marie ran after him, but didn't even get a response as she shouted his name.

She walked in front of him.

He walked through her like she was a door.

* * *

"Oh...oh Eddward! Go right on in, I'll be right there!"

I sat on the sterile bed, staring through the floor as she came towards me, locking the door behind her.

"Did she," I didn't respond, "oh Eddward, I'm so sorry, I can't believe she'd," were I there, I'd have quieted her, "look, I'll make the arrangements. Your father won't know, alright? I'll make sure all of your teachers mark you as arriving, and the principal knows of the situation."

She sat down beside me, a foreign hand resting on my shoulder blade.

"If you need me, I'm here. You can always count on me."

Minutes passed. She'd left. She might have said more, but I wasn't there.

I kept looking through the floor, through my shoes. I ached, but not enough to move. Moving was not necessary for now.

The silence was unnoticeable in my mind, as nothing else was competing.

* * *

"Kevin, hey," Marie shouted out at the end of the school day.

I looked in her direction, seeing the slightly panicked way she was walking towards me, the concern in her eyes, "Hey Marie, what's up?"

"It's Eddward, it's not good."

"What?" My eyes widened, and I almost lost my grip on my books. I immediately clung to them, going back to placing them in my locker.

She held her arms, eyes showing more pain than her stance let on, "Please see him tonight, please, Kevin."

I shook my head back and forth rapidly, not in disagreement, but in confusion, "Wait why?"

"I, nng," she held tight to her arms, squeezing as she shifted from foot to foot. She bit her lip, the canine exposed, "I, nngh! If I tell you, he'll get mad if I'm wrong, and I can't, but please, _please_ , Kevin. I need you! I can't do this again! I can't see him like this, it'll...I can't again..."

The fear was making her eyes shift from side to side, shoulders slumping, bangs hiding her face. It didn't sit well with me, not at _all_.

"I'll...I just...how do I..."

"Get the key for the back door, do you know where it is?" I nodded without needing to think, "Good. Use it to go in, then find him. I don't care if he gets pissed; hell, if he does, blame me. Tell him I **forced** you to at **knifepoint** for all I care, _got it_? Just get in there and _please, don't go until he's okay._.."

I didn't notice the shine to her eyes until she swallowed, sniffling.

I knew my response.

"Yeah, sure, Marie-"

She hugged me, tight as a vice. Every ounce of pain translated into the crushing force with which she held me, but she still held back a sob.

I heard her whisper, "Make sure he's safe, okay?"

I nodded, eyes closed.

Her steps were broken as she walked off.

And mine?

Well, I was _running_.

* * *

It felt like I was walking into an abandoned house, what with the chill it gave off. I'm not sure how one person's mood can change the way a house _feels_ , inside and out, but something was there. Or, well, not there. The wind was crisp and biting, the sky cloudless, the sun not warming. Clouds that could swaddle in the warmth were all gone, leaving the dead sky, the corpses of trees in the early spring as the only backdrop to Eddward's house.

I felt the metal on my fingertips as I turned the key, clicking the door open as quietly as I could. I was pretty freaked out by how frantic Marie had been earlier, and every little thing put my teeth on edge.

The way his shoes were abandoned inches from the front door. The imprint of knees and hands in the plush living room carpet. The barely-visible trail towards the stairs that one could only see because the light shone off the differently-facing carpet fibers. Yeah, I was _that_ freaked by the situation that I was noticing every little thing. It just made it so much worse.

I called out, "E-Edd," I stuttered, my voice dry before I swallowed, "I'm here, are you?" I questioned into the darkness, before putting my palm to my face, mumbling, "I mean, of course you are, your shoes are..." I shut myself up, looking back towards the stairs.

I didn't even want to go up them. Some primal fear that was so familiar to me held me back.

I pushed it away.

"I'm coming upstairs alright? I know you're here," though my voice lacked any hint of confidence in that fact. I gulped, lips twitching, eyes shut.

I opened my eyes and walked forward, face locked with determination. I felt every fiber fold under my shoes, and made a mental note not to be too loud. I mean, he knew I was there, but...still. I wasn't really welcome here, I shouldn't be stomping around the house like I owned the place. I couldn't own it _less_ ; I don't even think _Eddward_ owned it more than I did.

I cringed again, and began the walk up the stairs.

No sounds met my ears as I ascended, and it unsettled me to no end. I reached the top after an unending moment of crawling white noise. His door was wide open.

I went inside.

He was lying on his back when I got in there, a closed fist on his chest as he stared emptily at the ceiling. In that still moment, I watched his chest for a breath, but the damage was done. A jolt ran through me, primordial fear for someone's life, and I kneeled down next to his socked feet without being able to say anything. My hand rested on his lower leg, and he didn't even flinch.

"Edd..."

My face ached with concern as I stared at him, watching his slow, unsteady breathing, and the way his fist would occasionally tense. Eventually, his eyes narrowed, only adding to how glazed they look. My lips parted, begging to speak.

"Are you...are you alright, Edd? Eddward?" Nothing. "I...hey, Loup, it's me, Little Red," he blinked, "I'm here, what's wrong? I'm here, you can talk to me, hey, I'm not going anywhere..."

And I held true to that for the next achingly long pause, several minutes at least, before his lips moved. Nothing came.

"Hey, if you want to talk, it's alright...if you don't, that's fine, too, just _please_ , I'm here, ok?" I pleaded with a desperate smile on my face, but the quiver in my lip falsified it, my fear in full view.

His right hand moved, my eyes widening as his hands met over his ribs. The left hand released its grip, and I saw something there. When I realized what it was, I took a sharp breath.

"DON'T!" I yelled quietly into the door, crawling to his side and reaching for his hand.

"Reach and I'll slice my palm, _child_."

The first time he had spoken that day, but it froze me, as it always did. His frozen eyes closed, and he took a slow, deliberate breath.

"I...you can't-"

"No, Kevin, I can."

The way he said those words was foreign to me. Gone was the Wolf, and in his place, a broken child. A crushed, brilliant child, with nothing left to lose.

"Edd, what's...what happened..." I couldn't even question, I was just speaking aloud. It was one thing to see him down, another to know he'd already cut. But now? Now he was shattered before me and in a dark place I couldn't even comprehend going to, and I felt my heart drop.

"Leave me."

I shook my head, "Never."

His eyes opened, staring vacantly at the ceiling, "Go away."

"I can't, Edd."

"I'm not _Edd_ , I'm _Eddward_ , you insolent twit." There was no anger in his words, just resolve.

Over the next minute, I willed myself to place my palm on his arm as I sat myself beside him, one arm wrapped around my knees.

"You're...you're not, though."

His lip twitched, "I am a product of all who created me. Those broken by birth and broken by knowledge, and I have no purpose but to fail. I wish to no longer hurt anyone, and I will be Eddward when I go."

"D...don't," I choked out, my hand squeezing automatically at his arm, "you can't...you can't just go."

"I will."

I shook my head, "No you CAN'T, Edd, you can't just go, you can't..."

His voice was as numb as before, "Let go."

"...I can't." My eyes started to cloud from the tears overcrowding them.

"Be happy without me."

"I CAN'T!" I yelled out, turning to grab his arm with both of my hands. The only reaction he gave was to turn his head to the side.

He didn't reply again, but the tears started rolling from my cheeks anyways. A gasped sob came from my lips as I crumbled, doing all I could to avoid his hands as my head settled against his chest. My hat pushed me back, so I angrily took it and flung it back against the wall. I couldn't open my eyes to see any more, such were the tears.

"I...I just want my Wolf back," no response, "my...mon Loup, right?"

I heard his head shift against the carpet, and sniffled, "Mon Loup...mon cher, mon...amie?" His breathing was calm, "Please don't go, I need you..."

"You need nothing, Kevin, I used you like a pawn because you amused me. I only ever hurt you, and any pleasure was for my gain."

"Fuck _you_ , Edd, you're so full of fucking _crap_ ," I spoke between sobs, "you were just trying to protect yours-yourself, back then, a-a-and if it was only you, if y-you didn't care about me, you could have, I don't fucking know, _raped_ me, what with how under your damn thumb I've been, but you _didn't_."

"Because I am a coward," said the empty child.

"Because you are a...a sweet guy with a, a shit life and...you're hiding a lot, and I don't want that..."

"Does anyone?" Rhetorical.

I snorted angrily, "Well, apparently _you_ fucking do, what with the _razor_ and the hatred towards yourself, but I _don't_ , Eddward."

Each breath he took was smooth to my ear, a rush of water from the tumultuous ocean, hiding its chaos behind its calm shores.

Without thinking, I turned my head, and placed a long, slow kiss on his sternum.

"K...Kevin..."

I closed my eyes, my head aching from tears, face crumpled with their stains as I spoke muffled words into his chest, "Don't go, Eddward..."

A minute passed. His breathing remained slow.

"I'm...so sorry," the broken boy mumbled. When his chest shook, I nearly looked up, but didn't want to move from where I was.

When it shook again, I couldn't help myself. I caught sight of his eyes, and they were looking at me. Two crystalline eyes hooked tight to me, moving as he took in my every feature, shining in the late afternoon light within his room. His lips were parted, and the gap between his teeth was obvious at the angle.

"You're so cute like that, you know?" I tried to smile, tried to _anything_ , but the statement was a flat, sad attempt to change the subject. I didn't even expect a reaction.

Instead, he shook his head, leaning it back once more, "No."

"Y-you do though, what with the gap tooth and all," I continued.

"The thing Father did not want to waste money to fix because it would not affect a scientific career." His words were cold, and I started to push myself up, wiping the crusty stains from my cheeks with an arm.

"You...he _said_ that?"

"Proper men wear nice clothes no matter the occasion, such as to always present themselves as desirable, no matter who is watching."

I watched him with keen interest now.

"Authors make little, but scientists can do much. Teaching, for instance, is an option, but only at a university level," he spoke as though reciting a mantra, "and one must not take to a 'common' job if they want to make headway in life. Laxness on anything will breed a terrible future. Father would know, he watched his parents fail as such."

"But your dad can't tell you what to-"

"Mother said I could be as my heart desires, that it always brought her happiness. Look at her now, sinking into depression once every few weeks, indulging on the most common of vices."

I didn't know what to say.

"Who does the son follow? The one who is hospitalized from her depression, or the one who is content and successful, with a stable home and a stable life?"

"Neither of th-"

"Correct. And that is why I have to go."

I reached for his wrist again, avoiding his hand and the razor blade within, "You're not...Edd, look at me," dull eyes glanced my way, and it hurt to see the pain hiding in them behind the numbness, "you're...so much better than them. I," I held back saying anything about what was wrong, because it wouldn't help, it really wouldn't, I knew that much, "I know you can be anything you want. Just...don't give up."

He swallowed, eyes closing. I sighed brokenly, "And...and Eddward, _please_ ," I spoke desperately as he stared at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes, "please just...just _cry_. I...I know you need to."

His head shook, but it was slight; a learned reaction.

"Edd, Edd I'm here...Loup, mon Loup, cry for me..."

He cringed.

"How do you say that...in French? How do I ask?" I questioned, no tears left in me as I looked over him silently.

His eyes opened once more, breathing slow.

A moment later, he spoke, words crumbling, "S'il vous plaît pleure...I believe..."

And so I did my best to repeat what he said. I'm pretty sure I butchered it, but...but he...

"I," his breath hitched, "I c-can't, not now, I can't cry, I'm not..."

I felt the pain in each and every word, and the fear it produced. I stared at him, "You can, it's just me, I won't be mad, Loup, I won't-"

"I-I-I'm not weak I'm not, please don't," his voice choked the words out as his eyes began to shimmer, "I can't cry, he'll know, he always _hates_ it..."

He looked so exposed, lying there, sobbing with closed eyes, and it urged me to move. I slid my hand under him, pulling upwards with all the strength I had, and pulling him against me. His shoulder was against my chest, head against my chin as a childish sob escaped him. I just breathed him in, placing a kiss upon his beanie, one hand smoothing his back as the other took his head and pulled it against me.

"I don't care, you're my Wolf, you can always cry with me..."

The dam burst, his tears bursting forth. The ocean came from him, a tempest rainstorm in the body of a boy too old for his age, and I held him, thinking of all the things I knew of him. All the cracks and scars that had led up to this day, and how I wasn't going to let myself lose him. I wasn't going to let him lose _himself_ to this.

" _Mon cher...mon Loup...you'll be okay_ ," I whispered into his crumpled form.

And as he sobbed louder, I forgot anything else could matter in my life but this broken boy who hid his heart in ice.

* * *

 **There's more to come, my sweets. For now, though, Eddward has to cry this out. For now, listen to a song, one that reminds me of the pain of the dark thoughts that want escape. Fight or flight; run away or end it all.  
**  
 **The song? Swim, by Jack's Mannequin. Enjoy.**


	42. Waking Up

"I didn't realize that your hat was missing." Those were the first words spoken since his utter breakdown.

In the long silence, I'd found my way over to the wall next to Eddward's bed, snatching his pillow down to seat it behind me as a cushion. His head rested on my lap, and I found myself idly toying with his skin, his hair...whatever happened to catch my attention at the time. Most of the time his eyes were closed, but sometimes he'd look at me; sometimes, he'd stare away, out the window or at some interesting point on the far wall. I didn't mind.

"Yeah, it's just over there," I pointed half-heartedly, knowing he probably wouldn't even look, "it kinda half-fell-off earlier and I didn't feel like putting it back on."

"Can you?" His question was innocent, the voice not entirely Eddward's, or not as I knew it. It was the broken boy talking, but with salve on his emotions.

I pondered for a second, "Uhh...sure, yeah, I can, just uh," without having to say more, he pushed himself up, albeit slowly, "alright yeah, that works." I leaned forward, crawling to reach out to grab it, before moving back to sit beside him. His thumbs were twiddling, and he looked strangely unlike himself.

"Kevin," he asked, and I turned to look at him, "did Marie send you here?"

I bit my lip, "I uh...well, she did, but-"

His eyes dipped, a sadness on his lips, "I thought as much." He sighed.

"I was thinking about coming over anyways-"

"She would have, you know. If you'd declined," the gentle voice acknowledged dimly, "but she would have suffered for it. One cannot break alone, it seems." His eyes closed for a moment, opening to look into mine, "Of the many games I play, this is the most painful one by-far, for everyone around me that deigns to care. And I am sorry for that, my Red."

"...but why?" I stared into his eyes with quiet concern, "I mean...it's not like you planned this or anything-"

He shook his head calmly, a weak laugh coming from a fake smile, "Little Red...you are far too naïve," his blue eyes lost their vibrance as he sported his counterfeit smile, "how many times can you watch someone you care for, dying?"

My lips parted on their own as the thought struck me.

The lying smile faded, "Darling, it breaks you. Piece by piece, it takes your essence and parts it into little slivers that you sew onto those you want to protect. At first, a few slivers off the fringe do little, but eventually," his voice neared inaudible, "it...it takes too much, and we are no longer alone in dying, Kevin."

Our eyes met. The evening light glinted off his eyes, and I could see the tears there, held back only by strength of will...or something else. I found myself wanting to be closer to him, and tugged up at his shoulder, pleading with my gaze. At first, he wavered; but after a moment, he sat up. I slid my arm around his shoulders, as he didn't sit up perfectly, just enough to rest his head against my chest. It was enough. I leaned my chin down, lips touching his beanie.

"Why do you hurt so much, Edd?" I asked, voice breathy as it whispered over his forehead. His eyes closed.

" _Qui n'avance pas, recule_ ," a brittle voice replied, accompanied by a loud, huffed laugh, his eyes rolling, "look at me, Red, who am I fooling? I know la langue de l'amour for nothing more than my own amusement! T'would be a fool's errand to learn what cupful of full phrases I am fluent with...to learn how shameful I am, hiding behind proverbs of a foreign language. Certainly the language is simple and known to me, but I hide even further. Eddward, you simpleton..."

"Hey, don't be like that," I pulled him tighter against me, noticing just how strong he was as his arm tensed against mine, "it's...hey, let me finish, okay?" His lips were parted in protest, but they closed. The gap between his teeth settled on his bottom lip, and it almost made me lose my train of thought, "So _what_ if you only know a few phrases? That's what you meant, right?...yeah, it's just you being respectful, I get it. It's not laziness - no, you're not telling me it is, be quiet for a second - you're way too smart for that. You're fucked up and hurting and your childhood's...well, just..."

My words fell as I looked down into his eye, childlike ice gazing up at me.

"Look, I," I shook my head, my thoughts arguing with one another, "I can't let," his eyes never left, "I need to see you smile again, Wolf," my shoulders slumped, "for real this time."

He just stared off at a fixed point somewhere on the floor, unmoving in my arms, so I held him tighter, and sighed.

 _I'll wait_...

* * *

I wanted to smile for him. I wanted to be all he could ever ask for, and yet I lay there, helpless, in his arms; a broken figment of a person going through the motions of existing, and nothing more. But no matter how worthless I was, no matter how much I was in loathe of myself for all I'd done to him and to others, I couldn't ignore how he felt. The warm tingle that streamed through me when he pulled me closer...the steady, rhythmic sound of his heart. I was human, mortal and fallible though that may be. I was so sorry for it.

I didn't even realize that a tear had escaped until I felt a soft touch on my cheek, jolting me back to reality. He chuckled, and I tried to hide how much I adored it behind closed eyes.

"Hey...I'm here, you can still cry, Edd..."

I shook my head. _I can't keep being this weak, I can't I can't I can't_ -

One of his soft hands lifted my chin, and I felt lips press against my forehead. Another tear dripped down my cheek, as a blush betrayed me. I was already so vulnerable, I couldn't let him...I couldn't be so...it wasn't fair of me to...

"I like when you blush," my eyes, shocked open, caught his, his lips turned up in a warming smile, "makes you seem, yaknow...human, Wolf."

I breathed in deeply as a rush of warmth flooded me again.

I had tried. Truly, I had tried to take control of the situation long before; I would be his 'Loup,' separating him from his heart's language. He would speak the word, and it would not mean as much, and I could hide my reaction. Or hurt from it, as it ended up being. But no...no, he was calling me Wolf again, and I could not stop him but for to admit my weakness. Admit that I was his Wolf, and only his, and...and I could not. I had to end this.

I swallowed, "Your parents must be worried..."

" _Fuck,_ " I heard him say as he tensed behind me. I sat up a little, anticipating him needing to get up, but instead I found myself pulled back against him. I could have pulled away, but his stubborn "strength" was...hard to say no to. I am weak. I know.

"Do you not wish to-"

"Yeah, I need to call them. They're going to be fucking pissed but...look, Eddward, you're coming with me, alright?"

I felt my cheeks redden, head ducking to hide it, " _Porquoi_?"

"That's...that sounds kinda like Spanish, uhh...anyways, just, come with me, alright?"

As if I had much of a choice, to be truthful. I was a puppet held upon his strings, and were he to ask, I would do. I was at my weakest.

I felt...safe.

* * *

"I take it that it did not go well?"

I snorted, "Yeah...kinda not really, but whatever, you know? I'm old enough to live my life, they can't tell me what to do." Well, they could. And if dad hadn't vouched for me on the other end, given me this 'one time,' I'd probably be grounded for scaring them with the whole disappearing act. "'Sides, you needed me. More important, if you ask me."

Eddward shook his head. I bit my inner lip, moving around the coffee table to sit down at his feet. He was lying on the couch almost like a cat would, one arm under his chin while the other dangled off, the rest of his body spread across his half of the seat. He didn't touch his dad's side, and I wasn't about to do that either. So, I sat below him. Besides, it let me rest my head against his, not sure he was expecting that.

"You're such a bummer, you know?" I smiled, watching as he rolled his eyes, and I laughed, "think smiling would kill ya?"

"Implausible as that is, it's not something I would like to test out at the present time."

I raised an eyebrow, but he didn't look at me. I turned my head a little, my mind flicking between ideas, before I settled for one in particular. An obvious one, but I had hope.

I placed a small kiss where his jawline met his neck. The effect was immediate, and _totally_ worth it.

"Kevin wh-what are you doing, that's..."

I saw the tiniest hint of fear in his eyes, but kept watch as his cheeks flared. I couldn't help but grin when that happened. I was going to respond, but instead, I pecked his neck again, eliciting a small squeak from him. I tried to continue; I wasn't sure if it was his reactions, or just the way his skin felt; but I found a strong arm had taken hold of my shoulder, pushing me back. I put on my best pout, looking at him as though he'd slapped my hand away from an offered treat. Eddward still wouldn't look at me.

"K... _Red_ , you cannot. This is not right. You should go."

His eyes, though pointed away, begged for me to listen. And, in the past? Maybe I would have. But now, I could see something else in them: pain. A true, undying want for pain. He wasn't asking me to stop because he didn't want it, he just...he was so addicted to pain that...

I pushed back against his grip, this time looking directly into his eyes, my lips mere inches from his. He held his breath, eyes just barely meeting mine.

"If I want to kiss the Wolf, then to hell with it if I get bit."

* * *

For the hundredth time today, my mind shut off, unable to process what was happening to me. I only barely came to grips with the fact Kevin's lips were crushing mine, my hand falling from his shoulder almost out of reflex. I tried to pull away, the dark thoughts still lingering in my mind telling me how little I deserved this, but he pushed harder. I cringed. I fought to grasp reality once more.

His hands caught the sides of my face, and I knew he was sitting up to continue all of this. Still, my mind warred.

 _He deserves someone who can make him smile, not someone who ruins his day for his own petty reasons_.

I winced, the tears still aching behind my eyes.

 _I can't allow this, it has to end before he gets himself hurt again by my own personal failures_.

A tear escaped. I pushed forward into the kiss, just for a moment.

 _You asked to be bit. If you're that determined, I'll be damned if I don't put up a fight. I can't let you suffer without trying to chase you from the pain._

I nipped his bottom lip, biting. I couldn't bite nearly as hard as I wanted to, but I bit. He pulled back, and my chest pulsed in pain, knowing he took the bait. The tears nearly came.

His tongue slid out between parted lips, running over his lower lip, staring at me with questions in his eyes. I waited silently, the sadness patient to achieve its goal.

A crooked smile came over his lips, "Alright, guess we're playing as _enemies_ then, I getcha..."

I found myself spun onto my back, his knees settling down on either side of me, though one nearly slid off the couch. His lips found purchase at my chin, where he bit, delicately. I fought back any thoughts of enjoyment. Then he did it again, lower, just below my chin. My throat. Little nips. Love bites, running over the cartilage of my neck, making me gasp. My Little Red, he was...not playing the part expected of him. My eyes closed to near slits.

"You're so...how do you _do_ this? I mean," his lips met my neck in a softer kiss, "no one else has _ever_ made me...you know... _anything_ like this. And you, you just lay there and I can't stop my eyes from fucking _undressing_ you a...as..."

To say he was blushing after that would be an understatement. Instead, he wore his color proudly, the red shining down his delicate neck, matching his cap quite nicely. I admit, I was not foreign to blushing at that time, but he was the victim of the moment.

I didn't even think, "I am the forbidden fruit, and you, the curious one...my life, my guise, the serpent to tempt you. But...such colorful language, Kevin; I did not expect."

He winced, sitting back against my legs as his hand ran through his hair under his hat, "Cuz you... _do_ things...to me..."

I tilted my head, entranced as I was in our little 'game,' "But I did very little, mon cher. _You_ did all the acting for the both of us."

He grumbled in his throat, looking off to the side as the blush made clear his embarrassment, "I didn't actually expect you to _bite_ me..."

Without thinking, I found my cheek turning upwards in a half-grin, a canine exposed, "Ah...but you asked the Wolf to bite, did you not? I am nothing if not a gentleman." The smile warmed me, and his did in turn, no matter how hard the thoughts in the back of my mind against against it.

His laughter was rich and innocent, "Yeah yeah...hell, for a big baddie, you're pretty soft in the sack, huh?"

My lips went taut as I flushed.

The laughter it earned was almost worth it, "Oh my god! I can't believe you just let me say that, you're totally...Edd, you're unbelievable, you know that?"

I responded demurely, "I have my moments..."

He bit his lip cutely, "You're," his eyes went down for a moment, and I knew exactly where he was looking, "you're...not gonna let this turn into anything, are you?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

My eyes turned away, "Because," _because I could never deserve this, no matter time nor repentance, and I will always put it off and always have a reason, my dear_ _,_ "we are both emotionally depleted after my earlier outburst. Again, I would be 'using' you, and it would be...unfair."

"God damn, I...well," he groaned, sighing as he leaned forward, arms resting on my chest as he stared into my eyes, "can I at least stay like this for a little longer? You know, Marie asked me to stick around until I was _sure_ you were okay, and I gotta be honest? Not totally convinced of it."

 _Stay forever if you'd like to_ , "I don't believe I'm in a position to force you to leave just yet, judging by our seating arrangements," _excuses, excuses, Eddward; you could lift him with a single arm,_ "but soon, you should make our way home. Best to not overextend your stay at Marie's behest."

"Heh, nah, I'm, well," his voice rumbled through my chest, and it soothed me, "I'm just here for you. And honestly? Me, too."

I didn't respond. I could have queried what he meant, but...but I knew. A part of me, however, needed to be unsure. Just to give me a reminder of how hope was painful to have.

But at that moment, with the small, orange-haired boy in his red cap lying on my chest, his scent filling me, his entire being focused on mine, well...

I lived in the present, in the pleasure, and forgot about the pain.

If only for a little while.


	43. Expectations

When I approached the school this morn, I was greeted with an unexpected hug from Marie. Her hold conveyed her relief at my health, how glad she was that I was alright once more. I dared not tell her that this guilted me to the very core.

She eventually pulled away to speak, "Hey...how you feelin'?" Like a concerned mother, her voice; careful not to let on too much, but anxious to know despite it.

"Tolerable." I had woken normally, and my thoughts from the morning were, well...they were mine and his, though he should never hear them.

Her smile faltered a little, but she nodded anyways, "I'm glad. I was worried, sending Kevin over there and all, and..."

"Thank you for that, Marie."

Her eyes widened, "You...you're _thanking_ me?"

I nodded, despite her disbelief, "He was...is...of use." My eyes momentarily left her as I debated expanding, but kept it to myself.

"Of use, huh?" She cocked her head, "That's a fuckin' weird way of putting it, Blackie, but I guess I getcha. What, did you two have some sad-sex or somet-"

" _Maria_."

Her lips pursed, and she began to chuckle as the blush spread across my cheeks. Despite my brazen attitude towards Jamison, and how unashamed I was of sexual acts, there was something...forbidden...about this. I could not joke about it, nor take jokes. It was to remain upon its pedestal, for whatever strange reason. I did not ask of it; talking to one's self is generally frowned upon.

A few minutes passed, Marie and I discussing minor things to lighten the heaviness upon our shoulders. The time for the bell was drawing close, and I'd yet to spot my Little Red. I was not concerned, but...

"Hey."

I didn't jump; I froze. Marie covered her mouth, holding back her laughter as I turned my head to see him standing there with Nazz, a mischievous smirk upon that sweet face of hs. Would that we were alone, I'd have removed it in an instant...or stolen it, perhaps.

"Kevin."

Nazz and Marie walked up to each other, sharing a look. I guess they planned this or something, and I actually felt a bit foolish for not realizing earlier. Red's arm brushed up against mine as he walked beside me, and I hesitated to return the gesture. Eyes would surely be upon us.

He seemed to notice, "Hey...it's alright, I mean, Eddy already knows, right? And the people that really care can't do shit now, right?"

I looked down to the side, lips in a line.

"So what's there to be scared of?"

I remained silent as the bell began to ring.

I sighed, slipping my hands into the pockets of my jacket as I started to move towards the school, when I felt a tug as my arm.

"Hey, umm...hang back a second, will ya? I got something for you, uhh...yeah, that," he seemed nervous, and it was enough to pique my curiosity. I cocked my head, remaining where I was until I felt my arm tugged back. I looked at him as he pulled me back, between the coniferous trees. The bell had stopped by this point, and two hazel eyes latched onto my own.

"We will be-"

"Just shut up for a second, will ya?" I could have laughed at the false bravado in his tone, but I stayed put. I was in no rush.

The stragglers found their way inside the school at last, leaving Kevin and I hidden between the building and the trees. I wasn't certain what he could even possibly desire to give me, but it was making him nervous, and that was enough to still me. He leaned a bit closer, and I parted my lips to speak once more, as time continued slipping by.

"I-"

Soft, cool lips silenced mine, delicate as they pushed forward, his hat slipping back as the kiss deepened. And just like that, he was gone. I was left, heart beating faster, red in the face, as my sneaky Little Red found his way through the school's front doors.

I blinked, taking a tentative step forward, cheeks flushed with red. My lips parted...then closed. I could still feel him, and so, I covered my lips with my hands.

I hoped the sensation would never leave.

* * *

"I forgot to ask; what did you end up writing for our English class?" Red's voice was behind me, but despite myself, I did not turn.

I pondered his question for a moment before answering, "I...do not recall. I am barely aware of what I had to write about, even, nor do I care. It was written, it will satisfy, and there is nothing more to tell."

"Is it-"

I cut him off, "You are missing nothing of import, _mon doux_. Take heart in that."

We entered the class; he followed me to my desk. Fortunately, we were quite early.

"Hey Eddward, uh," there it was, the nervous tic again, "can you, uh, find me after school? I mean, in school, but like, after all this. You know, I mean...you know what I mean, right?"

I held back a snort at his floundering inquiry.

"What for?"

"Oh, you know, uhh, nothing special, just I uh-"

The students were filing in, and I caught eyes upon us. Instantly, I adorned my masque, looking silently up at the boy who was supposedly my lesser.

"Understood."

And so, it was agreed.

* * *

The day stuck around a lot longer than I thought it would. I could feel the weights dropping off my shoulders when the final bell rung, releasing all of us to whatever sorts of after-school activities we would be up to.

Where-as everyone else hurried out the door after grabbing their stuff, I was left there, picking at things in my locker. Waiting for him to show up. Minutes passed, and the din of voices calmed to zipped bags, and eventually, silence. The hallway was empty; I was utterly alone.

-click- -clack-

Until I wasn't.

"Mon chéri, do not tell me you have been waiting for me all of this time." His voice was soothing, familiar, as I turned to face him. Cold, calculating eyes smiled upon me, even as his lips showed none of it. They didn't have to, and I'd never want them to. I smiled, taking a deep breath, before my thoughts went down...to his shoes.

"Do you mean to do that?"

He blinked, cocking his head, a stray hair falling from his beanie, "What do you mean, Little Red?"

"That thing you do, you know," _focus, Kevin,_ "with your boots. You don't _have_ to make any sound, I know that for sure. I've, well, _not_ heard you too many times to count. Then suddenly, there it is, and you're always looking at me. It's on purpose, right? It's not just me?"

For a moment, he stood there, silent. He blinked. Then, slowly, the corner of his mouth crept up endearingly, eyelids lowering, "No, my Little Red, it is not 'just you.' I announce my presence, as I don't find words necessary for such a thing. However, to be consistently loud," he made a click with his heel, looking down at it, "that would simply be annoying."

"Oh, yeah...right..."

The silence was palpable. He didn't fidget in the slightest, only blinking slowly as he waited for me to say more. I'll be honest though: the nerves had gotten me.

Sighing, he spoke up, "Shall we move before the janitors lock the doors and leave us helpless within these walls?"

I shook my head to get myself out of my nervous stupor, "Yeah-yeah, right, let's go home."

He didn't start walking, so I took the hint and led the way. It was unnerving having him follow me when I could barely hear him, but it let me think of how to tell him my plans for the night. There was no way in hell he was going to like them.

A bit of time had passed before I found my voice again.

"H-hey Eddward?"

"Mmm? Stuttering is unbecoming, mon amie," he spoke uncaringly, eyes forward as we walked. The sound of his heels just barely ticking against the pavement was white noise to me as I tried to focus.

"I, um, sorry," I mentally berated myself, "it's just that...I'm not sure you'll be that into what I have planned for this evening."

I watched his expression falter, before it was quickly hidden behind its practiced veil, "Oh?"

His soft, storm-bound eyes measured me as I gulped, "T-t-tonight, we're," I felt the heat rush to my cheeks at my stumbling blunder, "we're gonna eat at my place. You're not going home."

He stopped, arms crossing and head cocked. His eyes narrowed, "Really now? And what makes you believe I would allow you dictate my life in such a way? Schoolwork falls far above you on the scale of necessities, and a meal is hardly worth-"

"Cut the crap, Edd, we both know you're gonna come with me."

He held his head back, eyes widening, and for a moment I thought I'd overstepped my bounds. A moment after, a chuckle vibrated through the air, and I felt the tension diminish. He stared bemusedly at me.

"Oui, young Red," he spoke, lips parted at the end, but no other words came out. I sighed in relief.

Not much was said after that, outside of a small whimper I made when he moved past me, bumping me off the sidewalk. I smiled when I was out of view, quickly running to catch up to his side. It was another few minutes before he stopped, again.

"I must change my dress prior to the meeting, Kevin."

I scowled, "You don't gotta do shit."

"Really now? _Gotta_? Hmmph," he held his forefingers up, tapping upwards under my chin, "Language, mon chéri, lest you sound childish-"

"...Sherry?"

He huffed amusedly, " _Chéri_."

I just stared at him.

"My dear."

"But I thought-"

"I was," he looked down and away, rolling his eyes slightly, "I was incorrect, Little Red."

Now _I_ was the one taken aback, "How so?"

"One is close, the other, adored. I am...not without my faults. Again, I am rather...I have not been permitted to learn the tongue as well as I should."

I couldn't help but smile at the red on his cheeks, the wind playing with his jacket as he held his chest within his arms.

"Oh yeah! You can't go home first, I totally forgot to answer that again."

"But-"

"You've been dressing like this for, what, _how_ many years now? They'dve seen it, dude, just chill."

He sighed, blinking slowly in defeat, "I...I..."

I smirked, "Stuttering?"

"Hush. Let us...go."

I let him lead the way.

* * *

 **Where have I been? Oh, nowhere. Work, a new kitten (lots of drama, not getting into it), a belated 'time' that caused my moods to capsize...I still haven't recovered. I rarely get stressed, and yet, I am. I am quite stressed. I hope this sates you, and apologies for how long it's been. Life hasn't been its best. Hope you enjoyed!**


	44. Je T'aime

**To bring you guys back up to speed, since it's been a while:  
\- Eddward took Jamison down a peg with a little** **reconnaissance  
\- Eddward's Mother...and his Father was so heartless when telling him about it her, too  
\- Marie sent Red to fix Eddward, who was so coldly broken, and Red helped him cry  
\- Red wants Eddward, but Eddward doesn't want him to 'suffer' him  
\- Red is forcing Eddward to dinner, in his regular clothes, to Eddward's chagrin**

 **Alright...and go!**

* * *

To be completely honest, I wasn't sure how my parents would react. I mean, I kinda could guess? Maybe? But this is Eddward we're talking about; pretty much everything relating to him is an enigma...well, until I figure it out, that is. Still, as I walked my wary Wolf up to the front door, I hesitated.

"Problem?" His charmingly dark tone inquired, and I could almost feel his tilt-headed glare on my neck.

"...No, I just," I thought for a moment about lying, or side-stepping it, but after all we'd been through...I acquiesced, "I'm just...not entirely sure how they'll react, is all. Well, my mom, at least, cuz dad's not home yet." I looked down the street for a moment, almost hoping I'd see his car, but it wasn't meant to be.

My dad, I could get. He made sense, didn't think too hard about anything, and all-in-all was a pretty clear-cut kinda guy. I mean, if he were a big pond, you could practically see all the way to the center. But mom? She...I dunno, dad always says it's because I'm a guy, that I can't get her. Or vice-versa, since she only ever had sisters. Either way, wasn't easy to read her.

But she was the one home, not dad, and...I turned the handle, letting myself and my silent shadow inside.

I peeked around the corner of the short entryway hall, and my mom's head turned in my direction from the couch.

"Hello honey, how was school? Weren't you going to bring your friend here afterwards?"

Not even 2 feet from the doorway and she's already asking that, of course, "It was pretty normal, and yeah, he's here."

There was a silence as my mom tried to peek around the doorway, ineffectively, mostly as a token effort. I looked over my shoulder, and caught the Wolf frozen in a state of...discomfort? I bit my lip.

"Uh, he's uh, kinda shy-"

"My apologies, Mrs. Barr, how terribly rude of me not to make myself known! Pleasure to see you again."

 _Oh, he was charging up his fake-o-meter. Got it._

I noticed my mom's eyes shift a bit, almost wincing for a moment as she looked at the figure that had come up behind me. I gulped. It was all so easy: bring Eddward home, get him used to the 'rents, get to spend more time with him. Simple, right? Sure.

"It's," she hesitated for a split-second, almost unnoticeably, "alright dear," she smiled, "no trouble at all."

There was a momentary silence, and I watched the questions dance her eyes around. Honestly, I just wanted her to ask and get it over with.

"Oh, but I truly should not have bedecked your home with my horrid affair of clothing! Whatever my tastes may be, they should not be present in such a fine home, and I am dreadfully sorry for that."

 _Wow, he's good._

My mom's strained smile loosened just a bit, and she shook her head, smiling a little more comfortably, "It's nothing, dear! You should have seen some of the things I wore when I was your age. Trust me, this is nothing!" She let out a soft, breathy laugh, "It's just a massive change from the outfits I've seen you wear prior, is all. It caught me a bit off-guard." Her eyes flicked towards me for a moment, and I felt the _thanks for the warning_ barb that they held.

"I much appreciate your kindness, ma'am. But please, I do not wish to disturb your scheduled programming, as I believe the commercial break will be over soon, will it not?"

Her smile widened, "It's nothing, dear, but you're welcome to do whatever you'd like. Don't let me keep you; I'm sure you've better things to do."

I heard Eddward's heel click the floor as he stepped beside me, and I turned to him. His smile didn't reach his eyes, but I don't think anyone else would have noticed.

"Well, lead the way, Kevin. It's _your_ house, after-all," for a moment, those wintry eyes warmed, and it helped me realize how tense I was about the whole situation.

"Uhh, right! Yeah, uh, bedroom's this way," I stumbled, wishing I had Eddward's skill at wordcraft, "follow me I guess." I oozed a lack of self-confidence.

He followed diligently, with mildly silent steps, and I could feel his gaze upon me. For some reason, it was making me nervous. When we finally got to my room, I actually felt a little anxious closing the door. Turning around, I was reminded of why.

There stood the Wolf, observing his surroundings, eyes aware of me but nothing more. His figure, as he looked around, stood out to me. His poise, the way he stood, his delicate motions were all practiced, but seemed to suit him somehow, and he pulled them off as though he had done it his whole life. If I hadn't known him so well, I'd have thought he was born with that refinement. But no, diamonds don't start off as diamonds, so…

"Are you simply going to stand there, Little Red?" He didn't turn to look at me, but his quiet, dark voice carried throughout the room, "It is impolite to stare, mon chéri, especially at someone you invited into your own abode. It makes one wonder of your intentions."

I blinked away his prying comment, "Just can't get over how you look is all."

His head turned back towards me, eyes flicking over to catch mine, "Oh?"

I took a deep breath, immediately regretting speaking, not that _that_ was anything new, "I just...was kinda admiring how you look - ...like, posture-wise! I mean, it's like, natural!"

The barest of smiles touched the corner of his lips, "Oh, _Être blanc comme neige_ …"

"Meaning?"

A soft breath from his nose, and he turned to me, taking the two steps it took to reach me in order to lock his gaze with mine. His eyes fell, lids falling as his mood seemed to slip down suddenly, "I cannot…"

I wrapped my arms around his waist, under his jacket, pulling myself against him firmly. I spoke in a hushed tone against his shoulder, "Shut up, Edd…"

He tensed for a few moments in my grip, and I almost regretted what I'd done.

A hushed breath fell over my ear, rich yet soft, " _Oui_ …"

I shuddered for a moment as my heart trembled in my chest, the sound of his voice both soothing and eery to me. It was...not often he spoke this way to me.

Arms enfolded me, and I could feel him breathe in deeply. My lids lowered, my breath slipping away as yet again I felt the butterflies against my heart. I'd almost forgotten how gentle he was, this predator I feared. Did I even fear him anymore, I wondered as I breathed out deeply over the jean of his jacket. It smelled of him, and for a moment I wondered if I could borrow something of his, just for that purpose…

A light touch against my ear made my eyes blink back open, only to close once more as I felt his lips tease my ear. His breathing was calm as he teased it, the barest of kisses teasing the edge of my ear, and I tried to keep myself from reacting, in fear he might stop. I didn't want him to stop again…

I heard the car door slam, and internally groaned. Eddward must have noticed, because I felt his arms loosen their grip around me, lips leaving my ear.

"No...not yet," I mumbled against the chest of his jacket, trying to pull him close again, but he was stronger than me. My shoulders fell as I realized I was losing this battle, and let him pull away, looking down at the floor unhappily.

Fingertips lifted my chin, and I found my gaze meeting his, their ice lacking a chill, "I am afraid...we must cut this short, mon chéri. Your father wouldn't be particularly pleased at catching the neighbor boy courting his son, now would he?"

Heat rushed upward, "I um…"

" _J'ai envie de t'embrasser,_ " his words spilled gingerly, eyes enthralling me as his fingers daintily left my chin.

"I don't…"

His eyes closed, " _Je ne te mérite pas…_ "

I heard the sound of my dad coming in, and knew he'd be passing by my door any moment. I looked at Eddward, and for a moment, and _only_ for that moment, I hated my family.

"Hey kiddo!" His voice was tired and gritty through the door.

"Hey dad!" I echoed back, enthusiasm in my voice, but not in my face.

There wasn't a response.

He'd gone to his room; he just wanted to say hi…

"Edd, I-"

"Unlocked doors have a tenuous hold on secrets; locked doors are even worse," I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me or himself, but there was sadness in his features, "no matter where you bring me, we'll never be safe, mon Rouge…"

I stared at him quietly, slipping my hands into my pockets, trying to find a reply.

Nothing came.

* * *

I coaxed him to tell me more about his small family. We had far too much time to kill until dinnertime would come.

I am not daft; I could have kissed him easily, without fear for being caught, but...it was an excuse. An excuse that a part of me hastily snatched, because it would be easier to end things if I did not taste the bittersweet poison of his lips upon mine.

He truly and utterly deserved better than I could hope to provide.

The boy, this scared little pup, prattled on about his family, and I listened for hidden stories, watched for signs that he did not speak of something. There was nothing. He was not as I, not in any way; he was beautifully innocent, and gifted, and I continued to hang upon his words despite my lack of deserving being there.

I was tempted more than once to simply excuse myself and leave...and the thought of how it would pain him held me back.

But I had to speak.

"Little Red," I softly spoke, my fingertips curling over my leg as I fought a silent battle within my heart and mind.

"Yeah, Loup?"

I intook a breath sharply, wincing, "You c-," I cleared my throat, "You cannot continue to...to do _this_." A soothing sadness filled me at those words. I embraced it.

"To...what? Talk?" Our eyes met, and I knew he was trying to change the subject, but I couldn't move on from the thought any longer.

"Cease this...this foolis-"

"Don't fuckin' start with this shit again, Eddward. We're over and done with it. You can't get rid of me by acting all depressed."

I growled in my throat, "This song and dance has only one ending, Kevin, you know that. Look at us," I gestured weakly with my hand, "we hide, and we play the game. That is all there is, and every game must come to an end. Certainly my judgement was clouded the night prior, but I can see now with clear eyes how much of a fool I have been to lead you down this overgrown dirt path…"

"I came on my own accord, Ass-hat. Seriously, we're not starting this again," conviction laced his voice, but I was unmoved.

"If we end it here and now, it will be the best for the both of u-"

"Bull _shit._ "

I let out an exasperated huff, fingers clawing against my leg, "You're so-" I shook my head, fingertips against my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut as I mumbled, " _Je t'aime,_ my dear, but you exhaust me to no end. Can you not simply-"

"I c-can't, no, Edd," his voice timidly piped up, and I looked his way again. His brows were furrowed in thought, and a dash of red peppered his cheeks.

"Mmm? Speak; your timidity only draws this out, mon petit," I inquired, wondering what could possibly have stolen his over-confidence away.

"Because I...don't think you want that." Any confidence in Kevin's voice was gone, but he still sounded adamant about his stance.

I sighed subtly, "Do tell me, then, about my own thoughts; I would greatly like to hea-"

His hand reached to grab mine, fingers lacing overtop as my hand was soothed by the warm skin against it. My gaze dipped for a moment, then returned to him. His eyes were questioning and sweet, and I couldn't help but let my cold demeanor slip because of it.

There was hesitation before he spoke, "'Cuz you don't want to be alone any more than I do, and I like you enough not to care what others think. Pretty sure you should know that by now…"

I observed him for a little, watching him fidget as he thought to himself, and in that time, I tried not to think of a rebuttal. Stubborn as he was, anything I would have to say would likely be meaningless to him, and the dance of words was growing quite tiresome.

"Edd...what even are we?"

I didn't even have to think, I just spoke, "The broken fairytale of the Wolf and his Little Red, I suppose."

There was a glimmer of a smile, and I found his cheek against my shoulder. My mind stayed silent, which was kind of it, and it allowed me to relax for a moment. I'd lost for the moment; I was in his home, his room, and in truth? I was enthralled by this boy...

...so what could one more day do?

After all, every fairytale has an end...

* * *

 **My dearies, I now have a ! Because it's a way to push me to actually write. I have one devoted follower, reviewer, and friend, who has pledged thus-far, and it means the world to me. It reminds me that people really do appreciate my writing...**

 **Anzelwolveine is my name, and the $1 a month pledge allows you to see the outline and mind-spew for coming stories, chapters, etc.. $5 lets you see and comment on the chapters as I write them, and there's other rewards, but really, even a dollar means a lot.**

 **I already have the next chapter in the works. I was going to include it here, but it ended up being long in-and-of itself, so I felt it better to have a chapter of its own. I'm sorry it's been so long, but I'm back, so long as this mood phase holds out (they tend to last a few months).**

 **Hope you enjoyed :)**


	45. Permafrost Heart

**My dears...my messages for you will be at the end of this chapter. Pardon how long it has been...enjoy.**

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"Dinner was exquisite, Mrs. Barr, if I do say so myself," Eddward exclaimed, his fake smile kinda getting under my skin, "do you require any assistance in the way of cleaning up? It's only fair, after all, since you provided us with such a sumptuous meal!"

 _Laying it on pretty thick there, aren't you, Wolf?_

My mom was fooled though, her eyes widening, "Oh, dearie, I quite appreciate the offer; it's rare anyone appreciates how much work I put into mealtime. If only my little Kevin had such good manners!"

 _Show off,_ I thought, rolling my eyes.

Eddward shook his head, sitting up from his seat and lifting his dishes, "Oh, come now; your son is a gentleman! One simply becomes lax in their own home, and forgets such things. I am no better than him, I assure you," his fake smile pointed my way, but my eyes saw the actor behind them.

I bit back a scathing reply, reminding myself that he wasn't faking this all just to one-up me. Honestly, he probably didn't even realize how insignificant he was making me feel around my family. I just played my part, shrugging with a partial smirk as I sauntered off into the living room, plopping down onto the couch as my mom and Eddward continued to talk.

I found the fabric of the couch pretty damn entertaining while I listened in on their pointless conversation, but I didn't really feel welcome. It was only a matter of minutes before the click of heels made its way out of the kitchen, my mom in tow.

"So sorry to make you wait, Kevin, but your mother is an absolutely delightful woman, and I found myself engrossed in our conversation, at your expense."

"Yeah, it's fine," I smiled at him habitually, pushing myself up from the boredom that was the couch...and my arm bumped into his as I stood. I muttered an apology under my breath, trying not to react to the fact I'd made _physical contact_ with him around my parents.

He took it in stride.

"No worries, Kevin. Now, what would you like for us to do, now that our evening is free?"

I furrowed my brow, not sure how to answer, "Uhh, whatever you want I guess."

"Well, perhaps we could discuss the upcoming lesson for our English class? I am certain I have the materials at home, if you'd be so obliged as to join me in a study session."

I looked over to my mom, unable to read her expression, "I mean, if that's fine?"

"I...can't see why not, Kevin. I'm proud of you for looking ahead in life. Just try to be home before it gets too late, and take a spare key just in case we go to bed early, alright?"

"I hope it will not be a burden on anyone for me to have your son over this late; I've already taken enough from your family after partaking in that _scrumptious_ meal."

My mom laughed, and I could almost see disbelief behind her eyes, "No no, it's quite alright, dear. You two go and have a fun time studying then!"

I left so quick, I forgot to shut the door.

* * *

"Was your mother's presence truly that grating?" I inquired, admiring the frustrated slump of my Little Red's shoulders as he skulked off towards my home, across the street.

"No, ...I mean," he huffed, "it wasn't her, it was-" He stopped his speech, movement tripping up.

" _Moi?_ " I finished, coming beside him with a few clicks upon the asphalt.

His eyes were fixed upon the cul-de-sac, little pieces of it glinting in the setting sun, "Not...I mean, he wasn't really you…"

We stood there, immobile in our thoughts, but he did not finish his description before he moved on. I blinked away by disappointment, but followed after him, my stride careful and silent.

He went around back, locating the key and unlocking the door; I wasn't certain of his intentions, but I allowed it. Whatever gave mon Petit Loup contentment, I supposed. However, he did not move to relock the door once we had entered, and thus, I turned to-

I felt his arms encircle me, pausing me in the act. I stumbled my fingers forward to click the lock, before closing my eyes, trying to regain myself after the unexpected action.

I cleared my throat lightly, trying not to betray any reaction, "...Mmm?"

"Edd…"

I chill ran up my spine, but it was immediately countered by the warmth against my back. Breath spilled over the hairs of my neck, and I winced, trying my best not to surrender to the comfort I was feeling. I closed my eyes, centering myself.

"Kevin," my voice intruded on the silence of the room, "pray tell why you have me held as such?"

A mumbled voice crept out against the skin of my neck, "I wanted to…"

The sentence hung.

"Yes? To…?"

He shifted, his ear turning to rest against my shoulder, "I wanted to listen."

"To what?" I held myself stiff, waiting his response. He took his time, but I didn't let him win.

"To...listen to your heart, ...beating," his voice trailed off meekly, a squeeze tugging me back as I focused on reality.

"Little Red, there's little to no reason for-"

He started to speak, but his voice caught; it still gave me pause. I felt him breathing, each attempt to speak coupled by a held breath...that collapsed over my spine. My eyes closed, and despite my best attempts, I existed within his embrace for a moment. Each stuttered attempt was endearing, and I felt I could let myself lose the game so long as he didn't realize we were playing. He was too focused on whatever this was.

Whispered words came forth, but I didn't understand them; I could feel his frustration.

With a few more wordless movements of his lips and tongue, he finally found his voice, and spoke.

"Je...t-t-tem, too…"

I found myself at a loss for words; lips parted, body gone slack. I found myself shaking my head imperceptibly, my tongue at the roof of my mouth, teasing at the word.

"I know you...know what that means," the weak words hummed against my back, and I felt my cheeks begin to warm.

 _You can never love me, my Little Red; never. Do not say that._

My lips closed, and I stood still in his hold.

"I know you said it earlier...I just, I couldn't get out the words, wasn't sure you'd even said it, but I," a shaky breath, and his grip tightened, "I do, Edd."

I stared at the floor, breathing unevenly as my mind yelled aloud. _Do not love me, I do not deserve it. My love is concern, it is nothing more, do not return it, do not know of it. I will shatter you, and you'll never be the beautiful creature you deserve to be…_

"...No.."

I felt him jump at my word, only to be embraced tighter. I cringed.

"Edd," the sweet, rasped voice spoke quietly through me, and I felt myself losing to the sensation, "I want to _know_ you…"

No windows could see us; he planned this. _Do not…_

Pillowy lips swept over my lower neck, and my mouth parted again. I closed my eyes, the sensation drawing air from my lungs in a slow, hushed gasp. My mind spoke despite myself, and I found his name just barely passing my lips. He heard it anyways.

He didn't respond, instead letting his lips travel upwards, sipping at my neck. I raised my hand, palm planting against the closed door in front of me as I held myself up. My free hand clenched.

"I've wanted to be this close for a while, but you never let me," smoke tinged his voice as it blew into my ear, "always, 'can't do this' or 'forget that,' but I'm tired of waiting, Edd."

His treasonous hands slipped over my ribs, linking over my stomach, before pulling away. The fabric of my shirt stretched under his fingertips, coaxing them to return inwards...but lower. One hand went up, the other down. My mind screamed at me.

" _Ne faites pas ça_ …"

"If I can't understand you, I'm gonna keep going," confusion intoned his voice as I felt another nip at my neck.

"D-" I could not keep the weakness in my voice, "don't, do this…"

His lips ceased movement. The feeling of his breath washing over my neck sent a shudder down my spine.

"Edd," his hand slid upwards, coming to rest near the top left of my chest, "I lov-"

" **Don't.** "

I cut his fragile voice off with a high-pitched squeak of protest, but the sensation in my chest wouldn't go away. He'd almost…

"You said 'je tem,' earlier…"

I sighed defeatedly, "I...say I lot of things I shouldn't, Little Red…"

His arm squeezed tighter around my waist, "Say it again, then...nobody's watching, I want to...to hear…"

I stood there, a broken statue, with my muse hung around me hopelessly. I couldn't shake my head; couldn't answer; couldn't do anything.

An entire minute passed.

His chin came to rest at the crook of my neck, the brim of his hat teasing my own.

I could feel the hesitation in his body, in the way he shook as he held me. His fingers would fidget, his breath betraying his nervousness. All-in-all, I should have been more prepared.

"...Love you, Wolf," he spoke, and I lost my breath.

The hand he had placed over my heart, lifted further, and I felt fingertips touch against my chin. He pushed, and though every piece of my mind screamed to stop him, he had taken hold of my will through the heart in his hand. I liquefied at his touch, allowing him to turn my head into his wanting lips. His pining for me only magnified the kiss, so I turned to continue it.

I gave in.

He must have moved his hat, as the kiss quickly deepened, his hands feeling over the sides of my clothed chest, dipping beneath my jacket.

Our lips parted as he spoke, "I like...how your jacket looks on you, but," he caught me in another, solitary kiss, "right now, it's just in the way."

I could see the smokey look in his eyes, lust brushing over his cheeks, but I couldn't deny how attractive a sight it was. My mind, slowly-losing as it was, pleaded for me to push him away, before he made a mistake with someone like me. My traitorous heart slid my favored jacket off, dropping it by the wall. His tender hands cradled my upper back as Kevin's body pressed to me, and I found my arms acting on their own.

I spoke, " _Kevin_ …"

His colorful eyes greeted mine as he replied in his daze, "Yeah?"

"I've only ever wanted to...hold you, like this...but I could never…"

His brows conveyed his confusion, "But, we've…"

"..." I thought the words, but couldn't say them, instead locking him within my arms, head beside his.

 _I can tease you for ages, play games of lust and desire...but I want more than your body. I want your heart, your mind, your affections, your worth…_

"You're so warm," he mumbled, eyes glancing over to mine, staring into their depths.

I leaned in to place a light kiss at the base of his neck, "For you alone…"

Desperation fed into his voice, "Can you...let me _know_ you, Edd?"

I breathed in deep, staring vacantly at the details of his neck, his hair…

"..." my lips parted, but I had to gather myself, "... _Oui_ , my Little...Red…"

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 **My dears...I suffer from depression. Bipolar II, I'm beginning to think...I'm quite thoroughly fucked genetically, so it could be both, since there's a lot of other things wrong with me. This has kept me from continuing this, mon amies, and I apologize greatly for this.**

 **This has been written, or, I started it back in April...that was around the time the fit hit the shan. I won't trouble you with how, because it's really not relevant. Depression doesn't need logic, it just needs me.**

 **I never finished the chapter; I wrote a little further than this, then broke. I've had a lot of trouble coming back, and decided I owed you guys an explanation. I promised I'd finish this fic, and I will, I just need to...to get _better_.**

 **This chapter would have been a lot longer, but I need some time to reread and recall my story a tad; not to mention I can't even recall what day of the week this is taking place on. If any of you can tell me, it would be EXTREMELY helpful.**

 **Thank you for your patience. I am only human, after-all.**

 **And I hope, at least...you enjoyed this taste enough to push me to continue. I read every review.**

 **Adieu.**

 **~ Anzel Wolveine**


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